In Memoriam I: Russ Meyer. Let’s give him a 42-DD gun salute for giving America a lesson that Son of SecState and his prudes at the FCC haven’t figured out: TITS ARE GREAT!
and, of course,
In Memoriam II: Ray Traylor. He was always a dirty little pleasure of mine. The guy had a great gimmick (or gimmicks…okay, Guardian Angel sucked, but he was stuck with it and tried his damndest) and took it to the limit of what his talent could bring to the table. Yeah, so he was one of Vince’s favorites. Big f*cking deal. The guy moved from fed to fed with no trouble and no break in between and never burned any bridges. He was one of the good guys in a business where they’re few and far between. It’s damn sad that he was lost at such a young age and so suddenly. Contrary to Fleabag’s assertion, there are some in the IWC who will miss him, and I’m one of them.
Well, after that sad bit, it’s on to the Double-Team Short Form for this week. You know the drill: Smackdown and Impact, covered in Short Form style, complete with screen caps to pleasure you. So let’s get on with it…
THE SMACKDOWN SHORT FORM
Vince pimps the show instead of having a tribute to Traylor
Match Results:
Paul London over Billy Kidman (COR): I can’t dignify this one in the Match Results section, since there was no match per se, so I’ll deal with it down in the Angle Developments section instead. And give a good screen cap and excellent caption where I inject politics into the column like you want me to. You like that? Cool by me.
Booker T over Paul London (Pinfall, rollup with an eentsy-weentsy bit of cheating): Well, the best that can be said for this match is that Booker made London look strong. London, though, already looks strong. He’s not going to main-event or anything, but he’ll be a reliable mid-carder for years to come and the future star of Epilepsy if he doesn’t find another tag partner quick.
London is Booker’s bitch
Scott Baio takes revenge for London stealing his hairstyle
Spike Dudley over Rey-Rey, Cruiserweight Title Match (Pinfall, Suzu-pree-ference): Pretty good match going there until the bullshit ending. Of course, it was a bit of a spot-fest, but these guys have faced each other enough to know how to play to each others’ strengths. Rey-Rey just has to spot the hell out of himself, and Spike only has to take it like a man. I’d like to have seen a Tables match for the title at No Mercy instead of the tag titles match.
The true Cruiserweight Champ, Lil’ Naitch
Rey-Rey goes aerial
Rey-Rey preps the tope con hilo over Lil’ Naitch
The Undertweener over Gangrel and Viscera, Handicrap Match (Pinfall, Undertweener pins Gangrel, Tombstone Piledriver): Nice little bit of Old School there. WWE needs to keep the Ministry in order to have a devoted heel tag team on the roster…yes, I know about the Dudleys, and I don’t care about the Dudleys. Just bring back the full Gangrel Entrance and let them go to town as High-Quality Speaker Boy’s enforcers. Besides, with Heath on the roster, maybe that’ll mean Luna will be back, and she can start beating the piss out of the Ten-Buck Tramp. I’d pay to see that.
The lesser half of the Gangrel Entrance. Where’s the goddamn flames?
The Fabulous Moolah and Mae Young over Dawn Marie and Torrie Wilson, Schoolgirl Match (Pinfall, uh…I don’t want to describe it): Oh, dear Lord, my poor monitor…
Teddy wrecks everything by bringing out Mae and Moolah.
Jim Korderas wondering what he did to deserve having to ref this match, much less get a Mae Young bronco buster
Kurt Angle and Luther Reigns versus Eddy Guerrero and The Big Show (ND, break-in to “The American Sportsman”): The match was damn good as long as it stayed Eddy/Angle, although Luther did pull his weight. Good decision to keep TBS out of there as much as possible, though. As for the apres, that’s what the Angle Developments section is for.
Eddy tries to shake off his own suplex
Angle Developments:
Coward of the County: Is this kind of push going to work for Billy Kidman? So far, it’s working great, but Paul London has the charisma of a pile of dead leeks. Kidman needs a face-turned Chavito to come against him for the injury. Then we’ll see fireworks.
Kidman hears that Dubbaya only wants to give him a 1.3% raise and take away his overtime…yeah, we’re pissed about that too, Billy. Thank God for Congress, huh?
Only Her Plastic Surgeon Knows For Sure: Jonathan Martin’s wife thinks that Dawn Marie has had a nose job, but can’t be certain. He’s asked me to post caps of her so that his wife can figure it out. Look, I don’t care if she has had some work done, Fleabag would still do her in an instant, even if Pat Kenney was in the room.
Just A Sponsorship Question: Can the pure power of Arm and Hammer get rid of the smell of Walking Tall? I think not.
Someone’s Going To Jail On Drug Charges: Okay, ignore the fact that Angle used a dart gun. Let’s try to determine what was in the dart. That looked to carry about a 5ml-10ml payload, and it affected a five-hundred-pound man within seconds with an IM injection. I’m two-fifths that weight, and 10ml of surgical-grade IV benzodiazepams took fifteen minutes to put me out when I had back surgery (it’d probably take a lot longer now that I’m popping them like candy; thank God for K-Dawgs). That means it was something a LOT more powerful that was meant for that purpose. That can only be phencyclidine or some other very potent animal tranq, and PCP’s on Schedule 1, I believe. Kurt Angle, you’re going to prison for possession of a controlled substance, not to mention assault with a balding weapon.
Hitting him with a Dodge Dart would have been less effective, I guess
THE IMPACT SHORT FORM
Okay, this blows. The only downloadable version I found was in Real format, which means no screen caps since the quality’s shitty. Sorry to disappoint you.
Match Results:
Petey Williams over Jerrelle Clark, Non-Title Match (Time of Match: 7:03, Pinfall, Canadian Destroyer): Very fast-paced, very well-booked. Except for the confab during the first minute, the fed lived up to their name as per non-stop action. This is why people love the X Division. And I love the fact that West and Tenay sold Clark as a legit contender instead of a jobber. Sounds like his tag team with Mikey Batts doesn’t have long to live, because he’s getting the Sonjay Dutt treatment. Expect a title match within six months for the guy.
Konnan and Ron Killings over Mike Hannigan and Marcus Dillon (Time of Match: 2:36, Killings pins Dillon, Pedigr…uh, Lie Detector): What the hell is Killings ripping off Trip for? This is a guy who’s a two-time world champion. He doesn’t need to steal such a well-known finisher. Well, maybe he can talk to Booker about that one. Okay, the jobber match quotient is filled for the day. Let’s move on to the good shit.
Abyss over Frankie Capone (Time of Match: 0:53, Pinfall, Black Hole Slam): No, I said let’s move on to the good shit, not another jobber match. And Capone definitely needs some wardrobe consulting.
Christopher Daniels and James Storm over Elix Skipper and Chris Harris, Tag Title Match (Time of Match: 10:13, Pinfall, Storm pins Skipper, superkick, New Tag Champs): This was a masterpiece of micromanaged booking. Making absolutely certain that, at all times, the opposites were up against each other must have been a major constraint, but the talent in the ring made sure that the booking was carried out to the letter. Congrats to all involved for not only pulling that off, but putting together a damn good match in the process.
Angle Developments:
None except for the “mismatched tag team” stuff.
That’s it for this week. Next week, Smackdown builds up to a PPV, and so does Impact with the first announcement of matches for Victory Road. Maybe then we can have some good angle development. Until next Tuesday, I will release you to enjoy the rest of the material here at IP.
