X-Men #164 Review

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Reviewer: James Hatton
Story Title: N/A

Written by: Chuck Austen
Penciled by: Salvador Larroca
Inked by: Danny Miki
Colored by: Liquid!
Lettered by: VC’s Chris Eliopoulos
Publisher: Marvel Comics

We have counted down the issue numbers.

Not since Heroes Reborn has such a public outcry been heard as a run ended.

Marvel has said that as this run ends, the world of the X-Men would never be the same. (I only can assume they’ve said that, as they say it about every issue.)

This time… they were right.

X-Men #164 ends the run of Chuck Austen, and whether you believe that Marvel Editorial has had it’s hand stroking his pencil throughout his run, or if you see him to be the enemy of all things ‘X’ – you can sleep a little better tonight, knowing that he will not grace your X-Pages again.

Next month we can all start bitching about Peter Milligan.

Story!

In Austen’s last arc, (for the record, that still sounds like the tittering laughter of children, or even the subtle beauty of churchbells to my ears) he has given us a generally pointless battle between the X-folk and the newly re-reformed Brotherhood of Mutants. Led by Exodus, Magneto’s old right hand guy (who, like every other mutant – did NOT die in the attack on Genosha), the Brotherhood attacks the X-Mansion with Black Tom, Avalanche, Sabretooth, and a new guy that will never be seen after this arc finishes up.

Juggernaut, who not only turned his back on the X-Men, now turns his back on the Brotherhood to run back to the X-Men and say ‘MY BAD!’. What this is supposed to seem like, is that Juggernaut has thrown us a double swerve, but reasonably speaking it comes across that he was so upset that the Brotherhood killed his only friend, Sammy the fishboy, that he runs back to the X-Men to exact his revenge. I just don’t buy the idea that he had some huge plot cooked up, especially when it seemed that he had no idea the Brotherhood was even coming. (Oh, and even if they WERE coming, if he wasn’t working with them, he would have told someone.)

Over at the mansion, Gambit is being helped by a snide little blonde, who we only learn through the ‘PREVIOUSLY IN…’ section, is one of the Stepford Cuckoos. He and she are doing their best to use her telepathy and his card throwing to defend the mansion, because seemingly THEY ARE THE ONLY ONES THERE!?!

…deep breaths, only a few more paragraphs to go through

Okay, so Wolverine and Sabretooth meet up, and in the most stereotypical set-up ever, they have a fight that we don’t get a chance to see. “It’s time me and Sabretooth finished this once and for all.” When we visit them later, we are left to assume Sabretooth is dead. Now you and I know that Sabretooth will be back, but even if Austen THOUGHT that he was going to get to write the ending to that story (Logan/Creed) – don’t you think it would have been useful to show just maybe a panel or two of the fight? Nah, me neither…

…almost… there….

And then we come to Black Tom and The End. Black Tom’s powers are off the charts nowadays so his ability to control all plants is about to take down everyone. Nocturne uses her power to take over people to leap into Tom – Xorn opens up his face and sucks him in.. and for no reason, even though it’s supposed to be over this weird supposed guilt he has over Sammy being dead – Juggy jumps in too.

…wasn’t this Nocturne’s first arc in X-Men?…

Yes, yes it was.

…so why did she have to go away?

Because she was the only Deus Ex Machina that Austen could think of.

…you do realize this comic has made you start talking to yourself…

Yes. Yes I have.

Okay, one last bit before I go vomit blood – our last scene shows Annie and her son Carter driving away to be forgotten into X-Continuity forever. Oh, and Carter is sitting talking to an evil spirit, that might or might not have been Cassandra Nova, but the fact is I really don’t care. Austen has officially ended his run with a subtle cliffhanger, but it’s very easy to have never seen that page. How? Rip it out. If we all do that, it will be as if it never existed.

Art!

A note: This book could have been painted by Alex Ross, and it still wouldn’t help it.

Since though, it was done by the fine hands of Salvador Larroca.. it still doesn’t help. I will admit to saying that the art in this issue is some of Larroca’s best X-Work to date with lots of fine details in the fight scenes. His art gets muted by the colors though, which seem fairly weak. The book is done in a subdued pallete so everything seems greyer and more morose.

Now, in reviews gone by, I’ve talked about the cover and whether it conveys what happens within the book. I then did away with that as most covers just don’t convey anything. This cover DOES convey something. For the climax of this run of the X, it must be stated that the cover features Sabretooth fighting Wolverine – giving you the ONLY PANEL of the fight that might or might not have gone on between them. Just wanted to point that out, thanks.

Overall!

So that’s that. We’re done. I can now slap the dirt off my hand, and boil myself to try and get clean. Now, I know that I’m reacting quite negatively to this book – but look at the goodside – if you read this review.. YOU didn’t have to read this book.

I have been a neighsayer of Austen’s for a very long time – and there is justified reason for that. Austen has the inability to write a cohesive team book. He leaves too much hanging in the gutters for you to figure out and the justifications he gives his characters for their actions border on idiotic. Polaris has not ONCE apologized for going insane. The X’ers haven’t asked Xorn II to explain how he and his twin have been off the radar forever. Not to mention, isn’t there still *mysterious music* a great evil in the mansion? Whether editorial has been heavy handed, or not – there is still a need for cohesiveness that he has failed to give us.

So, in closing – Chuck Austen, it was so nice to be the one to say good-bye to you. Enjoy DC, where Tim Stevens can complain about you instead of me.