The SmarK RAW Rant – November 29, 2004
– Live from Baltimore, MD.
– Your hosts are JR & King.
– And we start right away with the battle royale.
– RAW World title, Battle Royale. But first, Vince joins us to bait-and-switch AGAIN, as he announces that HHH will not in fact defend the title in this match. Instead, HHH defends against the winner of the match. Lame. I can understand not putting the belt up in the match, but at least announce it in advance. And as much as I despise battle royales, at least the concept of anyone having a shot at winning the title holds more curiosity than the done-to-death “winner of the match gets a title shot” stipulation that guarantees only a certain percentage of the guys have a shot. So anyway, it’s the usual brawl to start and everyone gangs up on Viscera and dumps him. Rhyno goars Tomko, but Tajiri tosses Rhyno soon after. Tomko joins him on the floor in short order, via Shelton Benjamin according to the replay. Maven dropkicks Grenier off the apron to eliminate him, and then he gets outsmarted by EUGENE and tossed. Oh man, that’s gotta hurt. And we take a break. We’re back, and the commercials have claimed Coach as a victim. And Regal, and Conway, as Snitsky goes on a rampage. Next up, Rosey and Hurricane. And then the inevitable showdown with Batista, and you know where my allegiances lie for that one. They slug it out, but the babyfaces break it up and the crowd BOOS. I find it funny that the company which obsesses about pushing only huge musclemen has no idea how to book them against each other. Batista sends Eugene packing and beats on Tajiri before sending him out, and then gives Jericho a spinebuster and kills Venis dead on the round. Awesome. Oh, and Christian. And FLAIR. Oh my. Flair is quite upset and we take another break. Back with Snitsky on the apron, and Jericho finally eliminates him with a dropkick. Amazingly, Steve Richards is still alive. So we’ve got Benoit, Edge, Jericho, Batista, Richards and Benjamin. They all go after Stevie because they’re playa haters, and toss him. Poor guy can’t catch a break. So Big Dave starts beating on Benoit and Benjamin goes with Edge. They fight in the corner and Benjamin charges, but Edge dumps him and spears him off the apron. So our final four are Edge, Benoit, Jericho, and Batista. Jericho pairs off with Dave and Benoit jostles with Edge, and no one gets anywhere. Jericho tries a crossbody and Batista waits him out, catches him, and dumps him. Edge spears Batista and tries a DDT on Benoit, but that earns him a german suplex for his troubles. Batista clobbers Benoit from behind and goes for the demon bomb, but Benoit hangs on and survives an Edge dropkick that puts Batista out. So it’s Benoit v. Edge. Edge tries to hammer him off the apron, and they fight over a suplex, but Edge tries another spear, and runs into Benoit’s fist. Both guys end up on the apron and slug it out, and Benoit tries a german suplex off the apron, cuz he’s a monster. So that works, and both tumble off and out at 19:04. The refs are of differing opinions on who the winner is, so we take yet another commercial break to figure it out.
– Meanwhile, Vince leaves the decision up to Randy Orton, and Edge pleads his case.
– Meanwhile, an embittered Maven blows off Eugene and teases a heel turn.
– Meanwhile, Benoit pleads his case to Orton and it’s yet another generic diva loser getting screen time.
– So Randy joins us to inform us that it’s Eugene & Regal v. La Rez for the tag titles, Jerry Lawler v. Ric Flair and the very predictable triple threat match for the title with HHH v. Benoit v. Edge. Wow, what a daring and imaginative decision.
– Lita & Victoria v. Trish & Molly. See, I know the heel team in advance of them being announced because THERE’S NO ONE ELSE LEFT. Apparently the cutbacks have extended to Victoria’s pants as well. Man, times are tough all over. Molly attacks Victoria to start and gets a suplex for two, and Trish kicks her down for two. Trish hairtosses her down for two, and clotheslines her for two. Molly gets a neckbreaker for two, but Victoria comes back with a rollup behind the ref’s back. Molly goes to the chinlock and then gets another neckbreaker, and Trish chokes away in the corner. They continue cutting off the ring, but Victoria finally kicks away from Trish and makes the hot tag to Lita, who is best served by standing on the apron and clapping. She cleans house and suplexes Trish, then hits Molly with the headscissors. She puts Trish in the SLEEPER OF DEATH and Molly is forced to break it up. Trish slugs away on Lita, but puts her head down (perhaps the noseguard is affecting her vision) and thus gets DDTd and pinned at 6:43. I don’t buy a single thing Lita does in the ring, but this was good formula tag team stuff. **
– Jerry Lawler v. Ric Flair. Lawler overpowers Flair to start and does some strutting. It amazes me that a match that would have drawn enough money to fill a dump truck in the 80s would be trotted out as a comedy match 20 years later. Lawler grabs a headlock, but gets chopped in the corner, and then comes back with punching. Why don’t they get Lawler to teach the OVW guys to punch like that? Flair slugs him down and chops away again, and drops a knee for two. Lawler, however, pulls down the strap and makes the comeback. Elbowdrop gets two. He goes up with the fistdrop, but hurts his knee on the way down. And that’s all Flair needs, as he goes for the leg. Lawler gets a quick cradle for two, but Flair finishes with the figure-four (with the help of the ropes) at 6:13. This was fine for what it was. *1/2
– And now it’s more diva losers, as Randy Orton has to keep putting over the wannabes and I have to keep not caring about any of them. So it’s a lingerie competition of some sort, as Stacy and other women strip to their underwear. And that’s the whole segment. Randy Orton continues to be lame and forced as a babyface. Maybe almost as lame and forced as this segment was. Really, it’s six of one and half a dozen of the other. Seriously, they actual PAY people to pitch ideas like “We’ll have a bunch of women undress in the ring”?
– RAW World tag titles: Eugene & William Regal v. La Resistance. Eugene overpowers Conway and poses to start, and Regal slugs him down for two. Conway comes back with a forearm and brings in Grenier, who hammers Regal down for two. Conway goes to a facelock and cuts off the tag, but Regal makes the tag and goes all ragin’ retard on Conway. Double axehandle off the top gets two, but La Rez comes back with a double team attempt. Regal breaks it up and the stunner finishes Conway at 3:45. Well, so much for La Rez. 1/2* Maven attacks Eugene during the celebration, however. Man, from main eventing with HHH to feuding with the idiot savant.
– Meanwhile, lucky fans can bid on the dirty underwear used in the women’s segment! Lucky them!
– RAW World title: HHH v. Edge v. Benoit. As much as I hate triple threat matches generally, it’s at least a good way to get the title onto Edge without using a transition champion. Benoit attacks Edge to start and hammers away on the ropes while HHH watches. Edge comes back with a baseball slide to send Benoit out, and they brawl on the floor. HHH knocks Edge off the apron and goes to work on Benoit, whipping him into the corner for two. Benoit comes back with a german suplex, but gets clubbed from behind by Edge, and it’s a three-way slugfest. Benoit elbows HHH down and suplexes HHH, then clotheslines everyone to the floor and follows with a double tope suicida, and that’s our usual cue for a break. Back with HHH out on the floor and Benoit suplexing Edge onto the top rope. He goes for the Sharpshooter, but HHH dives in to break, so it’s crossface for him. Evolution runs in and breaks that up, however, so Randy Orton comes down and tosses them. That allows Edge to roll HHH up for two. A MAIN EVENT SPINEBUSTER gets two for HHH, however. Edge gets a DDT for two. He sets up for the spear, but HHH counters by USING THE KNEE. It’s KICK WHAM PEDIGREE, but Edge counters with a catapult, and Benoit follows with a german suplex. And then suplexes Edge onto HHH, which leaves HHH on the floor selling the pain. Benoit takes Edge down with the Sharpshooter while Orton cheers him on, but HHH sends Orton into the post and breaks it up. Benoit sends him into the corner and then sends Edge into HHH, and then repeats that sequence into the other corner, which leaves HHH on the floor again. Rolling germans for Edge, but HHH breaks it up, and gets dumped AGAIN. Man, why is he even in the match? Benoit goes up and gets stopped by Edge, and wouldn’t you know it’s a ref bump. HHH grabs a chair, but Orton steals it and clobbers him with it, leaving him unconscious in the front row. Back in the ring, Benoit gets the crossface on Edge as a second ref joins things, but Edge rolls over for the pin at 14:44 at the same time as he taps. The refs again disagree on who won, leading to both guys celebrating with the belt. So basically we have no idea who the champion is, although good money says that HHH ends up with the belt next week no matter what the decision. **3/4
The Inside Pulse:
You know, bookending the show with the same idiotic double-finish takes balls if nothing else, I’ll give ’em that. Randy Orton pretty much makes the lamest GM ever, as his one major decision was overturned by Vince McMahon and his only other contribution was getting chicks to strip for him. Wow, what a guy. Hopefully Jericho will have some fun with the position next week. I was really looking forward to seeing where they’d go with the battle royale stipulation leading up to tonight, and the answer, as usual was “nowhere”, but I guess I should have seen it coming. Hopefully next week will be a straight up Benoit v. Edge match for the title with HHH going off to promote Blade or whatever, but I’m not holding my breath.
