SLAYER’S SPORTS AND STUFF! XVIII
The name is Gloomchen!
(gulp)
Hi Everybody! Welcome to another edition of Slayer’s Sports and Stuff! Today we’re gonna have a little lesson on the ins and outs of the BCS, a quick look at the current scenario, and then we’ll talk to special guest, Gloomchen! Yes, the ban has been lifted. Why? Because she cursed me…..Let’s do Links!
IP SPORTS
Before reading this column, read Tom Toner’s Sports For Dummies. After reading that column and this one, you will be an official BCS samurai master!
Between The Musings and The Weekly Pulse, Mark U talks about EVERYTHING! And I mean everything….
According to Oli Porter, the Bucs owners Malcolm Glazer may buy the Manchester United. If this team wasn’t hated enough throughout Europe, now they’ll be owned by a Jew. That’s like a big controversial deal on that side of the pond. He talks about Holyfield too.
Tal goes over the worst NHL trades to ever exist and some NBA and MLB ones for good measure.
Mike Hulse throws a molotov cocktail at Ron Artest.
Who needs TMQ? We have Laflin and he does a cool intro on college hoops too.
Lee Trundle is the samurai master of REAL football and does a preview of the Champions League.
And look out for Nguyen’s new one which sould be coming out any second now….
And Finally. One LAST MEGA PLUG to the NBA PREVIEW!!!!!!
Let’s do some college football…
BCS 101
The FIRST thing we need to do is go over the BCS rules. There is lots of confusion, misunderstandings, and rumors based on the correspondence from last week’s column and conversations I’ve had. It seems we really all need to break it down and look at each rule one by one to get a good clear picture. For example, people think because Texas is in the Top Six they have an automatic bid. That is false. People also think because Utah is in the Top Six, they too have an automatic bid. That is sort of true, but it’s not exactly automatic. Let’s back the truck up and start from the very beginning.
THE BOWLS
Four Bowls. Rose, Sugar, Orange, Fiesta. Eight Slots. All bowls rotate to host the championship game. When not on line to host that game they get ‘first dibs’ on the six remaining teams. The Rose Bowl with their classic Big Ten/Pac-10 match-up, The Sugar gets the SEC champion, the Orange gets the ACC or Big East champion, and the Fiesta is the de facto Rose Bowl when Rosey is doing the championship game. Everybody got that? Now in theory, the bowls that are not hosting championship games and don’t have automatic bids are supposed to select the remaining teams in a drafting order. But in truth, they all get together and divvy it up. Everybody got that? Good! Let’s move on!
THE CONFERENCE CHAMPION RULE
The champions of the six BCS conferences (ACC, Big East, Big Ten, Big XII, Pac-10, SEC I assume you know that, but just in case) get automatic bids. No ifs, ands, or buts. It is automatic. There are rumors are there that if they don’t make the top 25 or don’t have at least seven wins; they are not eligible. That is not true. Even a 6-5 conference champion can make a BCS bowl if they win their conference; it could even happen this year with the enigmatic Big XII championship looming. Now the question that naturally stems from all this is “Wait a minute, according to NCAA rules you need a winning record to get to a bowl game. What if the conference champion has a losing record?” Great question. Though unlikely, not impossible. There is a super secret NCAA provision that gives ‘amnesty’ to conference champions. This was put into practice in 2001 when Sun Belt Champion North Texas went to the New Orleans Bowl with a 5-6 record. As for the BCS allowing this provision, well like a thousand other things they just pray it never happens and not worry about it.
THE NOTRE DAME RULE
Not applicable this year. But worth knowing. If Notre Dame gets nine divsision 1-A wins and makes the top ten of the BCS; they are considered a ‘conference champion’ and get an automatic bid. Why? Because they’re Notre Dame.
THE BIG EAST RULE
Yes, it’s still there. The problem is the BCS can’t use it due to lack of precedence so it sort of diappeared. But it’s in there. Have no idea what I’m talking about? Okay,way back in the 1998 season, the Big East Champion was a mediocre Syracuse. They got thwomped by Florida in the Orange Bowl so the BCS screamed, “NEW RULE!” This rule was any conference champion that did not have a four year average of a ranking of 12 or higher was subject to bid revocation. Here’s the problem; plenty of teams since that time have got in the BCS; not even coming close to that provision. Maryland, Oregon, and Washington St., are all good examples. So this is the one rule you don’t have to worry about.
THE TOP TWO RULE
The top two teams in the BCS rankings go into the championship game. We all know this I assume. And yes, we all know that one does not have to be a conference champion to make the top two.
THE TOP FOUR RULE
Now we’re getting a little more advanced, but I think we’re ready. Any team in a BCS Conference that finsihes in the Top Four gets an automatic bid. A good example is California which has been safely in #4 for a while. They get an automatic bid if they keep that ranking. This has been confused with the Top Six rule.
THE TOP SIX RULE
Any Non-BCS Conference Champion that makes it to the Top Six gets an automatic bid. Everyone got that? The Top Four rule is for BCS conference teams that didn’t win their conference; the Top Six rule is for Non-BCS conference champions. See, that’s simple! But it’s not so simple. These rules are only applied if there are spots available and The Top Four Rule takes precedence over the Top Six rule! So yes, Utah can still get screwed. For example, if Iowa St. beats Oklahoma in the Big XII game and Tennessee beats Auburn in the SEC game; all eight spots could be garnered BEFORE the Top Six rule can be utilized.
THE TOP TWELVE RULE
The easiest one and ironically the most corrupt one! If there are any at-large bids left after the above criteria have been applied then the BCS can choose any team they want in the Top Twelve. The order of the rankings don’t matter. Any of the teams are up for grabs. It doesn’t matter Boise St. and Lousiville are ranked #9 and #10. The BCS can still choose #11 Georgia or #12 Miami if they want to…..and they will want to.
THE NO THREE RULE
Finally, there is the rule that no single conference can have more then two representitives in the BCS. This rule can basically appeal any of the above. It’s knocked Texas off the BCS picture even after a top 4 ranking a couple years ago. But I don’t think this rule will have too much affect this year. But, you never know.
Now that we’re all up to speed and on the same plane of knowledge. Let’s take a look what happened last week. Auburn slaughtered Georgia gaining much respect by the human beings. The computers continue to give Utah and Boise St. nice rubs, and Wisconsin is officially out of the championship picture (but not the BCS). USC is the first team to clinch a BCS berth and most of the other conferences are a bit of a jumble. Let’s take a look!
ACC
So last week I failed to mention Miami (as many of you reminded me). Well, shame on me for doing so because they’re back in the hunt. In fact along with Virginia Tech they control their destiny. But they both have work to do, especially VT with three more ACC games left to play. And they both play each other. Florida St. is done with their ACC schedule and has only one game against unranked Florida. Which means the game can hurt them but can’t really help them. But they can hope Miami and VT gets knocked around in the upcoming weeks. With that said, if there is an at-large berth to give; it’ll probably go to Miami or Florida St.
BCS Hopefuls: Virginia Tech, Miami, Florida St
Can Go Bowling: Virginia, Georgia Tech
Still Fighting: North Carolina, Clemson
See Ya Next Year: N.C State, Maryland, Wake Forest, Duke
BIG XII
In the South, Oklahoma has clinched. In the North….we got ourselves a situation. Kansas and Kansas St. are out. We know that much. Iowa St., Nebraska, Colorado, and Missouri are still in. Iowa St. has the inside track. If they can win their next two against Kansas St. and Colorado, they’re in the Big XII game. The other three need serious help. We’ll come back next week. Texas is looking to get in the BCS as an at-large but as we saw above, they’ve been shutout before.
BCS Hopefuls: Oklahoma, Texas, Four teams in the North without the word Kansas.
Can Go Bowling: Texas A&M, Oklahoma St., Texas Tech, Colorado
Still Fighting: Iowa St., Nebraska, Missouri
See Ya Next Year!: Kansas St., Kansas, Baylor
BIG EAST
With Boston’s win, this becomes a three team race. It was supposed to be a four team race but Syracuse lost to Temple and would lose in a tiebreaker scenario. This one isn’t so complicated though. If Boston win their next two, they go to the BCS, but they have to win BOTH! West Virginia and Pittsburgh play each other next week so if West Virginia wins and Boston losses once, then they’re in. If Pittsburgh wins and Boston loses once, then Pitt is in.
BCS Hopefuls: Boston, West Virginia, Pittsburgh
Can Go Bowling: Nothing official outside the above three yet.
Still Fighting: Syracuse, Connecticut, Rutgers
See Ya Next Year!: Temple
BIG TEN
Finally, an easy one! If Michigan wins OR Wisconsin Loses, the wolves get the bid. If Wisconsin wins AND Michigan Loses, the Badgers get the bid. See? That was simple.
BCS Hopefuls: Michigan, Wisconsin
Can Go Bowling: Iowa, Purdue, Ohio St., Minnesota
Still Fighting: Northwestern, Minnesota
See Ya Next Year!: Indiana, Penn St., Illinois
PAC-10
USC Clinched! What more do you want me to say? California can still make a BCS bowl though.
BCS Hopefuls: USC (in!), California
Can Go Bowling: Arizona St., UCLA,
Still Fighting: Oregon St., Oregon
See Ya Next Year!: Stanford, WSU, Washington, Arizona
SEC
This is easy too. We know about Auburn; and we more or less know who plays them in the SEC game. If Tennessee wins one of their next two (against pushovers), then they play Auburn. Should they completely implode and lose both then Georgia gets in. Georgia also probably blew any at-large BCS chances they may have had with that horrible display against Auburn.
BCS Hopefuls: Auburn, Tennessee, Georgia
Can Go Bowling: LSU, Alabama, Florida, South Carolina
Still Fighting: Arkansas
See Ya Next Year!: Kentucky, Vandy, Ole Miss, Mississippi St.
MID-MAJORS
We all know about Utah. Boise St. and Louisville have nice records but unless insanity happens, they’re on the outside looking in. With that said, it does bring us to our
GAME OF THE WEEK: BRIGHAM YOUNG vs. UTAH (7:00/ESPN2)
This is it for Utah. Their last game of the season and it’s against their biggest rival. Is there anybody not rooting for them?
OTHER GAME OF THE WEEK: 13) WISCONSIN vs. 18) IOWA (4:30/ESPN)
The only top-25 match up this week. By the time this game comes around, the Michigan game will be over. So it will be a fight for a Rose Bowl berth or a fight for a Citrus Bowl berth. (No, I will not call it the Capital One Bowl.)
MORE GAMES OF THE WEEK!
3) AUBURN vs. ALABAMA (3:30/CBS)
It’s the Iron Bowl and the Tide would be more then happy to spoil Auburn’s season.
7) MICHIGAN vs. OHIO ST. (1:00/ABC)
Kind of lost some luster due to the Buckeyes completely falling apart. But it’s stll the Big One. Let’s see if Ohio St. can create some energy for this.
2) OKLAHOMA vs. BAYLOR (NOON/FSN)
Ok…it’s not a great week in college football. But this one is at least worth keeping an eye on.
STANFORD vs. 4) CALIFORNIA (3:30/FSN)
California still does have an outside shot for the championship.
FLORIDA vs. 8) FLORIDA ST. (7:45/ESPN)
Remember when this game was a big deal? FSU really has nothing to gain from this one and alot to lose.
SLAYER vs. GLOOMCHEN
This will be more of a question and answer format. My questions are in italics. So without further delay, Ladies and Gentleman, please welcome everyone’s favorite Mistress, Gloomchen! Hello you evil succubus. Is there anything you would like to tell the audience of Slayer’s Sports and Stuff before we get started?
I’m a good girl
Question One: Do you know anything about sports or is this whole thing just a cheap exploitation vehicle for both of us?
I know a few things about sports here and there. Iowa adopted the Cubs as their state team, so I’ve been in enough bars to know the goatee guy and that Alou stands really funny when he bats. That might be it, though.
As one who is from Iowa, what’s the fundamental difference between Hawkeye fans and Cyclone fans?
The Hawkeye fans party like NO OTHER. I can’t speak for the Cyclones since they’re in the “crappy half” of the state, but everyone knows that Iowa City is the place to go to party naked.
Now we go way back, we met in a strawberry festival back in Kentucky in 1997. So I’ve watched you slowly become this evil indestructible force. Since that time, how many athletic events have you watched?
I went to a Brewers/Cubs game this past spring. I do believe I sat through four full baseball games on television. I went to see my cousin Matt play high school football a couple of years ago (I still don’t understand football at ALL). I’m sure I went to some local hockey games (The Dubuque Fighting Saints, before they left town and were replaced with The Dubuque Thunderbirds). And some races at the Farley Speedway! That’s all I can scrape up.
If you wanted to go out on a Sunday yet your boyfriend wanted to watch football all day, what would you do? a) Get Angry? b) Be fine with it. c) pretend to be fine with it but really get angry and then get angrier when he thinks you’re fine with it because you never told him you were angry?
The c) option is so womanly, it’s completely frightening. I would d) tell him to have fun while I went out and did whatever I felt like doing. I might consider watching if we were having others over and lots of beer or something… what’s sports without snacks and alcohol, anyway?
Even if he did so for 20 Weeks Straight?
Hey, we’ve all got our vices, right? If someone puts up with me and my quirks, the least I can do is give the guy a day of rest.
Liar.
I’m a cool chick. You don’t even KNOW.
When we came to Inside Pulse, they made me change my name, but not yours. Why?
The power of the titties, my friend. Not that I would start murdering anyone if I had to start going by Gloom Chen.
Everybody at Inside Pulse is in love with you. Why?
I have no clue who started it, although it all traces back to Joshua Grutman in the end. Should I apologize for being intelligent, witty, and a non-crazy-bitch in nature? I mean, I can be catty and hormonal if it upsets you that people think I’m so neat.
It does upset me. If they knew about what’s buried in your backyard and what’s locked up in your basement; they wouldn’t think you’re so neat.
I’ve done a lot of stupid crap in my time. Fortunately for the universe, it’s been a while since I’ve done something intentionally colossally stupid.
So you’re saying you’re NOT responsible for the sudden disappearence of prostitutes in Dubuque, Iowa?
The sudden disappearance of prostitutes in Dubuque is due to it being 30 degrees so I’m bundled up inside my house. Sorry, Main Street, try again in June.
Tell us what you love about IP Sports!
Admittedly, I don’t have much of an interest in sports. But so many of the guys there make for great conversation. I do read anything that it looks like I might understand, plus a couple of people in particular, just because they entertain BEYOND just basic sports stuff. I’m a girl. I’m sports-retarded. But I like to socialize. That’s why IP Sports is grand. Kinda like Pringles — you’ve got your chip side with the essential chip stuff, then you have your flavor side full of personalities that make the normal chip a lot better.
God, you are so evil…
No!
I can’t fight the evil….why do I try?
I’m not evil, I swear. Clone me!
The Entire sports section is now in love with you! I failed….
It’s okay. There are still plenty of other people to hate! A thousand voodoo hexes upon Matthew Michael and that ridiculous photo he posted of me.
I’ve been affected by your spell and am now finding myself calling you the one of the best writers on the ENTIRE INTERNET!!!!! Which brings us to the last question. Are you ready?
Awwwwww Yeeeeeah
It’s a tough question…are you sure?
Those are the best kind!
Promise not to avoid it?
Promise.
What’s your favorite Movie?
Natural Born Killers. Don’t poke too deep there, Barbara Walters.
Thank you very much to Gloomchen. If you want more of her (and I know you do) you can go here or here!.
Let’s call it a column and I’ll see you next week! Until then, please be excellent to each other!
