Here we go, folks! It’s time for another NWA TNA Roundtable, this time for the (relatively) new promotion’s second Sunday PPV! Seated at the roundtable today is a ton of new blood from InsidePulse’s Wrestling staff, so let’s get this started…
“The Macho Man” Randy Savage, AJ Styles and Jeff Hardy vs. The Kings of Wrestling (Jeff Jarrett, Scott Hall and Kevin Nash)
Dan Hevia: On first thought, I wanted to pinch myself and ask “Is this really happening?”…then I started to cry…then I realized that the Kings Of Wrestling are going to win because the median age on that team is higher than Styles, Hardy and Savage. Median age wins…
Winners – Kings Of Wrestling
Jed Shaffer: Normally, I’d say the Kings of Wrestling, but with FatDust as the new booker…yikes. It could be easier to consult a magic 8-ball. Too bad I don’t have one. I see some kind of “shocking” swerve happening, like Macho joining the KOW or something.
Winner – The Old World Order
Gordi: The worst possible outcome would be another “shocking” Russo-esque Main Event swerve, so I’m calling a Savage heel turn, followed by the company changing its name to WCW/TNA.
Winner – The Middle Aged World Order
Kurtis Osterlund: To me, this story has been booked rather lazyily. Hall & Nash go out and cut rambling half assed promos and Jarrett acts like the organ grinder’s monkey, hanging all over them. On the flip side, you have Styles and Hardy who have said almost nothing in the past month and Savage who looks like he raided Trish Status’ closet two years ago. This deal is doing nothing for me and I actually think it makes TNA look a little bush league. Hopefully it’ll end this weekend, but I doubt it.
Winners – the bloated, the gray and the King of Annoyance
Mike Lawrence: I can’t see the faces winning the first match of what looks to be a long-lasting feud. Expect the finish to be Randy hitting all his signature spots on Jarret, only to have either Scott or Hall spoil the pinfall with a blunt object. Or they’ll just have another heel join the faction. Both suggestions work.
Winners – The Middle Age Monarchs and Daddy’s Little Helper
Wait — what’s this? It looks like a member of the OLD GUARD just showed up to tell these newbies what’s what…
FLEA SAYS: An alleged match in an effort to make all these washed up pricks earn their dough. Looks like we get Jarrett fighting a handicap match against Styles and Hardy, while Macho grunts and Hall and Nash arrange the post match party with the Military crowd from the apron. Various deeds of nefarious behavior will stink up the joint – but oddly enough, TNA is going out of their way * not * to piss off the PPV crowd and is putting this one on 2nd from last (match is followed by AMW vs XXX). Of course that could be because they don’t want to assemble / unassemble the cage on a live PPV. But that’s only an excuse not to make Hall and Nash stay around any longer than necessary. I say throw the two drunks a swerve and change it to an impromptu cage match, throw away the key and make all involved actually have to perform at least more that one “wrestling” move, in lieu of driving the company further into bankruptcy by not drawing a dime.
WINNER – Kings. Because the logic is “heels have to win for the babyfaces to get heat”. hawr.
X Division Championship
Petey Williams [c] vs. Chris Sabin
Dan Hevia: I’m taking Petey Williams in this one. I just saw Spiderman 2 on DVD and liked it and Williams has Spidermans first name. So Petey Williams it is.
Winner – Petey Williiams
Jed Shaffer: Williams is on a roll, and it ain’t stopping for Chris Sabin. Too bad AMW vs. XXX is on the card, otherwise, this would be match of the night. Sleeper match, for sure.
Winner – The only worthwhile member of Team Canada
Gordi: This should be a good little match that could have been great if they’d only given it enough time.
Winner – Petey Williams
Kurtis Osterlund: The buildup to this one has actually been pretty interesting. I’d be into it a lot more though if it wasn’t for the weird flip-flop booking of the X-Division. I mean, they set Sabin up to win the Gauntlet last month, then have Hector Garza win. On the following iMPACT! they announce Sabin is getting the title shot and then have Garza job in a pointless 6 man. Then they build up the match between Williams and Sabin, only to job Sabin out to Kid Kash cleanly and for no reason. Logic says that Petey Williams continues his reign, but I’m probably going to end up wrong with recent trends in booking.
Winner- Petey Williams
Mike Lawrence: The main drama behind this feud was seeing whether or not Sabin could counter William’s beautiful Canadian Destroyer Finisher, and they already gave that away on free TV, so even if Sabin beats Williams with a counter(which would be the only way he wins) it’s going to feel tired and underwhelming, which leads me to believe that’s what will happen.
Winner – The Great Sabin
FLEA: Ah – a match worth watching! Story behind this is Sabin knows the “counter” to the coolest move in wrestling, Petey’s CANADIAN PILEDRIVER!! Unfortunately, he has reversed the move on him THREE TIMES on television already, so the cat is out of the bag. Sabin is a dunce.
WINNER – Williams, because Sabin gave away his “secret”. On the other hand, you know how dumb those Canadians are. He probably forgot to watch TV.
6 Sides Of Steel Cage Match
America’s Most Wanted vs. Triple X (Primetime and Daniels)
Dan Hevia: I’m a big porn fan. AMW must lose.
Winners – XXX
Jed Shaffer: This is one you have to sit and think about: who benefits more from singles pushes? Harris & Storm could both easily get singles pushes…but the main event is a clusterf*ck right now, with DDP, Raven, Abyss, Monty Brown, Hardy, Styles, Macho, Jarrett, Nash and Hall. On the other hand, Daniels and Primetime could go for the X-Title…but that seems a step backwards for them, and again, the upper echelon is as busy as Calcutta sidewalk. Mr. Lincoln, if you weeeel…
Winner – Them rootin’, tootin’ cowboys
Gordi: I think that anyone with good booking sense would keep AMW together as a strong team, and set Daniels free to prove himself as a singles star. I am therefore predicting that the opposite will happen.
Winner – XXX
Kurtis Osterlund: This feud has been greatly booked and it’s almsot a shame to know it’s going to end. Both Elix Skipper and Christopher Daniels have won me over with their work recently and I think AMW is the best tag team going today. I’m going to go with AMW winning this one and possibly a singles feud between PrimeTime and Daniels in the aftermath.
Winners – AMW
Mike Lawrence: America’s Most Wanted, if only because of the stipulation added on to it. Daniels and Skipper can do fine in singles.
Winners – AMW
FLEA: The last PPV match was an abortion, but that was due to Elix being knocked silly about a minute in. This one should be better, as TNA has gone out of their way to make sure that it’s safe for everyone to put on a great match – lock them in a cage!…wait a second, won’t that just entice the guys to kills themselves? Anything for my entertainment, I guess. As mentioned above, this is the Main Event, but instead of the “Main Event Payoff” (that goes to Nash, Hall, Savage, etc.) the winners will have the pleasure of sucking Bob Ryder’s cock. And he knows how he likes it…from pretty boys that have done it before. HINT: a Black Guy ain’t going down on no one. That’s a true story about AMW and Ryder, by the way. Or at least that’s what Kash and Road Dogg say.
WINNERS – AMW. and Ryder.
Serengeti Survival Match
The Alpha Male vs. Abyss
Dan Hevia: I’m judging this by whos name sounds scarier. Abyss? Dark, angry, sounds like something that can kill. The Alpha Male? Sounds like a dancer at Chippendales. Or someone Blatt’s girlfriend has slept with.
Winner – Abyss
Jed Shaffer: On the one hand, I am inclined to refer to precidents like Kane and “his” Inferno match…Undertaker and “his” Biker Chain/Hearse/Casket/Buried Alive match…the Horsemen and “their” WarGames…people rarely win “their” matches. And Abyss needs more wins to keep momentum. But Monty Brown is so on fire with the crowd, to sacrifice him here would be insane. And besides, that precident is mostly confined to WWE anyway.
Winner – Monty BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWN…PERIOD!
Gordi: The worst case scenario would be if Kanekind (I think Blatt came up with that one) isn’t able to carry the match and Monty Brown gets exposed as a very limited worker. I’m feeling optomistic enough that I think they’ll be okay, though.
Winner – Kanekind, with help from the man under the hood, who turns out to be The Sinister Minister
Kurtis Osterlund: Two Words, Slobber-knocker.
Winner- Monty Brown
Mike Lawrence: It’s nice to see a black wrestler on television without vignettes and promos showing how tough his childhood was. That aside, I see Brown pulling the win out, injured ribs and all. Abyss will get his moment in the sun when they show that footage of him handing out balloons to the WWE staff.
Winner – Monty Brown
FLEA: Monty Brown rules. The shipped him off to Japan for a year and he comes back and cuts the wildest, most incoherent, spastic promos you will ever see or hear. Abyss does not talk. As a matter of fact, Abyss, once so promising, has become nothing more than a jobber to the stars. And for some reason, he has developed an affinity for taking bumps on thumbtacks, which will happen in this match, per the stips. I guess he has that “holy shit” chant from the crowd confused with actually being over (or any good for that matter). TNA has done a great job of making a credible contender out of Brown; to bad he is going to be just another victim to Jarrett.
WINNER – Monty Brown. And hopefully they give him some promo time.
Special Challenge Match
Diamond Dallas Page vs. Raven
Dan Hevia: “If you don’t retire again, I may just get out the sawed off…quote the Hevia, never more.”
Winner – Raven
Jed Shaffer: For the life of me, I can’t understand this even existing. Honestly, Raven should be facing Brown, not Abyss. And with FatDust holding the reigns…let’s see…old WCW friend vs. ex-ECW guy…choices, choices.
Winner – DDMe
Gordi: The worst possible ending would be one that puts the spotlight where it doesn’t ever belong: on Eric Watts.
Winner – DDP when Watts’ interference backfires
Kurtis Osterlund: I don’t know why, but I’ve been into this one. I’m hoping for a Raven win, but for some reason I’m thinking there will be no winner in this one thanks to Eric Watts.
Winner – no contest
Mike Lawrence: I was reading an interview with DDP by Alex Marvez of the Sun Sentinel, and in it DDP stated that there was only a handful of opponents he trusted in the ring with his injured neck, Raven being one of them. This leads me to believe they’ll stretch the feud, and get the most mileage out of it. Besides, DDP has made Raven look like a chump leading up to the match.
Winner – Raven
FLEA: Hard to believe that it was six years ago that these guys had matches that were under consideration for “Match of the Year”. This one should be pretty good, even though it would be great if DDP dropped dead in the middle of the ring. Why are guys like DDP, Savage, Hall and Nash still employed? Oh, because…nevermind. DDP is probably the least offensive of any of them. And he will actually * try *. Raven is a lost cause. Everytime he gets on a roll, they book him to lose, so I wouldn’t be shocked if he is forced to put Page over, clean. And I’m going to have to see Eric Watts involved…boy what a lousy turn of events.
WINNER – DDP
NWA Tag Team Title Match
3Live Kru [c] vs. Team Canada
Dan Hevia: I’ve always been scared of rappers. I had a really good time when I went to Montreal a while ago. Good place. Good people.
Winners – Team Canada
Jed Shaffer: This is a company rich with tag teams. Hell, they were just touting the return of the NYC…there’s permutations of Team Mexico, Kid Kash & Dallas, D-Ray & Shark Boy…and we get a rematch from last month? With no special stipulations to make it fresh? Meh.
Winners – The channel change button…oh, for the match? Um…the Food Hogg and Gonnad
Gordi: Nothing would make me happier than to see the worst possible ending to this match: The return of the Dusty Finish.
Winners – Team Canada apparently wins the straps, but the decision later gets overturned. The winners, therefore, will be Road Dawg, K-Kwik, and fans of wrestlecrap the world over
Kurtis Osterlund: Don’t like either team really. I’ll pick 3LK since it seems Killings will be taking Konnan’s place.
Winner – 3LK
Mike Lawrence: The Canadians won’t go empty-handed completely. They benefit more from the titles, especially since 3 Live Kru comes off as a gimmick team, and can keep their heat, regardless of gold.
Winners – Team Canada
FLEA: Should be decent. By the numbers tag team match, probably 8 minutes or so, with 3Live Kru losing to a hockey stick cheat maneuver. Or maybe they will swerve us! and Dogg or Konann will STEAL the hockey stick and CHEAT TO WIN! And then whoever is in charge nowadays will reverse the decision, restart the match, only to see Kru fall victim to a double swerve swerve, with a swerve swerving the swerver. Or may that’s the “swerve-e”. Of all the things they use from Memphis booking with this company, you think they could have implemented the “face in peril, hot tag, HOUSE ON FIRE, 1,2,3” formula.
WINNERS – Team Canada. For no reason except that the belts have to end up back on AMW…and – wow, that’s the only thing that makes sense out of this nonsensical booking.
Kid Kash, Michael Shane and Kazarian vs. Hector Garza, Sonjay Dutt and Sonny Siaki
Dan Hevia: I’m using the sylable format to find a winner on this one. Everyone clap it out with me! Kid Kash, Michael Shane and Kazarian = 9 Syllables. Hector Garza, Sonjay Dutt and Sonny Siaki = 12 Syllables.
Winners – Garza, Dutt and Siaki -12 Syllables Of Power
Jed Shaffer: Boy, this whole card is like a weird WCW PPV from an alternate universe. Mix-and-match tag matches, usesless rematches, a nonsensical main event…and this. The “we got people who should get airtime, but we didn’t plan ahead, so we’ll toss them in a match together” match. And did I miss what happened to Hector Garza’s #1 contendership for the X-Title? This is your designated piss break.
Winner – My bladder. As for the match…the non-multi-national team
Gordi: I’m making my predictions based on what happened at Victory Road. I’m calling for a hot opener, a nice little X-Title match that won’t be given enough time, atleast one unscheduled match that really should have just been left off the card; and for everything else on the card to be done as poorly as possible. So, it should be a hot opener. I’m guessing Jimmy Snuka will run in and take out Kid Cash. Even if he doesn’t, this match should be entertaining.
Winners – The Good Guy Team
Kurtis Osterlund: I have no idea why these 6 are having a match. I’ll just nod my head and pick the guys I saw win most recently.
Winners- Kash, Shane & Kazarian
FLEA: Spotfest to amaze the crowd. I would like to see everyone turn on Siaki and just beat the hell out of him for not having any talent. I like Garza…Kazarian is fun to watch, Dutt sells like he is dying…Shane and Kash are decent, so that leaves the aforementioned Siaki to get the pin. And the win. Cause Dusty (and management) LOVE him. HA! Can’t blame HHH for that, can you?
WINNER – Siaki