Reviewer: ‘Starman’ Matt Morrison
Story Title: A Man For All Sessions
Written by: The KODT Development Team
Penciled by: Jolly R. Blackburn
Inked by: N/A
Colored by: N/A
Lettered by: Jolly R. Blackburn
Editor: Jolly R. Blackburn
Publisher: Kenzer & Company
SCENE: Day. Thursday Morning. 9:00 a.m. A small loft apartment in Texas.
“STARMAN” Matt Morrison sits at a computer, typing away while muttering under his breath.
Starman: … get me wrong. I realize the need to raise the curtain and expand the world at times. But the sad fact is that in this issue, the need eliminates a lot of the usual comedy from the book. While this is necessary, it is not enjoyable and-
Suddenly, an Instant Messenger window opens!
Daron, The Dark Overlord:Minion!
Daron, The Dark Overlord:It has been a long time, minion. Too long.
Starman: What do you mean? We chatted just the other day.
Daron, The Dark Overlord: But not like this, minion. I’ve missed this. The humorous reviews where I threaten you with unreasonable threats, make unreasonable demands. And everyone is amused by your pain and suffering.
Starman: But don’t you think the readers can get enough of that watching our counterparts over at the critically acclaimed 144 Anima?
Daron, The Dark Overlord: As if the readers could ever get enough of me. Now, where is the review of Army of Darkness #3 that I asked, nay DEMANDED of you?!?!
Starman: It didn’t come out this week.
Daron, The Dark Overlord: WHAT?!? You mean it is not done?
Starman: My review? No, it’s not done. The comic didn’t come out!
Daron, The Dark Overlord: But Diamond said…
Starman: Diamond was wrong. The book never made it to the stores. Not MY store, anyway. And I’ve got it on subscription, so I would have gotten it by now if it had come out. But I haven’t. So it hasn’t. Period.
Daron, The Dark Overlord:But… but that’s not fair! That is a great film! A great movie!
Starman: Yes, I know. And the comic is pretty good too. But I’ve got something to run in it’s place. A new Knights of the Dinner Table came out.
Daron, The Dark Overlord:I don’t enjoy that D&D gamer geek stuff.
Starman: Well, I didn’t enjoy this one much either. The usual back-up material and columns are okay. In fact, there’s a really funny rant by this one guy about how Boba Fett doesn’t make any sense as a character…
Daron, The Dark Overlord:Yes. And his helmet is far inferior to mine!
Starman: I guess. But the actual comics this time around were kinda flat. See, the current storyline involves how the group’s gamemaster B.A. bought “The Biggest Damn Dungeon Ever”; a new adventure that parodies something just released for D&D players in real life.
Daron, The Dark Overlord:That sounds topical and amusing.
Starman: Well, once they get into it, it will be. But after a quick strip showing the main characters sitting down to play, the whole rest of the comics section is taken up with a story showing goings-on in Hard 8 Productions, the company that makes all the great fantasy RPGs in the Knight’s reality.
Daron, The Dark Overlord:And that’s bad?
Starman: Well, they even so much as admit that they’re more concerned with throwing out plot points about how the company is going under and setting up for the future than they are about doing the usual comedy material. When you get right down to it, there’s not a lot of humor to be found in a board meeting between four characters trying to figure out how to keep their jobs.
Daron, The Dark Overlord: What? Pain and suffering. Sounds funny to me!
Starman: Yeah, well this doesn’t quite overcome the Mel Brooks Law of Relativity.
Daron, The Dark Overlord:I’m not familiar with that one?
Starman: Tragedy is when you get a papercut. Comedy is when someone else falls down an open manhole.
Daron, The Dark Overlord:Ah yes. Speaking of which, bring me a few small children. I desire to have things fall down into the bottomless pit for my amusement.