WWE Jukebox Report: October 2004

The WWE Jukebox returns for the month of October, and the results are iffy. While $4 is definitely not bad for 5 and a half hours of wrestling footage, The Best Of Undertaker?!? Really???

On the plus side, newer fans are gonna be stock piled with old footage of the dead man. On the down side, those same fans may be disappointed to find out that The Undertaker is more prone to putting on a boring match than a classic. Thankfully, there IS a classic or two buried in here along the way. Let’s get going.

THE UNDERTAKER, RHYTHM AND BLUES, and TED DIBIASE (with Jimmy Hart, Virgil, and Brother Love) vs. DUSTY RHODES, KOKO B. WARE, and THE HART FOUNDATION (in a Survivor Series elimination match)
November 22, 1990

WWE Preview: Over a decade of destruction began on a cold night in Hartford, Connecticut, in November 1990. On this night, Ted DiBiase announced the members of his Survivor Series team. The final member was somebody WWE fans had never heard of — the Undertaker. Watch the Undertaker make his WWE debut now.

We start backstage with the heel squad. Jimmy Hart bounces around screaming a lot, and DiBiase promises we’re just minutes away from his Big Surprise, AKA the fourth member of his team.

Back to live action, The Dream Team make their entrances. Piper lets us know that just yesterday Bret Hart lost his brother Dean, and that he asked to dedicate this match to him. The heels enter separately, because heels are acquaintances, but faces are SuperFriends! DiBiase grabs the stick, and introduces Brother Love’s latest acquisition…The Undertaker! Piper and Monsoon freak out at the size of him. Taker decides to start, and does so against Bret. Piper: “Is this some guy they just dug up someplace?” Bret eats a chokeslam right off the bat, and tags out to Neidhart. He takes a powerslam, so HE tags out. Koko winds up taking a hotshot on the ropes, and a tombstone finishes him at 1:46. Bret heads back in and throws some rights which wind up being no-sold. Taker slowly makes the tag to Valentine, and Dusty makes his first appearance since the biggest threat is gone. They get into a chop fest before Dusty tags out. The Hart Foundation make some quick in and outs, working over Valentine. However, Bret winds up blind charging right into Valentine’s boot. Honky heads in and stomps on Bret. Anvil is quickly in and powerslams Honky into a pinfall at 4:23. DiBiase is quickly in and hammers at Neidhart, but winds up getting clotheslined and slammed. Dusty enters the fray, and gets Funky Like A Monkey. Somehow he musters up the strength to throw a dropkick, and tags in Neidhart. They hit a double team elbow for 2, and a suplex gets another 2. Neidhart’s a man on fire, but Virgil trips him up allowing DiBiase to clothesline Neidhart and score the pin at 5:55. Bret enters and hammers at DiBiase so badly he’s quickly begging off for mercy. Dusty gives us Flip Flop And Fly, but DiBiase stays strong and clotheslines Dusty. Undertaker comes back in, and the crowd stirs a little. A flying elbow hits, and Dusty quickly tags out. Bret winds up being choked out on the heel side, and Undertaker tags out to DiBiase. Hart fights, and hits Ted with an atomic drop! Dusty goes to finish, but Undertaker’s back in again and clotheslines him. Taker jumps off the top with a double axehandle, and eliminates Dusty at 8:31. That leaves Bret in a 3-on-1 situation. Bret tries his damnedest against Undertaker while Brother Love is seen stomping on Dusty outside. Dusty recovers though and attacks Love, but Undertaker is quickly over to save the day! They brawl up the aisle and Taker is counted out at 9:24! Still, an impressive debut nonetheless. In the ring, Valentine clotheslines Hart and goes for the Figure Four, but winds up being packaged at 10:00 for the pin! DiBiase and Hart are left alone, and Hart gives Ted an atomic drop so vicious he flies over the top to the floor! Bret is right behind him though, hitting a plancha! DiBiase goes to slam Bret’s head to the ringpost, but Bret shoves him off and it’s Ted that hits the post! Back in, Bret stomps at the groin of DiBiase. A whip attempt by Bret is reversed, ad he winds up being sent into the turnbuckle HARD! DiBiase only gets a 2 count. Bret tries a backslide, but it’s another 2. Bret trips over DiBiase, and fakes a knee injury — so when DiBiase lets his guard down, Bret quickly rolls him up…for 2! Virgil gets involved now, and holds Bret hostage! DiBiase charges, decks Virgil by mistake, gets rolled up, and Bret AGAIN scores 2! Bret nails a backbreaker and second rope axehandle in hopes of ending it, but it’s again 2!!! A crossbody looks good, but DiBiase hits the ground and keeps rolling, winding up on top, and scores the win for his team at 14:01!!! ***1/2 The last 5 minutes involving Hart and DiBiase was phenomenal.

March 24, 1991

WWE Preview: The Undertaker has the most impressive WrestleMania record in the history of the storied event. Watch his WrestleMania debut, as he takes on future WWE Hall of Famer Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka.

All streaks have to start somewhere, and basically Jimmy Snuka is to Undertaker and Wrestlemania what Hugh Morrus is to Goldberg. Undertaker gets a surprisingly loud pop despite being a heel at this point. Snuka doesn’t appear to know what the heck to do while Taker stares him down. Finally he attacks as soon as Snuka turns his back, and runs him into the buckle. A flying clothesline takes Jimmy down, and Taker works the iron claw. A big boot sends Snuka to the floor, and Bearer cackles. Monsoon: “Paul Bearer is a very sick person Brain.” Heenan: “No no no… He’s REALLY sick!” Undertaker suplexes Snuka back into the ring, and drops an elbow. Snuka tries to fight back with a headbutt and a couple of chops but misses a crossbody and flies to the floor. Snuka manages to recover, and tries to use a slingshot crossbody when re-entering, but he leaps right into the arms of Undertaker who tombstones him for Wrestlemania win #1 at 4:20. *1/2

THE UNDERTAKER (with Paul Bearer) vs. HULK HOGAN (for the WWF world heavyweight title)
November 27, 1991

WWE Preview: Only one year after making his debut, Undertaker challenged the immortal Hulk Hogan for the coveted WWE Championship in the main event of Survivor Series 1991.

Some of the buildup is tossed in here as a freebie… 2 weeks prior to Survivor Series, Ric Flair walked in on a confrontation between Hogan and Paul Bearer — and went face to face with Hogan immediately. “The Real World’s Champion” was sick of hearing the name Hulk Hogan, and shows him his version of the belt…which is digitally distorted. Hogan responds by taking off his clothes. Distracted, The Undertaker shows up behind Hogan and knocks him out with the urn! He chokes Hogan out until Roddy Piper and Randy Savage come after Taker with chairs. Taker releases the hold, but tears the cross off from around Hogan’s neck. Awesome little angle.

To the match itself, Hogan attacks the red and yellow casket that’s been presented at ringside and enters the ring to pose for awhile. Undertaker shoves Hogan to the ringpost to start, but gets caught in a headlock. Heenan suggests the urn weighs 50 pounds while Undertaker shoves Hogan off, and Hulk bails. Back in, Taker chokes Hogan until he starts to fade, and then lays in with the punches. On the ropes Taker chokes Hogan out while Bearer shakes the urn around a lot. Taker hits a scoop slam, but misses an elbowdrop and Hogan loves it. A clothesline is no-sold, and Hogan can’t slam him. Hogan rakes the eyes (NOBLE AMERICAN!), and tries another clothesline…which fails again. They go from corner to corner with Hogan slamming Taker’s head to each buckle, and clotheslines him over the top. Taker lands on his feet, calmly pulls Hogan to the floor, and slams his head into the steps causing a loud THUD. Undertaker spies some TV cables and chokes Hogan out while Bearer keeps pointing to the urn and mumbling “yes”. Back in they go, where Taker and Bearer take turns choking out Hogan, depending on whom is distracting the referee at the time. They head to the middle of the ring where Taker works a clawhold, and actually causes Hogan to fall into a number of 2 counts. This drags on for about 3 minutes before Hogan finally starts the inevitable Hulking Up and kicks the hold free. He hits a couple of shoulder blocks, but the comeback ends with one flying clothesline. The tombstone is good…but Hogan COMPLETELY no-sells it, and pops right back up. Only with this jackass will you find strength coming from FINISHING MOVES. Hogan delivers his trademark punches and knocks Taker down to one knee. RIC FLAIR comes running down the aisle while Hogan manages to get the slam on Taker! He goes for the legdrop…but Bearer trips him up — and Hogan turns his attention to Flair. He runs out and decks Flair, heads back in, and gives Taker the boot! Bearer trips up Hogan again, and with the referee distracted Taker pops up, sets up the tombstone, Flair pushes a chair underneath Hogan’s head, and at 12:44 we’ve got a new WWF world champion! 3/4* Bearer heads in to pose with Taker while Heenan crows about the death of Hulkamania. The bullshit finish wouldn’t sit well with Hogan, so naturally we got ourselves a rematch just 6 days later.

HULK HOGAN vs. THE UNDERTAKER (with Paul Bearer) (for the WWF world heavyweight title)
December 3, 1991

WWE Preview: In one of the rarest WWE pay-per-view matches in history, Undertaker puts his newly-won WWE Championship on the line against former champion Hulk Hogan. You don’t want to miss the controversial ending to this match.

And here’s the rematch! Before the WWE was trying to be cute with weekday PPVs like Taboo Tuesday, there was Tuesday In Texas. The idea, if successful, was supposed to spark weekly pay-per-view broadcasts. Judging on the number of weekly PPV telecasts we saw throughout the 90’s, you can imagine the results this wielded. Hogan charges the ring to start, but gets stomped down the second he slides in. Bearer sneaks in a shot, but Hogan recovers and gives the dead duo a noggin knocker. In the corner we have a 10 punch count-a-long with Hulk while we get a look at JACK TUNNEY who wants to watch this closely due to the screwjob in our first match. Hogan nails Taker with an atomic drop, but he doesn’t fall. Hogan tries for a bodyslam, but it takes a couple of attempts before Hogan can find the strength. Taker no sells — but gets poked in the eyes when trying to recover. Hogan clotheslines Taker to the outside, but he lands on his feet and just looks PISSED. Hogan yanks Taker back to the apron, and punches away in hopes of Taker falling hard. He fails, and winds up yanked to the floor where Taker pounds away at the former champion. Taker chokes him out with Bearer distracting the referee, and Hogan appears to pass out. Taker rolls Hogan back in and chokes him out some more. To the corner, and we undergo more choking. Hogan escapes by running Taker back first into the turnbuckle, then blind charges and eats Taker’s boot. Old School is hit without problems…and we go back to the choking. Yawn. They brawl to the outside where Taker posts Hogan. Bearer celebrates by holding the urn high in the air, and Undertaker rolls Hogan back into the ring. Middle of the ring, Taker works the Iron Claw and hopes to finish. Hogan starts to fade, but manages to kick out several times at 2. The hold winds up turning into a stall session, and goes on for Way Too Long before the inevitable Hulking Up. Taker seems to accidentally clothesline himself in the ropes — but he’s okay and the match continues. In fact, Hogan charges as Taker stumbles around in the corner, and runs straight into the big boot from the dead man. A flying clothesline takes Hogan down, and draws some extra strength from the urn. He heads for a second Old School, but Hogan hiptosses him off the top this time and starts his mad vibrating. RIC FLAIR rushes down to ringside while Hogan runs around the ring Hulking Up, and Jack Tunney orders Flair to get the hell away. Hogan clotheslines Taker to the outside, heads out himself, and chairs Flair in the back! Flair falls on to Tunney knocking him out, and Heenan throws a FIT about Hogan’s actions! Back in the ring Hogan starts cheating with eye rakes, and Undertaker counters with his own. Flair hops onto the apron with a chair, but Hogan reverses a whip sending Taker headfirst into it! Hogan then knocks Flair off the apron, takes down Undertaker, so now Bearer gets involved. The distraction allows Taker to hold Hogan hostage for a shot from the urn…which misses, and knocks Undertaker loopy. Hogan steals the urn and throws the ashes from it in Taker’s face, rolls him up, and gets the win and title at 13:11. **1/4 Absolutely screwed up finish, but aside from the claw hold it was FAR more energetic than the original. Hogan would be pretty much immediately stripped of the belt for his incessant cheating, and it was held up for the 1992 Royal Rumble.

THE UNDERTAKER (with Paul Bearer) vs. GIANT GONZALEZ (with Harvey Whippleman)
April 4, 1993

WWE Preview: Undertaker has been known for taking down monster after monster. At WrestleMania IX, however, Undertaker was faced with the biggest monster he had ever seen. At over seven-and-a-half feet tall, Giant Gonzales proved to be a serious threat for the Deadman.

Alright, who was the SICK FUCK who decided to put THIS on here? This is my least favorite match of all time, and we’re about to find out why. I’ll summarize. If I make any of the action sound like it’s moving quickly, please forgive me.

Undertaker looks up.
Gonzalez throws a punch.
Gonzalez chokes The Undertaker.
The Undertaker chokes Gonzalez.
Gonzalez low blows The Undertaker.
The Undertaker goes Old School.
Gonzalez clotheslines The Undertaker.
Gonzalez puts The Undertaker in a chinlock.
The chinlock proceeds to last 1:45.
They fight outside.
Gonzalez throws The Undertaker into some steps.
Gonzalez uses headbutts.
The Undertaker hulks up.
Gonzalez knocks The Undertaker out with ether.
Bobby Heenan yells about “the smell”.
JR yells about “the stench”.
Randy Savage yells.
Bell rings at 7:34 for the DQ.
Chris gives the match -****.
The Undertaker is wheeled out on a gurney.
3 minutes later The Undertaker returns.
The Undertaker clotheslines Gonzalez.
Everyone leaves.

YOKOZUNA (with Mr. Fuji and Jim Cornette) vs. THE UNDERTAKER (with Paul Bearer) (for the WWF world heavyweight title in a casket match)
January 22, 1994

WWE Preview: Undertaker challenged Yokozuna for the WWE Championship in a Casket Match at the 1994 Royal Rumble. On paper, this type of match would favor the Undertaker. However, it wasn’t that easy, as Yokozuna came with numbers.

OH SWEET JESUS!!!! What have I done to earn Gonzalez and Yokozuna back to back??? Has nobody passed a law against this??? We get the build up for this match, involving Undertaker building the casket for Yokozuna throughout the Christmas and New Year’s holiday season which are admittedly VERY cool. If he could incorporate some of that promo spirit into today, he might be a little more bearable.

To the match, Taker gets the first offense in by throwing a couple of clotheslines, knocking Yokozuna off his feet. Yoko bails but stumbles face first into the ringpost. Undertaker’s quick to follow, and smashes Yoko’s face into the ringsteps. In the ring he hits Old School, but misses a flying clothesline attempt. They head back out, and Yokozuna goes to a steel chair. The shot is blocked by Taker, and he steals it resulting in a series of shots to Yoko. Yokozuna goes to his bag of salt, and throws it into Taker’s eyes. Undertaker swings blindly and misses all over the place, so Yokozuna’s able to easily throw him into the stairs. A chairshot to the back of the head serves to knock Taker out, and Yoko slams his face into the stairs a couple more times to put an exclamation point on it. Back in, Yokozuna runs over Taker with a clothesline and tries to stuff him in the casket. He blocks it, and heads back into the ring where he promptly takes a belly to belly. That’s no-sold, and Yokozuna takes a chokeslam and DDT! Taker gives us a thumb to the throat, puts Yokozuna in the casket completely…but can’t close the door because suddenly CRUSH is attacking. They fight into the ring, and Taker manhandles him easily. THE GREAT KABUKI comes running down to the ring along with GENICHIRO TENRYU to help, but they take a double clothesline. Yoko continues to lie in the casket, but BAM BAM BIGELOW attacks, and the other guys are back on their feet. It’s a 4-on-1 beatdown while Fuji and Cornette laugh. They try to roll Taker into the casket while Yoko stirs a little. Meanwhile, Bearer is throwing a shit fit and knocks out Fuji and Cornette! Taker dumps Kabuki into the casket and fights the other guys off. ADAM BOMB joins the fun, making it a 6-on-1 fight, and when Taker continues to fight people off, JEFF JARRETT hits the ring. Apparently this is not enough to contain the sheer force that is The Undertaker, because THE HEADSHRINKERS are now in the ring and take him down with a double superkick. Bearer doesn’t seem to know WHAT to do, and stands around looking confused. The Undertaker does a zombie sit up and manages to fight these guys off now, so DIESEL hits the ring making it an even 10-on-1 match. They roll Taker to the casket, but he STILL fights his way out of this because 10 guys sometimes isn’t enough. Yokozuna steals the urn from Bearer and dumps out the ashes…causing a strange green smoke to start pouring out of it. Undertaker promptly lays down and dies letting the wrestlers take turns hitting moves on him, because, according to Vince, the smoke is the power of the urn and without it The Undertaker has no power. I’m not making this up. They easily roll him into the casket now and hand the win to Yokozuna at 14:26. -***** A combined negative 9 stars for the last two matches alone…congratulations Undertaker!

The heels roll the casket towards the back, celebrating their victory — but next thing you know the casket is breathing green smoke and The Undertaker’s music starts playing. On the wall, a live feed from inside the casket is shown — and he’s got something to tell us. “Be not proud. The spirit of The Undertaker live within the souls of mankind. The eternal flame of life that cannot be extinguished, the origin of which cannot be explained. The answer lies in the everlasting spirit. Soon all mankind will witness the rebirth of The Undertaker. I will not rest in peace.” Then he dies. And if THAT’S not enough, his body starts levitating towards the ceiling. Once again, I’ll re-iterate that I am NOT in fact making any of this up. Paul Bearer dances around the casket, holding the urn high in the air and pointing to the sky. Vince celebrates this new life The Undertaker will be undergoing, and announces we’ve just witnessed a supernatural happening. Good lord, cut the video already and let’s just move on. The worst is thankfully now behind us.

THE UNDERTAKER (with Paul Bearer) vs. DIESEL
March 31, 1996

WWE Preview: WWE ran on “Diesel Power” for much of 1995. The former WWE Champion ran into few Superstars that could topple him. Then he faced off against the Undertaker. Not only did Undertaker topple Diesel, but the beating Diesel received was so stiff that he was never seen in a WWE for several years.

Here comes Kevin Nash to save us from the workrate hell the last two matches put us through, and god bless him for it. We get extended entrances for both because this is Wrestlemania, and because they only booked about 5 matches for the whole evening. Diesel takes the fight right to Taker, and they slug it out. Diesel gets a quick avalanche, but a second attempt is blocked with a big boot — and Taker uses a clothesline to take him down. A clothesline misses, and Diesel dumps Taker to the outside. Diesel is yanked right out to the floor, and has his face smashed into the steel steps. Back in, a crossbody from The Undertaker gets a very fast 2 count. We go Old School at this point, and a jawbreaker drops Diesel. They fight to the floor where Diesel is run back first into the post, but he’s quick enough to duck out of the way of a chairshot. He regains control by whipping Taker into the guard rail, and returns the post shot he received a minute earlier. The second time he posts Taker, he does it in a scoop position. Diesel scares Bearer off temporarily, and knocks the recovering Taker back off the apron. Taker recovers, heads back in, and walks right into a big boot from Big Kev. For his own amusement, Diesel drives a series of rights to The Undertaker’s head, and hits a sidewalk slam for 2. Diesel brings out a little Snake Eyes, and Bossman straddle — and McMahon feigns shock that Taker is being squashed. We hit an awesome double big boot spot, and both guys are out while Bearer whines about the power of the urn. Diesel recovers first and works a bearhug. Taker fights his way out and backdrops Diesel. With slight momentum, Taker takes a chance off the top with a flying clothesline…and it works, for 2! Diesel recovers, and out of nowhere hits the Jackknife powerbomb to a loud mix of cheers and boos!!! Because he’s a dick he refuses to cover, and Taker responds with a zombie situp…so Nash simply Jackknifes him again!!! TOO funny! After some long posing, Diesel opts for the cover but Taker goozles him. Diesel fights off the choke hold a couple of times, and gets a belly to back suplex quickly. Taker again zombies up, and the two take the slugfest to the middle of the ring, which Taker wins via clothesline. Diesel eats a chokeslam, and Taker calls for the finish. One tombstone later, and the unbeaten streak remains alive at 16:46. ***

THE UNDERTAKER (with Paul Bearer) vs. JUSTIN “HAWK” BRADSHAW (with Uncle Dutch Zebekiah)
April 1, 1996

WWE Preview: Undertaker and Bradshaw have been engaged in one of the most bitter rivalries in recent SmackDown! history. However, before the JBL/Deadman struggle for the WWE Championship, the two Superstars went at it on Monday Night RAW all the way back in 1996.

While I may have been doing the wave at SummerSlam a couple of months ago during This Very Matchup, I can dig this. Bradshaw is still undefeated in the WWF at this point, and attacks Undertaker from behind before the bell. They run off the ropes a little, and Bradshaw powerslams Taker. A clothesline drops him down again, and Bradshaw knocks Taker out of the ring. With that, we take a break…

Upon return, Bradshaw is in the middle of hitting Taker with a sidewalk slam. That’s followed by a flying clothesline off the top for 2. A second flying clothesline is caught and turned into a powerslam by Undertaker — but Bradshaw’s quick to recover and nails the Clothesline From Hell. A big boot levels Undertaker, and Bradshaw continues to play up the boos of the crowd. Undertaker recovers and nails a clothesline, followed by the chokeslam. The tombstone follows, but suddenly MANKIND attacks out of NOWHERE at 3:55, causing a DQ. *1/4 He knocks Taker to the outside and whips him knee first into the steps. That’s followed by a running elbow off the apron to the outside, and Mick proceeds to squeal like a pig while applying the Mandible Claw. Mankind needs to be physically restrained by the referees and officials, but he keeps coming back to beat the hell out of Taker. I should note that this attack was on the night of Mankind’s ring debut, and kicked off the legendary feud between Mankind and Undertaker that lasted two and a half years. Certainly not a bad start by any stretch.

THE UNDERTAKER vs. GOLDUST (with Marlena) (in a final curtain match)
September 22, 1996

WWE Preview: Undertaker takes on one of the most bizarre WWE Superstars ever in this In Your House pay-per-view match when he squares off against Goldust. Known for his ability to intimidate any Superstar, see if Goldust had the same success against Undertaker.

This is a long forgotten match from the VERY forgettable Mind Games pay-per-view. Of course, if you love Savio Vega, then perhaps the show won’t be completely lost on you. Taker decks Goldust before the bell, and quickly delivers a double arm chokeslam. A legdrop connects and gives Taker 2. Goldust rolls to the floor, and Undertaker stupidly follows — and takes a jawbreaker for his efforts. Goldust re-enters to hit a swinging neckbreaker, but Undertaker nosells and gives him a big boot. A vertical suplex gets 2. Taker nails a hiptoss and goes up for Old School. Goldust is dumped, and Marlena takes the opportunity to give her man a bag. She distracts the referee, and he pulls out a handful of gold dust which is immediately launched into the eyes of Undertaker. They brawl outside the ring and Goldust works over the Undertaker by the ring steps. They head back in and Goldust clotheslines Taker for 2. Undertaker comes back with a belly to back suplex, but Goldust recovers first and rakes the eyes. A weak hiptoss gets 2 for Goldust. Goldust attempts to smother Undertaker with the iron claw hold, but it’s quickly broken. Undertaker throws Goldust into the corner and hammers away at the ribs. Goldust comes right back with a powerslam for 2. Undertaker starts his comeback with a flying clothesline. Goldust tries a top rope bulldog, but it’s blocked and he winds up being chokeslammed off the top. Thumb to the throat, tombstone, and you can guess the rest. Goldust rests in peace at 10:24. *3/4

THE UNDERTAKER vs. MANKIND (with Paul Bearer) (in a buried alive match)
October 20, 1996

WWE Preview: Undertaker vs. Mankind will forever be remembered as one of WWE’s greatest rivalries. Check out this Buried Alive Match, which helped permanently ink this rivalry as one of the best.

This is the first ever Buried Alive match in WWF history, and in fact it was such a big deal they had the whole PPV named after it. This is the third PPV offering between Mankind and Taker, and their first since Bearer turned on The Undertaker at SummerSlam — giving Mankind the win. Undertaker has no problem kicking the crap out of Mankind to start, hammering at him in the corner until Mankind falls outside the ring. He tries to get back in, but winds up being kicked back and he takes an Unnecessary Bump to the guardrail. Undertaker flies off the top rope and clotheslines Mankind. They brawl down the aisle towards the gravesite and The Undertaker grabs a shovel. Mankind blocks it and jabs the end of the shovel into Undertaker’s throat. They roll down the dirt mound together and head back to the ring. Undertaker promptly punches Mick so hard he goes flying back outside, and he proceeds to choke him out with a camera cable. Lawler: “I haven’t seen this much choking since the Cardinals played the Braves!” Ahhh, those were the days. Taker sends Mankind into the crowd and follows closely behind. All he does is whip Mankind back to the ringside area over the guardrail, and then shows AMAZING agility by jumping over it hands free and hitting a clothesline! Back in the ring Undertaker goes Old School but gets crotched by Paul Bearer. Mankind jumps in with some mud hole stomping and claws at Undertaker’s face. Undertaker comes back with an uppercut, but Bearer slips Mankind a spike which he uses to level Taker. He jams it into Undertaker’s head and eye, but Undertaker fights him off with an elbow causing him to drop the weapon. Undertaker uses it right back, jabbing it into Mankind’s head over and over before throwing it away and clotheslining him. A legdrop connects, and Undertaker heads outside to chase Paul. Mankind goes out the other side to grab a chair, but Undertaker blocks the shot and goes back after Paul. Mankind recovers and slams Undertaker over the head. They head back down to the gravesite and Mankind kicks Undertaker into the grave. Mankind goes to dump a scoop of dirt to get the win, but Undertaker is quickly back up and fights him off. Mankind throws dirt into the eyes of Undertaker, but winds up being hiptossed off the hill back towards the ring area. They fight back to the ring and Mankind nails Taker with spike piledriver! He goes for the pinfall, but the referee reminds him that he must bury Taker — causing Mankind to throw a shit fit, pulling out his hair and screaming. Undertaker fights back, but misses an elbow drop and that allows Mankind to give him a double arm DDT onto the chair. Mankind grabs the urn and rocks back and forth with it while The Undertaker does a zombie situp. Taker delivers a shot with the chair to the back of Mankind and then does a legdrop with the chair on Mick’s face! Mankind quickly rolls outside and exposes the concrete floor…only to wind up taking too long and getting backdropped onto the steps!! Undertaker throws the steps in the ring, and when Mankind gets back to his feet he winds up taking the steps to the face! That’s followed by the stairs being slammed over Mankind’s back! TOMBSTONE! Scrape him off the mat, he’s dead. Undertaker knows it and carries Mankind back to the gravesite to end it, however RIGHT before being dumped into the grave he whips out a Mandible Claw! The hold is dropped so Mankind can hit Taker with the urn, but Undertaker stops that and chokeslams Mankind into the hole!!!! Undertaker scoops dirt onto Mankind and after several shovels full the referee calls for the Undertaker win at 18:25! ***

Undertaker keeps shoveling the dirt on, and shoves the referee out of his face when they try to stop him. Seconds later though, SOME GUY IN A MASK slams Undertaker over the back of the head with a shovel! This would be the debut of The Executioner who was supposed to work Taker’s next big program, however Terry Gordy was so useless at this point it wound up being cut VERY short. Mankind and Executioner roll Undertaker into the grave and start to bury him. GOLDUST, HUNTER HEARST HELMSLEY, and JUSTIN “HAWK” BRADSHAW all head ringside to help out with the burial while the fans chant “REST IN PEACE”! This continues for about 5 minutes, and the show is JUST about to go off the air when suddenly a large bolt of lightening strikes the grave and Undertaker’s hand pops up out from the dirt! Vince: “The Undertaker’s alive!!! He will never rest in peace!!!”

THE UNDERTAKER vs. SID (for the WWF world heavyweight title)
March 23, 1997

WWE Preview: Undertaker put his perfect WrestleMania record on the line at WrestleMania 13, while Sid put the most coveted prize in sports entertainment up — the WWE Championship. Did dark days reign supreme at WrestleMania? Or was the champ able to fend off the Deadman?

Welcome to the main event of one of the worst Wrestlemanias of all time. It wasn’t supposed to be this way though. A phony knee injury and loss of smile from Shawn Michaels had caused a complete re-writing of the card, top to bottom — and ultimately Vince decided to reward loyalty, opting to put Undertaker over in the main event of the show as a thank you for his years of service to the WWF, while Bret was mashed into a mid-card match with Steve Austin that stole the show.

Speaking of SHAWN MICHAELS, he’s shown entering the arena as we start up the clip. Loss of smile aside, he manages to find the strength to slap hands and hug as many fans as he can before the match. Lawler: “Give me a break, this makes me sick, he’s not even wrestling!!!”

Backstage, Sid has a pre-match yelling match with no one in particular. The upshot is that he’s still in fact the master and ruler of the world. Amen.

Shawn joins us for commentary during Taker’s 4-minute entrance. Sid’s entrance only lasts about 2. The two guys stare eachother down in the middle of the ring, and suddenly BRET HART wanders down into the ring. “First of all, to the phony little faker, why don’t you take your little pussyfoot injury and go back and find your smile, but whatever you do, stay out of this match. As for YOU, I want you to know when you slammed that door on my head, you slammed the door on our friendship, and from here on out it’s a new set of rules between you and me. And YOU, you know and I know, and every single person in this building they all know one thing, that that World Wrestling Federation championship belt belongs to me and you are a fraud! That will never belong to you, you know it, I know it, and every single person in this building, whether you’re here or outside in TV land, you know that I am the best there is, the best there was, and the best that there ever will be.” Sid responds by powerbombing him. Now THAT’S funny! “Now you take your whiny ass out of here!” Thanks Sid!

Sid keeps rambling for awhile, and Undertaker attacks from behind starting the match for a second time. Sid takes a big boot, and winds up tossed into the corner. Taker hammers away and hits an avalanche. A scoop slam gets 2. Taker goes Old School and connects, tries another avalanche, but Sid blocks it with a bearhug! Shawn and Lawler start getting into a game of “yeah” and “oh yeah” back and forth over who deserves the commentary job. We’re about 4 minutes in this one now, 3 minutes of which have been bearhugs. Sid temporarily breaks the hold to hammer at the back, and puts the hold back on. It’s broken again, and this time Sid gives Taker a big boot and clotheslines him over the top. Taker tries to drag Sid outside the ring, but Sid shoves him away, and he flies back over the Spanish announce table! Sid dumps Undertaker over the guardrail, and then slams him through the Spanish announce table for kicks. Taker is tossed back first into the ringpost, and they head back in where Sid gets a 2 count. Sid moves into a camel clutch, and grinds at the Undertaker’s back for awhile. Off the top, Sid hits a double axehandle. Taker tries to fire back, but winds up taking a powerslam giving Sid a series of 2 counts. A big leg drop gets 2. Vince lets us know that Austin’s knee is completely screwed up, and Lawler lets us know that Bret’s in the back crying. Shawn: “I’ve got an update too! I hear he doesn’t like me.” Vince: “LOL!” Shawn: “LOL!” Aye… Undertaker dumps Sid through the ropes, and slides to the outside of the ring — sending him over the guardrail! They fight back into the ring where Undertaker misses an elbowdrop and Sid jumps all over him with a chinlock. Undertaker gets a flurry of bodyshots off to break the hold, and powerslams him for 2! We move to more rest holds…this time a nerve hold. Sid fights back, tries a big boot — but it’s blocked and Sid is clotheslined for 2! Both guys stand, and are promptly knocked back down by a double big boot to the face! Sid recovers first, and hits a double axehandle off the second rope. He heads up again, and a clothesline connects! More impressively he didn’t shatter his ankle in 10,000 places! Really pushing his luck, he heads up AGAIN, and this time the double axehandle is blocked by a punch to the midsection. It doesn’t phase Sid much, and powerslams Taker! Sid heads up a fourth time now, but Undertaker does the zombie situp and cuts him off! To get him back in, Taker delivers a gorilla press slam — and heads up himself! Taker connects with a flying clothesline from the top, but it only gets 2! Taker’s had enough, and calls for the tombstone! Sid goes up…but reverses it in mid hold and hits a tombstone of his own!!! He goes for the cover, but Undertaker kicks out! Sid is furious, and dumps Taker to the floor. They battle outside the ring, and now Bret Hart returns AGAIN and slams Sid in the back several times with a chair! The officials are all over him to drag his ass out of the arena, but momentum is clearly with Taker now! The chokeslam hits, and gets 2! Shocked, he charges for a clothesline, but misses and hits nothing but canvas. Sid quickly takes advantage and goes for the powerbomb, but Bret is already back on the apron! He gives Sid a jawbreaker, allowing Taker to hit a tombstone and score the win and start his second world title reign at 21:22! ** Yup, that certainly was long. Sid is helped to the back while Taker does his now famous posing with the title belt.

THE UNDERTAKER (with Paul Bearer) vs. SID (for the WWF world heavyweight title)
June 2, 1997

WWE Preview: In March 1997, Undertaker defeated Sid for the WWE Championship. Three months later, the two mammoth Superstars did battle once again. This time, on RAW.

This is one of Sid’s final appearances on RAW, if not THE last. Undertaker is hanging around with Bearer again because Bearer’s got some secret that he’s holding over the head of Taker. Did somebody say Undertaker’s brother??? We take a commercial break…

Upon return, our match is underway and Sid’s choking out Taker. Sid pounds away and slams Undertaker head first to the turnbuckle. Sid nails a chokeslam, but it only gets 2. Undertaker fights back with rights and lefts of his own, but Sid fights back with the choking again. Undertaker falls to the mat, and Sid gets 2. A rear chinlock is worked, but Undertaker escapes and clotheslines Sid. The tombstone is set…and it connects, giving Taker the win at 4:27. 1/4* Immediately following the win, THE NATION OF DOMINATION is in the ring with Faarooq leading the charge. All of them gang attack Undertaker, but Sid starts chokeslamming wrestlers! Crush, D’Lo…but Faarooq attacks him from behind — and the whole NOD now is beating on him! Vince: “Will Faarooq be the next World Wrestling Federation champion?” The beating continues for another 2 minutes and our clip ends…

SHAWN MICHAELS (with Triple H, Chyna, and Rick Rude) vs. THE UNDERTAKER (in a non-title hell in a cell match)
October 5, 1997

WWE Preview: In the first-ever Hell in a Cell Match, Undertaker battled Shawn Michaels. The match was not only the first time WWE fans witnessed the steel structure, it was also the first time they ever saw the monster Kane.

This was actually my favorite match for YEARS until I saw the 4 minute drama of The Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar eclipse it at Survivor Series 2002. No, I’m not joking, I just have a sick appeal. We cut in with SERGEANT SLAUGHTER looking around the ring for tomfoolery, and coming up bare. Sadly his search with a flashlight under the ring is cut out. Michaels enters carrying his trophy European title and appearing cocky…until the cell lowers and the eerie BONG hits the arena. Once the Undertaker hits the cage, forget it, the seat of Michaels’ pants turn brown. With the cage locked, Hunter provides words of encouragement to his boyfriend — but Michaels is clawing at the door desperate to get out. The bell rings and Undertaker gives Michaels a boot to the face that knocks him out cold 10 seconds in. Perhaps I should explain why Shawn’s scared to death…

Back in August, Michaels accidentally cost The Undertaker his World Title belt in a match against Bret Hart at SummerSlam. He’d been the referee and slammed Taker with a chair meant for Bret. Taker was understandable pissed, and Shawn quickly apologized by forming an alliance with Triple H and spending the next few weeks doing everything in his power to annoy The Undertaker as much as he could. Shawn was a master of his artform and succeeded brilliantly. This led to a match at Ground Zero against Taker, where about 10,000 people interfered and Shawn picked up the victory. In order to prevent such a thing from ever happening again, the two were locked in a cage with a roof and ordered to fight until we have a winner. And that brings us right back to…

…The Undertaker slamming Shawn’s face into the turnbuckle! This goes on for awhile with Shawn bumping around like a pinball until Taker gets bored and goes for a chokeslam! Michaels fights out of it and throws every haymaker he’s got. This flurry continues for about 30 seconds before getting whipped to the corner and having the shit clotheslined out of him. Give us a 2 count! We go for an Old School ropewalk, and Taker chokes out Michaels with his boot to the throat. Scoop slam, big leg drop, but Hulk Hogan he is not and Michaels kicks out at 2. Taker dumps Michaels over the top, and Shawn takes a ropeless back bump to the floor he had no business taking, but did because he’s awesome!!! Michaels thumbs Taker in the eye and tries to scale the cage to safety, but Taker yanks him right back off from the middle and sends him back to the floor on his back again! And you wonder why he retired! Taker whips Shawn into the cage, and on the rebound clotheslines him to the floor! And because it’s so much fun the FIRST time, we do it again! Taker has a big ass grin on his face, and sets up a powerbomb! Shawn hammers away, so Taker runs him back first into the cage and drops him to the floor from there. Figure we’re about 7 minutes in, and Michaels is losing his 9 lives quicker than a cat on a highway. In a spot stolen from Rocky, Taker sets Michaels against the ring and pounds as hard as he can on the ribs. They move into a bearhug position, and Taker starts ramming Michaels repeatedly into the ring and cage posts! Taker’s having an absolute blast kicking the shit out of Shawn, and sets up a battering ram. Michaels slips off the back, so Taker clotheslines him and smashes his face into the steps! Shawn takes an elbow to face, and Taker stands on his throat, looking as casual as someone awaiting a bus. He gets too cocky though, and misses a clothesline charge into the cage — and off the rebound Shawn JUMPS on his and throws as many punches as he can. With Taker temporarily dizzy Michaels dives into the ring for his safety. Taker draws Shawn to the apron where after Michaels gets in a couple of shots, Taker simply gives him a massive jawbreaker over the top rope! He goes to follow…but Shawn throws himself at Taker’s body, knocking him to the outside, and follows with a tope suicida!!!! He quickly scales the cage and drops an elbow on Taker to keep him from getting up, and heads to the apron for a diving clothesline! Sensing his chance, Michaels grabs the steps and starts slamming them into Taker. Lawler: “Those steps weigh at least 150 pounds!” I appreciate the thought… Michaels stands on the bottom steps now, picks up Taker…and gives him a freakin’ SPIKE PILEDRIVER! Unf*ckingbelievable! A heel section of fans start chanting “REST IN PEACE” while Michaels gets back into the ring. He rests for a second but sees Taker recovering, and hits a double axehandle from the apron to floor! They both head in, but Michaels brings with him a chair…causing some noise from the fans remembering SummerSlam! Nice payoff. Michaels slams Taker in the back while the referee pleads for him to stop. Having done the damage, Michaels whips the chair into the cage, goes for the pin…but Taker is out at 2. I can’t believe the fans even bought that nearfall. Taker starts his comeback, coming punch for punch with Shawn, but Michaels is able to tie him up in the ropes crucifix style! However, off the charge, Taker escapes and backdrops Michaels to the outside and on top of a camera man. Michaels is shaken…but suddenly gets an idea, and beats the crap out of the camera man! He throws him face first onto a chair, while JR shakes about the impending lawsuit coming this way from the camera man. The guys remaining in the cage call for some medical help because he’s not moving. Meanwhile, back in the ring, Michaels hits a forearm on Taker and nips up! Slaughter comes back to ringside to get the cage open for the camera man while Michaels hits the flying elbow off the top! Michaels wants this over with and warms up the band. Taker slowly stands, and walks right into SWEET CHIN MUSIC! Michaels can’t even go for a cover before Taker sits up, and Michaels has had QUITE ENOUGH of this and goes running to the outside — through the open door he created when he took out the camera man.

The action spills out to the floor with Taker following. A dropkick is shrugged off, and Taker catapults Shawn into the cage! Here comes the juice!!! Blood starts pouring from his head, and Taker does him no favors by punching him in the face, and using him as a battering ram into the cage a couple of times! Taker wants to continue, but Shawn kicks him in the nuts and decides the only place he can go to safety is up!

Now on top of the cell, The Undertaker looks up and is right behind him. Michaels desperately tries to piledriver Taker the second he arrives, but he’s backdropped. An eerie shot sees Taker grate Michaels’ face on the top of the cage while blood drips down onto the camera below! Michaels takes a press slam, and the whole cage starts to look like it’s breaking. Michaels figures he’s taken enough and starts heading down. Taker isn’t done though, and grabs him by the hair — then tosses him off the side THROUGH the announce table at ringside!!!!! JR: “MAH GAWD! HE MAY BE BROKEN IN HALF!” Shawn’s scraped off the floor like the Coyote after falling off a cliff — and Undertaker starts his descent.

Back on the floor, Michaels is thrown into the Spanish announce table — and then back into the wreckage of the US table! Vince gives us replays of what we’ve just seen while they fight back into the cage. His face is very literally the crimson mask we hear so much about, and Taker runs him right over with a clothesline in the ring while we take a look at it. Michaels is put on the top rope…and takes a chokeslam off it!!!! A pool of blood starts forming underneath Michaels while Taker goes and gets the chair! The fans start to wake up in a HUGE way, because justice will be served. And sure enough, it is, with Michaels taking a shot RIGHT between the eyes!!! JR: “PAYBACK’S A BITCH!” And you can figure that’s it…except the lights go out, and some unfamiliar organ music hits! The arena turns red, and next thing you know PAUL BEARER and SOME GUY IN A MASK head to the ringside area! Vince: “THAT’S GOTTA BE…THAT’S GOTTA BE KANE! THAT’S GOTTA BE KANE!!!!” And indeed it is, as Kane rips the cell door RIGHT off its hinges and throws the referee away. Into the ring, Kane stands face to face with The Undertaker. Taker’s eyes grow winder than watermelons while he stares this man in the face. Kane lights the turnbuckles on fire while causes Undertaker a distraction…and Kane spins him around RIGHT into a tombstone!!! His task completed, Kane and Bearer start to the back to a very loud chorus of boos.

Oh yes, and in the ring? Michaels rolls over and drops his arm over Taker. Hebner enters and does his patented slow 3 count, and Michaels win again at 29:59! ***** Michaels simply lies in a pool of red while he’s announced as the winner. Triple H, Chyna, and Rude rush to ringside to haul Michaels’ ass out of there before Taker can wake up. Hunter holds Shawn’s arm high in the air, as the bloody unconscious European champion is dragged out of the arena. This is the greatest match in WWF history…just not my favorite.

THE UNDERTAKER vs. ROCKY MAIVIA (with The Nation Of Domination) (in a non-title match)
December 22, 1997

WWE Preview: Before The Rock made a name for himself, he was forced to work his way up the WWE ladder. Known then as Rocky Maivia, The Rock battled Undertaker in this 1997 Monday Night RAW match.

Now see, THESE are the kinds of inane, idiotic matches I would LOVE the Jukebox to provide me with each month. Good or bad, I won’t know ahead of time because honestly I’ve either never seen it or I just can’t remember. Even despite the awesomeness of Hell In A Cell that we just covered, I’d still honestly rather see something completely random and out of place like Fit Finlay vs. Meng from a random WCW Saturday Night. No, I’m not joking. Anyway, yes, this will do just fine! Rocky had been awarded the Intercontinental Title by Vince McMahon two weeks earlier when reigning champ Steve Austin refused to face The Rock in a return match. Austin responded by throwing the belt into a river, just to piss Vince off…and it worked. They don’t say if this match is non-title or not, but I’m assuming because, well, Rocky doesn’t really have a belt to put on the line. Undertaker clotheslines Rock, and drives him skull first to the turnbuckles. A big boot hits the mark, and Taker drops a leg for 2. He starts to work over the arm, and goes for Old School, but PAUL BEARER at the top of the ramp provides distraction enough to Taker, allowing Kama a chance to trip him up and crotch him! While Taker tends to his wounded nuts, we take a break.

Upon return, Kama is clotheslining The Undertaker outside the ring, and D’Lo stomps away. Taker is rolled back in, allowing Rocky the chance to stomp away. The “ROCKY SUCKS” chants are anything but subdued, and he delivers a scoop slam. The People’s Elbow hits the mark, and Taker kicks out at 2. Rocky works a nerve hold or something, but Taker’s on his feet soon enough and fighting back. Rocky fights this momentum by clotheslining Taker — and follows with a lowblow while D’Lo distracts the referee. Taker comes right back with a flurry of punches, and delivers a Rocker Dropper that gets 2! D’Lo tries to get involved again, but Taker knocks him off the apron, and delivers a chokeslam to The Rock! The tombstone CONNECTS — and just as we go to the inevitable pinfall, KANE heads out. Rocky’s disappeared, so we’ll call this a no contest at 7:04. *1/4 Bearer carries the stick. He calls Taker a shell of the man he used to be, and mocks him for failing to face Kane in a match. “I am totally ashamed to say I ever had anything to do with you! I can’t believe I once stood by your side so proud and called myself your friend! You’re NOTHING anymore!” A cheap comment about Taker’s parents later, and Taker beats the piss out of Bearer…until Kane attacks — and Taker refuses to react. Kane pounds at him in the corner, and Undertaker takes every single shot that Kane delivers. “I told you he’s nothing! 1998 will be the year of Kane! Season’s Beatings…deadman.” And with that, the strange Bearer family wanders off.

THE UNDERTAKER vs. HULK HOGAN (for the WWE undisputed title)
May 19, 2002

WWE Preview: Hulk Hogan returned to WWE in 2002 and quickly picked up where he left off — reigning as WWE Champion. Not long after winning the WWE Championship, however, Hogan was faced with the same man that stripped him off the title over a decade earlier — the Undertaker

Here’s another one of those matches I recapped Way Back When that I need to redo. This match included the debut of Taker’s music following the “Rollin'” period, and is also when he really started to go downhill. I think his feud with Maven was the last time I was really into the character to be honest. This feud was brought on by Hogan calling Undertaker a bitch or something, and then trying to steal the motorcycle only to have it stall out on the ramp while JR and Lawler did their best to keep from laughing hysterically. Good times!!! We start off this one with Taker whipping Hogan with the Hulkamaniac weight lifting belt, but before he can use the buckle as a strap Hogan blocks the blow and recovers his strap. After some retaliatory shots, Hebner has enough of this crap and throws the belt to the outside and rings the bell to start the match.

Hogan starts by cheating, as usual, by raking the eyes. He follows with a running clothesline and throws a couple of punches. A backdrop sends Taker across the ring, and a clothesline delivers him to the floor. Hogan follows and whips Taker into the ringsteps. Hogan and Taker continue their punch kick crap, and head back into the ring. Taker comes back by taking off Hogan’s headband, and goes for Old School — only to get crotched when Hogan does what any normal person WOULD, and shoves him away. With Taker up top, Hogan hits a superplex, and gets 2. Having not gotten his 3 count, he THREATENS THE REF! America! Hogan’s all about it! Taker hits a chop block on Hogan during the distraction, and sees his opportunity to work over the old knee. It’s rammed into the ringpost, and Taker kicks away at it. They work a legbar, but Hogan kicks his way out of it. Hulkamania limps wild and clotheslines Taker! The leg stops being sold long enough to hit the big boot, and miss the legdrop by 15 miles. Taker applies a half crab, and drags Hogan to the middle of the ring. Hogan manages to get out, but Taker keeps throwing his soup bones. He goes for a running big boot, but it misses — and Hogan hulks up! This is met by Taker ducking the punches, and chokeslamming his ass…for 2? Hogan starts having an epileptic seizure, and shakes all over the ring. JR sells this as a great moment for epileptics everywhere! Hogan points to Undertaker, and gives him the dreaded big boot again. The legdrop doesn’t miss a second time, and Hogan covers for 2! You’d better believe Hogan has NO idea what on earth to do now, and just stands around waiting for Taker to DDT him for 2. VINCE MCMAHON comes strutting down angrily to ringside for God Knows What Reason while Taker gets a chair. Hogan kicks it back in Taker’s face, drops the leg…but Vince is distracting the referee! Hogan rushes over, pulls Vince into the ring, and legdrops him. He fails to notice Taker behind him with the chair — which he slams over the back of Hogan, chokeslams him, and scores the pinfall winning his 4th and final World Title at 11:09. * Taker forces Hebner to put the WWE Title around his waist, and he savors the victory. And just for kicks to impress me, he slams Hogan’s throat into the chair. Hogan goes for the cartoon oversell, clutching the throat and hacking a lot! And we fade.

VINCE MCMAHON vs. THE UNDERTAKER (in a buried alive match)
November 16, 2003

WWE Preview: The Buried Alive Match is the Undertaker’s specialty. However, despite being a master of this type of match, the Deadman did have some problems with Mr. McMahon, thanks to some outside interference by Kane.

During the stupid period to end all stupid periods on Smackdown!, Vince had THIS brainfart. For some reason he felt that the real money was booking himself in big time gimmick matches with Taker, and what transpired was this. I don’t have anything against the match itself, I just don’t like the general idea.

Before we start, Vince makes sure to say a prayer to some Higher Power, whom we can all assume is just Vince In A Hood. Vince even walks right up to Taker and continues to pray after the bell with a big smile on his face…until a right wipes it off, and drops him. Vince juices IMMEDIATELY, and it’s a gusher!!! Blood is spurting from Vince’s forehead while Taker keeps hamming away, and absolutely sprays everywhere about the ring apron. I should note that at the time it was the most gruesome blade job I’d EVER see, and this takes into consideration that Shawn Michaels had bled buckets in the match PRIOR to this one. Eddie Guerrero took that one step further at one of the PPVs he did with JBL earlier this year, but for now — this is bad. Taker crotches Vince on one of the ring posts, moves across the ring, and does it on the other one. They head to the floor and Taker slams Vince’s red face to the announce table, and within seconds there’s a pool on the table. Just incase the head wasn’t spurting hard enough, Taker chokes him out with a TV cable causing it to spit directly forward a couple of feet, leaving droplets in the floor directly in front of him. Taker grabs a TV monitor and smashes Vince in the face before announcing “I’m just getting started”. Vince is rolled back into the ring, and Taker heads over to the gravesite in order to grab a shovel. Back in the ring, Vince takes a shovel shot DIRECTLY between the eyes and falls right back into the pool of blood on the mat! To the outside, Taker sets up Vince’s leg on the steps, and slams another set of stairs on top of the ankle!!! Taker’s finally had enough fun, and drapes Vince over his shoulders, heading towards the grave. At the last second, Vince throws dirt in the eyes of Undertaker and gives him a lowblow! Taker teeters on the edge of the grave, and Vince grabs a shovel to smack in Taker’s face! Taker tumbles into the grave, but stands and pulls Vince in. To finish, he heads to the backhoe sitting at ringside, opens the door, but a blast of fire comes gushing out the door! Taker stumbles backwards and KANE comes out the door! Kane beats Undertaker backwards into the grave, and yanks Vince out of it. Vince climbs into the backhoe and releases a mound of dirt on Taker…burying him alive for about the zillionth time at 11:59. * The match sucked ass, but Vince certainly did bleed a lot. Kane rolls around in the dirt to celebrate the death of his brother. Of course, that would come back to haunt him just a couple of months later…

THE UNDERTAKER (with Paul Bearer) vs. KANE
March 14, 2004

WWE Preview: Months earlier, Kane buried his half brother, hoping to never see him again. Then at WrestleMania XX, alongside Paul Bearer, the Deadman made a triumphant return.

And we end here with things having gone full circle. After the burial of his brother during the previous match, Undertaker arose from the dead and came back for blood. Kane’s entrance with New York City on fire is cool enough, but Undertaker trumps him by bringing back Paul Bearer and the fire bearing Druids. Kane keeps screaming “YOU’RE DEAD, I KILLED YOU!” while whimpering and crying. Taker just stares on. I’ll admit the illusion is killed a little when he removes the leather coat and cowboy hat to reveal the exact same outfit he’s been wearing for the last 5 years as a biker. Kane touches Undertaker to see if he’s real, and takes about 25 soupbones for it. Kane bails, but Taker follows close behind, whipping him into the ring apron. Back in, Taker hits a couple of avalanches and Kane crumbles. He goes to finish with a powerbomb, but Kane gives him a quick Stun Gun and big boot to regain control. He hops on Taker on the mat, pounding away, and follows with a sidewalk slam. To the top, Kane hits a flying clothesline — but misses a follow up avalanche. Taker hits a big boot and legdrop and HULKAMANIA LIVES at Wrestlemania XX!!! Old School is blocked by Kane with a goozle, but Taker grabs Kane’s throat to break his hold. Kane comes right back with the chokeslam for real this time…but we’ve got a zombie situp which certainly doesn’t impress Kane. A kick to the face serves to annoy Taker, who fires off a clothesline and calls for the end. Chokeslam, thumb to the throat, tombstone, and we’ve got us a winner at 7:47. 1/2* Kane is clearly not the force JBL is. Taker sticks out his tongue and rolls his eyes to accentuate how dead he is — and that’ll wrap us up.