Welcome back to The Bootleg. Yesterday, our local rag ran a front-page story on the crisis of Californians who couldn’t afford the high price of housing. As the average home price out here approaches half a million dollars, it’s easy to understand why so many are opting to cash out of Cali.
And, Lord knows, we haven’t even talked about the gallon of 87 octane that’ll run you about $2.49 or the fact that all of our Hardee’s are actually Carl’s Jr. Oh sure, it looks like the same asexual smiling star, but out here “thickburgers” are called “Six Dollar Burgers” and Carl’s doesn’t serve Hardee’s legendary biscuits.
That’s a damn shame. Because, nothing says “breakfast” better than a Made From Scratch ® Biscuit with a heavily breaded breast of deep-fried fowl in the middle.
Still”¦I can never see myself living anyplace else.
See, it goes way beyond all of our sprawling outdoor malls or the multitude of menudo options at 6:00 AM on a Saturday morning. For me, California’s crossover of cultures and climate can’t be beat. That’s not to say that every day is a maudlin melting pot in paradise, though.
A few days ago, there was an apparent plumbing problem at Stately Bootleg Manor. We bought the townhouse last year and had no problems to this point”¦until we awoke to find small sections of saturation through our living room carpet.
We called the Home Owners Association and they sent out a guy from George’s Plumbing to get to the bottom of this. I left work to meet him at our house and he proceeded to do whatever it is that plumbers do. After a few minutes of failing to find the source of the seeping water, he called a co-worker to come out for assistance.
The second guy was several miles south so, until he could drive up, it was just me and Plumber #1″¦and his insightful social commentary.
His thoughts on the aforementioned housing market:
“Y’know, I’ve got a townhouse in Oceanside that’s a lot nicer than this place and I can’t wait to retire and get out of here!”
Wow. I’ve never had my house seemingly sh*t on by a turd-yanking yokel before. But, I know what you’re all thinking: If Schneider’s estate is so exclusive, why does he want to leave?
“There was a shooting near the high school my son’s going to next year. Probably one of those Samoan gangs. All those Samoans can just kill themselves off for all I care.”
In the aura of such in-your-face ignorance, I was dumbstruck by the irony: Had we progressed so far as a nation that an active Klansmen could confide”¦in the Black man? Oh, wait”¦he wasn’t done:
“At least Oceanside isn’t like San Marcos. Nothin’ but Mexicans. Nothin’ but stupid Mexicans everywhere.”
Now, my old man once told me to choose my battles wisely. And, from the looks of Deuce Bigalow’s Dad, he didn’t have too many more years to corrupt the college minds of young Michael Rappaports. But, then”¦he hit a little too close to home:
“Is this your wife?”
He was looking at a picture on our entertainment center. This backwoods banjo-pluckin’ bastard had single-handedly set back Civil Rights to the days of Harriet Tubman and Cicely Tyson. Now, he had something to say about my wife?
“She’s hot.”
What the”¦? A racist who likes Black women”¦? Not even Hollywood could come up with such an implausible”¦oh, wait.
And the TV rights to The Goodness were sold last week”¦
(Quick Note: We’ll be taking next Friday off, as those leftover turkey and cranberry sauce sandwiches won’t make themselves. Enjoy the Bootleg”¦Nick and I will see y’all in two weeks!)
Believe Me”¦We Want To Forget
Former Heavyweight Boxing Champion and (chortle) “rapper”, Roy Jones, Jr. reportedly ran afoul of Fat Joe at a recent album release party for Ja Rule. Why, yes”¦it was a slow week for news, why do you ask?
The long and the short of it is that Jones was pissed at the Puerco Rican for a throwaway lyric that supposedly referenced Jones’ recent struggles in the ring. Now, if Joe really wanted to get after Roy Jones, he should focus his disses on Roy’s music career. Anyone remember the first single and video from Roy’s debut LP Round One: The Album? No? Then, y’all must’ve forgot.
The man rhymes “Reggie Johnson” with “took his light heavyweight title from him”, for God’s sake. For rap fans, this performance ranked as one of the worst ever in prime time”¦just ahead of Do The Bartman but, still light years behind Fresh Young Balki B.
Ah, Perfect Strangers“¦where else could a neurotic thin-lipped WASP and an ethnic stereotype come together?
Well, other than the pre-game opening skit to Monday Night Football.
Proof That Someone Is Paying Attention
The American Music Awards have come and gone, but not without controversy. In fact, it got so heated that a certain producer/rapper has vowed that he won’t be back next year. Dr. Dre? Nah”¦Kanye.
That’s Kanye West”¦who was up for awards in three different categories, yet failed to take home the gold-plated prize in each one. Most galling to the college dropout is his loss in the “Best New Artist” field, which saw country music’s Gretchen Wilson get the nod.
Kanye, ever the diplomat (whoops, wrong group) was magnanimous in defeat:
“I feel I was definitely robbed, damn it. I was the best new artist this year, so get that other bullsh*t out of here.”
Actually, that sound bite might’ve been the best verse he’s dropped all year. Now, in all seriousness, it’s actually kind of refreshing to hear from these celebrity sore losers. But, it would really kick ass to hear from a few bad winners.
I’d have paid top dollar for Gretchen Wilson to accept her award with a line like, “I guess Jesus got tired of walking, n*gga.”
A(nother) Death Row Records Documentary? How Can I Pre-Order?!
Former Death Row rapper Crooked I has a DVD project in the works entitled Leaving Death Row. It’s a look at the struggles that some of the label’s artists have endured in attempting to move on from Death Row and continue their careers, which are often stalled with CEO Suge Knight behind the wheel.
And, it’s been about three weeks”¦isn’t it time for Jimmy Kimmel to have Suge on his sh*tty show again? The last time Knight got out of prison, Kimmel and ABC hyped the hell out of “his first televised interview since his release”. Seemingly, Suge got more airtime than the half of Jimmy’s lazy eye that works.
We’re not a fan of ESPN.com’s Bill Simmons, but it’s gotta say something when he’d rather slip out the back door and back to his legion of lemmings than to write for a man whose prior résumé highlights were “he’s not Adam Corolla” and “makes fun of Howie Long”.
I guess we can credit him for The Man Show, but is it really that hard to find the formula for attracting young boys who really like women, yet have never touched one?
In other news, the Catholic Church merged with World Wrestling Entertainment today”¦
Me So”¦uh, Line?
2 Live Crew front man Luther (Luke) Campbell, 71, is hoping to parlay his name into a chain of urban strip clubs called Luke’s Cabaret. According to a recent press release, his targeted customer demographic will be “affluent African-Americans and Latino males”.
Hey, I’m three of those four things!
Although, come to think of it”¦who else could he possibly go after”¦the broke-ass Black and Hispanic markets? All the Crown Royal bags in the world won’t make your change for the bus any more appealing, Pookie (and Paco). Anyways, Uncle Luke promises to “change the face” of adult entertainment and describes his cutting-edge approach thusly:
The clubs will feature entertainers of all races and national origins and will feature hip hop and R&B music.
Ummm, yeah. And, while it’s not included in the press release, I can only assume that other “innovative, never before seen” strip club features for Luke’s Cabaret include urinals filled with ice, dancers with freakishly large tattoos in places that just seem “off” (ribcage, shins, etc.) and those “3 for $30” specials that are never as good as the 1 for $20 regular dance.
Dressed In The City (Hey, It’s Late, Make Up Your Own Damn Titles)
Sarah Jessica Parker has signed on for The Gap’s new winter ad campaign called “How Do You Share It?” The gist of it is that Parker will have a series of completely contrived encounters with several singers on the streets of New York. Included among the featured artists are Mary J. Blige, JC Chasez and Kelis.
Man, way to hammer home the long-term staying power of The Gap brand, guys. And, how do the producers know which White Castle restaurant Kelis will be working at on the first day of filming? Somebody check the milkshake machine.
As for Mary J. Blige”¦I just don’t buy it. There’s a reason you don’t see Black people in places like The Gap, Supercuts or Friends. See, it’s just not our “thing”.
I still have no idea how Missy Elliott squeezed her big ass into their gear during last year’s Gap ads with Madonna. And Missy left quite the legacy behind (ha!) when she abruptly cut short her contract.
Someone should tell Missy that the whole crushed-velvet jumpsuit ensemble just barely works for Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis and Austin Powers’ foe, Goldmember.
Sometimes The News Just Writes Itself
SpongeBob SquarePants”¦Clifford the Big Red Dog”¦Dora The Explorer”¦together? Yep, along with nearly 100 other cartoon characters who are coming together to cover the classic 1979 cut We Are Family.
In an effort to promote diversity and understanding in the classroom, over 60,000 elementary schools will be viewing the video celebrating tolerance. Word on the street is that security will be extra tight for the recording sessions. Not so much for any fear of bootlegging(!), as it is for genuine concern that Dan Akroyd will somehow make it onto the album.
Eh”¦when I was a kid, schools practiced diversity the old fashioned way: it was forced on them. Busloads of Black kids were brought into the finest neighborhoods and allowed to experience all the accoutrements (like thesauruses) of suburban schools.
Along the way, we learned the finer points of cursive writing”¦despite never mastering the Q or the Z. We learned that the Pledge of Allegiance doesn’t end with the phrase “”¦except for my Negro bruthas in the struggle against whitey.” And we learned that, at lunch, we had evolved from plain old vegetables”¦to vegetable medley.
Nick’a Please
conceptualized by Nick Salemi
We’ve arrived at the 5th and final stop on our Mid 90s (94 and 95 specifically) East Coast Hip Hop Mixtape tour.
Disc One :: Disc Two :: Disc Three :: Disc Four
While the previous four were constructed over the years, this 5th “bonus” disc was compiled while writing these columns over the past month or so. The following are some seriously hard-to-find B-sides, remixes, soundtrack songs, unreleased stuff and just plain forgotten-about tracks.
1. Das EFX feat. Mobb Deep, Microphone Master Remix
I included the original on disc one, as it was pretty hot in its own right. However, this remix featuring Mobb Deep was one of the two tracks I had to go outside my own collection and downloads for. Thank you 99-cent CDs on eBay! Anyway, Das and Mobb actually sound great as a collective group on this one, as they alternate back and forth for each verse.
2. Method Man, The Riddler-RZA Remix
Originally released on the Batman Forever soundtrack, this solo joint from “The Wu Brutha Number One” was not one of his better songs due to the lame beat selected. However, the RZA’s remix gave it a much better sound and improved the song 100%, even if you think the few Batman-related lyrics are equally lame. And if you think anyone else can pull off the made up word “crimi-nimi-nal”, let me know.
3. OC, Time’s Up
One of the most underrated MCs of all time, OC dropped his seminal full-length album Word”¦Life back in 1994. Respected critically, but shunned commercially, you can’t argue with his work. He drops lyrics that I think most will agree still apply to Hip Hop today.
That’s what I consider real, in this field of music
Instead of puttin’ brain cells to work they abuse it
Non-conceptual, non-exceptional
Everybody’s either crime-related or sexual
4. Channel Live feat. KRS-One, Mad Izm
The Blastmaster joins forces with current Blockbuster Video employees, Channel Live for their breakout single. Although we’ve long since changed the channel on these guys, this was a pretty damn hot song, even if the “teacher” sounds a bit hypocritical preaching knowledge while saying “all we do is smoke mad izm.” Which is it? Anyway , I always loved these lines”¦
Like Lionel Richie, your whole style is bitchy
Switch me, mix me, somebody get me
Don’t let me rip out my clothes like Bill Bixby
5. Fat Joe feat. Raekwon and Big Pun, Firewater
The B-side to Fat Joe’s Envy single, Firewater is the track that got tons of mixtape burn. It’s definitive mid-90s “criminology rap” and featured a hot cameo by the Wu Tang Clan’s Raekwon and the rookie debut of Big Pun. Who knew Joe would be the one still making hit records today. Pun would go on to evolve into one of the better lyricists of the late 90s but died far too young and Raekwon has spent his entire career trying in vain to top Only Built for Cuban Linx.
6. Grand Puba, I Like It
This Brand Nubian member’s solo joint could definitely be heard bumpin’ from rides in the summer of 1995. Infectious beat, hook/sample and strong production are really what made this track as Puba’s lyrics are pretty horrendous, especially in the midst of the lyrical renaissance that was happening on the East Coast.
7. M.O.P., How About Some Hardcore
Brooklyn’s finest and long-time underground favorites, the Mash Out Posse debuted back in 1994 with their first full-length album. The track that set it off for them was How About Some Hardcore, (Yeah we like it raaaaaaaw) a mantra that they still stick to today. No word on when the Pay Per View event, pitting Police Academy noise-master Michael Winslow against M.O.P. for the title of “best human impression of a machine gun sound” will take place.
8. Craig Mack feat. Q-Tip, Get Down Remix
There was nothing wrong with Mack’s original version but the Abstract did his part making the remix pretty nice. Mack’s verse is the same but Tip’s production brought something new to the track, as did his (too brief) verse, which not surprisingly, still applies to some of today’s lame wanna-be MCs”¦
Lemme tell you what they do when those MC’s run
They either run and get their boys or they run and get their gun
9. Sunz of Man feat. Killarmy, Soldiers of Darkness
How on earth could a Hip Hop group with 9 members have a B-team? How about TWO B-Teams? That’s how much the Wu had it on lock back then. Released with 5 Arch Angels as a single, to my knowledge this doesn’t exist commercially in CD form. This track actually sounds like something that might have been on the RZA’s Gravediggaz albums and lyrically and musically, seems like a precursor to sound of Jedi Minds Tricks, who would come on the scene in the late 90s.
10. Chubb Rock/OC/Jeru the Damaja, Return of the Crooklyn Dodgers
I included the original Crooklyn on disc four and mistakenly made reference to the Polo Grounds when I should have said Ebbets Field. And to make the point, Chubb mentions in the song”¦“in 95 we take back Ebbets Field.”
Brooklyn, forgive me. Chubb’s verse was OK but its OC and Jeru who really shine here and leave a more lasting impression than Clockers did. (What? Oh, that’s the soundtrack the song appeared on)
11. Onyx feat. Method Man, Evil Streets Remix
The baldheads team up with Johnny Blaze to redo one of their tracks from their All We Got Iz Us album. The production was much better and the hook far superior than the original version. In 1995, Method Man still had an invincible force field around him, not unlike the one you could acquire in Super Mario Bros. and Sticky Fingaz always drops the illest verse on any Onyx song or guest track that he’s on. It’s just the full-length solo album where he gets a little tiresome. Typical gritty in your face Sticky”¦
I got no morals my mind is in the gutter
Kid, I’ll open up your face with my orange box cutter
12. The Roots, Proceed II
Philly’s favorite Hip Hop group/band remixed their first single. This was while they were still gaining underground momentum and before they became MTV darlings because they “played instruments”. I could really care less about that, Black Thought is an under appreciated MC who gets lost in the mix too often. He shares mic time here with Malik B. on the remix. It sounds somewhat similar to the 1st Proceed and is at least as good.
13. Special Ed, Neva Go Back
Special Ed dropped his first album in the late 80s and is best known for the two classic songs it spawned, I Got It Made and I’m the Magnificent. Let’s just say 1995 was a long time after that, especially in Hip Hop years, which, at that point, were equivalent to dog years.
Speaking of dogs, Ed was probably about to get the Old Yeller treatment but came hard on the Crooklyn track and as a result, was granted a stay of execution. That took the form of his single Neva Go Back where he displayed a quick, tight-flowed delivery that proved he could still hang.
14. Nas, One on One
Queens Hip Hop icon Nasir Jones was in Post-Illmatic, pre-It Was Written stage when this dropped as part of the Streetfighter soundtrack. Although, we all know Aaron Cameron picked this album up because he wanted to hear the Hammer/Deion Sanders collaboration Straight to My Feet, Nasty Nas is on fire here, lyrically. In all seriousness, this could probably have been included on Illmatic and most wouldn’t have batted an eyelash. Can you argue with these opening bars?
In the Rotten Apple take a bite taste the worm
Embrace the world of reality we’re faced to learn
Coke connection drug bust graveyards where thugs rest
I keep my mug blessed the evil is illegal substance
15. Smif N Wessun feat. OGC, Sound Bwoy Bureill Remix
The Bootcamp again? Yup. This time Smif N Wessun, redoes the slow-thumping bass line from the original with a faster paced beat and more shine time given to OGC. The track, like the original, also features a reggae-influenced hook, which isn’t as annoying as you might think. It was released commercially as the b-side to the Wreckognize Remix (disc 6 anyone?) I think I’m going to start a support group for people who admit to still having this CD.
16. Showbiz & AG, Next Level
Well-known as card-carrying members of the DITC crew, Show and AG had a really hot and slept-on album, Goodfellas back in 1995. Impossible to find these days on CD, I was able to snag the single for this mixtape. Next Level had two versions and the production on both is phenomenal.
17. Real Live feat. Ghostface, Cappadonna, Killa Sin-Real, Real Live Sh*t Remix
Who? Come on, haven’t you been reading? Real Live had some credibility as they got original and extended members of the Wu-Family to show up for the remix of their hit, Real Live Sh*t. The beat is almost the same as the original, and the Wu-verses are solid. This could be heard on mixtapes in late 95 but actually never hit a full-fledged commercial release until 1996 as part of the whole album, which was way too late for anyone to remember them. It’s too bad because the lyrics and production were outstanding.
18. Jay-Z, In My Lifetime
I can’t front, I didn’t have this right when it came out”¦but none of you did either. This was released even before Dead Presidents. Hang on, it’s not the version that’s on the Streets is Watchin soundtrack. The remix had that wack R&B hook “what’s the mean-ing, what’s the meaning of liiiiife”. The original is much better and it’s quite interesting to see how far Jigga has come since then.
We’ve come to the end of our mixtape journey. I hope this column helped all of you who were fans back in the day remember what was so great about this era. If you want a reason to put this set in your CD changer, flip your radio onto the local Hip Hop station, today.
Yikes.
It’s one thing to pine for the old days and not want to move on, but it’s another to compare the quality of Hip Hop being put out today versus back then. I’ve had a blast doing this piece and special thanks to everyone who wrote in and, of course, to Aaron for letting me carve up my little piece of the Bootleg.
Get at me at nicksalemi@yahoo.com
General Haberdashery
Mathan says ‘goodbye’ to ODB and shows, once again, why he’s my favorite IP writer of them all. Emotional, yet measured”¦it’s a great read. Oh, and he also wants to spit on Dr. Dre. We’ll call him ‘complex’ and ‘conflicted’ and leave it at that.
So, I was at Best Buy the other day and came across a few DVD compilations of those After School Specials from the ’70s and ’80s. Immediately, I thought of Gloomchen and I mean that in the best way possible. When they start casting her life story, I wanna play the one Black guy in Iowa who’s not on a scholarship.
Jeff Fernandez missed his first ever Saturday Swindle Sheet, but I’m sure he’d want you to read my review of the new Snoop Dogg album in its place.
And, introducing: J.A.M”¦The Weekend Bookends!
Movie Joe Reid moves to Mondays and sets the standard for celluloid news and irreverent views. Start now, if you’ve never read his column”¦where else can you find comparisons between The Holocaust and Required High School reading? Maybe you prefer overt shots at the Inside Pulse staff (I know I do!) How about an intro which is 65% ghost-written by me!
Finally, TV Mathan takes my column and pens a pilot that will surely go down in infamy with the likes of Fox Force Five“¦sans Uma Thurman.
Junk Mail
Here’s a sampling of feedback from Inside Pulse’s Eminem: Beyond the Encore series:
Part I :: Part II :: Part III :: Part IV
As someone who was so impressed with your work on the 2Pac: Countdown series, I got to say you let me down this time around. The reason the Pac thing worked was because you didn’t pass judgment on him (not once) during the entire 10-part series. Your hate for Eminem just comes through too much and keeps you from really showing “both sides of the story””¦B.R.
I’m not really sure where I “passed judgment” on Slim Shady in this series. If anything, I went out of my way to keep from speaking on the most controversial parts of his career, other than to recount what happen and let y’all judge for yourselves. Truth be told, I’ve been a huge Em fan for years (hey, I even like many of his beats), but I’m sorry you weren’t feelin’ the series.
===
Just another outstanding job, Aaron. I think it great that you can come with the comedy on Fridays, but then completely change up your style when you have to be “serious” and present such an insightful look at one of the most complex artists in the game today. I really would like to see more of these types of serious features on the Hip Hop generation from you guys”¦K.L.
===
What the f*ck what that (Part III)? Why is Inside Pulse trying to keep people from buying Eminem’s album? All that sh*t with the N-word was pretty weak, considering he apologized for using the word. Just move on and start worrying about the real problems in rap like the garbage that passes for “music” on drive-time radio these days. He’ll still outsell any other artist out there so it seems like everyone can let go except you guys”¦M.A.
There were lots of conspiracy theorists out there and this was one of the least profane. I’m sorry my use of “the N-word” (once) or “n*gga” (once) bugged you out in Part III. The message I was trying to send was just that. It’s an uncomfortable matter that should be discussed. Let’s jumpstart the dialogue and not pretend “it was 10 years ago”. And, it’ll be a tragic day when anyone “lets go” of such serious matters as easily as you.
===
Loved every part of the series, Aaron, so I’ll ask you the same thing I did when I finished the 2Pac series”¦what were some of the things that surprised you the most as you went back through Eminem’s catalog and looked at his career in retrospect”¦R.C.
I guess the biggest shock for me was how poorly some of his material has stood up in just a few short years. While I’ve always thought his first two commercial releases (especially, The Marshall Mathers LP) were overrated, there were tracks that I remember loving the first time I heard them. Unfortunately, by themselves, they’re really not that distinguishable from any of his other stuff during the same time.
And, I would’ve handed out at least a 9/9.5 upon my first listen of The Eminem Show, but in hindsight it’s just a very good album and nowhere near a “classic”.
Oh, and before I forget”¦my long-delayed review of Encore will be up tonight or tomorrow and Jeff Fernandez and Mike Eagle are promising a comprehensive look at the pre-celebrity Eminem and all his underground sh*t. Who says there’s no reason to visit Inside Pulse on the weekends?
(It better not be you, mister.)
Life With the Bootleg Family
Last Friday, I stumbled into work after being back east for the previous four days. And, I should’ve known what kind of day I was in store for when I reached into the weekly pink pastry box to find that only the lonely shaved coconut donut remained. Seriously, why is that always the last donut”¦?
Anyways, I served my time in the mines and got up to go home, when my tenth hour on the clock began with a phone call from the wife.
“Me and the girls are going out tonight, can you watch Jalen?”
OK, is it really a question if there’s no choice involved? It was me, Kid Cameron and a few hours of backlogged TiVo for the evening. Mrs. Bootleg found her way home around midnight, reeking of cigarettes and men’s hands”¦but, I didn’t care. It was late, I was still on East Coast time and all I wanted was my side of the bed.
At 1:30 AM, Jalen started crying. Usually, the wife will spring into overprotective action if the kid so much as hiccups, but this time she did nothing. Well, that’s not true”¦with squinty eyes and 101-proof breath she asked,
“Do I smell like smoke?”
Oh yeah”¦this is just the woman I want holding a nine-month old child right now. For the next two hours, Jalen climbed over my comatose carcass, before finally succumbing to his own sleep.
He stayed down for a whole hour before waking up again. For those counting at home, the total amount of sleep for Mr. Jetlag and Diaper Bags was about 75 minutes. This would come into play on Saturday night, when the wife and I planned a kid-free celebration of our second anniversary.
Sadly, I had to beg out of the movie portion of the evening, after a stiff, whiskey-based beginning (middle and end) of the dinner half. And, as the wife and I are still the only Black folk to have not seen Ray, you can imagine how quiet the car ride home was.
35 minutes without a word from the wife”¦? Best”¦gift”¦ever.
From my family to you and yours”¦have a happy and safe Thanksgiving. Get at me on AOL or Yahoo IM: ajcameron13
