The SmarK RAW Rant – October 4 2004


The SmarK RAW Rant – October 4, 2004

Yes, the new book is out and tearing up the Amazon charts, making it to #3 on Dave Meltzer’s weekly listing of wrestling books! Can we hit #1 this Thursday? Only YOU can make it happen! Read for yourself the book called “a pure hatchet job” of Shawn Michaels, and “biased” by pretty much everyone.

– Live from MSG.

– Your hosts are JR & King.

– Opening interview: Evolution is out to announce that Randy Orton is barred from the building for “safety reasons” and Flair goes off on a rant about killing legends and making virgins scream. Apparently Orton has now been taken off the ballot and put into a singles match with Flair instead, in a “fans pick the gimmick” match. That’s actually a smart move, assuming they want to try to build to Orton v. HHH for next year. HHH drones on about Taboo Tuesday, until J-E-double-F Jericho interrupts. He doesn’t really add anything of note, and Batista attacks him from behind until Benoit and Edge make the save, and it’s a big brawl to presumably set up our main event for tonight. Edge’s heel-face flip-flopping is giving me vertigo.

– Shawn Michaels v. Christian. JR’s promised “roof blowing off the Garden” reaction for Shawn’s entrance is less than that, indeed. Shawn gets a chop for one, and a criss-cross leads to another chop for another near-fall. He works a headlock, but Christian comes back and stomps away in the corner until Shawn gets the Thesz Press. Christian does some choking and punching and stuff in the corner. Blind charge misses by a mile and Shawn gets rid of Tomko before setting up for the superkick, but Tomko pulls Christian out. Do you think all the stomping might have tipped him off? Shawn superkicks Tomko on the floor, and we take a break. Back with Christian holding a chinlock, and then an inverted DDT for two. And more choking. Backbreaker gets two. They collide and do the double KO, then slug it out and Shawn gets the forearm and atomic drops. Backdrop gets two. Unprettier is reversed to a rollup for two. Christian tries a backslide, but Shawn blocks, so Christian follows up with the Unprettier for two. They fight on the top and Christian goes down first, so Shawn hits him with the flying elbow and HE’S JESUSING UP! Superkick finishes at 13:32. Good TV match, although it’s not like Shawn needed the win or anything. ***

– Meanwhile, Lita has to act again, and now she’s kind of okay with Kane’s baby being in her, and she hates Snitsky too. How can she hate Snitsky? He’s the BABYKILLER! Everyone loves him!

– Speaking of which, it’s GENE SNITSKY INTERVIEW TIME. And he wheels out a baby carriage. This guy is the best heel in the world. He KILLS BABIES, see. But before we can hit anything more than the catchphrase, Kane interrupts. Snitsky is ready, however, pulling an inanimate carbon rod out of the carriage and beating the shit out of Kane with it. I cannot believe they’re seriously doing a better job of building up a jobber into a monster heel than they’ve done with half the roster this year.

– Chris Benoit v. Batista. Why must they make me choose? Benoit takes him down to start and Batista wisely bails, then comes back in and starts working the ribs. Benoit takes him down by the leg and starts working it over. Batista keeps fighting him off and hits the MAIN EVENT SPINEBUSTER, however, and gets a backbreaker for two. Benoit struggles out of a powerslam and takes him down again, but Batista powers out, only to miss a charge. Rolling germans and Batista is still looking feisty, so Benoit hits him with MORE of them and goes for the crossface, but Flair pulls him out and sends him into the post. However, Randy Orton, who was barred from the building, runs in for the DQ at 4:30. And of course, he gets arrested. Well, of course he does. Lord knows we haven’t seen a babyface get barred from the building and arrested in a few weeks. Match didn’t go anywhere, obviously. *1/4

– Uncle Eric is out to announce more stuff for Taboo Tuesday, including Kane v. The Babykiller in a “Weapon of Choice” match (special ref Christopher Walken?) and Jericho facing one of whoever’s not already involved in something. This PPV is getting more watered down by the week. Speaking of watered down crap, Bischoff calls out Eugene and the other chick from the Diva Search, and tries to bribe him with sex into shaving his head. We get the obvious dramatic tension before Eugene refuses, and then the winning slutty chick comes out and kisses Eugene. What a disaster. And we get to see them wrestle at the PPV. Bischoff-Eugene and this shit might just top GAB from this year for the worst matches back-to-back if they don’t schedule it right.

– RAW World tag titles: La Resistance v. Rosey & Hurricane. JR goes through his usual non-title spiel until he gets corrected in his ear, I’d imagine. Conway grabs a headlock on Hurricane to start, but falls victim to a neckbreaker. The superheroes do some double-teaming, but Grenier drops Hurricane on the railing to give Conway two. Hurricane is YOUR geek-in-peril, and Au Revoir finishes at 2:16. Zzzzz 1/2*

– Meanwhile, Bischoff tells the Heat patrol that they’re gonna be lumberjacks for the Jericho-HHH match tonight.

– Stacy Keibler v. Molly Holly. What happened to this division? I mean, seriously, they’ve totally destroyed it since Trish’s heel turn and Victoria’s face turn. Stacy bites Molly’s finger to start and does the Nash choke in the corner, but Molly takes her down and gets a suplex for two. Choking follows. Molly pounds away as the crowd does a mass exodus for nachos, but Stacy comes back with a bad sidekick and Molly ends up on the floor. Trish heads out to interfere, nearly allowing Molly to do the “distracted face gets pinned with a rollup” finish, but Stacy is too smart and blocks it for the pin at 2:54. DUD Of all the people to actually be smart enough to avoid that finish and it’s STACY? I guess this is setting up Stacy v. Trish at the PPV in some goofy stipulation thing, but it’s just another match I’m not even remotely interested in.

– Lumberjack match: HHH v. Chris Jericho. The funny this is that given a fair vote, this would be the main event of Taboo Tuesday. Jericho gets a backdrop out of the corner to start and dumps HHH, which of course allows the faces to toss him back in. And then we get the Jericho v. heels spot. Back in, Jericho rolls him into the Walls and then catapults him into the corner for two. HHH tosses him again and now Stevie Richards, who has I guess done of those off-screen turns, sides with the heels and beats on Jericho before tossing him in. Back in, HHH runs into a knee, and Jericho hits him with the enzuigiri. Another try for the Walls, but HHH sends him out again and it’s more shenanigans outside. Rhyno puts Jericho in, so Jericho goes after him. Lionsault misses and it’s KICK WHAM, but no Pedigree. Jericho reverses to the Walls, but breaks to go after Flair and then hits a bunch of guys with a plancha. Crowd rather generously chants “Holy shit” for that, obviously trying to find anything to get excited about. Back in, Jericho gets a flying elbow, but now Rhyno runs in with the GOAR GOAR GOAR, and HHH gets the pin at 5:09. Another match hyped all show, another huge disappointment with a shitty screwjob finish. What else is new? *

– Everyone charges in and brawls, but Randy “Stone Cold Rock” Orton hits everyone with the stunner^H^H^H^H^H^H^H RKO to end the show. Yeah, he’s so over and draws so much money, especially when MSG has like 5000 people in it.

The Inside Pulse:

The interesting concept for Taboo Tuesday gave me hope that they might pull out of the doldrums and do something with the show leading up to it, but instead it’s proven to be an excuse to throw non-wrestlers into matches and basically leave fans unsure of what the main event is even gonna be. Yeah, that’s a great way to get me to spend $35 for a show. I think it’d actually be a huge mistake to have Edge win the rigged vote for this thing, since they’d be wasting their one fresh matchup on a throwaway PPV that no one’s gonna order, but that’s certainly the least of their problems right now. An absolutely brutal show from a promotion with absolutely no direction right now.