SLAYER’S SPORTS AND STUFF! XVII
“We’re Your Mistress Now! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”
Oh boy….
Hi Everybody! Welcome to another edition of Slayer’s Sports and Stuff! Right now the NFL is well taken care of by the writers that come on before me and after me, so we’ll take a good look at the college football scene and see who’s in and who’s out of the BCS. Also, in celebration of the NEW MOVIES SECTION, we will take a look at a few flicks…in the sports section. And last but not least, it’s the match-up you’ve all be waiting for: NY Slayer vs. the NY Rant!
BUT, FIRST!
A belated congratulations to the Boston Red Sox for winning the 2004 World Series! No, the curse is not over because there never was a curse. Yes, I admit that it was very poetic that they came back from 3-0 to beat the Yankees and the lunar eclipse when they won the Series was just downright creepy. I do believe in the Baseball Gods, and as anyone who knows Baseball Gods can confirm, they like to be fateful and ironic. But the Gods know there never was a curse. The Red Sox were simply the best team in baseball this year for the first time in over 80 years. The curse was nothing but a simplified way of covering up over half a decade of racism and no pitching. Now they let blacks and Hispanics play for their team and put together the best pitching staff in baseball. Now they are the champions, go figure! I gotta say I’m happy they won. They’re some of the best fans in sports and 80 years is a long time to smell the pie before eating it, so I’m sure it tasted yummy!
IP SPORTS
Mark U muses over some intriguing story-lines in the NFL and looks at some possible scenarios that could shock the world!
Oli just doesn’t talk about cricket, you know. He talks about soccer and Jake the Snake too!
Tal does his LOL thang and does it while wearing a slinky for footwear.
Lee Trundle apparently lost a few pounds this week; and I ain’t talking about weight.
Laflin’s new column will be out soon, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t read the one from last week!
Nguyen must be happy since another superstition he hated bit the dust! At what cost, Patrick! At what cost!!!!!!!
COLLEGE FOOTBALL
Not anything drastic really happened this week, we still have six undefeated teams left but the latest news is that Utah is of this moment OUT of the BCS. They need to be in the top 6 and have switched places with Texas. Also, don’t look now but Boise St. is creeping up at number 10. A few key losses by the major teams and this thing could get wild. The biggest upsets were Notre Dame beating Tennessee and Clemson beating Miami (FL) to which both are officially out of any hopes they had of getting in a championship game.
Let’s take a peek-a-boo at the BCS conferences and who’s still in consideration for a BCS berth. I know it’s a big and scary place, but don’t worry! We’ll go through it together!!!!!!
ACC
Virginia and Virginia Tech both control their own destiny and play each other in a few weeks. Florida St. to win the conference would need Virginia to beat Virginia Tech, if Virginia Tech wins against Virginia and loses to Georgia Tech, then we go into crazy tie-breaker rules. Florida St. is hanging around at #12 which would be good enough for an at-large berth and they would probably get one.
BIG 12
In the North, it’s a four team race between everyone not named Kansas in the next two weeks; right now Iowa St. is the only team that is guaranteed a berth in the championship game if the win outright; the rest need help. In the south, Oklahoma is all BUT guaranteed a berth. They would have to lose their next two games against Nebraska and Baylor for Texas to get a shot. Not likely.
BIG EAST
West Virginia clinches if they win against Boston College next week. If they lose next week, it’ll be a horse-race between those two teams, Syracuse, and Pittsburgh.
BIG TEN
Tough luck for college football fans, but once again the top two Big Ten teams are not scheduled to play each other: this year being Michigan and Wisconsin. The Badgers though are vying for a national championship and can do all they can do if they beat Michigan St. and Iowa. But because they don’t play Michigan they won’t get the ‘power points’ needed to jump into the top two if USC, Oklahoma, and Auburn all stay undefeated. Now Iowa has an outside chance of winning the conference if they win outright and Michigan loses outright which isn’t terribly improbable.
PAC-10
This one is easy but has a championship twist. If USC wins one of their next two PAC-10 games against Arizona and UCLA, they clinch it. California needs to win against Washington and Stanford and USC to completely tailspin. Unlikely but stranger things have happened. Now it gets tricky when one puts Orange Bowl considerations into the picture. USC plays a pesky Notre Dame in two weeks and California plays a tough Southern Miss in the last week of the season (the game was postponed from the hurricane way back in September).
SEC
Auburn clinched the west. All they’re worried about right now is going undefeated and getting to the Orange Bowl. With Georgia, the Iron Bowl, and the SEC championship game to get through; it will not be an easy task for the Tigers. Aforementioned Georgia and Tennessee are in a virtual tie but the Vols have the edge due to their win against the Bulldogs. If the Vols win their next two against pushovers (but potential spoilers) Kentucky and Vanderbilt, it’s theirs.
MID-MAJOR HOPEFULS
It’s gut-check time for Utah but most believe they control their own destiny. Their last two games will be their two toughest games of the year (even tougher then Texas A&M when you add the conference rival intangible): Wyoming and BYU. If they win these two, they will be in the top 6 of the BCS standings and gain a berth. I apologize to Boise St. fans but their last three games are against San Jose St., Louisiana Tech, and Nevada; not good enough to convince the computers or real people. Unless something insane happens, they are on the outside looking in. Sorry. Maybe next year when there is a fifth bowl!
GAME OF THE WEEK: 8) GEORGIA vs. 3) AUBURN 3:30/CBS
Like I said above, both teams NEED this. Georgia for the conference and Auburn for the championship.
OTHER GAME OF THE WEEK: 17) MIAMI vs. 11) VIRGINIA 3:30/ABC-r
Miami’s bid for a BCS berth is over and they would love to take Virginia with them.
MORE GAMES OF THE WEEK!
23) BOSTON vs. 13) WEST VIRGINIA NOON/ABC-r
If Boston College wins this, they have a good shot of being the Big East representative in the BCS and that would piss off everyone in the Big East; so the whole conference is behind the Mountaineers in this one.
ALABAMA vs. 19) LOUISIANA ST. 7:45/ESPN
This will be a doozy! Alabama is only one good win away of getting back into the top 25 since their little ‘prohibition era.’
TEXAS TECH vs. 21) TEXAS A&M 3:30/ABC-r
So is Texas A&M overrated? Is Texas Tech underrated? This will be a good test to see what’s what.
ROUNDING OUT THE BCS HOPEFULS!
ARIZONA vs. 1) USC 10:15/FSN
NEBRASKA vs. 2) OKLAHOMA 7:00/FSN
4) CALIFORNIA vs. WASHINGTON 3:30/no tv
5) WISCONSIN vs. MICHIGAN ST. 3:30/ABC-R
7) UTAH vs. WYOMING 7:00/ABC-R
NORTHWESTERN vs. 9) MICHIGAN NOON/ABC-R
10) BOISE ST. vs. SAN JOSE ST. NOON/ESPN2
Let’s go over some movies I’ve seen recently.
SUPER-SIZE ME
I’m never eating McDonald’s again! An awesome documentary and don’t worry, this guy is much more charismatic and likable then Michael Moore. In fact he has this average-joe appeal about him. When renting the DVD, don’t forget to look at the French Fry experiment! Seriously though, this movie just puts to light all the junk we put in our bodies and how easy it is (and cheaper) not to do it. Lord knows I love that Big Mac, and there is something about that Secret Sauce that gets me stoned. Mayonnaise, Ketchup, Relish, and a secret super-something. Personally, I think it’s opium.
SPUN
Hated it! Crystal Meth exploitation flick. Really immature movie. And everytime they took a bump of crystal, the film did this multi-edit cut thing and it just got old after the first 15 minutes. And there is this whole thing with a kidnapped stripper and is like a bad joke being told over and over again. I got the same feeling about this movie that I got from “Requiem For a Dream” (another modern drug exploitation film) That the filmmaker had not true concept of what drug addiction is. In fact, I almost got the sense that the filmmakers were saying under their breath “Drugs are Cool.” The packaging of the DVD supports this theory but maybe they’re just being ironic. It’s intriguing because this style of presenting drug addiction as the teeny-bop counter culture is what Hunter Thompsan predicted would happen decades ago.
Mickey Rourke was good though! I recommend the Bukowski flick, “Barfly” if people want to see him in top form.
THE GRUDGE
Ehhhhh…took itself way too seriously for a goofy horror movie. It wasn’t that scary and the catboy got old after the first 3000 times. I heard the original version is much scarier but you know what? I just wasn’t buying this film. You basically have this unstoppable force that kills off the cast hopelessly one by one. Kind of boring.
AUDITION
Now this is a movie! This is the most f*cked up mainstream horror movie I’ve ever seen in my entire life. Pardon my language, but no other adjective can describe it. What’s funny is the first 90 minutes is a normal romantic comedy (except for this one little scene that will give you a heart attack) and many get impatient; but I liked the setup. The last 30 minutes…OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!!!!! And at the end, it was a good movie! Great characterization, excellent acting, amazing photography; and just the right amount of humor and self-parody. Five star horror flick!
NY SLAYER vs. THE NY RANT
Slayer: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome the NY Sports Rant himself, Mike Hulse! Hi Mike! Anything you would like to tell the people about yourself?
Mike: besides the fact that I’m about ready to vomit over the Giants loss yesterday….not really. Sorry, I guess I’m not in the greatest of moods after that game
ITEM: Which New York team will be the first to win a championship in this century: Yankees, Mets, Knicks, Rangers, Islanders, Giants, or Jets and which team will be the last? (You can count the ‘Brooklyn Nets’ if you’d like)
Mike: Well, Smart and HUGE money goes on the Yankees to get there first, considering that they’ve made the playoffs 9 years running, and will sign the entire league if need be. It also doesn’t help that any of those other teams are either rebuilding, or on the decline. The LAST team could be a rough call. The Islanders and Rangers have to, of course, start actually PLAYING again…but leaving them out of it, I’d actually say, painfully, the Knicks. They haven’t won a title since 1973 and seem to be going nowhere
Slayer: I agree the Knicks will be the last NY team to win a championship in the 21st century. As for the Yanks, many are saying the Yankees are going to go through another 1980s like era and go through about 10 years of no championships, I think a NY team will win a championship by then and it will most likely by the Jets. They have a great coach, a stable quarterback and ‘decline’ and ‘improving’ teams only lasts a few years or so. A team could go from last to first and back again in a very quick period of time If they Jets don’t win it this year, they could have just as good a chance in two years
Mike: The jets will run into a problem when Curtis Martin runs out of steam…and they need an identity of their own. Tough to win a title when you’re home stadium has another teams name plastered about.
Slayer: And won’t the yanks fall apart once Joe Torre retires?
Mike: I think they’ll win one more in the next few years. Eventually something will break their way, and they don’t rebuild; just go get talent.
ITEM: You seem upset the Giants loss. But this was supposed to be a honeymoon year as most of the players on this team won’t be there next year. Is it worth getting all emotional or just taking this season for what it is?
Mike: Well, the fact is Chicago’s not as good, in any way, shape, or form. The Giants SHOULD win that game every time and they lost because they didn’t execute. This season WAS supposed to be a lost cause…until they walked into Sunday 5-2.
Slayer: so you started believing again? Awwwwww
Mike: 5 wins in 7 games gives a good reason to believe when they execute, they can hang with anyone in the league.
ITEM: Will the Knicks or Rangers ever win a championship under the ownership of the Dolans?
Mike: Possible, but I’m not holding my breath. The Dolans issue is that they put the wrong people in charge. Glen Sather can’t build a championship team. Zeke Thomas has made moves, but other than the Marbury deal, it’s been a rough time. Jamal Crawford is a risk, trading Van Horn for Tim Thomas was a disaster
Slayer: I’m agreeing with you on everything, this isn’t good
Mike: And it worries me that Lenny Wilkens is so replaceable. Because the only guy Isiah will hire is Isiah
Slayer: Lenny Wilkens is not replacable, he’s a complete expenditure; he was hired to get fired and have Isiah come in the coach’s seat
Mike: Either way, nobody’s cryin when he gets ran out of town. Phil Jackson may come in, but he’s not gonna work either.
ITEM: Schools are now reporting a dramatic increase of children gambling on poker. Is the current exploitation of Poker on ESPN a bad influence on kids?
Poker itself isn’t any worse an influence than seeing athlete’s with 30 man posses and enough ice to skate on. I play a lot of poker, and It’s fun for me, but I also can control myself. I won’t bet with rent money…kids who think they can become Chris Moneymaker might not learn that ahead of time.
Slayer: Yes, but children (ages 10-14) are spending their lunch money on card games. If you found out your kid was playing Texas Hold Em in the school cafeteria, wouldn’t you be concerned?
Mike: When you think about it, it’s the same as kids and drinking, or kids and drug use, or kids and anything that we think can be harmful. Some kids can keep it under control, and some of them simply can’t.
Slayer: Are you saying your first reaction to your kid playing poker would be “did you fold when you didn’t get your cards?”
Mike: It’d be more like “How much did you risk and did you need it for anything else?” If my kid spent 10 bucks for a night where I knew where they were and that they were safe, I’d be all for it. If he dropped 300 bucks and needed to pay bills….I’d be more than worried.
Slayer: Do you think ESPN should take some personal responsibility for this sudden craze (air it at a later time perhaps)?
Mike: I don’t know that ESPN is responsible, they’re a business, and they’ll put on the highest rated programming when the most people will watch.
Slayer: So you’re saying it’s not okay in the ideal, but okay because it’s part of the hypocrisy.
Mike: I think parents can take responsibility for their children before it becomes ESPN’s responsibility. And the kids shouldn’t be able to, say, hit a casino and risk REAL BIG money.
ITEM: You, Daniels, and Paul Carmon go way back. Have any of you three got into real life fights with each other and if so, who won?
Mike: No real fights between us, sorry to say. Although Paul being a Boston Fan…I might have to take a shot at him one day. No offense Paul, but you’re an agent of the Devil that is Boston…you will be dealt with!
Slayer: Hypothetically, if you three had a drunken rumble at a bar in Albany, who would be the last man standing?
Mike: Me. No contest
ITEM: What do you think of IP SPORTS!!!!!
Mike: Hell, read it all the time. And I’m glad to be a part of the 15 people who read your column.
Mike Hulse everybody! You can catch him every Friday (in theory) on the NY Sports Rant!!!
NEXT WEEK: Slayer vs. She Who Must Not Be Named
Speaking of her, check out her new column called Summertime, Blues, News, and Views. Now the reason I won’t allow her name is because too many people have fell in love with her and I will not let that Siren take over the minds of the writers at IP Sports! Not on my watch! Intriguingly, She Who Must Not Be Named while talking about one of her obsessed stalkers stated “Have you ever started talking to someone you thought was cool, only to discover too late that they really sucked and you wished you hadn’t ever started talking to them? and then you’re all trapped and shit because you don’t have the heart to tell them that they drive you crazy? “
Ironically, I think that’s exactly how Widro and Daniels feel about me sometimes!
Have a great week everybody!!!!!!!!
