THE AMODIO IMPACT REPLAY FOR 9-24-04
Red Sox? Toasted. Week 2 for the Replay here, so since I’m still getting started on the Pulse, here’s a recap of my introductory bloc:
– My name is Amodio.
– I love good wrestling, the way it’s supposed to be done. Storytelling, exciting, crisp, clean moves, and preferably no Acolytes in World Title cage matches. I’ve been watching for long enough to know when wrestling sucks. I won’t be some kid who picked up wrestling in ’02 who thinks that Ice Ice Cena is the man. I’ve seen it all before.
– I love jobbers. It was really exciting for me two months ago when I was sitting in a Smokey Bones’ BBQ in Dayton, OH on a road trip with my brother and Al Snow walked in and sat right next to us. Go J.O.B. Squad!
– I’ve got an opinion. Actually, more than one. I’m a smartass, too. Get used to it.
– My ratings are on the same five-star system as Netc”¦Keith, but less accurate and informed, and more biased. My style probably resembles his too, because he’s the best, and all I can do is imitate for now until I develop my own. I’ll have more run-on sentences though, so rest easy. I’ll give you match times since the Fox Box makes it simple for me.
– I may have a lot of obscure references in my writing, be forewarned.
– I will do my best to give you an idea of the match, but if you’re looking for play-by-play of each of Jarrett’s knee lifts, look elsewhere.
And away we go!
TNA IMPACT”¦.NOW PPV RESULTS FREE!
Our opening segment begins with Dusty jabbering. THAT’S entertainment. Then we get a video package, which features “T-N-A” chants, likening them to ECW, at least attempting to. Then we get a nice video package from TNA’s new MVP, WWE’s video guy, who I will refer to from now on as THE PACKAGE, running down the heavyweight division and AJ.
Live action kicks off with “I’m still getting paid for something” Zybyzko evading questions from AMW and XX, and taking charge as the LAME-ASS COMMISSIONER of the night. However, Dusty is here, and that’s always a disastrous trainwreck, as they continue the WACKY TAG CHAMPIONS angle by booking Harris and Primetime against Daniels and Storm. Primetime acts all heelish for whatever reason, and all four of them are unhappy with the situation.
NON-TITLE MATCH 1: Jerrelle Clark (J) vs. X-Division Champion Petey Williams (w/Scott D’A”More pathetic every week”)
Another word about the (J) icon”¦.it stands for jobber, so you know who to turn to for your Mike Enos fix. Shoulder block leads to Petey attempting to sing, a cheap heat ploy that doesn’t work even a little. Traditional but sloppy cruiser exchange ends in a Clark head-scissors sending Petey to the outside for a breather. Team Canada huddle draws a “USA” chant, and Clark plays irritated until Petey gets inside. Clark hits Petey with a nice back elbow, and “scoop and a slam” sets up for a handspring standing moonsault, but that misses. This back-and-forth stuff is wasted on me here, because Clark isn’t credible. Interference from D’Amore allows Williams to get his wheelbarrow slam, and MORE STALLING leading to a commercial break. We return to a face comeback for Clark out of a FEARSOME REAR CHINLOCK, but Williams quashes it with a linked vertical suplex-back suplex. Face comeback for Clark, and him hitting his pump-handle inverted backdrop is the cue for all the Canadians to try to interfere. Williams does a nice counter out of a tilt-a-whirl to a legsweep, and he calls for the finish, and kills Clark dead with the F’N CANADIAN DESTROYER (flip piledriver) at 7:07. Williams tried hard here, but Clark doesn’t have the stuff or the credibility yet, and it showed in some of the littler things. *3/4 Still, Williams-Styles should bring the house down.
MATCH 2: Mike Hannigan (J) & Marcus Dillon (J) vs. K-Monkey and “I Like To Dance” Ron Killings.
Truth dances, and Konnan pretends like it’s 1998 and does his catchphrases, as if anyone gives a shit. The jobbers look like morons you find in a bar decked out in Packers gear on Sundays. Konnan’s weird ass lucha crap starts, ending in an amazingly shitty inverted DDT. This guy held titles. Really. Some sort of jacked submission hold ends in a tag to the Truth, who does an avalanche slam and dances as the crowd start to chant TNA. Truth with his own version of the Road Dogg punches and Konnan gets in the rolling clothesline, still looking like he’s in a 5-year-old tumbling class. Yeah, WCW and WWE certainly did themselves bad getting rid of these gems. Crappy-ass-jobber #1 can’t even get dumped properly. Truth finishes the match with a splits pedigree at 2:36, and Tenay botches the naming scheme, calling it the same name (Lie Detector) that he calls his “I’m not Booker” scissors kick. Thank god. DUD
More packages lead to Jarrett’s appearance, wearing a quite gay pink shirt. Either Russo screwed up the laundry this week or all this wrestling with Hardy is starting to rub off on him. Jarrett is PISSED OFF, and he wants to know who his #1 contender is. Monty Brown interrupts, and “I’m too crappy to wrestle in THIS promotion” Don Harris guards Jarrett as Brown mocks the thin heavyweight division and shows off a decent personality. It’s really TNA’s fault for not booking this guy as the monster babyface instead of a tweener, because he’s got the right stuff, even though he’s green. They argue over metaphors until the brawling begins. Or rather, I suppose it’s a CLUBBERIN’, because Dusty’s out.
Commercial break, and Dusty’s still out here. Oh god. Dusty cuts an expectedly incoherent promo on Zybyzko, and if I can hear through the insanity, I think he’s out to argue for his stud, Jeff Hardy. Ouch”¦.there’s a mental image for you. He’s here to MAKE SURE that the championship committee doesn’t screw up the pay-per-view. Because Jarrett-Hardy II is best for business, of course. In the highly-desired Tennessee Alternative Lifestyle market, maybe.
MATCH 3: Pimp-jobber Supreme Frankie Capone (J*) vs. “Nashkind” Abyss
The J-star is reserved for especially pathetic jobbers, like this goofy ass. We got a good Abyss vignette before this, as THE PACKAGE continues to add value to the program. Capone tries to start fast, but a clothesline, bull charge, and sit-down torture rack leads to the black hole slam to finish things as :53. Whatever. Ãƒâ€šÃ‚Â¼*
We review the Wacky Tag Champions angle one last time as we head for the main event. No NASCAR boy again. What am I going to do with all these racist jokes?
MATCH 4: NWA TAG TITLE MATCH: Chris Harris & “I look kinda like Deion” Primetime vs. James Storm & “Just Like Downtown” Christopher Daniels
The “true” teams enter together and then face off, as the referee tries to get them to stand with their teammates. Elix and Storm start, opening sequence includes a terrible head-scissors, and Storm gets the best of it, leaving Primetime to tag in Harris. Because partners booked against each other generates CONTROVERSY. I’m breathless. Storm of course tags Daniels, and they opt for a more traditional opening grappling sequence, ending in a sloppy powerbomb by Harris, though they finish it off alright. Man, can anyone get their spots right tonight? Dammit. Dropkick and standing enziguiri by Daniels, who tries to get Storm to hit Harris, but he won’t, and Storm tags Primetime. Same from Daniels, who refuses to hit Primetime, and we go to break. Interesting storyline. Elix has a resthold applied as we return, and goes to heel mode. Inverted suplex is reversed, and the apparent hot tag to Daniels leads to a house-cleaning by Harris. Full nelson slam gets 2, one of the few near falls period tonight. Weird. Daniels gets advantage back with Blue Thunder, and now Storm and Elix get a nice back-and-forth going, with Storm using generic face offense before he inadvertently hits Harris. Uh oh. Harris takes Daniels out with the Catatonic (Rosey’s swinging slam, or the Gunn Stinger in Smackdown:HCTP), and grabs a chair from the devious Primetime, his own partner, and clotheslines him, and now nobody knows what the hell is going on. Daniels returns the favor to Harris with a uranage, which sets up for the “Best Moonsault Ever” (their name, not mine, I’ll take Angle’s) for a close 2. Miscommunication over a chair leads to an argument between Daniels and Primetime, and Daniels gets out of the way just in time for Storm to superkick Primetime for the pin at 11:13, as the titles now shift to Daniels and Storm. They supported the storyline a lot better than I thought they would have, and Storm celebrates, but Daniels is stunned and looks less thrilled. Pretty believable for a match angle, and a well-wrestled, fun match to boot. **3/4
The Replay Replay:
Good main event, a couple of shitty jobber matches (as opposed to GOOD jobber matches), and lots of treading water everywhere else, but the video package improvements make this show a lot more watchable. Still, without the PPVs, the talking segments need to be improved, and do a better job of advancing the angles. One more X Division match here would have made the show silky smooth, but with this jacked up hurricane season, if they’re conserving, that’s understandable. If you have any comments on my stuff, please hit me with it, I’m listening. Until next week, Make Mine Pulse!