Wrestling News, Opinions, Etc., 09.28.04

Archive

And yet again I don’t have a lead-in for this column. It’s not from lack of thought, because God knows I put thought into these things. It’s just from lack of news, lack of Bears wins, and lack of wrestling to talk about, especially since Fingers always trumps my stories due to him having a deadline of “immediate” and me having to wait until after Raw to post. Asshole. Well, on with the show…

THE PIMP SECTION

Lucard has all the news that’s fit to cross his desk courtesy of the Daily Pulse.

The B shows are rockin’, so don’t come a-knockin’. Instead, read Faria, Hollyric, and West.

Urciuolo tries to delve into the nature of mistakes, without admitting what we all know: the biggest mistake is getting caught.

Morrison explains why the hell I got out of reading comics in the 90s.

THE ANTI-SPYWARE SECTION

Remember, this all started because the slugs at Enigma Software dared to advertise their piece of shit SpyHunter at 411 (one of the reasons why I decided to leave, honestly). So I’m responding every single column with proper anti-spyware information. And guess what? People are actually taking this to heart. They’re asking me for help if they’re infested, or they’re writing me telling me that their browsing experience is less annoying thanks to the stuff I’ve been putting up here three times a week for a few months now.

(And as I understand it, there are some unscrupulous browser toolbar people trying to advertise here at the Pulse. Well, don’t click on that ad, whatever you do. We’ll still get the money from the impressions, and your system will stay safe.)

Big, big Kudos to the guys at the Spyware Warrior Forum for pointing out to everyone the extent of criminal activity participated in by Enigma Software, makers of the bane of advertising on this site, SpyHunter. Slimeballs extraordinare, aren’t they? And in case you need more info about what flaming bags of shit they are, try here. Suzi’s Blog has a great list of other flaming bags of shit that promote anti-spyware programs that are spyware themselves. Consult it if you have questions.

(On a side note, those SpyHunter ads started over at Reality News Online, and BFM, a contributor there, spotted them. He told the webmaster, gave him those links that I cited above, the webmaster read them, the blood drained out of his face, and he contacted his ad provider. No more ads for Enigma products on RNO, thank you. So guess what? If you provide the info, there are sites who will listen.)

One of the leading vectors for spyware is so-called free programs that contain this shit in order to “pay the bills”. No one deserves that kind of treatment. If you’ve got a question about whether or not a certain program contains spyware, head over here. It’s a nice alphabetized list of programs that do contain spyware and should be avoided at all costs.

Here’s a list of the programs you really need to help you get rid of menaces, and, more importantly, prevent them from occurring in the first place:

Spybot and AdAware. The ONLY two spyware removal tools to trust. Do NOT buy any spyware removal tools, because none of them work better than these two, and all of them except these two are suspect.

SpywareBlaster. Will nuke thousands of different potentially malicious ActiveX controls, and now has the ability to prevent a number of non-ActiveX methods of installing spyware for people who use Mozilla/Firefox.

SpywareGuard. From Javacool, like SpywareBlaster. It’s a real-time scanner for spyware. A decent first line of defense.

IE-SpyAd. Throws numerous ad-related URLs into IE’s Restricted Zone, where they won’t display or affect your system. Bookmark this one, since it’s the only one that doesn’t have an in-program update.

A few people have recommended also installing the Sun Java Virtual Machine, since it’s Windows’ buggy, half-assed implementation of the JVM that allows a lot of spyware to install (less so within the past month and a half than before). I STRONGLY recommend that you visit here and update your version of Java.

So many people have asked about a free anti-virus program that I’m also going to recommend AVG. Totally free, and works really, really well, as well as commercial anti-virus programs. Frequent database updates, good heuristic detection, everything you want in an anti-virus package.

Another program that I’d like to add here is a little tough to work with for noobs if it goes buggy (you need to know a little something about your Networking settings in order to debug if something should go wrong). Protowall is a supplement to your firewall or NAT system. It hooks directly into XP’s networking system to block any and all traffic that comes from URLs on a list maintained by the program (all protocols, not just TCP/UDP). It’s mainly designed for anti-P2P purposes (which will appeal to a great many of my readers), but it contains lists to block spyware and ads. Its blocklist can easily be updated using its supplementary program, Blocklist Manager. I have Protowall running and a Blocklist Manager icon on my desktop, and I use Blocklist Manager to update the blocklist every couple of days. You will have problems getting to some sites unless you shut down Protowall temporarily, like ESPN or Sports Illustrated, but it does have a tray icon you can right-click and shut down in a few seconds. It’s the third layer of anti-ad material for me, with IE-SpyAd and AdSubtract running alongside it. Warning, though: it only works with XP. I’d recommend its predecessor, Peer Guardian, for other MS OSes, but it isn’t being developed anymore, and there were still bugs in it when development stopped. You can get Protowall and the Blocklist Manager (which will also work with Peer Guardian) at Bluetack’s site.

Of course, only download them from the links provided above. And only download those programs; don’t fall for the ads that are shown at various websites.

With AdAware and Spybot, check for updates using their internal update function at least once a week. Run them at least once a week or whenever you think you might have problems. Remember, the new version of Spybot has browser protection capabilities, so have that run at startup and leave it running. Check for updates to SpywareBlaster once a week. It only needs to be run once initially in order to establish protection. Then, after it downloads updates, just click on the line that says “Enable Protection For All Unprotected Items” and kill it. It doesn’t need to be active. For IE-SpyAd, bookmark the site and check for updates twice a week, since it has no kind of internal updater. Run the Blocklist Manager every couple of days to make sure that you keep up on the latest banned URLs. Since all it does is add Registry entries, it doesn’t eat up anything.

If you’re having trouble with spyware or a browser hijacker, or think that you do, head over to the SpywareInfo Forums, where the pros there can help you diagnose and get rid of stuff. I was promoted to Full Helper status there and ended up joining ASAP, the Alliance of Security Analysis Professionals. Look for their symbol, which I’m not going to try to link to anymore because someone at the other end keeps munging it.

The Ravin’ Cajun asks me to recommend a good client-side spam filter for MS mail programs running under Windows. Now, this is something I don’t have experience with because my ISPs have always had good spam filtering, plus, I use Thunderbird, which handles the remainder quite nicely, thank you. Some readers wrote in and recommended SpamBayes, which is totally free and supposedly works very well, so I’ll add it on to the anti-annoyance list that we’re building up here.

LOOK WHO’S IN THE DOGHOUSE

According to Big Johnson at 1bullshit Junior:

Billy Gunn has been pulled from the road as there’s heavy heat on him right now with management. There was an incident where Gunn missed a flight a few weeks back, which was the final straw in a series of situations. From what I understand, it’s a situation where management wants Gunn to get his house in order, so he’s been sent home.

Well, Gunn getting on the bad side of management has sure been a long time coming. It seems that he and Bob Holly have both been in the “job for life” category for as long as we can remember, with nothing bad sticking to them despite a number of incidents on either side. Monty must really be in trouble for him to be sent home, as he’s long been a go-to guy whenever someone in the upper card needs to job. Now, until he straightens his life out, I guess Holly will have that distinction.

Unfortunately, this isn’t the end for him, as it would be for a number of other mid-carders. He’ll be forgiven and this whole thing will be forgotten within a few weeks. Remember, Vince rewards loyalty, and Gunn has been incredibly loyal. Besides, if he’s ever let go, you know that TNA will be on the phone in a second and a half, all ready to pull the 3 Live Kru break-up angle and a reuniting of the New Age Outlaws (which was Vinny Ru’s concept to begin with, so it’s not theft). So, Smackdown brand viewers can enjoy their nice little break, but it’ll be back to business as usual soon enough, and Billy Gunn will return to disgrace our screens.

THIS COULD BE A BAD, BAD MOVE

According to the Hollywood Reporter and 1bullshit Junior, October 25th will be the debut of Raw Interactive, depending on how the concept plays out for Taboo Tuesday. This concept should last about, oh, one week, the moment that WWE figures out that the IWC will be crap-flooding them with certain suggestions for matches, like the Trip/Michaels “Stick The Other Guy’s Ego Up His Ass” Match that we’ve been wanting to see, or the “Strip Trip of the World Title and Let Benoit Wrestle a Jobber For It” Match. For one week, we can outnumber the non-geeks in the audience and do some real root damage to WWE’s self-image and certain people’s self-importance. If they go through with this, here’s some other suggestions I’d like to propose:

Batista versus Nick Dinsmore, Weapons Match, where Dinsmore has his arms tied behind his back.

Ric Flair versus My Beautiful and Beloved, “How Dare You Dump My Son For That Geek Test” Match. We’ll see if Flair can still carry a broomstick to a great match.

Ric Flair versus Eric Bischoff and/or Mick Foley, Shoot Fight.

Shelton Benjamin versus Maven, Oreo Match.

Kane versus Gene Snitsky, “Winner Gets To Keep The Dead Fetus” Match.

Chris Jericho versus Chris Benoit, Expatriate Match…actually, that wouldn’t be too bad.

Randy Orton versus Scott Keith, “Loser Shuts Up About The Winner” Match.

Or else we can team up with the DVDR guys and force WWE to sign Misawa and Kobashi to one-night contracts.

I’m sure you can think of others. Send them in and I’ll print them tomorrow.

LIES AND THE LYING LIARS…OH, YOU KNOW THE REST

The WWE sent out a press release stating that WM21 sold out in approximately one minute. Da Meltz says that this was a lie, and he had a guy on the scene who said that the tickets available at the Staples Center weren’t sold out for a period of one hour. In another complete line of bullshit, WWE says that they’ve sold out Staples every time they’ve been there. This isn’t true either.

Hey, if we can’t believe a press release, who can we believe?

Well, you can believe me when I talk about Raw sucking wind. And to prove it, here’s the Short Form:

THE SHORT FORM

Match Results:

Shelton Benjamin, yet again, over Trip, Non-Title Match (DQ, Fun With Belts): Nice little continuation to their series. Nothing out-of-this-world, really, but still a damn good technical match given Trip’s technical limitations. Applause to both for a hot opener.

Novocaine Helms and His Pet Fat Fuck over Yoshihiro Tajiri and Rhyno (Pinfall, Rosey pins Helms, Fat Fuck Sidewalk Slam): Sorry, Tajiri, but I really couldn’t give a f*ck about this match one bit. Next.

Gene Snitsky over Val Venis (Pinfall, pump-handle slam): Two things: 1) Morley always tries his damndest to make his opponents look good in the ring, and he tried with Snitsky. He failed, but he tried. 2) The chant of “baby-killer”, although technically incorrect (it should be “fetus-killer” if anything), is one of the most effective things I’ve ever heard an audience chant at a guy to get him over. Keep it up, audiences.

Christian and Tyson Tomko over Chris Jericho and Shawn Michaels (Pinfall, Christian pins Michaels, rollup): An adequate match
to set up a Christian/Michaels tilt in the future, so I can credit it for what it is and move on.

Dave Batista over Randy Orton, No-DQ Qualifying Match for Taboo Tuesday (Pinfall, DaveBomb): Sorry, didn’t care much about this one either, which seems to be the leitmotif of this particular episode of Raw. Again, good for what it was.

Angle Developments:

Change of Plans?: Did you listen to the pop Benoit got during the announcement of the candidates? Knowing Vince’s reaction to audience pops vis-a-vis lists of names (remember Bagwell?), we may actually end up getting Trip/Benoit at Taboo Tuesday. Hey, it’s better than Orton.

And While We’re On The Subject…: Memo to Trip: you cannot tell fans to go screw themselves or get lives. That’s my job, and I WILL sue for gimmick infringment.

Over To The Smackdown Rebound For A Second…: In last week’s Short Form, I claimed that whatever Angle loaded the dart with was probably a controlled substance, which would land him up in jail. Dr. Kevin McHugh of McMaster University claims there are other possibilities:

In true wrestling fashion let us suspend disbelief with regard to the most important consideration of effective dose vs. lethal dose. Yes, sufficient amounts to be effective would also most likely be lethal, but that takes all of the fun out of it. We are also assuming Kurt Angle has the basic research and chemical skills of Peter Parker. I am sure you are old enough to remember DMSO which was all the rage for athletic injuries in the late 70’s early 80’s and still hawked by some pseudo-med quacks. It is so absorbable that if you put it on your skin you taste oysters in a few seconds and can even cause infections by drawing bacteria from your skin into the bloodstream. It is also an excellent solvent. So take your pick of fast-sodium channel blockers (snake, scorpion venom, straight tetrodotoxin or even curare) dissolved in DMSO so it will get to the blood and brain from the muscle ASAP. I don’t think there is any prohibition against possession of the venom’s and I don’t think you even need a special permit to order tetrodotoxin from a chemical house like Sigma.

I like the idea of tetrodotoxin. However, there are two problems with it or any channel blocker: 1) If you saw the unedited feed, you notice that TBS got up on his own after only a few minutes and walked away. That wouldn’t happen due to the paralysis effect inherent in each of the examples given; plus, the shot was very near to the heart, and it would be the first major muscle paralyzed. 2) Dimethylsulfoxide is an organic solvent; channel blockers are organic toxins. The breakdown period in vitro would be too fast and the poison would degrade too much. So I’m still pimping for PCP here, which still gets Angle in trouble, whether in the US or Canada.

Deprogramming: I don’t know if it was the presence of Flair in the ring without any of the hangers-on, but Randy Orton cut his first truly effective face promo on Monday. I didn’t know he had it in him, and neither did Scooter. Congrats to Randy for a job well done, and congrats to Flair for selling it like he’s half-believing what Orton had to say.

Well, that’s it for me tonight. It’s been a long day, I need some sleep, etc. Until tomorrow, when I have more to say, enjoy yourselves and get through work without any trauma. God knows I can’t.