The Crucifix

I have a bunch of different things this week. Some wrestling, some not. But you will enjoy whatever I say because I am the one with posting rights! And I am your people’s champion. Away we go…

Raw 10.25.04
-Recap of the Eugene vs. Bischoff match at Taboo Tuesday…like…all of it.
-Bischoff comes out in nWo gear minus the logo and gives himself the night off, saying, “The inmates will run the asylum”
-Head inmate Triple H comes out with Evolution and says that they are running the show. coughNOSHITcough. HHH makes Flair vs. Orton tonight. Randy comes out and says he wants the title. HHH says if he beats Flair he can have a shot at Survivor Series. If he loses he NEVER gets a title shot again. COUGHROYALRUMBLECOUGH.
-Shelton Benjamin def. Chris Jericho to retain the IC Title.
-Evolution in the back hitting on CHRISTY! Jericho bumps HHH and Evolution corners Jericho for a fight. Benoit, Maven and a lot of people back Jericho up. Evolution backs off.
-JR interviews Edge on the TitanTron. Edge cries…not literally but he complains like a little girl. He pulls a Foley and says he’ll come back when he’s ready COUGHNEXTWEEKCOUGH.
-HBK comes out and delivers an emotional promo. He’s going to come back for the fans.
-Maven has an interview. Batista interrupts. Maven smacks him and we have a match.
-Maven def. Batista.
-Batista jumps Maven on the ramp, but Y2J and Benoit come out to back Maven up.
-Snitsky def. William Regal with The Mourning After Slam.
-Eugene runs out to check on Regal. Snitsky once again tells us that the baby dying wasn’t his fault, but from now on anything that happens will be.
-Trish lets Lita know how much of a failure she has been lately and that she really has to lose that preggers weight because she’s looking kinda chubby. Lita, less than thrilled, tries to kill Trish. VICTORIA! (That’s right, one for her too) helps pull Lita off before she kills Trish deader than her baby.
-Flair def. Orton with copious amounts of outside interference.
-After the match, HHH and Flair go up the ramp but are cornered by Maven, Jericho and Benoit. Hurricane, Eugene and Rosey block them at one wall while Rhyno, Tajiri and Shelton block another. HHH and Flair go into the ring and Orton hits Flair with an RKO and Triple H gets his in the form of Germans to the third power, Lionsault and RKO.

The Raw Membrane:
Legally:
-Legally they shouldn’t be allowed to show us Eugene vs. Eric again. It’s like watching an EVAD match from WCW. Not illegal, but shit it should be.
-Eric Bischoff letting the inmates run the asylum is breach of contract.
-HHH setting up matches is illegal because he isn’t the booker…yea…not the booker…uh huh.
-Maven slapping Batista is assault.
-Trish talking to Lita was verbal assault.
-Lita trying to abort Trish was assault.
-BACK TRACK: Evolution hitting on CHRISTY is not illegal but I swear to God if they keep it up there’s gonna be a homicide up in that bitch. Heed the warning Evolution: The Hev is watching you.
-Anything Snitsky does from now on is premeditated.
-A slew of people violated the Calvin Klein laws with the main event.
-All the action after the main event was assault and battery…like Duracell.

Personally:
-GM Eric: You work like one friggin night a week. You can’t give yourself the night off. It’s not like you do anything.
-HHH saying that he was running the show had me peeing my pants. I’m thinking “I know you run the show….it’s all about the game.”
-Shleton vs. Jericho was fun and the reversal of The Walls was cool.
-Once again, if Evolution tries it with CHRISTY! again, somebody will perish.
-Edge reminds me of the whiny Bret Hart character.
-HBK’s “Losing My Cartilage” promo was good.
-Since when did Maven get balls?
-I’m trade marking “The Mourning After Slam” See folks, with tricky spelling you fit Snitsky’s whole angle.
-Trish and Lita fighting was cute. But how good did Victoria look in the semi business class woman suit?
-Flair vs. Orton was good for what it was.
-The after match events were awesome. Everyone played their respective character well. From Eugene waving and laughing to Shelton looking like Satan, everything went well.
-Overall: A great show that flipped the script on what we’re used to. Everything seemed so new, which made it special. Good use of 2 hours.

Breaking News From Afghanistan: The election is going well, they are tallying the votes.

THOUGHTS ON A MISSED SHOW: smackdown 10.28.04
-Tough Enough as an opener? Ummm…ok.
-Chavo Guerrero has potential to be better than Eddie.
-Booker T vs. Orlando Jordan for a title shot at Survivor Series? Why do I think that would’ve been an opener on Superstars ten years ago?
-Man I wish they could do something special with Undertaker. I feel like they need special effects to do anything cool with him.
-I’ll take Rey Rey vs. Angle any day of the week.
-Carlito with a bodyguard. Wow, I wish Nash was around.
-How cute…a match with Torrie and Dawn Marie Wilson. In costumes. Feel the festivity.
-Big Show is the 4th member of Eddie Guerrero’s Survivor Series (Which will now be abbreviated to SS) team.
-The Dudleyz try to get the one remaining spot on Angle’s SS team. Angle says they have to take care of his BIG problem. Yea…whatever. Like I’d take an English teacher on my team.
-Booker T beating Orlando Jordan falls in the foregone conclusion category.
-Overall it sounded like a pretty good show. Maybe Vince should stay home more often. Just kidding I love that man.

And now for all you Red Sox fans I have a message: Congratulations. Your team showed beyond a shadow of a doubt that they were the best. Guts, determination and desire. They showed it all. They deserved to win. So congratulations. I just have three problems…
1. Curse of the Rod-Ri-Go? Couldn’t you have thought of something better? It doesn’t even make sense with all the dashes. Just call it The Curse of A-Rod. Simple yet informative.
2. “Year 2000” chants? Sorry folks but this century is void of any year chants. Two thousand and whatever is just too hard to chant.
3. Definitive proof that this is the last World Series ever:

A reading from the book of Ruth: “Thou shall do the bidding of thy sultan or thou shall whatch the world break with thy clouds, Should the Red Sox win the World Series, the Sultan shall send a message of pain. Thy moon will become red and the end shall be forthcoming. Body, blood of Sultan, Amen.” So thanks a lot guys, you ended the damn world. Selfish bastards.

Comments on this weeks big news story: Vince McMahon not at any shows. Booking goes nuts. Shows look and sound good. Well well well, quite the conundrum here. Raw was, at the very least, awesome. My two cents: Give us more of what we had this past week and we’ll all be happy.

November 2nd: The Election
It’s down to the wire. And all of you have to realize why you should vote for Dubya. The man was in the Bible. And not just in it, he was the central figure:

While his opponent will do a few things: Ruin you and your family. Possibly disband our armed forces because he hates them so much. And raise taxes on YOU, the middle class. Don’t believe the bullshit. By the way, his choice for VP is the reason your healthcare costs suck a fatty. The number one…Spanish translation numero uno…medical malpractice lawyer in the world…IWC translation “Ambulance Chaser”. If it weren’t for his lawsuits we may be sitting pretty and going to the hospital when we need to. So this is it in a nutshell:

One more thing before I get away from the political stuff. Vote or Die? Thanks Diddy. If we don’t vote Diddy is going to shoot us so be careful and Rock/smackdown/Love your vote…or die.

Pulggin’ it in
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Katie’s Column detailing the editing practices of MTV on their reality shows rocks.

Goforth once again rocks the house with his thoughts on Kane.

Gordi wants you guys to get interactive on our forums.

Jennette is forever my savior with his smackdown reviews.

THE END
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My new section detailing my column. In recap: Raw ruled and smackdown sounded fun. Bush is Jesus, I’ll be voting for him. Katie, Goforth, Gordi and Jennette rock my Inside Pulse vote. And oh yea, congrats to Boston, but you ended the damn world.

Adios bitches!