Well, I decided to take my sweet time on this one. It was purely out of circumstance, though. I had to work overtime on Thursday and Friday nights (which means I missed the second debate, which is the one I really wanted to see due to the format). My system decided to go a little haywire when I was between shifts on Friday, and that took a little time to correct (I corrected it enough to enable me to download Smackdown while I was at work on Friday night, though, and Impact came along after I got back from work). Plus, I had to watch the season premiere of Enterprise (also downloaded since I don’t get UPN here) to see how Manny Coto accepted the poisoned chalice bequeathed to him by Brannon Braga (quite well, honestly; I want to see how the season progresses from here). So, therefore, I didn’t get to either show until after noon on Saturday. Those are your excuses for this week. But at least they were uploaded in MPEG format, which means SCREEN CAPS! And we all know how the chicks love those. Now on to the Short Form…
(One thing before this: Memo to Jesse Baker: Get yourself an RSS reader like Pluck and click on my RSS Feed. That way you won’t miss a single article of mine.)
THE SMACKDOWN SHORT FORM
Rey-Rey over Kenzo Suzkui (Pinfall, rollup): I’m not buying this whole tag title feud between these groups, mostly due to the presence of Van Dam, and this match didn’t convert me to another point of view. Very blah, very “just there”, very “mailing it in”, very…you get the point. Nothing here that interests me to any extent. Just Rey-Rey hitting his spots and Suzuki taking them like a man.
Shades of Liberace at WM1…
Bob Holly over High-Quality Speaker Boy, Non-Title Match (COR): Zzzzzzzzzz…uh, what? Oh, sorry, I just had something to eat, and my pills were kicking in, and…oh, hell, why bother? This match was a snoozer, a rematch of a match no one wanted in the first place. Although it may be historically significant in that Holly will be Bradshaw’s next title opponent…hold it, didn’t we just go through a Bob Holly title match push less than a year ago? Dear God, help us.
High-Quality Speaker Boy graciously allows Holly some offense
The Big Show over Mark Jindrak (Pinfall, chokeslam): Not entertaining until the mini-schmozz at the end. Next.
Gee, Angle’s on the same drugs I am
Everyone wants to help TBS lose weight. Here’s Jindrak with a tummy-firming suggestion.
Billy Kidman versus Charlie Haas (ND, Jackie “injury”): Hmmmm, nicely-paced, interesting action, something we haven’t seen before…maybe a teaser for things to come? I’d like to see them given fifteen at a PPV.
Kidman plays chiropractor with Haas
Carly Colon over John Cena, US Title Match (Pinfall, steel-chain assisted punch, New US Champion): Well, Colon can wrestle “WWE Main Event” style. Unfortunately, most of us hate that style. And Cena made Colon look like a bitch for most of the match. That is not cool.
Your new US Champion. Not cool.
John Cena, the agony of defeat
Uncle Tom’s Limo: Interesting thing about the Booker/Jordan confrontation. I thought that the only terms that Booker didn’t use were “Uncle Tom” and “Oreo”, but they were sure as hell implied. He couldn’t have made his point clearer if he’d referred to Jordan directly as “Bradshaw’s house nigger”. Or was I just imagining things? If not, I certainly wasn’t imagining that Booker was being turned face for a confrontation with Jordan and, by proxy, Bradshaw. If he’s the one to take the title off of High-Quality Speaker Boy, I won’t mind it one damn bit.
Booker confronts Orlando Jordan
THE IMPACT SHORT FORM
Jeffykins over The Hoss Abyss, Championship Tournament Semi-Finals (Time of Match: 7:59, Pinfall, rollup): Since You-Know-Who was involved, I don’t care about this. Unfortunately, this means that I won’t care next week about the finals of the tournament, whether it be Raven or Monty Brown, both of whom I do care about, involved. Shit.
Abyss engages in a little fag-bashing
A. J. Styles over Roderick Strong (Time of Match: 4:20…hmmmm, Pinfall, inverted DDT): A four-plus minute jobber match? Give me a break.
A. J. plays Leapfrog the Jobber
Monty Brown over Raven, Championship Tournament Semi-Finals (Time of Match: 10:43, Pinfall, Pounce): Good fit of styles, and Brown didn’t blow up during the match (which I thought he would; I don’t think he’s gone past six minutes before). Good match to boot. Too bad I won’t care about next week’s finals, as I said above, but if it leads to Jarrett/Brown at Victory Road, I’ll start caring, because that should be a pretty decent PPV main.
Raven with a pin attempt on Monty Brown
Piper’s the Pits: Well, Piper came out and did the same shit that he always does: cut an incoherent promo to a cheering crowd that doesn’t know any better than to not react to him and feed him. Damn, Fleabag is so right about Piper it hurts. Get him off my f*cking screen, please.
Piper isn’t on the same drugs I am
Well, that’s it for this week’s mess. I’ll be back next Tuesday where I’ll be coming off a holiday, so the column should at least be decent. Enjoy yourselves.