The SmarK Rant for TNA Turning Point 2004
– Live from Orlando, FL.
– Your hosts are Mike Tenay & Don West.
– The opening graphic introduces the heels as the Kings of Wrestling. They should have called themselves the Heroes of Wrestling, which would be much more apropos.
– Meanwhile, Vinny McDaddy and his son-in-law arrive to dispute the videotape. Nice grunting HHH impression, although he’s not tall enough to pull it off.
– NWA World tag titles: 3 Live Kru v. Bobby Roode & Eric Young. Killings subs for Konnan tonight. James starts with Young and loses a slugfest in the corner, but when Young mocks his stale act, he gets all fired up. Perish the thought. Killings comes in with a version of the Wazzup legdrop, so Young tags out to Roode. He grabs a headlock on Killings, who comes back with a hiptoss. Flipping leads to a leg lariat for two. The 3LK does some goofy double-teaming to set up the shaky kneedrop from James, which gets two. Back to Killings, who goes up and gets crotched for his troubles. Team Canada works him over in the corner and Young gets a backbreaker for two. H-Bomb into a backbreaker gets two for Roode. He throws some knees on the ropes and a backdrop suplex gets two. Young stomps him in the corner, but Killings hits him with a missile dropkick out of nowhere. Roode cuts off the hot tag, however, stepping on Killings to get to James, but Young’s double-team attempt fails and it’s hot tag James. Kicks and punches abound and he slugs Young down, then catches Roode coming off the top for two. Young does a Flair Flip and gets axe kicked by Killings while on the top rope, thus getting rid of him. Roode hits James with the OPENING MATCH SPINEBUSTER, and that gets two. Killings and James take over with a Hart Attack on Roode, but D’Amore gets involved to distract the ref. James goes for the pumphandle, but my boy Johnny Devine returns from being stabbed to hit James with a hockey stick and gives Team Canada the titles back at 8:31. Now there’s an inspirational story. **
– Meanwhile, Dusty Rhodes babbles incoherently while Shane Douglas makes funny faces. Is he supposed to be the demented interviewer or something?
– Kid Kash, Kazarian & Michael Shane v. Sonny Siaki, Sonjay Dutt & Hector Garza. Dutt and Kash slug it out to start and hit the mat for a stalemate sequence. Dutt hits him with an enzuigiri to break it, however, then slugs away. Kash tries a rollup, but then gets a springboard version, which Dutt counters with a dropkick. Garza comes in and gets caught in the heel corner, but overpowers Shane before walking into a punch. They badly f*ck up a monkey-flip in the corner, and at least don’t repeat it. Garza comes back and tosses Shane, however, and Siaki comes in to pound on Kazarian. Siaki sticks out like a sore thumb here. Dutt makes a blind tag and gets alley-ooped by Siaki into a top rope rana on Kazarian, which is a super cool move. Kazarian catches him with a single-arm DDT, however, and Shane comes in to work the arm. We get some non-tag chicanery and Kash comes in. Dutt comes back with a crossbody for two, but Kash clotheslines him in the corner and pounds him down. Back to the arm, but Siaki breaks it up. And that allows Shane to switch off again and stay on the arm. Shane uses a jumping armbar to lay him up again, and then Kazarian & Shane hit him with a double-team legdrop before going back to the arm. More abuse behind the ref’s back, as Shane & Kash hold Dutt’s arms in the corner and Kazarian dropkicks him in the face. Kash comes back in with a shoulderbreaker and then a hammerlock slam into the corner for two. More switching, as Shane prevents a tag and continues pounding the arm. Dutt makes the one-handed comeback, but Shane again rips the arm out. Back to Kazarian, who holds a wristlock on him and then takes him down to the mat with that. Dutt fights back with the springboard rana, and it’s finally hot tag to Garza. Surprising lack of heat for that tag. Garza moonsaults Kazarian for two. The heels dump him, but Siaki dumps them and then alley-oops Dutt over the top onto them. Tracy comes in with the buttdrop on Shane by accident, and Garza finishes him with the corkscrew moonsault at 11:00. Good, solid, old-fashioned sympathy heat on Dutt here carries things instead of the usual trainwreck spots. ***
– Speaking of babbling incoherently, Randy Savage cuts a promo backstage.
– Serengeti Survival match: Abyss v. “Alpha Male” Monty Brown. Did anyone else get mixed up and think of this as an Alpha Ghetti survival match? Both guys eat a tainted can of pasta and first one not to vomit wins. Anyway, Brown attacks on the floor and sends Abyss into the post and railing, but Abyss whips him into the post. Abyss works on the ribs, taped ala DDP tonight, and grabs a table. He also gets the thumbtacks, but Brown cuts him off with an attack from behind and clotheslines him out of the corner. Abyss catches him with a big boot for two, however. Next toy: A chair, as he pounds Brown down and then gives him a Quake splash on the chair. That gets two. He tries the CLUBBING FOREARMS and chokes Brown out on the ropes. Back to the chair, but this time Brown puts the chair vertical to block the sitdown splash, and I’m sure you can use your imagination there. Brown comes back with a chairshot, as if landing on his balls wasn’t bad enough for poor Abyss, and a powerslam on the chair follows. Brown goes for the Pounce, but walks into the Black Hole Slam, which gets two. So Abyss wedges the chair into the corner, but that of course backfires, and it’s Pounce time. Abyss falls out of the ring on the bump, however. The crown, however, is hip to the game, and they want the thumbtacks. Brown only gets two back in the ring. Another Pounce misses, and Brown puts himself through the table. That gets two for Abyss. And now he gets the tacks back, but Brown has his own. It’s DUELING THUMBTACKS. Abyss decides not to use his, however, and tries a chokeslam onto Brown’s, but Brown rips off the shirt and tries a powerbomb. That’s a no-go, as Abyss fights out and tries his own. Brown reveres to a whiplash slam onto the tacks, thus winning the match at 12:16. Well, that’s certainly the silliest method of winning a match I’ve seen in a while, but the match had some good drama, believe it or not. **1/2
– Meanwhile, Vinny McDaddy and his son-in-law smash a random videotape with a sledgehammer, but it’s only the Best of D-Ray 3000.
– Glen Gilberti & Johnny Swinger v. Empire Saint & Johnny B Badd. Swinger starts with Badd and falls victim to a headscissors, and Badd works on Gilberti’s arm. Kenney comes in with a northern lights suplex for two. Gilberti dumps him and Swinger rams Kenney’s back into the post. OH MY GOD, THEY”¦oh, forget it. Back in, Swinger works on the back and stomps away on it. Swinger gets a clothesline for two. The NYC whip each other into Kenney’s back, but heel miscommunication gives Kenney a rollup on Gilberti for two. Gilberti beats him down again and Swinger drops an elbow on the back for two. Kenney makes the hot tag to Badd, however, and he throws some kneelifts. The dreaded double noggin knocker puts Swinger in the corner, and Badd comes off the middle rope with a sledge, and it’s BONZO GONZO. Gilberti with the stunner on Kenney, but Jacqueline slams him and Badd finishes with the TKO at 6:41. Dull and heatless. 1/2*
– Raven v. DDP. Was the world really waiting for DDP to come out of retirement? Page slugs Raven down to start and they exchange boots before DDP gets a clothesline and stomps away in the corner. The ref is bumped early and they brawl outside for the usual walk-back-and-forth fighting into the crowd. Back into the ring, DDP walks into a boot in the corner, but posts Raven. Raven blocks the Diamond Cutter and gets two. Raven grabs what appears to be a Viking helmet and clobbers Page with it to take over. That gets two. DDP comes back with a rollup for two. Raven chokes him down on the ropes and grabs a chair, then gives him a running knee into the corner. The DROP TOEHOLD OF DOOM gets two. DDP fights back and slugs away in the corner, and gets some clotheslines. Big boot and he tries the Cutter, but Raven goes low to counter. Rollup gets two. DDP gets his own rollup for two. Raven bulldogs him for two. DDP gets a belly-to-belly for two. Raven gets a superkick for two. I love how they just trade moves without any selling or storyline to the match. That’s just super. Diamond Cutter gets two. A couple of guys in hoods come down to ringside, as Raven DDTs DDP for two. And now Erik Watts runs into the ring after putting over DDP the whole match on commentary, gets rid of Raven’s guys, and then SHOCKINGLY turns on DDP. My gosh, my world is crumbling all around me. How can I live? Page gets the Cutter on Watts, however, and Raven goes back on offense. Even Flow is reversed to the Diamond Cutter for the pin at 12:01. Page’s total offense these days seems to be clotheslines, rollups and the Diamond Cutter. *
– Meanwhile, Vinny McDaddy and his son-in-law stew backstage on hidden camera, and turn down a tray of cookies from Tracy.
– X title: Petey Williams v. Chris Sabin. Sabin grabs the arm to start and they work off that as the crowd goes to dueling chants. Sabin tries the Cradle Shock and Williams bails to escape that. Back in, Sabin grabs a headlock and sweeps him down for two, then kicks him in the head off a snapmare by Williams. They slug it out and Sabin springboards in from the apron with a dropkick, and Williams bails again. Williams tries to springboard in, but Sabin catches him with the Cradle Shock, so Williams counters that and takes Sabin to the floor. He follows with a rana from the apron. Sabin fights back with chops and powerbombs him into the railing. That’s pretty sick. Sabin then heads into the crowd, climbs onto the pit railing, and dives over the front row onto Williams at ringside. That’s pretty sick too. Back to the ring, Williams catches Sabin with a melodramatic necksnap and Scott D’Amore adds some cheapshots. Back in, Williams gets two. He hangs Sabin in the Tree of Woe, and steps on his nuts. Well, Tommy Dreamer can rest easy knowing he added something to the sport. That gets two for Williams. Williams gets a neckbreaker into a tornado DDT for two. Williams gets a seated dropkick and hits the chinlock. Sabin reverses to a rollup for two, but Williams dropkicks him down again for two. Williams clotheslines him down, into a suplex, into a backdrop suplex, and that gets two. Williams gets a legdrop for two. Choking in the corner. The continued chanting from the crowd in perfect time, from the same section, seems to indicate that the heat is less spontaneous than I thought. Williams goes up, but Sabin comes back with a pop-up superplex and they slug it out, allowing Sabin to get the enzuigiri. Running powerbomb gets two. Sabin goes up and gets crotched, but ducks a charging Williams and pulls himself up and dives onto Williams outside. That was definitely unique. Sabin slugs him down, but Williams pops up and takes him down with a Russian legsweep. Sabin tries the Cradle Shock, but Williams rolls him over into the Sharpshooter. He does it even worse than Rock, but it’s the thought that counts. Sabin makes the ropes. Williams charges and ends up on the apron, and Sabin brings him in with a superplex attempt, but Williams counters with a powerbomb attempt. Williams tries the Destroyer, but Sabin rolls right through it, into a piledriver for two. Holy cow. They counter each other and Sabin goes for the finish, but D’Amore breaks up the Cradle Shock and Williams hits Sabin with brass knuckles for the pin at 18:09. What a shitty finish. Great match, though, slow spots aside. ***3/4
– Jeff Jarrett, Kevin Nash & Scott Hall v. AJ Styles, Jeff Hardy & Randy Savage. Savage is sadly absent to start, leaving me to wonder if the nuthouse finally realized he was gone and brought him back home. I mean, seriously, you have to be a special kind of crazy to make people forget about how weird Ultimate Warrior is. Hall and Nash are dressed as Elvises, thus showing what kind of dignity they have left. Styles starts with Jarrett and they work off a headlock, but Styles gets a flying headscissors. Jarrett goes back to the headlock, but Styles dropkicks out of it. Grandpa Hall comes in and works AJ’s arm over, but gets kicked down as a result. And now AJ wants Nash, almost as badly as Nash wants his hair and dark roots back. Big Kev comes in and pounds AJ down, but gets dropkicked down, as do the rest of the Heroes of Wrestling, and Hardy comes in with a missile dropkick. Legdrop for Nash, but a cheapshot from Hall turns the tide, and Jeff is YOUR freak-in-peril. Jarrett chokes him down and struts, and Hall chokeslams him for two. Nash gets the sideslam for two. Hall does the abdominal stretch, but Hardy fights out and makes the hot tag to Styles. Dropkicks abound, but Nash trips up Styles during a springboard attempt and it’s face-in-peril segment #2. Hall gets the blockbuster slam for two. Nash works him over in the corner with the usual and gets two. Jarrett comes back in and goes for the figure-four, but AJ reverses for two. Rollup gets two for AJ. Nash goes to the bearhug, but my copy cuts to AJ & Jarrett in a double KO. Hot tag Hardy, who gets a corkscrew out of the corner and a DDT for Hall. Jarrett goes for the Stroke, but Hardy reverses to the Twist of Fate”¦and Nash gets rid of the referee. Hall goes for the guitar and lays out Hardy, and everyone is out. However, now Randy Savage returns from wherever he was (likely his chemo treatments judging by the hair and body) and he tags himself in and goes crazy. Well, crazier. It’s TRIPLE SLEEPERS. My god, it’s the 1970s and no one told me! Savage pins Jarrett out of this at 15:21. Thank god this wasn’t the main event. *1/2 Savage would be gone from the promotion the next day.
– Meanwhile, Vinny McDaddy gets hauled off in the ambulance.
– And we finally get the disputed tape, as Shane Douglas, Tracy and Abyss arrive to welcome the WWE to Universal Studios. Everyone is blurred out, thus rendering the whole thing pretty pointless. It also makes the WWE look even more hypocritical given their own actions in the past.
– Cage match: America’s Most Wanted v. XXX. Loser has to break up. Daniels starts with Storm and they exchange shots into the cage to start. Next up, Primetime and Harris, as Primetime gets a kick to the head before falling victim to a full-nelson slam. AMW double-teams him with a backdrop and then tees off on Daniels, and spike him into the cage. Daniels starts bleeding as AMW works him over, but Harris’s suplex is blocked by Skipper. XXX gets a double slam and Skipper slams Daniels on Harris. Daniels pounds him down, bleeding all the while. He clotheslines Harris down and XXX does some more double-teaming, and Skipper gets a mule kick in the corner and then kicks the knee out. Harris comes back with a catapult into the cage and brings Storm in, and he powerslams Daniels and kicks Skipper down. They set up for the Death Sentence, but Daniels breaks it up. Primetime hotshots Harris into the cage, and now we have double juice. Harris gets handcuffed to the corner, which pretty much leaves Storm alone and in trouble. They pound Storm down, and then use the handcuff key to inflict damage on Storm. Oh, that’s not nice. Storm goes into the cage and now it’s triple juice, as Harris yells “Give me the key!” at Daniels. Surprisingly, that doesn’t work. Maybe he should say please. Daniels goes up to add an elbow to Primetime’s body vice, and that gets two on Storm. Daniels goes back up, but hits Primetime by mistake, and Storm spears the key out of his hands. Harris gets the key and gets loose, and now he’s PISSED. Spinebusters result, and Storm goes nuts on Primetime, and then Harris rams Daniels into the cage a bunch of times. Then he suplexes him INTO the cage. That’s awesome. It gets two. PT comes back with a suplex on Harris and goes up for the Rockerplex with Daniels, and that gets two. Storm comes back with a neckbreaker on Skipper, and XXX meets the cage. Hart Attack from AMW gets two on Skipper. Harris keeps abusing Daniels via the cage, but it backfires and XXX send him into the cage. XXX sets up Harris for a Death Sentence and hit it for two. I hope they don’t let that kind of disrespect go without answering it. Daniels sends Skipper to the top of the cage, but Harris POWERBOMBS HIM OFF. Holy SHIT. That only gets two. Daniels gets the Angel’s Wings for two. And now Daniels climbs, but Storm follows him up, and then Skipper follows THEM up. Skipper then WALKS THE CAGE and gets the rana from the top of the cage. HOLY FUCKING SHIT. And now Daniels goes to the top of the cage and follows with an elbow from the top. But shit, how do you follow Skipper? Everyone fights in the corner and they do the stacked superplex from the top of the cage, nearly killing Daniels in the process. Oh man, this PPV deserves 50,000 buys just for this crazy shit. Skipper tries the play of the day on Harris, but it’s reversed to the Catatonic, so Skipper blocks and sends him into the cage. Storm slugs it out with Daniels in the corner and they fight on the top, which sends Storm to the mat again. Harris headbutts Daniels low, however, and knocks him down. And then irony rears her ugly face, as Daniels gets handcuffed, leaving Skipper all by his lonesome. Superkick and XXX’s own powerbomb/suplex finisher end things at 21:02, thus splitting up XXX. This was f*cking awesome, although having to follow the cagewalk rana was tough. ****1/2
