Mistress: What are you so nervous about?
Me: Daniels is coming to visit! Oh my God! What do I do?
Mistres: Daniels, he’s a sweet boy.
Me: Sweet boy my eye! He’s my boss. Quick, we gotta clean up and have an onion dip ready.
Mistress: He’s cute too. And a man of impeccable mannerisms. He also understands the word respect unlike some people I know.
Me: Yeah, yeah, we all know you’re hot for him.
Mistress: Hot? I’m burning for him. I would love nothing more then to tie him up and
Hi Everybody! Welcome to another edition of Slayer’s Sports and Stuff! We’re going to talk lots about baseball, gab a little about football, rasslin and politics and just plainly ignore everything else. East Coast Bias is in the house! We also have a brand new biweekly feature premiering right here in this very column! It’s me taking on anybody and everybody in IP Sports and Beyooooooooooond. And what better way to start it off with then Slayer vs. Daniels! We ready? Good, let’s go!
I gladly conformed to the rules of the site by changing my name to something ‘real’ in order to save the lives of several IP writers who were on hunger strikes but I see plenty of ‘fake’ names all around here. Shenanigans! I call shenanigans! But, what the hell am I going to do? Change it back? It’s just so unfair, that’s all. Picking on poor little me. Eh, it was for the better anyway but I’m letting everybody know I see what’s really going here. Mmm hmm.
Let’s quickly go over the DLS.
What I said last week about Minnesota Twins vs. New York Yankees
Everyone say it together now….”It’s David vs. Goliath.” The truth is things get thin in the starting pitching for both these teams. With that said, this is the Twinkie’s third trip to the Dance and they are no longer playing with house money. The Yankees traditionally have a tough time getting through the ALDS, and usually make it dramatic. This could be fun! And if the Yankees lose, most people are happy anyway.
The result was alot closer then the overall 3 games to 1. But as stated, the Twins are getting some flank over this. Gardenhire simply got out-managed and people are jumping off this bandwagon quicker then they hopped on. But the Yankees basically got out of this one by the skin of their teeth as they were walking on glass the entire series. They just didn’t look good. But they rarely do in the DLS
What I said last week about Boston Red Sox vs. Anaheim Angels
This is the last team in the world the Red Sox wanted to face in a five game series. And let’s face it, this series could go in any direction and surprise no one. It could go the distance, either team could sweep. If the Red Sox lose though….oh boy……
See? I told you it would be a sweep and no one would be surprised.
What I said last week about LA Dodgers vs. St. Louis Cardinals
The Cards are expected to plummet the Dodgers with ease. What else do you want me to say?
They lost one game due to a shutout and won the other three 8-3, 8-3, 6-2. Maybe not officially a plummeting, but close enough.
What I said last week about Houston Astros vs. Atlanta Braves
This is an intriguing matchup because there are alot of baseball historians on their knees praying for a Houston/New York World Series. While at the same time, people are like “awww man, does Atlanta have to be in it EVERY year?” Have you seen their division? Yes, they do.
The Stros win their first series against the Braves, fourth time is the charm. They also win their first LDS, fifth time is the charm. They also win their first playoff series ever, seventh time is the charm. If I was a fortune cookie I would say your lucky numbers are 4, 5, and 7. So, everyone’s new favorite team is going on to the LCS so they’re happy. What made people unhappy is that the Braves showed up to the party again and wasted everyone’s time and energy by taking this to a game five and then getting blown out of the water 12-3. Silly Braves.
Which brings us to a subject. I know out of the four series, Atlanta/Houston was the least desirable in terms of national marketability. Yes, the baseball historians and writers love the whole ‘pathos’ of the Astros, and the Braves seem to have small of pockets of fans everywhere except Georgia. But that does not give Major League Baseball the right to treat the series and the fans of these respective teams the way they did. On Saturday , the Astros and Braves had to wait until midnight for the finish of SL/LA to see if they were playing at 1:00 or 7:30 on Sunday. That means if you were an Astros fan going to the game, you had no freaking clue how to schedule your Sunday. 1:00 and 7:30 are two completely different places in the time continuum and if one spends 100 dollars on a ticket, the least you can do for them is give a time when the game starts. It gets worse folks. For the fans going to the game 5 in Atlanta they to had to wait until late Sunday Night (around 11:30) to see if the game would start at 4:00 or 8:00. MLB has to put the clamps on this; but I don’t know if they can because they have more issues.
Game 4 of Cardinals/Dodgers was delayed 30 minutes not because of rain but because of football. A couple of the NFL games on FOX’s doubleheader went into overtime (one of them being Rams/Seahawks) and of course FOX is going to delay the game by a half hour so they can finish the football coverage but MLB should at least tell FOX to just schedule the game at 8:00, instead of ‘aiming’ for 7:30 and have it being delayed it in the literal last minute. This maybe was not a big deal but something in my last sentence should strike you as awkward. Thats right, FOX makes the post season schedule, not Major League Baseball. That was part of the deal. Baseball wanted lots of money, FOX wanted autonomy to do what they want with the baseball. The problem is FOX only cares about the television audience, not the stadium audience which ironically gives the owners money to give to FOX so that they may cater to the national television audience and not care about localized fanbases. Not bad enough? It gets worse people. This Wednesday, the ALCS and NLCS will be played at the same time therefore having them become REGIONALIZED! A professional sports semi-final has been regionalized! Not even the NBA would do that. Hell, ESPN/ABC wanted to do that with hockey and the NHL said hell no. You don’t freaking regionalize a goddam semi-final! ARRRRRRRGHHHHH!
Let’s do eulogies.
Minnesota Twins: Died at 93 Wins, 73 Losses
Third time was not the charm for you guys, you’re manager proved unreliable in the big game and you are a clear example of how far you will not get with only one pitcher. But maybe it’s not your fault. You bumped into a team destined to play the Red Sox in the LCS and the baseball gods said ‘you ain’t bum rushing this show.’ Sorry Twins, you just bumped into destiny.
Your death is deemed: Honerable
Anaheim Angels: Died at 92 Wins, 73 Losses
You are putting money into your ballclub and Vladdie G is proving to be a true offensive force in the American League. But you got sweeped. Nobody should get sweeped. But, you can be forgiven. You bumped into a team destined to play the Yankees in the LCS and the baseball gods said ‘you ain’t bum rushing this show.’ Sorry Angels, you just bumped into destiny.
Your death is deemed: Honerable
Atlanta Braves: Died at 98 Wins, 69 Losses
During the All-Star Break you were 6 games behind and tied with everybody else in the division. You got everything straightened out and sprinted so quickly, no one else in the division could keep up. Then you got into the playoffs….again. You also brought a much better team then yours to their heels in a game five. Despite the fact they killed you in game five. Oh well.
Your death is deemed: Honerable
LA Dodgers: Died at 94 Wins, 72 Losses
You weren’t that good anyway and your division was lousy this year. At least you did win a game and make them sweat a little. I will give umbrage to the fans. They filled up that stadium and STAYED!
Your death is deemed: Honerable
Let’s take a quickie look at the LCS
New York Yankees vs. Boston Red Sox
Well, they got here. This is what everybody wanted. Here’s the deal. THE RED SOX ARE A BETTER TEAM THEN THE YANKEES! This year, anyway. Their lineup is better, their starters are better, their bullpen might be better too with Rivera’ recent tragedy. But, they are a better team. The Yankees also have plenty of weaknesses to take advantage of. So, they have no excuse. This is it! This is your year. I don’t want to hear about stupid curses, I don’t want to hear about managing snafus, and I don’t want to hear any crying after losing one game. Win the series. It’s yours for the taking. Go Big or Go Home.
St. Louis Cardinals vs. Houston Astros
So while the other two are declaring war on each other, here we’re going to have a nice friendly game of baseball. Let’s face it. St. Louis maybe the most well rounded team in baseball and the Astros rely more on spunk and heart then actual talent. So the Astros got the cards stacked against them. Get it? ‘Cards’ stacked against them? HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!
I’m not sure if I should link Nguyen because by the time most of you read this, his NEW column will be up. Oh, I’ll link it anyway but don’t forget to check out his latest too.
Corey Laflin has got you covered every week with every game in Football. He also talks about chess again. I suck at sex I mean chess.
Adam, Our Fantasy Sports Expert tell you which Ds to grab. The Arizona Cardinals? Hey, he’s the expert. Next week he claims he talks about the NBA. They have a fantasy league, too?
All college football fans must read Musings!. He wants to see three things before his time passes. World peace, success for his children, and for the BCS to die. He also does our Weekly Pulse. Read it once and then impress your friends by stating all the vast knowledge you learned!
And everybody welcome Tom Toner to IP Sports. Welcome Aboard!
SLAYER vs. DANIELS
Me: Let’s Welcome Tom Daniels. Co-Founder of IP Sports (along with ME) and overall managing editor of Inside Pulse. Anything you want to tell the readers of Slayer’s Sports and Stuff about yourself?
Daniels: I’m in love with pictures of the Mistress
Me: And they love you…more then me anyway. Here are the rules of the debate. For each topic I give you first and last word because I’m going to lose these things anyway so it really doesn’t matter.
ITEM: Jamal Lewis is going to only be suspended two NFL games and not start his sentence until after the NFL season. This offends many people. What are your thoughts?
Daniels: I do think that giving him special consideration on sentencing is a little bit ridiculous. I mean, if I got sent to jail, I probably wouldn’t get any special consideration to send me at a time that’s more convenient for me but then, I also know people who serve DWI sentences for 30 days of weekends. As for the NFL suspending him for two games, I don’t know… Ricky actually smoking weed is worth four, so I guess using a phone to make a drug deal should be less than that.
Me: What people are forgetting is that he did it THREE years ago! And he’s been clean and sober since that time and has been participating in the NFL Rehab program or whatever it’s called. I mean if one is a drug addict, is helping a buddy get drugs really a crime anyway? Isn’t that just part of the territory. I commend the judge. He’s saying ‘some stuff caught up with you, I understand you’re a different person now, I won’t let it effect your career’.
Daniels: That’s also a fair point… I mean I don’t necessarily think he should lose his job or anything, but I mean if you wouldn’t give it to any schlub off the street, don’t give it to him.
Me: You’re correct that a poor schlub off the street wouldn’t get the same sympathies. But the truth is the courts are very lenient toward middle and upper class people in terms of drug use. No judge would have an addiction that a man conquered three years ago ruin his life and career. The truth is Jamal for man of his wealth and stature actually probably got more then most people in his situation. I just don’t get the media witch-hunt on this guy. Don’t they know the old saying, “If Michael Irvin can change, anyone can change.”
Daniels: Because the media needs to find witch-hunts in everything. Mount St. Helen’s is simmering down, so they have to find something else to squawk about. Why pay attention to that whole election thing when there’s Jamal Lewis to go after.
ITEM: The NBA sucks because (finish sentence)
Daniels: Where to begin? “Stars” right out of high school who have no idea how to make a layup. Criminals being given free reign to do whatever they want with no repercussions. A playoff system that takes half the year to run it’s course. The fact that only 7 teams have won the title over the last 22 years. No identifiable marketable stars for the league to be proud of.
Me: “Criminals being given free reign to do whatever they want with no repercussions.” Is that really true? I mean is there really a criminal element in the NBA? I hear that alot, and I don’t get where people are coming from. Yes, there are a few people in the NBA whom don’t comprehend the term ‘modesty’; but there never has been in the NBA, even in its glory days.
Daniels: You got a guy like Latrell Spreewell coming after his coach with a 2×4. You got Allen Iverson in the news for a “domestic dispute.” These guys shouldn’t be welcomed back in the league when things like this happen… and they happen all the time.
Me: You just named two players despite their violent tendencies that are actually two of the most popular and marketable players in the league. I don’t think that’s it at all. I think the NBA sucks because of the other reasons you mentioned, and their playoff schedule is an example of surrealistic post-modernism, they have no television home base, too many time outs, the last 30 seconds of a game takes 20 minutes, and it’s just a boring version of the game as compared to college basketball. I mean every sport has its fair share of punks, and it doesn’t stop their popularity. I think the criminal element of the NBA is nothing but a stereotype because the sport is mostly black and now that the NBA isn’t doing so well its pegged on as an excuse. Athletes can be very violent people, period. And I see no evidence that the ratio is any higher in the NBA as compared to other sports.
Daniels: Maybe it’s an unfair stereotype and maybe it’s not… the fact is that it exists. The NFL doesn’t have this problem and neither does major league baseball. I have no problem with the last 30 seconds of a basketball game taking 30 minutes. I enjoy(ed) the drama and the competition when that goes on. But the fact of the matter is, irregardless of the stereotype, basketball has lost it’s contact with a good portion of it’s fanbase. Not doing anything about it isn’t going to fix it. The NBA has been mostly black for most of my life, and this stereotype only arose recently. So I don’t think that has much to do with it.
ITEM: Pro Wrestling sucks because 1) It’s an inferior product to what it was a few years ago 2) we grew out of it 3) Both or 4) something else altogether.
Daniels: I say 1 and 4. It’s an inferior product to what it was a few years ago, because of the fact there is no competition anymore. I think they gave up trying and decided to just start throwing as much stuff out there as they could. The problem is not much of it has stuck and of the stuff that has, isn’t all that great.
Me: So you’re saying competition would liven things up and get your pro wrestling juices flowing again. You’re also stating that a really good angle still enthralls you. The problem I think is what Jim Cornette says. Wrestling does the same stories every ten years. When one is a fan of the art form for about a decade, they basically have seen everything and there is very little a wrestling company can do to excite you. Am I wrong about this?
Daniels: I don’t think so. I started watching wrestling when I was about 6. I’ll be turning 26 soon. The WWF has certainly had it’s ups and downs… but I still enjoy it. It is down now, but I’m sure it will be up again
ITEM: You are one of those people that are ‘undecided’ in the upcoming election. Here are three reasons to vote for Kerry if you hate them both. 1) Since the last guy did an awful job, fire him. 2) He’s a new start. 3) If he dies, we get a trial lawyer for a president, not Darth Vader of the KKK. Can you give three reasons for the undecided to vote for Bush?
Daniels: No, I can’t… honestly, I hate both candidates. 🙁
Me: Ok, we agree on that. So do you mind sharing with the IP Sports audience, who you’re leaning too? And Please don’t make ‘faces’ since they don’t translate into HTML 😛
Daniels: I am leaning toward Bush, simply because I have less respect for Kerry than I do Bush. Bush is a scumbag, but at least you know what he’s going to try to do. Kerry, not so much.
Me: What? What can Kerry do that’s so bad. he’s not going to let the Bin-Laden family leave the country before the FBI gets to question them, he won’t leave the assassination of Osama Bid Laden to that of Heroin Dealers, he won’t let factories let out tons of CO in the air, he won’t not pay for a unjust war and make the generation of 2020 pay for it, seriously, this guy can NOT be worse. It’s impossible! Now I admit, I’m ready to put him in and then toss him out in 2008 and put in McCain; but the situation is really really bad and needs a new perspective even if we don’t know what it is because like I said, it can’t be worse.
Daniels: Kerry voted to give money for your “unjust war.” And as for anything that came out of Fahrenheit… I’d take it all with a grain of salt.
Me: That movie scared the hell out of me…. anyway, Kerry voted for the war because remember 2002? If you disagreed with Bush, you would be put to death. The fact remains is that if Bush wasn’t in office we wouldn’t be in Iraq and YES, that’s a good thing. I asked myself this question. Do I want MY children dying for the liberation of Iraq. The answer is an emphatic HELL NO! I think everyone should ask themselves that question. It’s a good gutcheck.
Daniels: I doubt people want their children dying for just about anything… so I don’t think that’s quite a fair comparison.
Me: Wrong. If my kid died trying to hunt down Osama in the Afghanistan/Pakistan border, it would be horrible but at least it would be for an honorable cause to protect America and the world and more importantly, it wasn’t because of a politician’s lie. These kids are dying and losing limbs because the president LIED. Plain and simple. Not because of terrorism, not for democracy, but because of a lie. Kerry’s a liar too. But his lies had more to do with him not fessing up to increasing taxes. Not declaring wars!
Daniels: Whether or not Bush knew or didn’t know things didn’t happen, or whether the false information thing is true or not, I don’t know. At the end of the day, I don’t like Democrats or their politics… and I probably never will. Wasn’t’ this about sports?
ITEM: Who’s really in charge of IP Sports: Slayer or Daniels?
Daniels: I default to the Mistress
There you have it folks! Tom Daniels in all his glory! If you just can’t get enough of him, check out his interview with Flea. What is he, on a book tour or something? In two weeks, the debate returns with Slayer vs. Adam
That’s it! Next week we start another new feature as interview women all over the world to get a female perspective on sports and stuff!
Have a great week everybody!