This week all of you are lucky to be in the graces of the HevKing…
I’ve got pictures from my trip, a brief review of the
ECW DVD for reasons I’ll get into AND RAW, smackdown
and Survivor Series membranes! That’s right, I watched Survivor
Series in my hotel in South Carolina…AND I DIDN’T GET
CHARGED!
On with the show…
The Rise And Fall Of ECW
————————-
It would be easy for me to sit here and give you guys a full review.
I could sit here and literally write for pages explaining everything
on this DVD. I won’t. I will simply say this: GO AND BUY THIS
DVD. Don’t rent it. BUY IT. Without hesitation I will say that this is the absolute best wrestling DVD
EVER. Go to WWE.COM, BestBuy.com, FYE.COM,
Coconuts.com or Amazon.com and GET THIS FUCKING DVD. All the time you may hear “This
DVD is a MUST HAVE!” and generally that’s bullshit. But believe me, this DVD is a MUST HAVE!
To celebrate the release of this great work of wrestling art, not only will you get the regular membrane
this week, but you’ll also get a special “What if this was ECW?” membrane. You win because this
DVD rules.
Survivor Series 11.14.04
————————-
-Spike Dudley def. Rey Mysterio, Chavo Guerrero and Billy Kidman to retain the Cruiserweight Title
-Heidenreich and Snitsky chat (Membrane will highlight)
-Shelton Benjamin def. Christian to retain the Intercontinental Title
-Team Guerrero def. Team Angle. Cena, Guerrero and Big Show survive
-The Undertaker def. Heidenreich
-Trish Stratus def. Lita via DQ to retain the Women’s Title
-JBL def. Booker T to retain the smackdown title
-Team Orton def. Team HHH. Orton sole survivor
The Survivor Series Membrane
—————————–
Legally:
-Well, it’s a PPV so legally nothing really goes wrong. Lita is guilty of assault for hitting Trish with
a chair. But c’mon, she just had a miscarriage.
Personally:
-I dug the cruiserweights. They didn’t have a hell of a lot of time, but made good out of what they had.
-Gene Snitsky and Heidenreich’s “I like your poetry.” “I like what you do to babies.” is easily in the
top 10 moments of the year. I nearly cried laughing. Then I pooped. Then I cried because I pooped.
What a great moment.
-Shelton Benjamin rules and Christian totally rules.
-I honestly didn’t know what to make out of the Angle/Guerrero team match. I still don’t know if
I liked it. John Cena is one cool Marine though. You think he’d go to Afghanistan and find Bin Laden?
“How did you find me?” “You can’t see MEEEEEE!”
-Undertaker vs. Heidenreich was the typical Undertaker match. You watch for the entrance,
because that’s still cool, and then you just ask, “Why am I still watching?”
-Lita got damn wicked didn’t she? New line: “I’m fighting for the memory of my baby.” Hevia’s
question and trivia: If you have followed the storyline…say Lita had the baby…What would Mark
Calloway’s relation to the baby be? Email me your answers. If you win you can send me a picture
that I will post next week.
-JBL and Booker T was like WCW…think about that.
-I enjoyed the main event. I’m just worried that they are pushing Orton so hard that when he starts
REALLY fighting towards Wrestlemania, fans will shit on him.
THE ECW MEMBRANE:
—————–
-The cruiserweight match would have been ECW if: It was 10 minutes longer, Rey hit Chavo with a
hurricanrana from the Eagle’s Nest through 2 stacked tables.
-The Gene Snitsky/Heidenreich promo would have been ECW if: Fuck it, that was ECW.
-Shelton Benjamin vs. Christian would have been ECW if: Shelton had broken Christian’s neck with
The Exploder.
-Team Angle vs. Team Guerrero would have been ECW if: Big Show double choke slammed
Jindrak and Carlito over the top rope through two flaming tables, Guerrero and RVD hit Surround
Sound Frog Splashes from the Eagles Nest onto Angle and Reigns.
-The Undertaker vs. Heidenreich would have been ECW if: Heidenreich had hit Undertaker with a
fireball when he was on the ring steps.
-Lita vs. Trish would have been ECW if: We got to see a boob. Just one. And then Lita would have
caned Trish.
-Team Orton vs. Team Hunter would have been ECW if: Orton had hit the RKO on Triple H through
a sitting chair, Benoit hit the flying head butt outside of the ring onto Snitsky, Batista power
bombed Y2J through the ring and then hung Maven in barbed wire.
Now some pictures from my trip:
——————————-
We went to Sonic down there and I ordered a chicken sandwich…I guess they eat different
down there:
I also got Blatt a present:
We got lost at one point…I knew we weren’t in New York anymore when we came across this girl:
Back to wrestling for now…
Raw 11.15.04
————-
-Sylvain Grenier is singing and Maven interrupts. He’s the GM for the night. He makes Edge and
Christian vs. Shelton Benjamin and Benoit, Coach vs. JR, Stacy vs. Christy! in a lingerie pillow fight,
and Maven will challenge for the world title. Oh and La Rez will defend the tag titles… RIGHT NOW.
-Eugene and William Regal def. La Rez and Rhyno and Tajiri to win the tag titles.
-Kids run in the ring and celebrate with Eugene and Regal.
-Diva chick Maria is with Regal and Eugene. Eugene pours chocolate milk on Maria and Regal.
Regal kindly cleans up Maria’s chest. He tells Eugene he’ll go blind if he keeps looking.
-Triple H tries to talk Maven into joining Evolution.
-Lita def. Molly with a Sleeper/Body Scissors. I wanna name it: Lita def. Molly with The Miscarriage.
Speaking of Lita…you know we all went to high school:
-Trish comes out and tells Lita she is going to get payback RIGHT NOW. Molly jumps Lita, who
nails a snap DDT (The Basinet) and muffs Trish’s face.
-Coach comes out to face JR. Maven, operating under lucha libre lingo, tells Coach the J is silent
and he forgot the KO…as in RKO.
-Randy Orton def. Coach
-Todd in the back with Edge and Christian. They can’t get along, Christian leaves, and Edge gives
the finger as the 5 second pose.
-Orton and Maven chat.
-Shelton Benjamin and Chris Benoit def. E&C.
-Flair comes into Maven’s office and gives him two females.
-Christy! def. Stacy Keibler in the pillow fight. Speaking of Christy!…I’m sure you know she wasn’t
always a hottie:
-Batista wants to know why HHH invited Maven into Evolution. Trips tells him not to worry.
-Simon Dean promo. Rosey interrupts/attacks.
-Jericho and Benoit talk to Maven about not joining Evolution. Benoit is FIRED UP.
-Saddam Hussein….Muhammed Hassan vignette.
-Triple H (and friends) def. Maven (and friends)
The RAW Membrane
—————-
Legally:
-Interrupting a national anthem as Maven did is not illegal, but it’s f*cked up.
-The kids who celebrated with Eugene violated the Calvin Klein laws…little shits.
-Regal is guilty of lying to a retard. We all know you don’t go blind by looking at boobs.
-Maven is guilty of bad Spanish. How in the hell can you not mention the silent J, forget the
double R and leave out the K and the O? Just when you need Nidia…
-Flair is guilty of big pimpin’.
-Rosey is guilty of ruining a commercial that would help fat people. By the way, when I got home
after all that southern cooking…I stepped on a scale and…
-Muhammed Hassan is guilty of being Arab in America. At least he’s better off than Saddam:
-Benoit, Jericho, Flair, Batista, Edge, Snitsky and Orton are ALL guilty of violating the Calvin Klein
laws OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
Personally:
-The tag title match was fun. And Regal’s line about Maria’s boobs was hilarious.
-Triple H trying to talk Maven into giving up the title shot was generic. They did the same thing to
Eugene. It only took Eugene longer because he’s retarded.
-I like Lita’s mean streak. ALOT. And over the past two weeks she has looked gorgeous.
-Coach vs. Randy Orton = Pee break.
-I marked out for the E&C reunion. The 5 second pose from Edge totally ruled.
-The Benjamin/Benoit E&C match was pretty good…but was it like Easter color night? I almost
went blind! Benoit in yellow, Capt. Charisma is pastel blue and Edge in purple. Scott Keith was right,
what would Stacy and Clinton think? Yea I watch TLC!
-When Flair gave Maven those two girls I immediately thought “Flair, are these virgins that I can
make bleed?”
-I’m starting to sour on Simon Dean.
-Benoit’s promo to Maven was awesome because you saw Benoit’s passion.
-The main event I couldn’t stop laughing at. Then I realized that when the heels do the same things
that Benoit and Jericho did, I get pissed. So they are doing their job.
The ECW Membrane:
—————–
-The tag title match would’ve been ECW if: They all kicked the shit out of Eugene for being retarded.
And the kids would’ve been stabbed by New Jack.
-Lita and Molly would’ve been ECW if: We saw one of Lita’s boobs. If we saw Molly’s it would be Mae
Young/WWEish.
-Coach and J.R. would’ve been ECW if: They died.
-Orton vs. Coach would’ve been ECW if: RKO onto thumbtacks.
-Shelton Benjamin and Benoit would’ve been ECW if: Benjamin hit Christian with The Exploder off of
The Eagle’s Nest through 7 tables and Edge speared Benoit through a flaming table in the corner.
-Flair giving the women to Maven would’ve been ECW if: He made out with both of them and
proclaimed, “I’M HARDCORE”
-Christy! vs. Stacy Keibler would have been ECW if: It was a catfight.
-The Simon Dean promo would’ve been ECW if:They set the fan on fire.
-Maven vs. Triple H would have been ECW if: Triple H hit the Pedigree onto a barbed wire bat, Benoit
and Jericho put Batista through a flaming table, Maven somehow got set on fire, Flair hit Maven with
a Kendo stick while he was on fire, Snitsky hit The Mourning After Slam on Orton through a chair
and Edge did the Raven pose for no reason.
1 more picture from South Carolina:
The south is still segregated:
smackdown 11.18.04
-John Cena returns to smackdown.
-Tough Enough segments. Chris is cut. “The Miz” lives on. By the way, click the pic, Katie’s
BAAAAACK!
-Rey finds RVD in the back stretching with his personal trainer…ANOTHER DIVA SEARCH CHICK!
DAMN! Michelle now…that’s like a cagillion! Sorry…ranting…
-Carlito tries to get out of the match with Cena. Teddy ain’t hearin’ it…PLAYA!
-Heyman is with Heidenreich. Tells him Survivor Series was a moral victory.
-Hass def. Heidenreich by count out when Heidenreich loses it and curls into a ball outside the ring.
-Rey Mysterio and RVD def. Rene Dupree and Kenzo Suzuki
-Kurt Angle comes out and starts his new challenge where he’ll fight a local guy and if said local
guy wins, he gets Kurt’s medals.
-Kurt Angle def. Dean Fisk
-Orlando Jordan visits with JBL and his new assistant/cabinet member, Amy Webber from THE
DAMN DIVA SEARCH!
-JBL cuts a promo, which ends up getting him a four-way match for Armageddon vs. Booker T,
Undertaker and Eddie Guerrero
-Joy from THE DAMN DIVA SEARCH is smackdown’s new massage therapist, and she massages
Carlito.
-John Cena def. Carlito to win the U.S. Title. After match, Jesus (no not Christ…pronounced Hey-
Zeus) beats the hell out of Cena’s kidney. Cena is stretchered out.
The smackdown Membrane
———————-
Legally:
-Hiring 3 Diva Search girls has to breach some contest rules.
-Teddy Long violated medical orders by making Carlito fight Cena. He is therefore liable for all further
injury to Carlito. He is also guilty of not being cool.
-Heidenreich is guilty of something. I don’t know what but I was scared.
-Hey Zeus is guilty of assault and kidney battering. You can sell those things on the black market for
like $50,000 for Christ’s sake!
Personally:
-Why do we have so many Diva Search girls?
-Teddy Long is the man
-Heidenreich’s little ball curling thing scared me. Did he miss Snitsky or something?
-Rey and RVD vs. The Foreigners was a fun piece of business.
-I like Kurt Angle’s challenge but will do some research on what Puder’s hometown is.
-I actually enjoyed JBL’s promo. And that’s coming from somebody who REALLY doesn’t enjoy JBL.
-Cena vs. Carlito was what it was. Very limited. I like getting Hey Zeus over as a bad ass killer. Albeit
a kidney killer.
The ECW Membrane:
—————–
-John Cena’s opening promo would be ECW if: He had The Public Enemy with him.
-Carlito’s chat with Teddy Long would be ECW if: He shot a fireball in Teddy face for not giving him
his way. Then told him that the fireball “…wasn’t cool.”
-Heidenreich would be ECW if: They called him 911 and people cared.
-Charlie Haas vs. Heidenreich would be ECW if: Heidenreich obliterated Haas and power bombed
Miss Jackie through a table.
-Rey and RVD vs. Kenzo and Rene would be ECW if: Rey hit a hurricanrana on Kenzo off of a car
and RVD hit the ***** Frog Splash off the Eagle’s Nest through 8 flaming tables.
-Kurt Angle’s challenge would be ECW if: Taz with one Z answered it.
-JBL’s promo would’ve been ECW if: The lights went out and everyone cheered for The Undertaker but
the lights come on and it’s Sabu. And the crowd goes nuts.
-Cena vs. Carlito would be ECW if: Cena used a cheese grater to the shoulder, along with a frying
pan and rowing oar.
-Hey Zeus’s post match beat down would be ECW if: He power bombed Cena kidney first onto the
edge of a chair and threw him off The Eagle’s Nest onto the fans, who body surfed him around the
arena.
I’ll say this: I LIKE DOING THE ECW MEMBRANE.
More on ECW: Byte This! was dedicated to the DVD and was awesome. Click on the pic for it.
Why this pic? Because SHE SPEAKS!
<
I can’t tell you how good it was to hear Beulah. No matter what you read, SHE is the #1 Valet of
all time. She may not have gotten as much exposure, but she made you feel for her and she also
got physical and involved in some great angles. I mean who can forget her and Kimona? C’mon!
Well this column is winding down. Just a few more things before I go:
-Randy Savage is back with TNA. Under the conditions he gets bodyguards (jobs for his friends) and
Jimmy Hart stays away from him and he gets a limo. When did Jennifer Lopez start wrestling? Does
he insist on taco-flavored kisses for his Ben?
Check out Blatt’s Column this week. He plugs me and I plug back. Even though he did knock the
Victoria picture on My blog. Whatever! I can’t find a better picture of her. If any of you readers have
a better Victoria (“snookie kins” to me) picture, send it my way.
Keep your eyes locked to InsidePulse.com as we head towards the end of the year. As always,
we’ll provide you with up to the minute news and reviews of the entire entertainment world, but we
will be going from level 10 to level cagamilbillion during the holiday season. Keep your pulse beating
here, we won’t disappoint.
And finally, this is my friend Matt:
Matt lives in Austin, Texas and is tired of the same old girls that want commitment and candles. He
has posted this add and I generously use my column space to reprint:
So if you’d like to get it on with Matt, be sure to contact me and I will get you his information. No long
walks on the beach please.
Once again, I’m out like the fat kid in dodge ball!
Adios!
-Hevia
P.S. I forgot that I am PK’s bitch so thank you for The Raw Report every week PK. You are truly
the beat of InsidePulse.com
