GRUTMAN: Okay, I’ve been gone for awhile so I think you should give me a big introduction.
NOT MORSE: But the people really want to hear me… I’m kidding.
GRUTMAN: You’re something. Introduce me Morse.
NOT MORSE: Ladies and Gentlemen, making his triumphant return to InsidePulse with the very first edition of “Grutman vs. NOT Daniels”, it’s your favorite screenwriter and mine, JOSH GRUTMAN
GRUTMAN: Thank you! Oh my God. You didn’t have to do that.
NOT MORSE: Only the best for you Josh.
GRUTMAN: Welcome to my new favorite column, Grutman vs. Not Daniels. You do a good job and you could get your name in the column Mr. Morse.
NOT MORSE: I’m going to give it my best shot. I mean, who doesn’t want to be in Morse’s column?
GRUTMAN: Huh? Who are you?
JENNETTE: PK Lite….. also known as Brad Jennette, I’m InsidePulse’s resident Smackdown reporter.
GRUTMAN: Oh my God. There’s a liter PK?
JENNETTE: Shocking isn’t it?
GRUTMAN: Fair enough. We’re going to discuss wrestling. What DANIELS and I used to do was pick a topic and debate it. Think you could handle that?
JENNETTE: Let’s hope for the sake of this column I can.
GRUTMAN: You’re a Smackdown expert, so tonight the question is simple: Does Smackdown suck or not? I chose the question, you can pick a side.
JENNETTE: I’m going to have to say Smackdown does NOT suck. It’s obviously considered the “B show” by the WWE brass, but there are several things that keep me entertained week to week. Carlio Caribbean Cool being the biggest reason I tune in (that and the fact Widro threatens to beat the crap outta me if I flake out on doing the report).
GRUTMAN: Carlito Caribbean Cool. Yes. He spits apples and talks like a charisma-less Razor Ramon, no?
JENNETTE: That’s not a cool description mang. He oozes charisma in a time where there aren’t all that many stars that CAN do much talking. He has taken a gimmick that I thought was doomed from the start and had kept it entertaining for the most part.
GRUTMAN: He oozes something. It’s not charisma.
JENNETTE: Come on now Grut. How could you NOT like a guy that kicks little kids sand castles, steals from the elderly, and throws drinks in women’s faces?
GRUTMAN: I like Flea just fine, but we’re talking about Smackdown. Stay on topic dickwad. So Carlito is your reason to tune in. Out with an injury is he?
JENNETTE: He is out…. possibly up to three months. However, he isn’t the only reason I tune in to the show. I never watch a Kurt Angle or Eddy Guererro match and come away with a feeling that it sucked. JBL is another guy that I could listen to cut promos all day. Mysterio and Van Dam provide some spotfests that work. It’s not just Carlito. Even traumatized Heidenreich….
GRUTMAN: We’ve seen every trick that Mysterio and Van Dam can do. I’m going to concede that JBL has picked up HUGE in the mic area, but he’s not good enough still. And what the hell is Angle doing? How could he fade into the background? And where did Eddie go? He sick?
JENNETTE: Angle and Eddy are both still around and rolling along like nothing happened. Angle isn’t really capable of going balls to the wall for 30 minutes anymore because of his neck but he can still put on a great 10-15 minute “WWE style” match. Eddy’s act is a little stale, but he still brings the goods in the ring. I’d like to see Eddy turn heel again but he does just enough to keep getting face pops.
GRUTMAN: Yeah, he does just enough coke.
JENNETTE: You providing it for him? After watching “Cheating death, stealing life” I have my doubts about Eddy’s wild side still being a part of his life.
GRUTMAN: I have my wheelings and dealings. Shh. Cheating Death, Stealing Coke. It was very moving.
GRUTMAN: Creatively, the show sucks. The writing is just horrible.
JENNETTE: The show is sort of stuck in a rut. They obviously want to put the WWE title on Cena, but they know they can’t possibly build towards a JBL/Cena headliner at Wrestlemania 21. I’m expecting the belt to get hotshotted a couple of times between now and WM21. All in all, I would say Smackdown is in as good of shape as Raw is right now.
GRUTMAN: Smackdown blows. Almost every act is completely stale, like your sister! That’s right Jennette, your sister is stale!
JENNETTE: Nice one. You ARE a professional writer aren’t you? I figured you could come up with something a tad better then that one. Anywho, Smackdown has one thing going for it that Raw does not. The show isn’t dominated by one particularly person.
GRUTMAN: Oh yeah? Your mom!
JENNETTE: Classic.
GRUTMAN: Stupid Jennette calling me on my weak puns. I hate that kid. Daniels, why did you ever leave me? Daniels. DANNNNNIELS!
JENNETTE: Oh shit….. Widro TOLD me to feed you the jokes and play along…. I always forget.
GRUTMAN: Shut up! Widro doesn’t know me. So what if HHH dominates Raw?
JENNETTE: Triple H is the champion, but the entire Raw universe so to speak doesn’t revolve around him.
GRUTMAN: Yes it does. And without a break out face star, it has kind of been working. The Chris’ vs. Hunter, with little Randy Orton trying to be the Rock. It’s cute in its own way.
JENNETTE: The problem is that NOTHING is happening. Even with the face team in control of Raw, not a single thing has changed. Everybody still hates Triple H. Evolution is still intact. Maven and Batista haven’t turned. Coach takes a beating every week. Most importantly, Triple H is still World Champ.
GRUTMAN: Actually, Triple H lost the title tonight Mr. Pays Attention.
JENNETTE: You really think so? I’m expecting the whole “both guys beat each other so it’s a draw” type deal.
GRUTMAN: No, but in all honesty I don’t particularly care. Whoever the champion is doesn’t affect me one way or the other. I just wanna be entertained. Cena’s raps don’t do it anymore. Angle wrestling a nobody doesn’t do it. Eddie floundering is meaningless.
JENNETTE: I agree Cena’s should drop the rapper gimmick if all he is going to do it make dick and fart jokes.
GRUTMAN: Big Show lumbering is so WCW 1999. JBL is Million Dollar Man rehashed. I don’t know what Heidenreich is other than being shoved down my throat. Carlito does have a little spark, but it’s almost identical to Razor Ramon.
JENNETTE: Booker T has been dusted off and brought back from the dead. He is actually considered a threat (by some) to the title. The Undertaker is always looming and he is a threat. Eddy is back in the title picture finally.
GRUTMAN: Booker T is still dead. The Undertaker is holding on too hard and for too long. Eddy is the very picture of wasted opportunity. I love the guy, and I can’t watch him anymore.
JENNETTE: Heidenreich’s character is 100 times more entertaining because of Heyman, but he is going a fine job in his own right with the psycho gimmick
GRUTMAN: You’re a psycho gimmick!
JENNETTE: I work for this site, I very well might be psycho. Eddy is a wasted opportunity? Outside of John Cena, who will be getting the WWE title within the next 6 months, and Taker, who is a WWE “legend”, Eddy is STILL the most over guy on Smackdown.
GRUTMAN: That’s number 3. The number three face. That’s NOTHING. He should have been the next Austin. He could have been. I don’t mean in gimmick. I mean in popularity, in catchphrases, in driving sales of tickets, in headlining every Pay Per View.
JENNETTE: It was not his fault. He simply went out and put on great matches and had an incredibly unique gimmick that the fans ate up, a faces that cheats at every corner.
GRUTMAN: Yes.
JENNETTE: The lack of credible heels at the time hurt Eddy’s reign. Brock split shortly after Eddy took the title. Eddy beat Angle, then who was left?
GRUTMAN: So they put the belt on one of the least credible heels ever? Bradshaw has improved, but he sucked badly at the time. Eddie was not cutting it, especially giving interviews. In the build up to Wrestlemania, nothing but fire. As champion… nothing.
JENNETTE: That’s the thing. Its much easier to put the title on, and keep it on, a bad heel champion then it is to keep the title on a face champion who is struggling.
GRUTMAN: Give me another example. Give me one other example from where you derive this theory. This idiotic, wrong theory that just proves why Jennettes should have been rescued from the island before three generation of inbreeding occurred.
JENNETTE: Speaking of incest, you were the one speaking of STALE sisters…. trying to cover something up by over compensating? Cracking jokes on me when in fact it could be YOU who is the one hiding a dirty secret.
GRUTMAN: I don’t have any sisters. Just brothers. But we don’t bathe together since middle school.
JENNETTE: Alright, for the most part, face champions are simply transitional guys. Name the last LONG and pure face title run, there hasn’t been one recently because quite simply, that isn’t what today’s fan wants to see. Fans like to see a heel champion who has snuck past many foes and finally gets his ass kicked by the hero face.
GRUTMAN: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Yeah, then why was the WWF at its height of popularity with Hulk Hogan? The WWE with Steve Austin? WCW with Goldberg? Fans LOVE a dominate heel champion. Love it so much they change the channel.
JENNETTE: This isn’t the 80s. This isn’t WCW. This SURELY isn’t the “Attitude Era”.
GRUTMAN: Yeah, so?
JENNETTE: People simply don’t buy a “super hero” champion who gets fed some fat slug every month and goes over.
GRUTMAN: But people aren’t buying period.
JENNETTE: WWE can’t afford to risk putting 1 guy over the entire ROSTER.
GRUTMAN: YES THEY CAN! And they must.
JENNETTE: Who do you have in mind?
GRUTMAN: Be it Cena or Eddie or even Booker T. They gotta pick a horse and run with it, cause they are getting killed right now.
JENNETTE: The horses have been picked. Orton is the “future” of Raw, while Cena is the “future” of Smackdown. You and I might not agree with the choices, but those are the two guys that are almost certainly going to walk out of Wrestlemania with the world titles.
GRUTMAN: Maybe. I actually want to believe in Cena. Orton not so much. He should be the #2 man for a while more.
JENNETTE: Personally, I like Orton better…. the problem is that I like both guys MORE as heels. Cena has become an idol for 14 year old boys who like making lame sex jokes, kinda like you, and Orton had no real reason to turn true blue face. Orton should have been a cocky loner who was turfed out by the heels, but still didn’t trust and was not trusted by the faces.
GRUTMAN: Fair enough. I don’t see why Vince is ignoring the wonder that is Chris Jericho. I apologize for Cena and I liking the pussy. Perhaps you’d prefer to watch Bravo’s Monday Night Queer Eye Marathon? Score with the dated gay joke on Jennette, who sounds French. You French?
JENNETTE: Indeed. *Insert lame joke here right?*
GRUTMAN: No. The French are a proud people. Plus, the great thing is we won’t need to ask the fans to vote. You’ll just surrender.
GRUTMAN: God I need a rimshot.
JENNETTE: You’re obviously on fire tonight. While my ancestors have not been particularly noble or brave or tough during the many wars this planet has been through, I still am very proud of my heritage.
GRUTMAN: That’s great Frog. Final argument time. Go.
JENNETTE: I think most of us need to take a couple of steps back and try and shake loose the smark glasses we wear all the time. Recently, I’ve decided that I’m not going to give a shit how many buys a certain pay per view gets or what rating Smackdown pulls in every week. All I care about is what keeps me entertaining and Smackdown has several guys that while somewhat stale and stuck in neutral, still keep me entertained as a FAN. I still have some “markout” moments watching the show every week and in the end, isn’t that all that really matters?
GRUTMAN: I like that line, “keep me entertained as a FAN.” We want to be fans, don’t we? Yet I’ve become a fan myself this year. I’m a fan of Survivor. I’m a fan of the Apprentice. As much as I wanted to be a fan of Smackdown, it stopped entertaining me. I’ve even tried flipping back, but what I’ve seen has just confirmed my decision. Changes need to made, and they need to start with getting defenders without herpes.
GRUTMAN: And that’s the end of it. How do you think you did?
JENNETTE: I thought I held my own…. you’re a superior writer then I am. But I had fun, you got me on some stuff and I had to try and just plug along right through it
GRUTMAN: Good attitude sweet scum. Now the fans get to decide who won the debate! Send your vote to VPJG@aol.com. Bart Jennette, I might just have to keep you for another week.
JENNETTE: lol
GRUTMAN: Say goodnight to our ugly readers.
JENNETTE: Goodnight ugly readers!
