Live from Charlotte, NC
Announcers are JR & The King
Report done *EXCLUSIVELY* for InsidePULSE by PK
With Special Commentary from Dan Hevia
Intro…Jericho’s face….Fozzy is playing the theme song.
Jericho is in the ring, welcomes us to RAW IS JERICHO, and the ring is set for the Highlight Reel. Jericho says that tonight, everyone gets laid, and Hawaiian leis fall from the ceiling. Jericho then says that Trish will be defending her title against Lita, and all the new WWE Divas will be in the first ever Chris Jericho Rock and Roll Limbo, with the music provided by Fozzy. Jericho then wants to get to the World Title situation, and that there is only one man that answer the questions at hand, and brings out his guest to the Highlight Heel, Vincent Kennedy McMahon. Vince comes out, and says that Benoit was pinned, and Edge tapped at the exact same time, so it seems as we have a tie. So, when we have 2 contenders cancel each other out, but before Vince can get an answer out, HHH comes out. HHH clearly thinks Vince will just give him the belt back, but Vince congratulates him on both being an author on his new book, in stores tomorrow, and on being a movie star, with Blade: Trinity opening in theatres on Wednesday. HHH goes to grab his belt, and Vince says that he did not name him World Champ, and he is going to vacate the title, and leave the mess to Bischoff when he gets back next week from vacation. HHH doesn’t like this.
Commercials.
We come back and HHH is flipping his shit. Batista isn’t showing much emotion, and HHH yells at him. Batista reminds HHH that if it wasn’t for him, Benoit would be champion for sure, and then gives HHH a ‘Your Welcome.’ HHH flips some more, and tosses over a table with coffee on it.
Jericho is in his office, which is full of Divas, streamers and pictures of Jericho. Christian comes in and he says that he found a SuperHero outfit, for Capt. Charisma. Jericho says that Christian has one last shot at Shelton for the IC Title, he must wear the Capt. Charisma outfit. Benoit then comes in, and Jericho says that Benoit will tag with him to face HHH and Batista.
Commercials.
Eugene (w/ William Regal) vs. Maven
Eugene with some old fashion wrestling on Maven, and Eugene wraps Maven in the body scissors and rolls him around. Maven seems embarrassed, but plays along with Eugene. Maven hits the ropes, and falls on his face, claiming Regal tripped him up, and the ref believes him, however Regal wasn’t near him. The ref then sends Regal to the back. Maven then flips on Eugene, attacking his knee. Maven wraps Eugene’s knee in the turnbuckle, and just stomps away, until the ref calls for the DQ.
Winner via DQ – Eugene
Regal comes out to run Maven off, then checks on Eugene. Maven gets back in the ring, and drills Regal in the back of head with Eugene’s Tag Title belt.
Commercials.
Lita/Trish Recap: Trish doing the ‘Ahhhhhhhhh….KANE!!’ HAHA.
Jericho is back in the ring, for the Rock and Roll Limbo-A-Go-Go. Christy wins, she is getting annoying again, and Fozzy continues to play, and Jericho starts singing. The lights go out, and Muhammad Hussian and his manager who’s name I can’t spell show up on the tron. Hussian says that it is good that they are all having a great time. He then complains about being profiled, and that he will debut on RAW next week, to show us how things our through his eyes.
DanHevia: He should abduct a Diva Search girl and make her wear a burca
“From Fallujah, Iraq, weighing in at 234 pounds, accompanied by Osama Bin Laden and Saddam Hussein, MUHHAMED…HASSAN!”
His finisher has to be called “The Shallow Grave”
Commercials.
Rewind – Simon Dean taking out Hurricane, with Rosey making the save.
Simon Dean comes out and says that the only way Jericho would let him promote his products, is if he has his first wrestling match. He then starts talking about his powder, and The Hurricane comes on out.
Simon Dean vs. The Hurricane
Helms gets some quick offense in, but Dean starts roughing him up. Helms nails the twisting Inverted DDT, then lines up for a Shining Wizard, but Dean ducks it, and rolls up Helms, and holds the tights for the victory.
Winner — Dean
DanHevia: I think they should hire Tammy Sytch for a 1 night deal to put over Simon Dean.
“This fat whore with that powder on her nose used to be called Sunny. Now, she’s more like Cloudy. But with my Simon System, she can get back to her old, slim cocksucking ways. That’s a promise, because I’m Simon Dean.”
Lita/Trish recap: Lita’s Bachelorette party, with Trish, Molly, Fired Gail and Fired Jazz.
Commercials.
Coach with Orton. Orton is happy as a pig in shit, because he can challenge for the World Title again. Orton then says that even though Jericho was handing out party favors, Coach still can’t get laid. HAHA. Edge’s music hits, and Orton doesn’t like it.
Edge gets in the ring, and he blames Orton that he doesn’t have the title. He calls out Orton, Orton and Edge yell back and forth, they fight. Refs and agents come out to break them up.
Commercials.
Blade: Trinity promo with Jessica Biel, Ryan Reynolds & HHH.
Shelton Benjamin (c) vs. Capt. Charisma (w/ Tyson Tomko) – WWE IC Title
Christian is timid to come out, but he is wearing red and yellow superhero outfit, and a mask, with 2 C’s for ears. HAHA. Shelton nails a 2nd rope Sunset Flip for 2. Shelton then goes for the Stinger Splash, but Christian moves, and Shelton is stuck on the 2nd rope, and Christian powerbombs him off the turnbuckle for 2. Tomko slides the IC belt in the ring, and when the ref takes it away, Tomko enters and drills Shelton with a boot. Christian gets the 2. Christian’s mask gets twisted up, and Shelton nails the T-Bone for the win.
Winner — Shelton
DanHevia: I’m surprised they didn’t have him fly in from the rafters…well that didn’t work out too well last time right?
Jericho announces Orton vs. Edge for next week, then Fozzy play ‘Nananana, Nananana, Hey Hey Hey, Good bye” for Capt. Charisma.
SmackDown! Rebound
Commercials.
Lita/Trish Recap: Trish in all white interrupts the wedding.
Lita walks toward the ring, and Snitsky stops her, and makes fun of her dead baby.
DanHevia: “Coming down the aisle, accompanied by Scott Peterson, GENE SNITSKY!”
King and JR recap the World Title issue.
HHH calls Bischoff and begs and cries and whines and threatens on his voicemail. Batista interrupts, and tells HHH that it’s a mistake.
Commercials.
Triple H & Batista vs. Chris Jericho & Chris Benoit
The Chris’s dominate HHH to start. Benoit with a quick Crossface, but Batista makes the save. They double dropkick HHH out of the ring, and when Batista goes to help him out, they knock heads.
Commercials.
DanHevia: Whenever they go to commercial in the middle of a match JR sounds like he’s losing a battle with his Palsy
During the break, Evolution took the advantage with Flair’s interference. Batista is pounding away on Jericho. Benoit finally gets the hot tag, baseball slide on Flair, Batista gets tossed to the outside, and HHH gets a Trifecta of Germans. Jericho with Lionsault on HHH, followed by a flying Headbutt from Benoit. Jericho then locks on the Walls, and Benoit puts a Crossface on at the same time. Batista makes the save, and HHH has had enough, gets a chair, and drills Benoit in the back of the head, and the ref calls for the bell.
Winners via DQ – Jericho/Benoit
HHH then drills the ref with the chair, and Batista has Jericho set up, but Jericho ducks, and HHH drills Batista. HHH then hits Jericho. Flair gets to Batista, and HHH apologizes.
Trish stretching out for her match, and Lita walks up. Trish calls her the Walking Kiss of Death, and asks who’s career she’s ending tonight. Lita then says ‘yours’ and then lays a big fat kiss on Trish!!!! Whoa!!
Commercials
Trish Stratus (c) vs. Lita – Woman’s Title
They starts scraping quickly, and they fall out of the ring. Lita then dives through the ropes, on Trish, and lands awkward on her neck…and looks like she might be DEAD! Lita gets back up…I honestly don’t know how she is standing. Trish takes her mask off, and hits Lita in the face with it, and it seems as Trish’s nose was never broken. Lita fights back, and nails a SUPERPLEX…because that’s what Lita’s neck needs. Lita goes for a DDT, but Trish holds on to the ropes, and Lita falls on her back. Trish goes for the StratusFaction, but Lita reverses it, and nails a reverse ToF, then lands the moonsault for the victory!!
Winner and NEW Champ – Lita
Honestly, Lita should not be standing, let alone wrestle the rest of a 6 minute match after landing on her head on the floor. Kudos to her, and that was an awesome, awesome match, and a great way to work towards the ending of the feud.
Show Over.
~PK
