The Crucifix

After 3 consecutive Yankee games in two days I am finally able to wake up and smile. World Series bleacher seats are $78! Thanks A-Rod! On with the show…

Raw 9.27.04 recap:

-In memory of Ray Traylor
-Eric Bischoff tells the fans they can choose between HBK, Benoit, Orton and Edge to face Triple H. Orton has to beat Batista no DQ tonight to get on the ballot.
-Triple H cuts a funny promo.
-Shelton Benjamin joins them and cuts a funny promo.
-Shelton Benjamin def. Triple H via DQ
-Simon Dean infomercial.
-Hurricane and Mini-Yokozuna def. Rhyno and Jet Li
-Kane does an interview with that new guy. Lita won’t eat, can’t sleep and is in pain. Snitsky will die.
-Benoit and Regal talk backstage and Eugene joins them for some “special” talking.
-Snitsky gives the sarcastic apology.
-Gene Snitsky def. Val Venis
-Flair gives a promo about Orton not being a legend killer and Orton comes out and give an impassioned speech about Flair being Triple H’s lap dog. Orton tells Flair to think about it.
-Christian and Tyson Tomko def. HBK and Y2J
-HHH is pumping up Batista.
-Eugene and Regal go over the stipulations for Taboo Tuesday against The E.B. 1 is Winners Servant, another is Loser Wears A Dress and the final one is Hair vs. Hair. Eugene starts cutting someone’s hair. E.B. ends that pretty quick.
-Trish Stratus, Gail Kim and Molly def. Christy Hemme is a 3 on 1 handicap bra and panties match. Carmella got to get some parting shots in and then they jumped her.
-Flair is thinking about what Orton said. Flair tells Batista that he doesn’t answer to Triple H or Batista. He’ll be out there when he is ready.
-Batista def. Randy Orton in a no DQ match. HHH jumped Orton and brought in a chair. Flair came in, took the chair, kicked Orton in the wang and hit him with the chair.

The Weekly RAW Membrane:
Legally:
-When Triple H stated he didn’t come to the woman’s job and tell her which corner to stand on, he implied she was a prostitute. That is slander.
-Hitting Shelton with a belt is assault with a deadly weapon.
-Kane threatening death is verbal assault and premeditation.
-Gene Snitsky giving a sarcastic apology shows a lack of respect for the fetus. Not illegal…but pretty messed up.
-Christy Hemme barely even has a contract, much less an open one. The impromptu handicap match was breach of contract.
-Regardless of the no DQ stipulation, HHH violated the Calvin Klein laws, as did Ric Flair. Flair is also guilty of assault with a deadly weapon and being a liar liar pants on fire.

Personally:
-Triple H’s promo and Shelton’s promo were funny. I didn’t mind their match either.
-Simon Dean is gaining some steam. And by the way, pure coincidence but I heard WWE signed Chris Candido to OVW.
-Honestly, I’m not bored by the action, but Superheroes against Rhyno and Tajiri doesn’t pique my interest.
-Kane’s interview was good. Lita not eating, not sleeping and not talking gives her character as much depth as before…actually it just makes her a Jeff Hardy on crack clone.
-Snitsky’s apology was…I’m sorry but I can’t do it anymore. Why is this guy being pushed!? He has less acting talent than Linda McMahon. You wanted to turn Hurricane heel? HELLO! Do it here!
-No comment on Snitsky defeating Val Venis.
-The Flair/Orton promo was awesome.
-Christian and Tomko defeating The Rockers 2004 was cool. Even cooler for my fantasy team! Tomko!
-Alright I’m saying it…I hate Eugene.
-The logic behind having Christy look violated in a bra and panties after she’d been in a bikini every week is lost on me. Carmella looked fugly all made up. Molly scares me. Gail Kim is just…I don’t know.
-I got a little hyped when Flair talked back to Batista.
-Flair not turning sucked from my point of view but made sense other wise. Ric is an old guy. The last thing he needs is to be taking Batista spine busters every night.
-Overall the show was fun, but it better be 10 times better when I’m in attendance on Monday.

Random Thoughts:
-Smackdown (no exclamation) was pre-empted in NY for the debate so I don’t know what happened. As long as my fantasy team boys threw down for me it’s all good.
-The fact that Christy Hemme was a Trimspa model shocked me. The fact that she called herself Sunni Hemme bothered me. The fact that she is still a lot hotter after losing the 25 pounds made it all better.
-I read the rumors about there being heat because Kane said “The baby is not the only one who is going to die.” and since it was in Kemper Arena it was wrong to the memory of Owen Hart. Sorry but Owen didn’t grow up in Kemper Arena. He died there but people die everywhere. If we all had to play nice nice and remember EVERYONE we wouldn’t have time to live our lives. Any “heat” out of this is dumb and misguided. I liked Owen alot but I refuse to cry my eyes out everytime they’re at Kemper or Calgary or any part of Canada. It just makes no sense. What’s done is done.
-Very upset about no Victoria this week. Even if she isn’t the psycho diva she’s still a hottie.
-Benoit and Edge have nil chance of being in that main event at Taboo Tuesday.
-I heard The Undertaker hung Orlando Jordan. Interesting. Ever notice how Kane and Undertaker mirror each other? You know Kane has to hang Snitsky.
-Speaking of Undertaker…hasn’t the WWE already made enough money without trying to peddle parody shirts? UnderQuaker? Preparation HHH? Why are they selling this on ShopZone?
-Blatt still leads in WWE Fantasy. This weekend may just change the course of that. That’s why I sent him this picture…just to throw him off:

Poor kittens.

A little bit about the Yankees if I may:
When we got A-Rod I thought we were golden. Then I said…HOLY COW our pitching sucks. But regardless we’ve made it this far. Best record in the American League. So something has to be going right. No matter how far we get we need to do one thing: BEAT BOSTON. I don’t care about the World Series. Just send Pedro and his midget back to the Dominican Republic without a ring.
1918

-If you readers have any picks for “Rolling The Dice”, our fantasy column, email them to me. I saw a whole slew of people took a huge lead after Raw. When I checked their roster, they only had Raw people. How pissed they’re going to be after No Mercy.

-Bush lost the debate. Kerry is Hogan Orange. Bush will win in November.

Inside Pulse is proud to announce that we found Nemo:

That’s it for this week. Remember, email me with whatever you want. Personal problems? Sure. Wrestling problems? Heck yes. Stinky fart problems? Email Blatt.

Adios!
-Hevia