InsidePulse DVD Review – Quest for the Egg Salad

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The Quest for the Egg Salad is at it’s heart a spoof of The Lord of the Rings done with, maybe $100 and some college buddies. Beyond that it’s the most enjoyable shit I’ve ever experienced.

This movie is really, really, REALLY awful. But I don’t mean awful in a Wild Wild West kind of unwatchable awfulness. I mean awful in that Rocky Horror Picture Show type of so bad it’s good.

After the preamble of Teen Ape (a man wearing an ape mask and hairy gloves) getting a blowjob, which ends up being sprayed into the narrators face and then spit into the girls mouth who was giving the blowjob. The narrator begins telling a story of adventure and danger”¦ a quest! A Quest for Egg Salad.

The story goes (from what I could follow) that the great wizard Bonejack had developed a perfect recipe for Egg Salad, that when eaten would give the, er, eater, phenomenal powers. One of his allies in the order of wizards stole it, became evil and turned into the Goblin King.

Bonejack (Gandalf) recruits Balfazar (Frodo), Astrogon (Samwise), and Teen Ape to go and get this Egg Salad.

They go to a town and meat up with Duglos the Sak (Aragorn) and a couple of other adventurers who’s names escape me, but don’t really matter. They meet a cute elf on the trail, Nienna, who after having sex with Teen Ape ends up being captured by Orcs.

I’m really tempted to just tell the whole story, but there is a climactic encounter at the end, a dance number to Japanese techno (I’m guessing), and the death of at least one member of the fellowship.

This is a politically incorrect, fantasy/comedy. To say it’s anachronistic would be a ridiculous understatement. It’s what you’d expect to come out of a bunch of college age guys sitting around drunk and stoned coming up with the most disgusting and ridiculous jokes and ideas of how to spoof Lord of the Rings. It all sucks, but I still found myself laughing my ass off throughout. Did I mention the “movie” is also only an hour long?

There’s extras too, a making of featurette hosted by “Whacko Jacko”, outtakes, not one but 2 feature commentaries (Director and Cast), and trailers for other movies put out by the same production company. One of the trailers is for townies, starring Toby Radloff (from American Splendor fame). They’re all low budget campy and pathetic, but look like they’d be extremely fun to watch.