Terminal Velocity- The WWE Velocity Report 10.09.04

Alright, first thing I would like to point out tonight is how stupid I think it is to put the United States Championship on CCC”¦.. in his first match in WWE. Ever. Really, what has this guy earned besides spending time in OVW? Jeez. Besides that, there’s a bunch of other guys you have on the midcard roster that are deserving of a push and a title belt, why not give them a shot instead of giving it to a guy that has a good shot of being another one of the failed OVW bring-ups? If and probably when the CCC gimmick doesn’t go over, it’ll only bring down the image of the U.S. title even more.

But besides that fact, I’ve decided to introduce something new to the report this week: something I like to call the Velocity Scale. See, when I review Velocity matches they always end up being under ***. Almost always. That’s why I’ve come up with the Velocity Scale to review my matches: it’s just like the standard star system, only ***** on the Velocity scale would equal *** on the standard star system. And if there’s ever a hugely fantastic match on Velocity, I’ll just review it on the regular scale. But I doubt that’ll ever happen”¦.. anyway, simple, ain’t it? Good.

WWE Velocity- October 9th, 2004

-We open with the mandatory Velocity intro and pyro. Our announcers as always are Josn n’ Bill. Josh makes note of the past week (mentioning Heidenreich, how neither Booker or Cena left the week as US champ) as Torrie makes his entrance to the ring in what appears to be a costume Rena Mero left behind. Still utilizing her tremendous vocal skills, Torrie introduces the participants of our first match. First off there’s Doug Basham, being accompanied by his bro. His opponent? Rob Van Dam? Damn, opening Velocity Rob?

-Rob Van Dam vs. Doug Basham. Doug puts his finger in Rob’s face, prompting Rob to do the thumbs gesture. Rob gets distracted by Danny and Doug takes advantage, though Rob comes back with a springboard cross body. Doug comes through with a big leg lariat but appears to have tweaked his knee. Doug takes Rob into the corner and stomps and chokes. Snap suplex gets 2 and it’s rest hold time as Doug locks on a sleeper. Crowd wills RVD back up, and he fights out but gets pulled back down by the hair. Rob tries an enziguri but it gets reversed into a clothesline by Doug, who mocks Rob with some thumb gestures of his own. Bill notes that it just doesn’t work for Doug because he doesn’t have a middle name. Doug turns around and walks into a spinning wheel kick. Back up, Rob with some punches and kicks, the corner shoulder thrusts, and a monkey flip from the corner. Dropkick, but Doug gets his knees up on a Rolling Thunder attempt by Van Dam. Doug gets in some offense, but Rob hits another spinning heel kick. He goes up for the 5* Frog Splash, but Danny throws him off behind the ref’s back. Basham ducks a kick and tries to ram Rob into the corner, but Rob reverses and does his reach-kick thingy. Back up top for the 5*, but Danny runs into the ring, forcing Rob to come down on him with his flying kick to send him out of the ring. Rob goes back up top again and finally hits the 5* Frog Splash on Doug for the 3 count in about 7, 8 minutes. ** on the Velocity scale, because this was really just terrible, not a good outing for Van Dam. Bill gazes at Torrie some more.

-Tonight on Velocity, Da Dudleyz will take on the F.B.I, and Luther Reigns will be in action, most likely taking on some random jobber.

-Back here on Velocity, Josh thanks the 12 people that ordered No Mercy and mentions how heavily involved JBL was in the event. This leads us to jump into his match with Hardcore Holly from this past SmackDown, where Holly beats the crap outta him and gets the win via countout after Bradshaw flees like a little girl.

-That leads to Josh n’ Bill reminding us that on this upcoming SmackDown, JBL will defend the WWE Title in a hardcore match against Holly. Smell the ratings.

-Earlier tonight, Luther cuts one o’ them camera-up-close-to eccentuate craziness promos. He says his war with Eddie is not over, and that tonight he will show his opponent No Mercy.

-DOR ad.

-And now, the WWE Slam of the Week: Kidman’s BK Bomb of Miss Jackie.

-Josh asks just what the hell is wrong with Kidman, as Luther powerwalks to the ring. Jobber’s already in the ring, and he’s from Boston, which I live right next to. Never heard of this guy though”¦.

-Luther Reigns vs. Ricky Vega. Throw to the corner by Reigns, followed by some hits, a short arm clothesline, and a kick to the outside. Luther sets Vega up on the apron, and just F’n punts him right in the face. Mega-ouch. Back in the ring, Luther locks on a kneeling Camel clutch. Vega’s now bleeding from the head. Vega starts to fight back with some punches and kicks, but Luther props him up of the top rope and destroys him by kicking him off the top rope to the outside of the ring. Back in, Luther’s version of the Roll of the Dice finishes this squash. Call it about *3/4 on the Velocity scale. Message sent to Eddie Guerrero, I guess.

-Tough Enough promo. We get a sample of a bunch of god-awful idiots.

-We’re reminded that tonight, the Dudleyz will take on the FBI.

-Cena ad where he threatens us with a gun and tells us to vote.

-And now, the WWE Rewing: Carlito cheap shotting Cena at the start of SmackDown.

-Back on SmackDown, we get a recap of CCC’s first day in WWE, leading us to segue into his travesty of a match with Cena from SmackDown. We join in right after Crapito does his little hopping elbow drop. Of course, this non-deserving punk wins the U.S. title. He must be sleeping with Vince”¦..

-Up next, the Dudleyz will battle it out with the F.B.I.

-Eddie DVD ad.

-Recap of the WWE receiving the Make-a-Wish Foundation award.

-Here comes the Dudleyz, accompanied by The Boss, followed by the F.B.I.

-F.B.I. vs the Dudleyz. Bubba and Bull to start. Bubba fakes him out and D-Von gets in a cheap shot, as he’s now set to start the match. D’Von pounds on Bull, but Bull takes him down and nips up, gets a side slam for 2. Tag to Nunzio, who gets a 2 count. Armbar by D-Von and a tag to Bubba, who takes the advantage quickly. Some trash talk by Bubba, who then delivers a body slam. Nunzio with a few arm drags, and a leg sweep for 2. Nunz punks out Bubba with a slap, followed by a drop toehold and a front facelock. Bubba powers out, twists the arm, and pushes Nunz down. Into the corner, Spike chokes Nunzio with the tag rope behind the ref’s back, allowing Bubba to run in with a huge splash that sends Nunzio to the outside of the ring as we take a (very) abrupt commercial break.

-DOR ad.

-Back here on Velocity, D-Von is in firm control of Nunzio. D-Von with a neckvice on Nunzio. Nunzio to his feet, elbows out of the hold, reverses a bodyslam, and tries a backslide. D-Von’ll have none of that, but Nunzio manages to get a crucifix for 2 but walks right into a clothesline. Body slam, D-Von goes up top and actually hits the elbowdrop for once. Tag to Bubba who hangs Nunzio up on the top rope and falls back with a suplex. Elbowdrop by Bubba, tag to D-Von who goes up top and drops down onto a foot. Both men down now. Nunzio stretches and gets the tag to the Bull, who unleashes on the Dudleyz and gets a sideslam for 2, followed by a military press slam (not the varient that’s his finisher) for 2. Nunzio takes it to Bubba, and then drops Spike from the ring apron. D-Von walks into some front slam by Bull for 2. The F.B.I set D-Von up for the Kiss of Death, but Spike pushes Nunzio from the top rope behind the ref’s back. Bull goes for Nunio, but when he turns around he gets hit with the 3D by the Dudleyz for the dubya. Demott’s turning point: Spike’s first dose of interference. Call it ***1/4 on the Velocity scale.

-We end the show with a victorious Dudleyz making their way up the aisle as Josh reminds us that SmackDown is coming to us from Manchester England this upcoming week, and we shouldn’t miss it.

My Thoughts: Well, it definitely felt like a better show than last week, and the inclusion of bigger names like RVD and the Dudleyz didn’t hurt. The main event was actually quite good for what it was, but other than that, just more of your basic recap stuff.