The SmarK RAW Rant – September 27 2004

The SmarK RAW Rant – September 27 2004

Yes, the rumors are true! The new book is now out, both on Amazon and in a bookstore near YOU.

– Live from Kansas City, MO.

– Your hosts are JR & King.

– We start with Uncle Eric pushing the hell out of Taboo Tuesday and really driving home the point of interactivity for the total morons in the audience. Next up, the announcement of the four choices to face HHH: Shawn Michaels, Chris Benoit, Edge or Randy Orton. Edge? However, because all the clichés are still in effect, Orton has to earn his shot, by beating Batista in a no-DQ match tonight. And now HHH joins us, getting some funny shots at the audience in (“I don’t go to where this chick works and tell her what street corner to stand on.”) and giving the audience their own ballot (“Choice one: You can go screw yourselves. Two: You can go rot in hell”¦”), but Shelton Benjamin interrupts. Too bad, that was HHH’s best interview in a while.

– Shelton Benjamin v. HHH. Benjamin storms him with a cross-body and a Thesz Press, and slugs away into the corner. Blinger Splash misses, and HHH sends him into the post to take over, and everyone’s out as we take a break already. Back with Benjamin necksnapping HHH, only to fall victim to a single-arm DDT that gets two. HHH goes to work on the arm and goes up, but Shelton takes him down with an armdrag. Shelton makes the comeback with the Dragon Whip kick and a northern lights suplex for two. Powerslam gets two. HHH tries the Pedigree, but Benjamin reverses to a legsweep, then goes up with a bulldog for two. Another Blinger splash hits, and HHH bails to the floor and hits him with the belt for the DQ at 9:02. Pretty pedestrian stuff. *1/2

– More from the Simon System.

– The Hurricane & Rosey v. Rhyno & Tajiri. Rosey slugs it out with Tajiri to start, but gets kicked from the apron. Rhyno comes in for the power match, but gets knocked down. He can’t overpower Rosey, and the crowd doesn’t really care either way, and Hurricane comes in with a leg lariat and catches Rhyno with an elbow out of the corner. High cross gets two. Rhyno comes back with a press slam for two. Tajiri fires off the kicks and gets the Tarantula, but Rosey breaks it up from the apron. It’s briefly BONZO GONZO as Rhyno goes for the Goar, but he misses and Rosey finishes Tajiri with the spinning slam at 3:55. The crowd pops bigger for the supposed heels than the babyfaces. 3/4*

– A review of the whole Babykiller saga leads up to a sitdown interview with Todd Grisham and Kane. Kane’s all sensitive and stuff. But he’s still gonna beat Gene Snitsky into a pulp. I just love someone named “Snitsky” as a monster heel.

– Meanwhile, Eugene annoys Benoit & Regal with his barbering dream.

– “Babykiller” Gene Snitsky v. Val Venis. Oh my god, they’re going to PUSH Snitsky. This would work well too, since Val’s probably fathered tons of illegitimate children, and Snitsky could kill them all. Snitsky stomps away in the corner to start and gets a corner clothesline as the crowd starts the “babykiller” chant. Snitsky overpowers Val and drops a leg for two. He hits the chinlock (aka the dreaded Tying the Tubes) but Val comes back with a pair of low dropkicks. Val goes up and misses the Money Shot, and Snitsky hits him with a high kick and pumphandle slam for the pin at 2:29. Yes, it’s the feared finisher, the COAT HANGER! OK, I made that up, but it’ll catch on. This guy’s money, I tells ya! 1/4* I have to get whatever entertainment I can from this show, and if that means cheering on a cheesy jobber in his battle over the dead baby of a zombie and his goth wife, so be it.

– Ric Flair joins us, letting us know that once you’re World champion, you’re automatically considered “great”. Can we make an exception for Bradshaw? Flair goes off on a weird rant about legends Orton has killed, naming Bret Hart and Hulk Hogan for whatever reason, basically taking the opportunity to run down his favorite targets. This draws out Orton, as he calls out Flair for kissing HHH’s ass. If this was going anywhere, it would have been a tremendous speech from Orton, but it’s not.

– Chris Jericho & Shawn Michaels v. Christian & Tyson Tomko. So they teased a Shawn-Jericho match two weeks ago only to swerve us and give us this tag match, then did the Shawn-Jericho match last week with a screwy finish in order to set up ANOTHER of the same tag match again this week? What is this supposed to be building to? Christian and Tomko work Shawn over in the corner to start, but Shawn kneelifts Tomko and brings in Jericho. He slugs away and knocks Captain Charisma off the apron, then follows with a missile dropkick on Tomko. The faces double-team Tomko out of the ring and then toss Christian onto him. And we take a break. Back with, shock of shocks, the heels working Jericho over. Christian does some choking and Tomko somehow manages to f*ck up a bodyslam, but Jericho’s tag to Shawn is cut off by Christian. Tomko gets two on Jericho. Christian gets a neckbreaker for two. We hit the chinlock, and Christian gets a backbreaker for two. Tomko misses a charge and Jericho gets the enzuigiri, allowing the hot tag to Shawn. Shawn is the usual house afire, and he tosses Tomko (as Tomko blows the timing on another spot), but Christian posts him to set up the Unprettier. Jericho stops that with a bulldog and Lionsault, but Tomko gets the big boot. Shawn superkicks him, but this time Christian rolls him up for the pin at 9:38. They’re building to a Christian-Shawn match for the PPV, but Shawn’s in the main event ballot, which is kinda weird. **

– Meanwhile, HHH apologizes to Batista on Flair’s behalf.

– In the ring, William Regal and Eugene demonstrate the three stipulation choices for Taboo Tuesday: Loser plays servant, loser wears a dress, or loser gets a haircut. Uncle Eric interrupts Eugene shaving some indy wrestler’s head, and lays them out with kicks. I guess this was supposed to be funny, but Eugene is a dead issue.

– Speaking of dead issues, the heel women welcome the winner of the Diva Search. Amazingly, they’re STILL letting her talk. And they even bring the other chick back for a cameo and let HER talk too.

– Randy Orton v. Batista. They slug it out to start and Batista gets the MAIN EVENT SPINEBUSTER, causing Orton to bail. Batista pounds on him outside and sends him into the stairs, then hammers away on his throat. Back in, Batista stomps him in the corner and starts choking, practically reading him a novel while he’s calling spots. Orton fights back, but walks into a sideslam that gets two. More choking and Batista hammers him down and steps on him. Orton makes the comeback as HHH joins us, and a powerslam gets two. HHH runs in and starts beating on him, DDTing him down and grabbing a chair. Flair runs out, which the fans assume is on Orton’s behalf and thus turn him into the biggest babyface in weeks, and then it’s A SWERVE, as he turns on Orton and thus disappoints everyone again. Batista finishes with the Demon Bomb at 7:30. Bleh. *1/2

The Inside Pulse:

They’re pretty much pushing for Orton at Taboo Tuesday by making him the only one with any issue with HHH, although the subplot with Flair would have made for an interesting dimension to the character, getting mentored by HHH’s closest friend in order to outsmart him or whatever. But they flushed that potential angle for yet ANOTHER cheap Flair fake turn, when everyone wants to cheer the guy.

The show itself was more watchable than in recent weeks, with the Snitsky stuff being such unintentionally hilarious comedy that they’ll probably mess it up somehow, but the PPV they’re building towards looks like it has the potential for Uncensored-level disaster.

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