SD-6 Report #4


Operatives, it is time to put on our sexy spy outfits and go hijack ourselves some weird archaic devices from a long dead creator who is NOT DaVinci, no matter how much we tell you different. So, what little hot number did you choose for yourself? I’m wearing a red leather ninja outfi..

Ok, I’m sorry. I apologize for that. Just saw some more pictures of Jennifer Garner as Elektra and I got a little ahead of myself. You see, part of the truth of being a spy is wearing sexy spy outfits. They’ve all done it. Bond had his tux, Austin Powers had his velvet, Sydney Bristow called shotgun on everything else. I have a weakness, and I’m seeking help.

Oh, and I just want to thank Chris from Germany for the response to the SD-6 report. He went and bought the box set because of ME! Remember that dedication that Myles McNutt had in my 2nd Installment? Chris beats him like Rock beats Scissors.

I’m done prattling on about goofy crap, it’s time to get into it. So, please open up your dossier to:

FIRST AIRED: 09/29/2002 (Almost 2 years to the day. Cool, huh?)

Where we last left our faithful do-gooder, she was in a precarious peril because of her maniacle matriarch making messes mostly as The Man last season. Will our Sydney succeed? Or will her next nomenclature be non-existant?

Umm.. she gets out, but not without getting shot in the shoulder as a message from her mother, Irina. Already, even in these first few minutes of the second season – they’ve set the tone. This season is about Syd’s family. It is about clearing up all of.. strike that.. MOST of the questions you have about how Sydney has come to live in a world with a Russian Secret Spy Mom and a Double Agent Dad.

It isn’t even just solely about Sydney’s immediate blood family, but her secondary family as well. Will and Marcie, specifically, are huge parts of this season. Right at the set-up, Jack and Sydney tell Will the whole truth, the spy stuff, the CIA stuff, the SD-6 stuff. Will, as any good natured reporter would do – Freaks.

This sets up the ‘Will’s life is forfeit’ storyline, which leads me to believe he wasn’t contracted for the whole season, or following seasons, as he will appear throughout, but in a much more spotty nature. It’s sad, given how many people seem to love our boy reporter. Let me just tell you though, once again, Jack saves the god damned day. He’s a friggin saint this man. In one fail swoop, he save Will’s life, aids in Syd’s cover-up story with Dixon and re-establishes himself as Sloane’s #1 Go-To Guy. I want Jack as my Dad.

A season premier, though, wouldn’t be what it is without it having it’s own batch of spy stuff. This episode doesn’t fail on it either. In what starts as a simple (simple is such an odd term in this show) job to bug a cohort of Khasinau – turns
into a rescue attempt on Vaughn. Yes, Vaughn. “I Thought He Died Last Season” Vaughn!

Sydney brings Vaughn home, but now it’s time to work on the information they gained from that bug.

A note: As you can see, quite a bit hits you in this episode. Two spy missions, the reunited Sydney and Vaughn, oh but wait, there is more coming. It seems to me that JJ Abrams went out of his way to pack up this episode with set-up for the following 21 episodes. This episode could have easily been spread out to two full stories, but he has decided that everyone is going to kick twice as much ass so you get the big finale of the episode… here it comes.

Through the bug, they find out that there exists a book that explains everything that Khasinau and Irina were doing together. They call it “THE BIBLE”, and the CIA wants it. A long and suspenseful action sequence commenses where Khasinau is first expected to recieve the bible. Irina shows up and in an amazing twist, saves Sydney’s life and disappears leaving her with these final words, “Truth takes time.”

The episode ends at the apparent end of the Emily/Sloane subplot – Sydney says her goodbyes to Emily, her only motherly figure at her funeral. It’s a death/rebirth of sorts, as back at CIA Headquarters Irina comes in, and surrenders out of nowhere. Apparently, the truth won’t take as much time as we thought.


Someone mentioned to me that there is a part of these reviews that’s lacking – and that’s the criticism. Where is the fault? Where is the negative points on the scale? Well, honestly, this show, and the episodes that I’m choosing to go through really don’t have those faults. Each one of the shows I’ve reviewed so far have been solid. This one’s only flaw I can concieve is that they gave you so much knowledge so quickly.

It’s obvious by the end of the episode why they did it. They wanted you to know that Irina’s here this season, and she’s going to be more crafty than you ever thought Sloane was. Well, maybe not THAT crafty, but trust me.. Irina is an amazing vehicle for moving the story and learning the juicy stuff.

The LOST Files

For those who didn’t check it out, JJ Abrams NEW show debuted on ABC this past Weds. It is entitled ‘LOST’ kind of like a serious Gilligan’s Island meets Land Of The Lost type world, and where it didn’t hook me like Alias did, it’ll get a few more episodes out of me. Here are some things to notice though, as I watched it with an eye for comparing it. Why? Because I needed to fill this spot in my review, silly!

The show starts in the middle of the beginning. You are dropped in the tropics. No knowledge about what’s gone on, who we are looking at. They slowly expand on that question though, as he (Jack / Matthew Fox) stumbles on a scene of carnage. His plane has fallen onto the shores of a deserted desert isle, and there are a couple dozen people running around in pain. It really is like a more tragic version of the Crazy 88 fight from Kill Bill. Limbs and death everywhere.

Alias did almost the same thing, having Sydney start in a shady office with the infamous “Suit & Tie Man” interrogating her. We don’t know WHY we’ve been dropped here like this – all we know is that it’s eyecandy.

Weiss, who you might remember as Vaughn’s best friend – makes a cameo appearance as the guy who was flying the plane. It’s only a cameo as he’s prompty eaten by a monster. I’m not going to explain that one any further. It was nice to see him again though.

Alias has Marshall. He’s everybodys favorite geek, and the fact is that before every hard hitting dramatic sequence involving Mrs. Jennifer Hatt.. Garner wearing skimpy things and doing spy-stuff – there is that moment with Marshall that calms you down and makes you laugh. For this show, they went with an immediate comedic face in Dominic Monaghan, aka Mery from the Lord of the Rings. He’s the bassist for a band that everyone knows of – and if you don’t, he’s sure to let you know.

Abrams is obviously a fan of old Serials. He must have loved those old cliffhanger shows and reels. It seems that’s what he does best, and why shouldn’t he continue to. It’s a theory that’s kept Alias moving strong for 3 seasons with no signs of stopping.

With Alias, it’s the story of Sydney with all of these other subplots moving around her. Some relate specifically to her and some don’t, but the best ones are about the relationships between those people that mean something to her. With Lost, there is a large cast of people who equally are stuck on this island. Now, already it seems we are going to be hanging onto a few characters, but this is Abrams so watch for changes. Each character has a definate voice, and it will be only time that tells us what those voices have to say.


So that’s it my fantabulous spykids. Drop me an email at to let me know what you have been thinking of the reports, of Lost, of the new Alias Boxset and everything in between. Until next time, I leave you with this quote from Will’s impassioned ‘Drug Speech’ in this episode… it hurts READING it for god’s sakes.

My problem with heroin goes back three years. I’m embarrassed for myself and for my family when I tell you that most of what I’ve written in that time has been complete fiction including my most recent report about an organization that I called SD-6. ” – Will