The Double-Team Short Form, 09.30-10.01.04

First of all, I didn’t watch the debate, I was at work at the time and didn’t feel like taping it. However, if the pundits all say that Kerry won, then I’ll defer to them. Glad to see that the Good Guys got their punches in, and let’s hope for an effect at the polls. By the way, Kerry should have called Dubbaya a liar straight out. That would have made Bob Novak’s head explode.

Now, as per this, you’ll notice a lack of screen caps. That’s because the new trend is to record and upload shows in Real VBR format, and I don’t feel like loading up a separate program, pausing the show, etc., just to get low-quality screen caps coming from Real Player. These cocksuckers have to go back to standard MPEG format ASAP. I love BSPlayer’s control and built-in capture capability, not to mention its superior interpolation quality when expanding screen size. So, the situation sucks, but I can’t do anything about it (try converting Real Video into another format; it just doesn’t work very well, and I’ve tried it). Live with it. On with the Forms…

THE SMACKDOWN SHORT FORM

Match Results:

Buh Buh Ray and D-Von Dudley over Charlie Haas and Rico Constantino (Pinfall, D-Von pins Haas, 3-D): A comedy match that tried to be serious, and a variation of the angle development match: a match with angle development commentary. However, it’s a feud between Jackie and Dawn Marie, so I’ll be very forgiving on this one and say that it was a nice little opener that didn’t have pretentions to be more than fun.

My colleague Cory Laflin was at the taping, and he has some comments about each match:

The best part of this match was the catfight, if only because it ended up being RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. If you check the tape, at one point you see some schmuck leaning on his elbow on the barrier, trying to wave off the people pulling Dawn Marie and Jackie apart. That was me, saying “no, no. Let ’em go.” I even missed the 3-D because of it, and I’m not in the least upset.

Another thing, after seeing Torrie Wilson and Dawn Marie up close, I’m leaning over to the Dawn Marie side of the fence. Torrie just looks…used…up close.

Booker T over Paul London, Non-Title Match (Pinfall, scissors kick): Too short to give any sort of judgment to, but while it was going on, it was pretty decent. Too bad that after Sunday, we can’t pimp a title match between the two, since Booker’s going to drop the strap.

Laflin: Huh? Just a Pearl Harbor waiting to happen. My highlight for the match was yelling at Billy Kidman: “What the hell are you pissed off for?! You’re married to TOR-RIE WIL-SON!!”

Bob Holly over High-Quality Speaker Boy, Non-Title Match (DQ, Don’t Fuck With Nick): Decent-quality brawl from two of the main beneficiaries of Vince’s Loyalty Program (the ultimate beneficiary is in hot water right now, as I said on Tuesday). It’s just freaky to hear an audience pop big-time for Bob Fucking Holly. I gotta wonder about Kansas sometime. Actually, I wonder about Kansas all the f*cking time. What am I doing in this state?

Laflin: I’m never going to f*ck with Bob Holly ever. There’s seeing a chair shot on TV, and then there’s seeing that quality of a chair shot from ten feet away. And we had the added bonus of watching Bob blade, clear as day, after the first shot with the ring stairs. When Taker’s music hit and JBL faced the stage, Murphy and I were convinced that Taker was going to come up over my left shoulder, but instead we got Corpus Orlando. Meh.

Nunzio over Spike Dudley, yet another Non-Title Match (Pinfall, rollup): I like Maritano, I like Spike, but this was a bleh match. Skip it and move to Laflin, who has a great observation:

Laflin: TV doesn’t do justice to the subtlety of Bubba Ray Dudley. Seriously. For every shout of his you hear on camera you miss three subtle little things that he says and does at ringside. When someone asked him how Rico was (after the homoerotic advances in the opening match, his simple response was, “chokin’.” When an “ECW” chant started later on, Bubba’s response was, “Shut up, you morons.” Just a laugh-a-minute. Didn’t notice the
match at all, other than Nunzio’s manhood is much larger on TV. Remember, he’s a tiny little man. And I fully blame Murphy for making me notice that.

Mark Jindrak and Luther Reigns over Eddy Guerrero and Rob Van Dam (Pinfall, Jindrak pins Guerrero, Reigns neckbreaker): The moment Van Dam showed up, I gave up on the match. Fuck it. I’m sick and tired of covering his apperances in mains and semi-mains. Just put him on Epilepsy and ignore him, period.

Laflin: Eddie probably got the biggest pop of the night. RVD’s was big…bigger than I would have expected, but Eddie owned that arena. After the cameras were off, Angle came out with L&J for the beatdown, which our heroes turned back. They did the grip and grin with the front row fans for about five minutes after the villains fled. Nice ending, although I was expecting Show to emerge.

Angle Developments:

Poetry Corner: What exactly is so threatening about Heidenreich standing atop the Big Fist? Okay, he can jump and do serious damage to a member of the audience, but Laflin was at ringside, so there were no real targets available. Ah, hell, it was a cool visual, and I’m feeling mellow today, so I’ll give this one a pass as well. He just needs to brush up on his poetry skills. Those words don’t have to rhyme, you know. It’s called “free verse”.

Unintended Piece Of Comedy: High-Quality Speaker Boy saying “I am the hunter”…all I could think of is “Geez, Bradshaw, you only WISH you were the Hunter. But Vince had only one daughter, so you’re stuck being High-Quality Speaker Boy.”

THE IMPACT SHORT FORM

Match Results:

Jeff Jarrett over Brian Gamble, Non-Title Match (and I’m sick and tired of typing that) (Time of Match: 2:00, Pinfall, Stroke): Jobber match. Next.

Raven over Mark Stephens (Time of Match: 0:58, Pinfall, Raven Effect): NEXT!

Abyss over Luther Jackson (Time of Match: 1:20, Pinfall, Black Hole Slam): NEXT!!

Chase Stevens and Andy Douglas over Christopher Daniels and James Storm, Another Fucking Non-Title Match (Time of Match: 3:35, Pinfall, Stevens pins Daniels, rollup): Well, it wasn’t a jobber match, but thank God that Tenay and West kept emphasizing that the Naturals are former tag champs, because for most of the match, they were treated like jobbers. Impact has to get serious in order to regain its status as the Best Wrestling Show on Free TV.

A. J. Styles over Chris Sabin, Alex Shelley, Frankie Kazarian, Kid Kash, and Amazing Red, Number One Contender’s Match (Time of Match: 8:34, Pinfall, Styles pins Shelley, Styles Clash): This would have been a lot more fun under Texas Tornado rules instead of with those bullshit tags. After all, the match ended up a schmozz anyway, so why not make it that from the start? Just give the guys the ending and let them book the sucker inside of the ring.

Angle Developments:

Finally, Some Matches, But…: This whole tournament for the Number One Contender slot…it reminds me of the Road to the Cage. Remember that little nightmare? That booking almost turned me off of TNA totally, since I was just getting into it at the time. Now they’re repeating that sort of schmozz bullshit with this. At least it’ll be straightforward this time with a four-man tourament, and Styles will be busy with other stuff.

Does Fleabag Carry A Gun?: I can just imagine Fleabag tearing his hair out and having another belt as he heard about Piper showing up for Impact next week. I fear an assassination attempt, but if anyone can get away with it, it’s the ‘Bag.

And speaking of getting away, I’ll be doing so now. I’ll be with the Round Table this weekend for some No Mercy observations, then I’ll be back on Tuesday with No Mercy and other stuff. Until then, stay frosty.