Weekend News


Weekend News, 11-7-04

Hello again, and welcome to the Weekend News! Thanks again to everyone who
hit me with feedback; keep it coming guys!.

Holy crap, there’s actual news this week! Brace yourselves, ’cause I’m coming
at ya!


Here is the current list of released talent this week alone.
Billy Gunn (Tuesday)
Test (Tuesday)
A-Train (Tuesday)
Gail Kim (Wednesday)
Nidia (Wednesday)
Chuck Palumbo (Wednesday)
Rodney Mack (Thursday)
Jazz (Thursday)
Johnny The Bull (Thursday)
Rico (Thursday)
credit: wwe.com

One Asshole’s Opinion
Obviously, this is the top story this week. Here are my opinions on each of
the cuts:
Billy Gunn – Jeez, it sure took them long enough. Good riddance.
Test – Jeez, it sure took them long enough. Good riddance.
A-Train – Showed some potential, but the bookers never got behind him. I hope
he goes to Japan.
Gail Kim – Damn. I liked Gail Kim, so help me. I thought she was showing a lot
of improvement, and I was digging her funky submissions. Oh well. I suppose
that she should go to Japan too, since women’s wrestling is dead in America.
Nidia – Jeez, it sure took them long enough. Good riddance. Never found her
remotely attractive.
Chuck Palumbo – Can’t say I didn’t see this one coming. Chuck had every opportunity
to show a little charisma, whether it be as part of the ambiguously gay duo,
or as part of the FBI, and he totally dropped the ball each time. Charismatically,
he makes Al Gore look like Howard Dean.
Rodney Mack – Jeez, it sure took them long enough. Good riddance.
Jazz – This is a shame, because Jazz worked her ass off out there. Best of luck
to her. Even if she is really damn ugly.
Johnny The Bull – Just when I think they’re going to push the FBI, so as to
have an actual tag team division, this happens. Dumb.
Rico – Poor guy. Here’s a guy who gave it his all, every night, only to be repaid
like this. They could have cut Rosey instead, I mean come on! I suppose it was
Rico’s age that was the deciding factor.

WrestlinObserver.com’s Dave Meltzer is reporting that two more cuts are coming,
as 12 wrestlers in total have been cut this week. PWInsider.com’s Mike Johnson
is reporting that the numer may actually be 4-5 additional superstars, plus
some developmental talent. Needless to say, morale will be very touchy until
this round of cuts is over.
credit: wrestlingobserver.com, pwinsider.com

One Asshole’s Opinion
Well, this still hasn’t been confirmed, but I certainly don’t doubt that there
are more cuts on the way. I’d like to say that it’s because of Bush: WWE saw
that since Bush was re-elected, the economy was going to continue to decline,
so a little housecleaning was in order.

The Kurt Angle-Daniel Puder (Tough Enough contestant, who has experience with
Ultimate Fighting) match last night is becoming a big story on mixed martial
arts message boards, as the match was a real "shoot fight," and as
Puder had Angle locked in the Kimura, or keylock as Tazz called it, he had a
serious chance of hurting Angle as well as making him look bad in the context
of a worked show. In fact, most MMA fighters would have tapped already, but
Angle couldn’t tap for storyline reasons, so the ref rushed a three count despite
Puder’s shoulders not being down fully. The commentary and editing covered it
up pretty well for common WWE fans, but many MMA fans are saying WWE missed
out on a golden angle of "Kurt actually losing to an unknown." Dave
Meltzer in particular feels WWE blew a huge angle opportunity. PWInsider.com’s
Dave Scherer is reporting that Angle is very upset with the situation, and that
overall the workers feel the Tough Enough segments being "shoots"
is asking for trouble.
credit: wrestlingobserver.com, pwinsider.com

One Asshole’s Opinion
I’m actually going to agree with Meltzer in that WWE is missing out on an angle
opportunity. I mean, the fans were actually chanting "UFC" during
this match. However, I also agree with Angle about the TE segments as "shoots"
being a bad idea. If these guys are learning the art of professional wrestling,
they shouldn’t be doing shoot matches, they should be learning how do worked
matches. Especially when there’s an ultimate fighter involved.

Dan Madigan, the SD creative team member who came up with a lot of the over-the-top
gimmicks like Booker T’s Mama Sangria, Mordecai, Kenzo Suzuki as "Hirohito,"
etc., was let go yesterday personally by Stephanie McMahon, since his ideas
aren’t what WWE was looking for. David Lagana and Paul Heyman now run the team,
with help from the RAW staff when necessary. Bruce Prichard has not been added
back to the team, according to PWInsider.com’s Dave Scherer, and many workers
prefer it stays that way. No word on whether or not WWE is actively hiring for
the creative staff.
credit: pwinsider.com

One Asshole’s Opinion
I actually liked those over-the-top gimmicks. Mock me if you will, but I did.
They certainly got the fans more interested in the wrestlers.

48 year old Jake "the Snake" Roberts, real name Aurelian Smith Jr,
has hit into some legal problems regarding his treatment of his 15 foot python
Damien which lead to Damien’s death.

Apparenty he and his partner, 59 year old Valerie Burnham, have appeared in
court on similar charges this past March to deny these charges, but on November
1st they appeared again in St. Albans Magistrate Court under the same charges.
credit: thescotsman.com

One Asshole’s Opinion
Oh Jake…what are you doing, man? Good lord…just when you think he can’t
flush his life further down the shitter…

Simon Dean, Muhammed Hassan, and Khosrow Daivari debut on Raw.

One Asshole’s Opinion
I thought the Simon Dean segment was pretty funny, but the plant was pretty
obvious. I laughed out loud when Dean was walking up the ramp, and a fan shouted
"Nova, you suck!"

This whole "Arab/American" gimmick is just a bad idea. I just don’t
understand why the WWE needs to perpetuate Americans’ stupid prejudices, whether
it be with the French, Canadians, Japanese, Arabs…whoever. It makes me angry,
and it makes me embarrassed to be an American, to be honest. At Wrestlemania
this year, fans chanted at a group of Australians to "go back home"…is
this what we have become as a country? I am so sick of Americans acting like
we’re superior to the world. There’s a reason why everyone hates us, myself
included. End rant.

The Adventure of Links

The triumphant return of Iain
! If you missed his column, I suggest, nay DEMAND that you stop
reading this one and go read that one!

Check out gloomchen.
One of the most tremendous columns on the Web, week after week.

Eric checks
in, albeit only once.

Read Mathan‘s
Who’s Who in the DCU, if only because he leads off with a question by your favourite
Weekend News columnist!

One of the better editions of Jim‘s
Marvel Handbook. Nicely done, Jim and Daron.

I’m really enjoying Ben‘s
look at the Avengers, one by one. Take a look if you haven’t already.

Victory Road

Whoops! I missed the Roundtable! Oh well…a quick copy &
paste of the matches, and I’ll toss my opinions out there as well. Here goes!

Mexico’s famous high-flying lucha libre Minis in action!
Piratita Morgan vs. Mascarita Sagrada

Good lord, why? Is ANYONE entertained by minis matches? I sure am not. I have
no idea who these guys are, I give less than a shit about this match, and I’m
sure the crowd will agree with me there.
Winner: Piratita Morgan

Trinity’s Challenge: Who will face the TNA Knockout?

Hey! Another stupid match!
Winner: Trinity

Russo or Rhodes: The Fans Make The Vote

I’m sick to death of both of them, and I think the title "Director of
Authority" is the stupidest title I’ve ever heard.
Winner: Dusty Rhodes

Kid Kash, Dallas and The Naturals vs. Ron "The Truth" Killings,
Johnny B. Badd, Erik Watts and The Empire Saint Pat Kenney

Well, hey, at least this is sort of a real match. About time, no?
Winners: Killings/Badd/Watts/Kenney

20 Superstar Invitational X Division Gauntlet Match
Alex Shelley vs. Amazing Red vs. Chris Sabin vs. D-Ray 3000 vs. Hector Garza
vs. Jason Cross vs. Jerelle Clark vs. Kazarian vs. LA Park vs. Matt Sydal vs.
Michael Shane vs. Mikey Batts vs. Miyamoto vs. Nosawa vs. Psychosis vs. Puma
vs. Shark Boy vs. Sonjay Dutt vs. Sonny Siaki vs. Spanky

This should be a fun match, despite tons and TONS of no-selling :-). A match
like this is nearly impossible to call, but I’ll go with the one guy who was
in the WWE…
Winner: Spanky

Last Team Standing Match
Triple X vs. AMW

Ah, now THIS is the shit. I fully expect this match to kick no less than 14
kinds of ass. This PPV will be worth the money download for this match
Winners: Triple X

NWA World Tag Team Title
Team Canada vs. 3Live Kru

It’s been said already by more than one person, but it’s certainly a distinct
possibility that the New Age Outlaws will reunite for this match. I was never
really a fan, but so what. It would certainly make the fans in the arena go
Winners: 3LK

Monster’s Ball: The Alpha Male vs. Abyss vs. Raven

I think this will be a good little brawl, and will (hopefully) put the winner
into the main event, where he will (again, hopefully) unseat Jarrett.
Winner: Raven (pretty please?)

X Division Championship
Petey Williams vs. AJ Styles

This will be the match to launch Petey into the stratusphere. Well, ok, maybe
not THAT high, but you get my point. AJ is perpetually over, so a Williams win
gives him all sorts of rub.
Winner: Petey Williams

NWA World Title Match
Ladder Match Rules
Jeff Jarrett vs. Jeff Hardy

Yikes…I’m not looking forward to this one at all. I’m not too high on either
of the competitors, and the addition of Hall & Nash at ringside doesn’t
help matters for me. I think that whichever Outsider that’s in Hardy’s corner
will turn on him allowing JJJ to retain the title until Raven finally beats
him for it.
Winner: Jeff Jarrett


I thought that this was a pretty decent show. It was a little light on the
in-ring action, like last week, but not too bad. That said, here are one asshole’s

The Tough Enough segment was pretty good, if a little too long. I’m intrigued
by Daniel Puder.

Josh Matthews trying to stick up for himself gives me brutal flashbacks to
when I was in grade school. Not pretty.

They really have to stop doing the same matches every week; it’s getting to
be a really bad habit.

I laughed out loud when Rey came up to RVD speaking Spanish, and RVD said,
"What’s that? Jimmy’s stuck in the well?"

Jindrak and Reigns make a pretty decent team, but I think Sean O’Haire would
have made a great addition to Angle’s stable. He has the personality that Jindrak
lacks, plus they have a history of tagging together.

Carlito rules.

There was absolutely NO reaction from the crowd to the whole Jackie/Dawn Marie
business, and I can’t say I blame them. Why does this meaningless feud get time
on Smackdown when the Chavo/Kidman feud doesn’t?

Say what you will, but Josh Matthews takes a good bump.

Coming to a Cinema Near You

Ten Little Wrestlers thought they were just fine; Billy went and bitched too
much and then there were nine.
Nine Little Wrestlers still thought things were great; Test lost his Testicles
and then there were eight.
Eight Little Wrestlers working on Heat heaven; no one knew who Rodney was and
then there were seven.
Seven little Wrestlers tried to get a fix; Gail kept f*cking up and then there
were six.
Six Little Wrestlers tried to shuck and jive; Chuck had no charisma and then
there were five.
Five Little Wrestlers wondering how much more; Nidia only had big boobs and
then there were four.
Four Little Wrestlers try to work for free; Jazz was bland (like her husband)
and then there were three.
Three Little Wrestlers walking to the zoo; A-Train stayed there and then there
were two.
Two Little Wrestlers ending up like Gunn; Rico was too f*cking old and then
there was one.
One Little Wrestler left all alone; Johnny quit Velocity and then there were

Well, that’ll do it for this week. Keep the e-mails and IMs coming, and let
me know what you thought, along with any suggestions of things you’d like to
see here.

AIM = GoldenAce 007