Saturday Evening Post

Better Late than Clever….

and as always

Hello, it’s Flea and I have NEVER felt the urge to call the number provided during the Simon System commercials. Of course, you couldn’t turn around without having an "exclusive report" to what was said on the hotline”¦which. Hey, to each their own. I remember RAW about three years ago, watching an APA Barroom Brawl at The Friendly Tap in Rhode Island — the one that culminated with a closing shot of the pool table…6’s and 9’s dancing through my head! WHAMMO! It was like an epiphany! Everything in the wrestling business revolves around Bob Ryder !— and thus Six Degrees of Ryder Fakin was born, which begat”¦a whole bunch of stuff out of a guy who spent years not even wanting to participate in the IWC. Ironic, ain’t it.

So maybe inspiration * is * found in the strangest places. All reports say when you dial the Simon System Number, you get cussed at even more for being an undisciplined, weak tub of lard as well as too lazy to take the burger out of your mouth to gulp down your double mocha milkshake. If one person benefits, Vince can add this to his "list of good deeds done" — helping the overweight take life a little more seriously instead of dropping dead of a heart attack — or worse (*).

Also on the irony list — how funny is it to see Nova, a guy who had the audacity to cry the blues years ago when * his * "invented" moves started showing up on Raw and Nitro (you guys and gals that have been around for any length of time know what I’m talking about) get a gimmick where he is ripping of Richard Simmons (in theory) and Dr. Phil (in delivery). OH THE WIT. Oh yeah — for those of you who don’t know — Dean Simon is TAFKA Nova, or Super Nova, depending on how far back you go. I find it hilarious. Or at least a knee-slapping HYUCK.

Da Meltz reported in the latest Observer that Nova was about to be shown the way to the unemployment line until Vince heard his gimmick idea…everyone hated it until Vince fell in love with it. Then, per Meltzer, the rest of the asskissers fell in line and next thing you know – Simon Dean gets air time and is the greatest thing invented since indoors.

Besides the irony of Nova, I find it odd that no one is talking about this Simon System whatever – maybe because it hits to close to home? Then why dial the number? If I cared what it said, I would have called it my own damn self. Does your 15 minutes of Fame really need to come in the form of paying for long distance phone calls, just to give….hell you chumps are going to do it anyways. Why do I even bother with advice? I just sent Mitch Michaels $20 because the other winner didn’t respond to victory in the Wrestling Dead Pool. Why did I have….heh – FLEA ADVICE – invest in SIRIUS.

(*) by worse I mean being so grotesquely overweight that you sit on the couch, fat and immobile, for so long that you actually become PART of the couch”¦true story. Go google and be amazed — hopefully the pics are still available.

Have you played in the Wrestling Dead Pool yet? You should. And if you played, REMEMBER that you played! The last winner collected the WHOLE PRIZE (or will once he checks his mail) because the other dude didn’t respond in time. So go play, have some fun with it and don’t ask me "Hey why ain’t Mrs. Beaver Cleaver being mentioned". The girl died after a battle with breast cancer, you ignorant cocksuckers. Not you, fine reader”¦I’m talking to a few people who busted my balls about it. Does anyone bother to read the rules? What a silly question. But for all the rest of you — Wrestling Dead Pool”¦enter to WIN!

Eric S. said this:

Does Fleabag Carry A Gun?: I can just imagine Fleabag tearing his hair out and having another belt as he heard about Piper showing up for Impact next week. I fear an assassination attempt, but if anyone can get away with it, it’s the ‘Bag.

Yeah that’s a bummer. But, I’m drunk anyways and I couldn’t imagine wasting bullet on that prick Piper…much less him having an "accident". Rationally, I have a hard time believing that after all this time, they are going to blow Big Money on The Clique and Piper…and others, I’m sure. Irrationally, I’m reading all the above are "a given" and….oh man…. wouldn’t it be a riot if….just saying. Just saying nothing, Catfish. It would be a trip, to say the least…possible. I suppose I’ll get the PPV, just for shits and giggles. I just hope they sell better for Styles than Luger did.

and Eric S. said this too…(re: Dawn Marie)

Look, I don’t care if she has had some work done, Fleabag would still do her in an instant, even if Pat Kenney was in the room.

Damn Straight. Simon Diamond…whoa. Swapping in this instance is allowed. Did I ever tell you about the time I asked Hyatte to mail me his finger? We may be getting ahead of ourselves, hawr.

Come on!…let’s GO!

TOP STORY

I was enlightened ( hey, I ain’t typing sold…or told ) that TABOO TUESDAY is about upon us, and we should BUY IT, lest we turn in our mark cards and drive down the price of my stock …

It’s OUR PAY PPV! We am Booking, y’all!

Yeah right. If I was booking, I would take the whole damn show on tour to the rest of the world while certain wrong parts of this get straightened out. Booking on the fly only works if your name is Paul E. and… wow – they are on an overseas tour, but I highly doubt any Propers are being Planned to Prevent Piss Poor Performance.

I was asked today where I stood on Taboo Tuesday….I’m thinking it may be better to let the participants speak for themselves:

Shawn Michaels:

"I like the idea," Shawn said moments after defeating Christian in an exhilarating RAW showdown. "Two weeks away from a pay-per-view, we usually know who we are wrestling. So from a fan’s perspective, it makes the TV shows leading into the pay-per-view less predictable. I think that for the performers, it doesn’t give us a chance to start preparing two or three weeks before the show, which I think is a good thing.

"From my understanding, we’re not gonna know who it is that we’re going to the ring with until it’s time to compete, and that’s nice because you’ve gotta be on your toes and be more on the ball," he continued. "Spontaneity is a good thing for our industry. This is WWE. It’s supposed to be raw, and it’s supposed to be a powder keg, where you don’t know what’s gonna happen next. I think that this pay-per-view is going to bring a lot of that back.

Edge:

"I’m not kidding myself," Edge said as he stopped walking and took on a serious demeanor. "I know I’m not the favorite of the three, for whatever reason. I’m up against Chris Benoit and Shawn Michaels, who are both good athletes and guys who deserve title shots. But I think it’s about time that I get one."

"I’ve been with this company almost eight years now. I’ve done everything else there is to do, and I’ve never had a shot at the title — not even one — so to me, that to me just seems wrong. I know I deserve one, and if it happens at Taboo Tuesday, then that would be great. But honestly, I’m not kidding myself into thinking that it’s going to happen."

Chris Jericho:

"I’m a seven-time Intercontinental Champion, a record-setter. Anybody can face me. Whoever that may be, whether it be Rhyno, whether it be Shelton Benjamin, whether it be Tajiri, whether it be Steven Richards, whether it be the popcorn vendor, whether it be the souvenir guy, whether it be Brian Solomon, it doesn’t matter to me. Because they’re all the same, and they’re all gonna go downtown to Chinatown, ass-clown."

"They’re all great Superstars, that’s why they’re in WWE. I’ve had great matches with almost all of them before, and a few of them I haven’t wrestled before. It’s gonna be a surprise to me. It will be up to the Jerichoholics to decide who they wanna see me face at Taboo Tuesday."

All well and good, but guess who spoils my fun – I guess it’s a fair trade off for swiping the above…

Note from Joey Styles: Despite being only 5’8" and 215 pounds (not 6′ and 231 pounds as listed on WWE.com), Chris Jericho’s charisma should send a wake up call to WWE management that personality like his will always draw more money than yet another tall steriod-fueled, bodybuilder who "turns heads in airports" to quote Vince McMahon.

You have to stop and think – 90% of McMahon’s $700 million (as reported in Forbes) came from over-exaggeration and, when times got tough, blind luck. Charisma…okay. But it talks a certain relationship with the audience to evolve into "something special"…Austin had it – Rock learned it…did Y2J, during his first two years, have what it takes to make the jump to "that level"? Blame HHH, says the opinion of most people who keep track of these things – I used to type about this all the time.  A few years ago you had Austin, Rock, HHH, Angle and…who? Just Some Other Guy. I always liked Y2J about the same as I do RVD – good entertainment, but sloppy enough that the furthest they should ascend is " Upper Card" or "Co- Main Event" level for something like the IC Title.  Always be in the hunt for the Top Belt, but don’t go to the extent where my intelligence is insulted by either one walking around as Champeen. Legend has it that Vince does not care for guys that do not look like they could take * him * in a fight – i.e. wrestlers smaller than him. I don’t doubt for a second that Benoit would knock Old Man Freak’s dick in the dirt, but wrestling ain’t a real fight. Like it or not,  Vince has made a ton of money doing it his way and he is the one still standing…it’s tough to argue against success.  

Taboo Tuesday…sometimes modern technology kicks you right in the balls. Why get the unwashed masses involved? I’m all for progress, but sometime these things get out of hand. One thing I hate worse than anything, in any sport, is fan participation. For some reason popular sports – in this case WWE – think that getting "the fans" involved makes the event more interesting and allows "the audience" to become "one" with the show – so stupid. You see this all the time…some jerk at a basketball game heaving a prayer from mid-court for ONE MILLION DOLLARS…The Lambeau Leap…and the latest….Competitive Heckling and Let’s See if We Can Get Bill Ballplayer to Throw Something At Us at the Baseball Game. And Drawr a Lawsuit.  

Note to all fans – even those sweating  the Soap Box Derby – you already HAVE a job when you attend the events. Cheer and / or Boo. You are not the f*cking show and can easily be replaced by Blue Screen, if need be. But Flea? How would teams survive without Live Event Revenue? Hint – The IBM Blue Screen with Crowd Noise in THX Surround Sound sponsored by GE. Try to remember that the next time you get drunk and thrown out…you are expendable.

Which brings us back to Why? As in Why get these schmucks involved. Just book the damn show. WWE has obviously steered the "booking" in the general direction they want…what hasn’t been 100% confirmed is if the whole spec – tacular is rigged anyway. Most are keeping the faith that "fan voting" will have a determination on the final PPV Card, but are not holding their collective bad breath thinking we are going to see anything like The Brooklyn Brawler gracing us with his presence in the Main Event. Looks like the strangest thing that could happen is Jericho booked to fight Rosey…but all that means is it would likely end up being Y2J vs. Rhyno anyway, after Rosey does the j.o.b. in under Three Minutes. I guess a Flair vs. Orton Submission Match would piss on a bunch of people’s parade…seeing as Orton only knows Chin Lock – which is Rest Hold, not Sub Mission. But hell, you know Flair will sell his ass off…I’m guessing we get the Steel Cage.

For the Main Event, the choices are Benoit, HBK and Edge. I have hard time believing they would blow Edge’s title shot at a throw-off PPV experiment, but no one’s head appears to be to clear at the moment when it comes to long term planning. Edge has a cool vibe going on right now, where he is explaining to everybody (killer promo last week, reiterated in his quote above) that he has done everything BUT fight for the Big Belt, which could go either way; if the fans do not get behind him ala Benoit and Eddy…just make him a desperate, out for himself prick, who is going to do what it takes to get the glory. I would prefer the latter, and hopefully they allow the angle to develop instead of him getting ANY shot, or do any high profile j.o.b.’s at least until after Wrestlemaina. In other words, have a plan longer than next month. I’m thinking they may go with yet another "Three Way" match with H, Benoit and HBK – Benoit is the Net’s runaway favorite – but no way in the world is HBK going to sit out a PPV like this.            

Other matches feature Eugene and Bischoff up to something, with the end result most likely being a head shaving – couldn’t care less….or about the Catfight or the Women’s Battle Royal…The REAL MAIN EVENT is:

Kane vs. Snitsky

Kane blames Gene Snitsky for the tragic loss of his unborn son. And now the Big Red Monster plans on making the WWE rookie pay dearly. 

Snitsky hit Kane in the back with a steel chair during a match earlier this month, pushing Kane into his pregnant wife Lita, who eventually fell hard to the mat. One week later, Kane and Lita lost their unborn child. Snitsky has barely shown any remorse for the incident, further infuriating Kane.

 

And recently on RAW, it was Snitsky who gave a beating to Kane with a lead pipe.

 

Now, the two will meet at Taboo Tuesday in a "Weapons of Choice" Match. WWE fans will decide whether a lead pipe, steel chair or steel chain will be totally legal.

 

If either Kane or Snitsky can get to the weapon, they are free to use it.

 – preview at WWE.com

Fucking A. Let me read that one part again…

Snitsky hit Kane in the back with a steel chair during a match earlier this month, pushing Kane into his pregnant wife Lita, who eventually fell hard to the mat. One week later, Kane and Lita lost their unborn child. Snitsky has barely shown any remorse for the incident, further infuriating Kane.

WOW! Check this out…

Nurse Harris dies before she can exonerate Emily in front of Ric, who later learns the nurse was murdered. Tracy, meanwhile, is unsettled when Helena shows the the book of Cassidine curses. Helena claims to Emily and Nikolas that the hex killed Nurse Harris

 – General Hospital Review, Soap Opera Digest 10.12.04

The only consistency in the booking over the last few years is, yes, indeed, wrestling is a Soap Opera for Men, just like Vince told you during the Attitude period. And if Vince tells you that Taboo Tuesday is for YOU, the FAN, you better damn well believe it. Never forget how easily you can be replaced.

I think [the idea] bleeping sucks. The fans shouldn’t decide anything.

 – HHH

I don’t think that the fans are really deciding my fate, because I decide my own fate, by being prepared for anything and everything once I step through the ropes.

   – Benoit

It doesn’t matter if it’s man, woman, or beast — bring ’em.

– Trish Stratus

Beast…hyuck! 

HEADLINES 

Speaking of HHH, it appears that he has a new foe to deal with politically. And this one may be his toughest yet – its the One and Only Pat Patterson, Vince’s Right Hand Man and Close Advisor / Confidant for the last 25 years. The story, as reported, goes like this:

Patterson has recently explained to Vince, after performing a top to bottom, very thorough evaluation of the entire WWE roster, he came…to the conclusion that the biggest problem at the moment is HHH, and his overexposure. Patterson doesn’t like that HHH is always on top and very dominant…all the boys underneath are having a tough time getting over the hump. Patterson (and remember, he has ton of knowledge and experience – one of the best, which is why Vince keeps him around) believes that more of the boys need to be included, as the more "over" bodies you have on the roster, the better it would be for everyone involved. 

A recent update to this – it appears sides have clearly been drawn, as Patterson’s vociferous objections to HHH’s position may fall upon deaf ears, as H is now a McMahon, like it or else. There is even talk about Patterson "leaving the WWE" over this – I’m keeping an eye on this one, that’s for sure. This is the REAL political stuff – not amateur horseshit like not doing a job or changing a finish or even booking an angle where your opponent picks up the shit of your Wife’s dog. Nope – this is for real (if it’s true, that is)…HHH worming his way into the family, forcing out all of the old guard, while convincing his naked Emperor that his robe is waaayyy more stylin and profilin that anything Flair ever wore…more on this story next week. I hope.       

A few weeks ago I told you about John "Earthquake" Tenta’s battle with cancer…here is an update:

Good news/Bad news. Good news is the tumor has shrunk at least half, bad news the lymph nodes are the same but only have to shrink 2mm to be normal size again. I go back in tomorrow for the third round of chemo.They are thinking of 4 more chemo treatments so that’s three more months. Lots of time to try get my book written.

All the best.

‘Quake

– Wrestlecrap Message Board

Tke Honky Tonk Man is up to no good again, as he "broke" a story about Kane…saying:

Rumors have surfaced that Kane has given his notice to WWe. It is not known at this point if the rumors are for real. It seems there may have been a substantial cut in dollar amount on the renewal of the contract. Kane was said not to be happy with the numbers. The story is developing and we will have more on this huge turn of events.

 – Honky Tonk Man, 10.3.04 

 Of course, no one bought into it. Hey, when you have a track record like HTM’s it’s not like you are going to taken all that seriously – that’s just the way it is. But then, Keller and his Gang had to get involved…

PWTorch.com has been told by mulitple sources that there is truth to HTM’s report about Kane having contract renegotiation issues with WWE. Two different wrestler says that Kane is definitely having problems with his renegotiations with WWE. Also, separate sources say that front office staffers were talking about it all day yesterday, and not due to HTM’s report but rather internal knowledge of the situation. Apparently the blow-up occurred on Sunday and Kane’s future with WWE is in doubt at this point, although there remains a solid chance the situation will be worked out. However, his tenuous status may explain why he was beaten down by Gene Snitsky on Raw. Confusing the situation is that Kane is scheduled to take part in a WWE-produced movie. There is no word on whether that is a separate deal or whether that will be affected by the contract situation.

 – Torch, 10.5.04

OH MY GOD LET THE CROWING BEGIN!…here is the follow up post on HTM’s website, saying you better recognize, sucka

Despite Meltzer, Scherer, and various other internet reporter’s claims that the story the Honky Tonk Man posted about Kane’s contract issues being false, The Pro Wrestling Torch confirmed the story to be accurate moments ago. For more information, visit http://www.pwtorch.com/artman/publish/article_10281.shtml

As a personal message to the "journalists" that disputed these claims and called the Honky Tonk Man a liar, we expect your apologizes shortly.

 – Ryan Smith, HTM’s site, 10.5.04

Ha ha ha. For some reason, I don’t see an apology coming anytime soon. And some Flea Advice: just because Keller said it…well, let’s just say he is the least accurate of the three on most things. Just saying. 

While we are on the topic of HTM, here is his latest….

HTM has first hand knowledge of the WWE Slash and Burn policy when times get tuff. The four blind boys from Alabama can see and smell when the WWE feces is flushed as it swirls downward in the toilet of stale talent and out of the universe storylines. The policy is simple. When the houses and the ratings hit the crapper, the pay goes down the same toilet.

We have reported a rumor circulating about the renewal of Kane’s contract and him not liking the figures WWE came up with. We understand from some sources the numbers were horribly lower than his present deal. HTM knows WWe history from a past incident very similar to this one. HTM reported a couple of years ago on the D’Lo Brown money problem with Vinnie Mack. We reported D’Lo was taking a hike, and he did. Will Kane take the same hike? At this point we are not sure. Keep in mind, there is not a short list of recent Slash And Burn former employees. There are several names no longer with the company. Tom Prichard is one.

I saw where Tom did and interview about his departure. He still takes the high road and comes off too politically correct for us to ask for a real Shoot. I can offer him some advice which seemed to have worked for the old Kink. Make a net post of all e-mail and phone numbers of the WWE staff. Go on radio and net talk shows to say what Kink said, If Vince McMahon was killed in a car wreck, I would not care. Better yet, just do what Kink did, not what he said. He posted a fax on the net literally begging for Vince to please make things like it was before I walked out on you. Please Vince, just give me my job back! What a man you are Kink. Tom you could be just like the Kink!

Back to the Slash and Burn. I have not heard any reports of the Boy Toy Shawn Michaels of the Oh Brothers getting the old Steely Dan up the backside on his contract. What I do know from a former inside source from Talent Relations is when the last Slash and Burn came around a couple of years ago, Michaels was on the list at 750 grand a year but was not working for the company. He had a very bad back, remember? When the discussion came to Slashing his deal word was, "that one stays where it is." Also I have not heard of the Macks and the lieutenants standing in line at Southwest Airlines. Seems there is dough for the private jet. Maybe some slashed contract dough.

Till we meet again,

Adios

 – HTM, 10.4.04

I *think* I know what he is talking about, but I’m not really sure. I mean, what the f*ck. For the uninitiated, my columns are a little tough to follow sometimes, but once you get it, it works. But goddamn, I would never use a line like:

I have not heard any reports of the Boy Toy Shawn Michaels of the Oh Brothers getting the old Steely Dan up the backside on his contract.

If only because most of my readers would not even BEGIN to know from Steely Dan. 

ROLL THE DICE

The best site on the IWC right now is www.vincerussoforgiven.com. I’m hooked. He’s writing a book and has excerpts available for your perusal…an "Open Letter" detailing why you should not besmirch the good name of Russo and…effective 10.5.04, Terry Taylor is part of the Ministry. Yessiree, column and all…

Not to be mean, but I should point out that Taylor…hawr! he should be at Inside Pulse. That guy will write for anyone. Ask Al Isaacs.  

 Vince Russo is forgiven. Terry Taylor is forgiven. It says in John 6:37 –

“¦ him that cometh to me I will no wise cast out

God turns no one away. Believe on the Lord Jesus and you too will be FORGIVEN!

God bless you.

Terry Taylor

– Taylor, "The Perfect Plan", Russo’s site 10.5.04

I’m thinking that religion is going to be a part of the Saturday Evening Post…

The One forming light and creating darkness, Causing well-being and creating calamity; I am the LORD who does all these.  

– Isiah 45:7

PAGE SIX

Wrapping up things…I did an interview with someone on the "Inside" of Inside Pulse, someone who, like me, is always there when you need him, very loyal to Widro and…unlike me…keeps this place running for YOUR pleasure, but doesn’t feel the need to brag about it. Even when I try to drag it out of him.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Daniels…

FLEA: rumor has it that you will be in charge when Widro goes off to play

Daniels: I heard that was the word on the street

FLEA: ok – I’m beggin ya – don’t f*ck up the formatting to my column. It will be at 1rfyderfakin and I will send you the link – just cut and paste. please 

FLEA: the content is bad enough…I need it to at least look professional

Daniels: I will make sure it looks good when it goes up.

FLEA: awww…thanks

FLEA: want to do an interview "the Man Behind the Genius of Widro"…

Daniels: I prefer to think of myself as Weirdo’s Yoda

FLEA: I’m using that…and you have time to do it now?

Daniels: sure

FLEA: okay…on the clock starting now…. 

FLEA: Hello, I have with me someone you may not know, but definitely an Integral Part of Inside Pulse…the floor is yours, Daniels 

Daniels: Thank you, Flea. I hope everyone is digging the site so far.

FLEA: Me too. You have been around forever…how about telling the fine readers a little about yourself and what it is you do

FLEA: sometime this year, please,. Time = $

Daniels: I started out on 411 as a profile writer in 2000, then I went on to do a few different columns over there while I was in school for, go figure, computer programming. When 411 did their big redesign in March of 03, I designed the login and my411 systems. Then when Widro decided on the new site, he came to me to design the backend database system and login system for inside pulse. And here we are.

FLEA: wow…so you are the actual brains behind this whole operation? What is your take on the redesign of 411?

Daniels: It’s very generic, but it’s all right. I don’t have the hate for it that everyone else does… though an awful lot of it isn’t working for an important re-launch

Daniels: It’s like when Sirius.com crashed yesterday. You have to be ready for your traffic or look like an idiot.

FLEA: I agree, but you have to expect a certain amount of bitching anytime anything changes. Did Ashish ask your opinion on anything? Surely he has "someone" doing the actual design part…or needs help doing it himself 

Daniels: He didn’t ask me about anything… I think he’s got the 411 forum mod No Sleep till C-Bus doing some of the programming for him. Widro’s old database design is still up and running smoothly over there, though. It’s kind of like the grandfather of the database design we use here.

FLEA: Yes, very similar – and I’m glad that Widro decided to go modern instead of a Fox Boxish cartoon looking site

FLEA: Not counting the crew that made the move to IP…what is your opinion of the new writers on the site? 

Daniels: I love Gloomchen, I never miss anything she does. Laflin isn’t new, but his sports column is great, getting some input on Kansas City rather than New York or Boston. Gordi Whitelaw over in wrestling has also been doing a fantastic job I think. Beth Gottfried’s blog is fun to keep up on… Any girl who makes her current mood "horny" is ok in my book

FLEA: Oh Yeah? Explain to me why everyone is suddenly in love with Gloomchen…

Daniels: I love her writing. It comes across as very honest and open and you get a look into her life. Besides, she’s a girl on a site who’s demographic is horny guys. She wins.

FLEA: good point. Have you read Netcop’s new book?

Daniels: I have not read the new one. I read "Tonight in this Very Ring"

FLEA: did you like it?

Daniels: I did like it, but one of my major complaints was covered by Hyatte in his review. I could have just as easily gone through his archives and got the gist of the book.

FLEA: yep. The new one is 95% opinion based and a good read – as matter of fact, I will be giving away copies (and already have) iin various contests on the next few weeks – would you like a chance to win FLEA autographed copy? 

Daniels: I would love a chance to win a FLEA autographed copy… tell me how!!

FLEA: two questions…

FLEA: 1) how do you feel having to take a backseat to Widro while you do the lions share of the work? 

Daniels: It’s the curse of the tech geek. All the work, none of the glory. Widro’s name sells site. Daniels’s does not.

FLEA: Widro’s name? You don’t think that Hyatte, Eric S. and Scott Keith’s involvement kept Inside Pulse from being a monumental flop? 

Daniels: Of course they do. We wouldn’t be here without those guys. I mean Widro is the one with the advertising contacts to pay the bills.

Daniels: Without Hyatte, Keith, Eric, yourself, Grutman… this wouldn’t ever have happened.

FLEA: heh – funny you mentioned that. Have you noticed that 4 out of 5 of the names above seem to have issues with posting on a regular basis? 

Daniels: Yes, but people have lives. Sometimes their writing hobby has to take a back seat. It just sucks that it’s happening to all four of them at once.

FLEA: which is why dependability is the greatest gimmick in the world – you are always there, right?

Daniels: Almost every night for the last two months trying to get all the features we wanted for for "Launch" online. My timeframe was to get the backend running reasonably smooth by October, and I covered it by about a week.

FLEA: and see…that’s what I like – people that can realize that what’s good for the site is what matters. Anyone that half-asses for their own lame reasons is…well they don’t like Widro, or think that at least he will continue to put up with "excuses"

Daniels: See, again though… we understand that people have lives and this is really just a glorified hobby. Myself, I decided when Pulse launched I would either go big on it or go home… and I haven’t wanted to go home yet.

FLEA: that’s what I mean. Hobby or not, when someone cultivates an audience, they should at least have the common decency to BE THERE for said audience. When Wirdo asks me to do something, I do it. I just can’t fathom holding him up like a bandit while he is gracious enough to provide an outlet… 

FLEA: can you say no to Widro?

Daniels: Widro’s a lovable guy, he’s tough to say no to

FLEA: he knows when he has found suckers, that’s for sure

FLEA: Explain to us why the RSS feeds are the wave of the future and why all readers of IP should get with the program 

Daniels: RSS Feeds are basically like an email program. Rather than coming to a site every day and checking to see if it’s updated and what’s there, it basically sends you a notification right into it’s inbox to tell you the site has been updated and there’s new content available. Then, just like email, you click the content and it takes you right to it. You don’t have to look around for anything anymore… we send it straight to you.

FLEA: Do you think that’s better than clicking every hour on the hour to see if Hyatte, GRUT or Netcop decided to show up? And the damning them to Hell when you realized you’re the sucker and they are "busy" That’s what makes it FUN! 

Daniels: I think you’ll start seeing more and more site offering these, and I’ll leave it at that. People are going to learn how to use them eventually, so why not now?

FLEA: good point – and you just ain’t going to badmouth anyone regardless of how I phrase the question, are you?

Daniels: Nope!

Daniels: I don’t need to badmouth anyone… I’m truly appreciative of everyone who contributes to this site, no matter how little. I work on this site for fun, and the occassional headache is part of the fun.

FLEA: maybe you should explain why you are Yoda to Widro’s…who is he? Skywalker? or Ham Salad? 

FLEA: oops – Han Solo. 

Daniels: He’s Skywalker, obviously. I taught him everything he knows. Of course, that means, I have to die shortly, but whatever it was a good ride.

FLEA: Nah – the powers of the knowing always trump those who are impetuous 

FLEA: What is your drink of choice, Daniels?

Daniels: Liquor: Citron and Iced Tea, Jack and Coke. Shot: Liquid Cocaine. Beer: Sam Adams Seasonal (Oktoberfest, Summer Ale, etc)

FLEA: ah – a man who knows what is right and knows how to get f*cked up when needed. What are us rubes missing by not living the NYC?

Daniels: I have only been out to get my drink on in Manhattan a couple times in my life (I live upstate), but it’s a good time. You got a bar for every taste. You want a shitty hole in the wall to get f*cked up? You got one. You want a high class suit and tie bar with $25 martinis? You got one. You want margarita’s and nachos? Done. You got broadway, concerts, comedy… shows all over the place. The only place where you get less sleep is Vegas.

FLEA: where in upstate NY?

Daniels: Basically Saratoga, which is about a half hour to the North of Albany. Home of the Saratoga Racetrack and site of the Turning Point of the American Revolution.

FLEA: ever been to Poughkeepsie

Daniels: I saw an ECW show at The Chance once, that’s as much of Poughkeepsie as I know

Daniels: or maybe it was the Mid-South Coliseum

Daniels: something like that

FLEA: have you ever picked your feet in Poughkeepsie?

Daniels: No, I saw John Valby at the Chance…… and ECW At the Mid-South

FLEA: JOHN VALBY! the Dirty Doctor?

Daniels: Bowtie and all!

FLEA: did he do Barnacle Bill?

Daniels: Yes… I’ve seen him quite a few times. Both around Albany and down there.

FLEA: brilliant. I KNOW A GIRL WHO’S NAME IS GLOOMCHEN

FLEA: he ladi la di la

Daniels: If you can rhyme something with gloomchen, more power to ya

FLEA: come on her face and then don’t invite her back again…

FLEA: HEY LADI LA DI LA

Daniels: HEY LADI LA DI LO

FLEA: hey la di la di la

Daniels: It occurs to me how many people we could make hate us with random John Valby songs.

Daniels: Applied to them

FLEA: (I’m going there)…for those of you reading…I’m doing piano …the kids Casio, but f*ck you…I know a cat who’s name is WIDRO

FLEA: HE LADI LA DI LA

Daniels: … oh no

FLEA: I KNOW A CAT WHOS NAME IS WIDRO

FLEA: HE LADI LA DI LA

FLEA: he’s got his own site, but who did he blow…

FLEA: HE LADI LA DI LA

Daniels: HEY LADI LA DI LO

FLEA: I now a guy who’s name is GRUT! 

FLEA: HE LADI LA DI LA

FLEA: (I have to plug this f*cking piano in- hang on)

FLEA: (hurricane must have ate the batteries)

FLEA: ok

FLEA: I know a guy who’s name is GRUT!…HE LADI LA DI LA

FLEA: he’s the only heeb I know that likes it the butt.

Daniels: I’ve seen his picture, he likes it in the butt.

FLEA: heh – now sing DAMMIT!

Daniels: HEY LADI LA DI LA

FLEA: let me know if this bit gets old

Daniels: It’s your column, I’m just along for the ride

FLEA: I know a dude who’s name is Eric S.

FLEA: show him a pill and he will say yes

Daniels: hey ladi la di la

FLEA: I’ll cut and paste from here – back to business

Daniels: ok

FLEA: So, when Widro is on vacation, you are taking over, right?

Daniels: That’s the idea.

FLEA: hawr – so are you going to take the opportunity to make things right?

Daniels: The site is right as it is. It’s just a glorified way to tell everyone to bother me with problems instead of the captain.

FLEA: and what problems could say…someone from GAMES have?

Daniels: Something doesn’t post right… there’s funky characters in something… someone stole their proprietary idea of top ten lists….

FLEA: holy shit – I just surfed to Music – and, oh man – 1) why is Botter there 2) who is "Toe" and 3) looks like FLEA needs to teach the "how to Write Teasers 101 Class 

Daniels: We have a Toe?

FLEA: yeah – who the f*ck is that?

Daniels: I don’t know… we made NY Slayer kill the gimmicked name

Daniels: I blame Biscuiti

Daniels: err… Michaels

FLEA: you know – when 411 expanded, I proposed to Skywakler that I would just pull an album – 33 1/3  for you tech geeks – put it on line for listening pleasure and type something about it

FLEA: "we need to have modern music" – fangol. So there is your line up…

Daniels: Putting albums online really makes the recording people angry.

FLEA: I don’t hear you bitching about the Led Zep I pulled…for you!

Daniels: that’s a fair point.

FLEA: and f*ck the record companies. So I paid for an album and want to share – boo hoo, they could use a day without cocaine, I think 

Daniels: Hey, you’re preaching at the choir. I agree with you.

FLEA: how long have you been "downloading" – stealing shit is the name of the game

Daniels: I started in 1999. Napster over a 26.6k aol connection, baby.

FLEA: ha! those were the days…original AOL was 14.4. But we swapped games and programs since about 1989. All that I ever wanted is THERE…try explaining that to a kid. The audacity to cry the blues when it takes 2 minutes to download 

FLEA: how did you get involved in programming?

Daniels: I started my college career as a physics major with dreams of being an engineer. Physics was 0 fun. When I got to my sophomore year, I narrowed my major down to two choices: English and programming. I figured programming would pay the bills and, if I really wanted to write, I didn’t need school to learn how to do it. Got a Masters in it and here I am.

FLEA: You wanted to be an engineer when you grew up – so what if it ain’t fun? What did you * really * want to be when you got big?

Daniels: I wanted to be Steven King when I grew up, but realized I need something to pay the bills until that happened

FLEA: I know someone like that…did it ever occur to you to make money? 

Daniels: Yes, which is why I went to programming instead of to English. Teacher’s and copy editors don’t exactly light up the salary chart.

FLEA: you don’t think there is a market for showing people how not to do the j.o.b. to the English Language? 

Daniels: There’s certainly a market for it, and it’s a very respectable job… the market for making websites is just better, at the moment

FLEA: right..in other words, sell you soul right now, hope the benefactor will give you a reference and by the time you are my age, you can retire

Daniels: yes… or make a killing in the stock market… I’m open to options

FLEA: ain’t we all…Sir Daniels, thank you for you time and remember this – next time you go to Manhattan, don’t f*ck a 10 – f*ck five 2’s 

Thanks for reading

NOTE TO HI-RATE: like they can out God me… 

FLEA – ryderfakin@yahoo.com