Riding Coattails: Quote Me On This

“Let’s be harder core.”
–Stacy R.

Well done, Apex! I was incredibly pleased to see the women rise above their previously catty, nasty behavior and kick some Mosaic ass. When George announced their win, I was practically crying along with Maria. For as much as I’ve dissed this team in past columns, I was genuinely happy to see them succeed. The nature of the task (designing fashions) definitely played to their strengths, but I think that they’ve also had a chance to learn a lot from past mistakes. And with the elimination of a few bad seeds (Stacie J., Jennifer C., and Pamela), they have formed a core of players who work fairly well together. Plus, Maria was a phenomenal leader.

“Love it, love it, love it.”
–Maria

Maria gave one of the best performances I’ve ever seen from a project manager. Her decision to go with Darren as the designer was a wise one. When it comes to fashion, gay boys know what’s what. Plus, it was clear that Darren and the women had an excellent rapport, which is critical in this kind of situation. They actually had fun together. And the team certainly needed a little fun after the rocky ride they’ve had thus far.

“For some reason, I am not the favorite of the group.”
–Elizabeth

Even more impressive than Maria’s choice of designer was her management of squirrelly little Elizabeth. Sending her off to grill the buyers played to her strengths as a detail-oriented type and allowed the rest of the team to be work in peace.

Ugh. Elizabeth. I know her kind. She is the person in the all-company meeting who pesters the insurance representative with nit-picky, irrelevant questions fifteen minutes after the group was supposed to have dispersed. She is the college student hounding the professor on some moot point, completely oblivious to the rolling eyes of her classmates. Lord knows the world needs Elizabeths to work as fact checkers and diamond appraisers. Somebody has to give a rat’s ass about the fine print. I just think she’s out of her element as a businesswoman.

“When you’re delegating tomorrow, give me something good.”
–Raj

It’s unfortunate that John wasn’t able to pinpoint Raj as the Elizabeth of Mosaic and send him off on a 36-hour Starbucks run or something. Raj was so disruptive to this task, I hold him more responsible for the team’s loss than John, Wes, or Kevin. I was shocked that such a dapper dresser could be so clueless when it came to women’s fashion. On the other hand, his performance this week confirms beyond a doubt that Raj is indeed straight (although speaking German while wearing a bow tie, for some reason, struck me as incredibly homosexual behavior).

For as entertaining as Raj is, he should have been sent packing this week. More than anyone else, Raj held the team back. His constant interruptions to Ilse slowed down production significantly (although those clothes were so damn awful and overpriced, Mosaic was going to lose anyway).

“Oh my God, who raided my father’s attic and who cut up my sofa?”
–Ivana

What was John thinking bringing Ilse on board? That woman had the warmth and charm of a blackboard eraser, and her fashions, if you could even call them that, were absolutely hideous. The plaid wool vest combined with the shimmery teal skirt was especially offensive. NBC should have broadcasted one of those warnings before the fashion show about how the material viewers were about to see was shocking and inappropriate for those with weak stomachs.

“I’m very surprised [Kelly]’s not wearing a pink camouflage underwears.”
–Chris

Aside from making Chris look like the meatheaded, grammatically challenged playah he is, I love this quote because it aptly defends the fact that Kelly would have been the best project manager for this task. He was the one pulling Mosaic back into focus at the fabric warehouse and telling Raj to zip it when he kept peppering Ilse with ignorant questions. Kelly knew what needed to be done and even exhibited some much-needed fashion know-how with his sketching and opinions about fabrics. Although Mosaic was doomed to lose because of Ilse and major pricing errors, they might not have suffered such a humiliating defeat had Kelly been at the helm.

“We had no choice.”
–The Donald

It kills me that, week after week, Trump says the exact same thing after he fires someone. Of course you had a choice, Donald. You usually have three choices (although I completely agree with him that thus far, the project managers have been quite foolish in their decision to only bring two team members back with them into the fiery pit). And of the three people in the boardroom this week, John most deserved to go, no question. But can’t you say something different for a change?

I have a few final comments about this week’s boardroom. Everyone keeps picking on Andy, saying that he’s too young and inexperienced to be a real leader. This criticism seemed especially bogus coming from 24-year-old John. Yo, pretty boy, if you and Andy were brothers, your mama would have had two children in diapers for quite some time. I think Andy’s youth is actually working for him at this point because it’s the only thing he is ever really called to defend. True, John did say that Andy didn’t do much on the task, but compared with Kevin and Wes’s pricing mistakes, his lack of contributions to the task did not ultimately drive the team into the ground.

Kevin was a stand-up guy to admit that he and Wes screwed up the numbers for the task. He also valiantly defended Andy, which I respected. I predict that he’ll be one of the last players standing and that’s fine with me. But I was happy that he wasn’t fired mainly because I want to see him answer the telephone shirtless again.