InsidePulse’s WWE Byte This Report: 10.13.04

Generic theme #1005 brings us to… the NEW Byte This! They’re still using that boring two note theme song, not a good sign for this whole repackaging of the show. Aw crap, it’s still Josh Matthews and Mark Lloyd, just a new set. Josh tells us that the new Byte This is cool, dark, edgy, and no one’s around. Mark instantly jumps into a Raw recap, expounding his theory that the wrestlers are auditioning for a spot on the PPV. No shit, Sherlock. Josh switches topics to guest Gene Snitsky, who is decidedly not the Big Show despite what the WWE had promised earlier in the week. Mick Foley is going to be on as well. Josh is very tired, but Mark has no sympathy and changes topic to WWE Fantasy. Apparently something happened in the online game with Kane giving Val Venis 16 chair shots, so Josh takes the opportunity make a subtle dig at Kane’s current contract negotiations for all the smarks. Thanks, dogg. Mark comforts us by letting us know they’ll cover all the usual boring topics, which inspires Josh to show off the cover of the Smackdown magazine. So let me be honest, I’m filled with Sudafed and I just watched the presidential debates, so these two are gonna have to be BOFFO to keep me awake for this show.

Smackdown recap shows us the riveting JBL/Bob Holly feud. Is it just me, or does Bob Holly look like his skin has hundreds of miniature little holes in it? Carlito Cool/Cena recap has some really good new video package music, kind of like a dramatic hip hop soundscape.

Back to the show and it’s Droz! I got the new Ringside Edition of Behind the Mat today and I can’t stop thinking about “He’s gonna puke!” Anywho, Droz thinks JBL/Holly is gonna be a great fight, but he’s always wrong anyway so why should I be surprised that he’d say that. Mark brings things back to Taboo Tuesday and makes Droz play word association with Jericho’s potential opponents. Christian = exciting. Shelton Benjamin = dynamic. Hurricane = high flying. Coach = ass whooping. Mark tries to suggest fans voting for Rhyno, which Droz dismisses with a mumble. Tomko = painful. Amen brutha! I wonder if he said that to be sly and smarky. Probably not. What about doing word association for Rodney Mack? Or Rosey? Anyway, Droz wants to see Flair and Orton in a steel cage match, which will now NEVER happen because Droz voted for it. Droz thinks regardless of the match, it will be bloody. Flair? In a bloody match? Get out! Droz thinks that the best way to prepare for this PPV is to understand that you may have to fight anybody. These Droz segments are filled with such great insight. Droz wants to see Edge get the shot at the belt, which means he will now definitely not get a chance at the belt. Josh drops Droz from the NEW Byte This, Wednesdays at 8:00PM.

Josh and Mark pimp the new timeslot, then blab about the PPV to fill time. Josh: “What will Shelton Benjamin do all day?” I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, where the f*ck is Tommy Dreamer? Quick conversation about Snitsky’s chances of living before taking a break.

Foley book promo, totally quick and boring.

Footage of Foley doing that weird debate with JBL that was hidden on some wacky cable channel last week. Didn’t I just watch two blowhards spout vague political BS tonight? Falling… asleep… sweet dreams…

Whoah! Sorry there guys. We’re back, and Josh plays with the worlds “great”, “WWE”, and “debate” a few times during his introduction of Mick Foley but I’m not sure if he ever got them in the right order. Foley agrees with a comment Mark made about how people liked the debate. He admits that no one thought it would be any good, so fans were probably pleasantly surprised. Foley is jacked for the debates later in the night, and thinks that Kerry has a much better handle on the issues. He hopes that America realizes the importance of the election. Eric from Tennessee asks Foley if he collects his own wrestling figures. Foley has got a box with a few of them in it, but his three year old has mostly destroyed them. Funny story about how his youngest son doesn’t realize he was a wrestler at one time, so he thinks all kids have action figures of their dad. Conversation floats over to Foley’s literary career, which prompts him to admit that this book was not published because of his shaky ground with Vince back in 2001 and it was a huge disappointment for him. Foley claims he has read this book to 10000 kids, which gives me flashbacks of all the bloated facts and figures I heard during the presidential debates. Fred from New Jersey has read Foley’s book and wonders if he would be doing a book tour behind it. Nice try with the corporate employee phone call this week, but you can’t fool Brad! Ignoring the question, Foley tells us the Dudleys and Kurt Angle learn important life lessons in this book. The artist created a crazy Vinnieland for the book in which their corporate offices and Gerald Brisco’s head are combined to make one big amusement park. Weeeeiiiird, that’s like some twisted Mark Ryden/Joe Coleman shit. Foley is still buddies with Al Snow and sees him on indie shows all the time. Mark thinks that Al is the king of the indies, which prompts Foley to say that he inadvertantly made Al Snow the cutest character in the entire book. Josh uses Al talk to bring up the new Tough Enough, and Foley thinks that the WWE missed the boat by not using Al on TV after the initial MTV run of the series. He though Al was incredible on the show, and takes a weird opportunity to kiss Vince’s ass about letting him do the debate. John from Pennsylvania wonders if Foley would ever come back for a title shot. Foley wants to keep coming back so he can keep his weight from spiraling out of control, as well as come back for another Wrestlemania. Mark and Josh fall all over each other trying to bring up Taboo Tuesday, so Foley makes a joke about 70’s porno which Mark greets with a nervous fake laugh. Foley explains his joke (Taboo was a series of porn flicks) and moves on to pimping the PPV like a good corporate shill. Ah Foley, why must you do the usual fluff interview too? Josh asks where people can buy the book, which is such a stupid question. Foley pretty much says “everywhere books are sold” and finally answers the book tour question from earlier and mentions that he will be doing one and that the book profits are going to charity. He drops the dates for his mini bookstore tour, and Mark tells Foley that HBK goes to the Philippines and builds schools for charity which is SUCH LOUSY HYPERBOLE! He went to one men’s dinner to promote his wife’s involvement in a charity that hopes to build a school in a year, which he clearly said four weeks ago on this very show. Anyway, Foley is very busy with indie dates, the book, etc. but thinks he’ll be back for another run in WWE. Foley and Josh joke about Tazz running for mayor in Brooklyn and the King’s failed run for mayor from 2000 before dropping a quick book plug. Foley is gone, the book comes out Tuesday, and we’re taking a break.

Promo for the PPV.

Very soap opera-ish promo for Snitsky/Kane. I know that the WWE is totally corporate and unhip at this point, but if Vince Russo was still around there would clearly be a “Shitsky” joke somewhere in here and the fans would love to chant it.

Josh invites Gene Snitsky to Byte This. Josh asks about Snitsky’s first match. Snitsky says that the fans thought he would be slaughtered, but that obviously didn’t happen. Mark wonders why Snitsky doesn’t take blame for the death of Lita’s baby. Snitsky thinks that Lita should have never tried to interupt in the first place and remarks that it wasn’t even him who landed on her. Y’know, when a man is right, he’s right. Jesse is supposed to be on the phone, but we have our first dropped call at around 39 minutes into the show. They ask how he feels about being called a babykiller, but Snitsky’s gotta do what he’s gotta do. He’s not just gonna lay down for anybody and doesn’t regret what he did in the situation with Lita. Mark reminds Snitsky that he brought out a baby cart and beat the hell out of Kane the week after. Snitsky reminds Mark that he’s a big dude who won’t back down from anybody, especially Kane. He’s a new guy trying to make his mark, so he’ll do whatever he has to. Right on! Josh asks what Snitsky wants to accomplish in the WWE. Gene says he wants to be a top guy and he isn’t there just to be there. If Kane has got to be a stepping stone, great. Everyone knows him and his catchphrase, he’s battling a top star, and he plans on beating Kane up with whatever weapon the fans vote on for the match. Tell it like it is! Josh and Mark pimp the match setup, then go to Jordan from New York… who is the second dropped call in three minutes. They ask him about what weapon he prefers, but he doesn’t really care because he has no regrets and wants to take Kane out. Awesome! Since they’ve asked the same question a bunch of different ways for the last eight minutes, Josh drops Snitsky.

Mark and Josh complain about Gene’s attitude, nothing special.

24/7 promo clip of Luger trying to beat Hogan for the WCW Title with the Torture Rack. Heenan was just awesome from 1995-1997, it’s just sad that Tony and Mongo sound so lifeless. Run ins galore, match is over, blah blah blah.

Million dollar Tough Enough promo from last week’s Smackdown. They show one dude who looks so much like Low Ki it momentarily gives me some hope for this new time eating segment.

We’re back but only to say that Byte This is ending prematurely at 49 minutes. Raw main event footage closes the show.

Very boring Byte This, with no inside dirt, no funny backstage stories, no trainwreck moments, one guest who isn’t even an active wrestler, another guest who pretends the plotlines are real, no mention of what happened to the announced guest (the Big Show), and no attempts by Josh to say “off the chain” about something. On a positive note, Mark Lloyd kept the dumb comments to a minimum this evening, and Josh continues to improve his filler banter so it’s not just the same boring repetition of plotlines and contests. Later!