Remote Destination

Hey! (On the off chance that you’re actually reading this column I figure I owe you a hearty greeting.) Welcome back to those things that makes Friday that much more difficult to sit through. Sure, you’re only hours away from the weekend, but drudging through this column will make minutes seem like hours, so you may want to turn away before you get to involved.

Random Off Topic Column Beginning

I just want to take a moment to reaffirm my love for VH1 Classic and VH1 Mega Hits. VH1 Classic is usually where my TV stops, although most of the time the TV is watching me rather than vice versa.

Recently VH1 Mega Hits has been playing more and more Weezer and Radiohead videos. And I’ve got to say that this kicks ass. I dare say that it effin’ kicks ass. I love Weezer and Radiohead, and I’ll gladly sit through Maroon 5 of the off chance that I’ll say “Say It Ain’t So” or “High and Dry.”

What I Watched This Week

Saturday Night Live– This was a pretty good episode. Jude Law did a fine job. The Michael Caine and Peter O’toole skit had my roommate and I weak. It was way funny. And Weekend Update is a working rather nicely.

Desperate Housewives– This show is still entertaining enough, but the way the kids react to their parents is getting kind of annoying. It takes me out of the show for a bit to see adolescent kids with backbones. Maybe it’s a cultural thing.

Scrubs– Oh my god. That whole “so’s your face” bit was something that I did ten years ago, when I lived in Iowa. My cousin Sarah tried to use it as an insult to me, which I cleverly thought of an insult where “so’s your face wasn’t an appropriate response. She still said it, at which time I laughed so hard and actually adopted “so’s your face” as my comeback, especially when it didn’t work. So seeing it used in Scrubs made me laugh, but still filled me with anger and bile I hadn’t felt since Dodgeball was announced (which is actually the subject of another column for anther place.)

Jack and Bobby – This show is growing on me. It’s safe to say that I’m in for the entire season, but I’m not going to put things off to watch the show. Some pretty good development this episode. It was certainly the most “comic book-y” episode yet, with the Identity Crisis poster, the thesis paper, and the Winick reference. The writers are doing a great job of tying in stories from the future to what’s happening in the present. Maybe some day I’ll get into some of my problems with the show.

Greatest Show Ever”¦this week
Smallville – Now Ben Morse over at The Nexus seems to think that Tom Welling is incapable of acting. Since his girlfriend is an up and coming star, I give him the benefit of the doubt. That said I really believed that Clack had been possessed with Lionel this week. Both actors had me fooled. I was completely caught up in story. I do kind of feel bad for poor Clark, now that he’s alienated all of his friends. Maybe Pete could come back?

The Lettuce of the Column Salad

When I still lived at home I used to watch the news every night. My mom is an information addict. She reads the newspaper, watches the news and on Sundays watches 60 Minutes. She’s way up on current events.

I went away to college and it was hard to convince my dorm mates that they should allow me to turn to the TV to watch the evening news. By the time I bypassed that problem, the local news was far too depressing to watch (I lived in Baltimore, they filmed Homicide: Life On The Streets there for a reason.)

Well now I’m still pretty much out of the loop. I occasionally flip through a Time magazine. I don’t read the newspaper, nor do I watch any form of evening news. I am ignorant and uninformed.

Wait, I guess that’s not exactly true. I do get some current events by way of Pardon The Interruption, Real Time With Bill Maher, Saturday Night Live’s Weekend Update and VH1’s Best Week Ever.

I know, I know, I’m almost ashamed of myself. Almost.

But those shows are kind of informative. While ESPN’s Pardon The Interruption has occasional bits of current events, it’s overwhelmingly a sports show. But that’s a good thing for me. I never played sports. In fact the only time I was remotely aquatinted with sports was back in 1994 when I was a fan of the Knicks. That was my squad. When they lost it crushed me and I’ve yet to recover.

PTI allows me to create the façade of being knowledgeable in sports, and thus a real man. I can say actually make conversation about teams, players and statistics. For instance I can honestly say that I knew about the “Curse of the Bambino” before the playoffs. And that, my friend, is due to PTI.

I watch Real Time With Bill Maher to get a gist on current events. Clearly it’s not a “news” show anymore than a reality show portrays reality. But there is still information to be gleamed. There are also opinions to be heard. And sometimes it’s even funny.

I’m sure that everyone’s favorite part of Saturday Night Live is Weekend Update because, really, who doesn’t love girl on girl action (besides my roommate, and I think deep inside she’s actually curious)? It’s funny, goofy, Tina Fey is hot (in an intelligent, witty way) but they also touch upon actual news stories. Even if it’s a statistic on STD rates, it’s still information that can be useful.

As for Best Week Ever, it’s obviously not as hard hitting as the other three, but still some information be found. That’s where I look to find out about celebrities, and everyone should really have a well balanced diet of news. But all in all I think I’m pretty well informed. I think I can hold my end of a conversation on current events. And isn’t that what really matters? And besides I need Best Week Ever to even out the negativity of political commercials.

The Dressing of the Column Salad?

That’s right the Elections are upon us. And since this is my last column before the election I thought I’d take some time to voice my thoughts thus far.

Since I live in Las Vegas, that Bush ad with Kerry talking about gambling and prostitution being a nuisance. Um, hello? Gambling and prostitution are our livelihood here in Vegas.

On a whole I enjoy political commercials. I really like hearing how “we can’t afford to elect” so and so for city council. It’s funny. And the ads look hilarious. I mean does the county commissioner really have that much power, which is why I shouldn’t vote for him because he frequents strip clubs (as opposed to clubs on The Strip)?

I was going to avoid the local issues, because on Election Day, I’ll have only lived here for 11 months. I figure that it’s still none of my business, yet. But there are some issues that I feel strongly about and I want to vote for or against them. It’s just that it’s kind of overwhelming. I don’t know that to vote against or for. There are way too many choices. I really feel like writing the “answers” on my hand or making myself a cheat sheet to carry in there with me. Who would have thought an election would be so stressful?

Now I’m not going to force my opinion down any ones throat, but I will say that this is the first election I’m voting in (like many other people) and I’m not so much for the guy I’m voting for as I’m against his competition. I hope that’s ambiguously clear.

Well right about now you should be cursing me for stealing away and wasting your precious time. But fret not, here are some reads worthy of your time;

Mike voices his opinion on VH1.

Carlos goes deeper into SNL than I did.

Coogs vents on some bad reality tv. But then later he also has plenty of Alf & 9/11 news.

Didey vents about scheduling. I feel her pain.

Bob also vents on a number of topics including; rebroadcasts and DVDs.

Three Tha Friday!

If we hung out with the Fonz, we’d be Richie Cunningham, Warren Weber and Ralph Malph. As to who’s whom, that’s up to y’all.

Aaron’s not quite up yet. But last week he spoke upon the concept of white booty. He mentioned genes. I think he should consider jeans. In a completely non-scientific study conducted by my college roommates and I, we discovered that certain jeans could cast the illusion of booty where none is actually present. Others even provided a form that wasn’t there when the jeans were gone. While I don’t completely discount the concept of white booty, I do think that it’s rarer than commonly thought.

Joe isn’t up yet either. He has Oscarâ„¢ predictions, 50 Cent & Tupac references, and Superman news. He’s basically got something for everyone. You should send him your condolences, since I’m sure he’s heartbroken about the Sawks win. I was rooting against them too, and I was shocked when they beat the Yankees. Joe, if it’s any conciliation, Boston fans no longer have a reason to live.

Greatest Video Ever”¦this week

Nas featuring Olu Dara –Bridging The Gap

This is a dope video. It’s cool because it’s a new Nas clip. It’s hot because the song is sick. It’s nice because it’s touching to see a healthy father/son relationship between two Black males. The song is very appropriately titled, because it bridges the gap between styles of Black music (Blues and Hip Hop.) It’s the total package. And it’s actually a nice change from the typical “rap” video. It’s getting airplay so you should be able to catch this one.

Laters.