Anyone who was counting on the Scott Peterson trial to provide a news distraction after the election must surely be disappointed by the quick verdict on Friday. Guilty, of course, in case you missed it. But, really, who cares? It was a nice, salacious trial while it lasted, but now it’s over save the death sentence. And speaking of death sentences, Smackdown moved into that territory a long time ago (as in, watching it is like a death sentence). If you thought I’d be going for some Survivor Series reference in conjunction with this, you’re wrong. I defy anyone to survive the chamber of horrors that will be the UT/Heidenreich match. But what did happen this week? Glad you asked…
THE SMACKDOWN SHORT FORM
Match Results:
Rey-Rey y Chavito over Spike Dudley and Billy Kidman (Pinfall, Rey-Rey pins Spike, sloppy springboard cross-body): About as good as you’d expect from a tag match featuring these competitors. Only one badly blown spot, but it was the one leading to the pinfall, so it stuck out. That Fatal Four-Way Sunday is going to be a mammoth spot-fest if they let Rey-Rey out of his leash.
Spike making sure that Chavito worries about him, not Kidman
Rey-Rey flies-flies
And he can also do the old double cross-body
Josh Matthews over Orlando Jordan (Pinfall, Booker scissors kick): An angle advancement match with an announcer in it. You don’t know the pain and suffering that I go through for you people…
Well, it worked last week…
Eddy Guerrero and Rob Van Dam over Luther Reigns and Mark Jindrak (Pinfall, Guerrero pins Reigns, frog splash): There are certain types of angle advancement matches that I can enjoy. Ones where the schmozz turns out to be as entertaining as in this match are good examples. I would have enjoyed it a lot more if Van Dam hadn’t been in there, but his spot bullshit was minimized, so I’ll give it a pass. This time.
Eddy Guerrero decides to pummel Luther Reigns
The Big Show over Kurt Angle (DQ, Team Angle-ference): Only noteworthy for the unexpected reappearance of the Showster for one brief shining moment. This is the type of angle advancement match that I don’t like. Let’s hope that TBS can get some of the lead out of his ass on Sunday.
Team Angle in full effect
Kurt, meet Post. Post, Kurt.
Angle Developments:
Ignorance Is Bliss: Thank God I’m ignoring Tough Enough. If I wasn’t, the sight of Mae Young making out with six guys would make me want to reverse my LASIK. Not to mention toss my cookies. I’m going to be respectful to all of you and not do a screen cap from this mess. Not even you deserve that.
R-E-S-P-E-C-T: Loved the Jordan/Matthews backstage routine. Josh looks so much like a prison bitch to begin with that it’s only natural that Jordan treat him that way. I would, however, have laughed my ass off if Matthews had told Jordan that he DID like being pimp-slapped.
“You my bitch now!”
“Can I be his bitch later tonight too?”
And that’ll be it for this column. Join me and the rest of the idiots for the Round Table this weekend, and enjoy Survivor Series. God knows that I won’t, and I’ll make that clear to you on Tuesday.
