**Note: ^^^^^ My teasers suck. End note**
Hello der. Welcome to another exciting week at the Movies Pulse, and, more importantly, another edition of the Gatekeeper’s Guide! (Patent Pending). There’s some pretty fun stuff to look at, go over, and introduce this week, so let us begin right quick.
Feedback is Good for the Soul – Well, My Soul Anyway
So, as I said last week, I am a self announced feedback whore, and I am not ashamed of it. However, it is hard to be a feedback whore when I am getting no goods sent my way. I mean, it doesn’t take much to get me excited, and yet….**Goes and checks Pulse E-mail** Hold on a second here…THREE NEW E MAILs IN THE INBOX?!!? YES!! Finally! Let’s see here.
1 New E-mail from: The famous Rob Blatt, who does some good stuff with the wrestling zone and totally unrelated to Movies, News, or Gurus
1 New E-mail from: My old high school telecom teacher, after he realized I was the same schmuck that took his class twice senior year. Err, thanks sir….
1 New E-mail from: you are free here. Huh? Subject: are you still bachelordom. What the? That’s not feedback. That’s not even….literate. Wait, this is another one of those viruses that I get now and again. So…wait….no feedback….what a tease.
I hate you all.
*Ahem* Actually, I found I did get some feedback of sorts, when I was randomly checking my last Guide and saw someone had commented on the bottom. Forgot all about that, actually. Anywho, this is from a fellow by the name of Jed, and he says,
“Hail hail on the comments about trailers. The best trailer I’ve seen in YEARS was for “Hitch-hiker’s Guide To The Galaxy”. Granted, I’ve read the “trilogy” (all 5 books of it), so I know what to expect from the movie. But the trailer worked on both the HHGTTG-experienced fan and HHGTTG-virgins: we got the joke, while the noobs got a hint that all may not be normal with this movie. Most trailers nowadays can’t do that; they just give you the movie, distilled into snippets and soundbites. Damned Hollywood.”
Exactly. First, I’m a ‘virgin’ as I’ve only read 1.5 of the books, but the trailer definitely got my attention. And, as I said last week, trailers are in a sorry state right now in Hollywood. It’s as if they think the masses are a bunch of bumbling idiots who need to be spoon-fed plots of movies in order to buy tickets to them. Then again, the masses have declared National Treasure number 1 three weeks in a row…….anyway, thanks again Jed.
Want to send feedback? Norton@4sternstaging.com. The comment section at the bottom is okay, but runs the risk of getting overlooked in the future.
News That You Can Use, and WE Abuse
Introducing something new this week. I’m going to switch it up a bit and introduce something I think people may enjoy a bit more than just my thoughts on the news. From now on (depending on how it works out) I’ll be teaming up with that crazy yet Hilarious Jay Kern to not only bring you the news, but rip it apart for hilarious results. Expect this to be tweaked a bit in the coming weeks as we figure out how to make it work perfectly, and your feedback on this would be greatly appreciated. Off we go!
Kevin Spacey In Talks for Superman Flick
Kevin Spacey recently confirmed to SciFi.com that he is in talks for the role of Lex Luthor in Superman.
“They want me to do it,” Spacey told the site. “It’s all a matter of scheduling.”
In addition to reuniting with director Bryan Singer (The Usual Suspects), Spacey says that doing a feature like Superman helps him balance his film career. “There’s kind of a trade-off,” he adds. “You get paid more money when you do those kind of movies. I do more independent movies and I certainly produce more independent movies than big studio films. I want to be in the game, and being in the game allows me to do the other stuff that I want to do. So I’ll always try to balance that. Superman is a big franchise; there’s no doubt about it.”
Norty: I think it’s a solid idea. Spacey is a great actor who can play most of the roles he’s given. That being said, Spacey can definitely do evil (Seven, Usual Suspects) and I have no doubt he could bring something special to Superman with his old pal Singer if it were to pan out.
Kern: I had heard originally that Spacey himself wanted to climb into the tights. Turns out he wanted the other actor in there with him, so that was my bad.
Nintendo Will Make Movies Now Too
Nintendo has officially announced it will enter the movie business, according to the Nikkei Journal. The company plans to produce its own animated motion pictures, the first of which should hit theaters sometime in 2006. Reports of Nintendo jumping in on the movie business started in September, when former President Hiroshi Yamauchi told the press he was interested in moving the company toward motion pictures. Nintendo will launch an in-house production group, building it from the ground up, to oversee the entire process. Everything from initial planning and pre-production to actual production will be handled internally.
Norty: I love the big N. I grew up with the big N. But the big N isn’t what it used to be, at least not at the moment, in the world of video games. I don’t know if it’s such a great idea for them to expand, but hey, if anyone can do this right, it’s Nintendo. Keep in mind they didn’t actually make the Super Mario movie themselves. You definitely need to know that to accept this story.
Kern: Because they had a great record with … uh … Mario Brothers? Oh, and Donkey Kong! No, wait, sorry. That was A Beautiful Mind. For some reason, I’m always confusing Russell Crowe with a gigantic talking ape.
Chris Columbus Will Direct Sub-Mariner
Chris Columbus is set to direct and produce Sub-Mariner, an adaptation of one of Marvel Comics’ oldest superheroes, for Universal Pictures.
Sub-Mariner is “a half-man/half-amphibian creature from the underwater kingdom of Atlantis. He is known for his temper and rebellious nature and sometimes finds himself helping the human race and sometimes fighting against it when humans have polluted the waters.” Sub-Mariner first appeared in 1939 when Marvel Comics was known as Timely Comics. He made his first modern appearance in the pages of Fantastic Four in the early 1960s.
David Self wrote the screenplay for what is intended as an epic film that will highlight various cultures, species and worlds beneath Earth’s oceans. Marvel chief Avi Arad is executive producing.
Norty: What the hell is this? Is this Aquaman? If not, what the hell happened to Aquaman, and who the hell thinks this is a good idea?
Kern: Gawd, I hope he finds Kate Winslet’s necklace from Titanic. Maybe they could get Chris Tucker to play him as a wise-cracking fish man who goes around conning crazy old biddies out of their jewelry on cruises. And, to be honest, Aquaman’s a little gay. And while he’s certainly got the chops to host a show on Bravo, I don’t think he’s got big-screen potential.
Norty: Right, Aquaman is gay but Sub-Mariner isn’t? How the hell do you differentiate homosexuality in two fish-men???
Bruckheimer to Produce Animated Film
Jerry Bruckheimer will produce a live-action/CGI family animated film for Walt Disney Pictures titled G-Force. The film follows a group of intelligent animal commandos working for a government agency trying to prevent an evil billionaire from taking over the world. It marks the directorial debut of visual effects supervisor Hoyt Yeatman, who has worked on a number of Bruckheimer’s films, including Armageddon, Con Air and The Rock.
Norty: It’s Bruckheimer, and I could probably tell you this entire movie right now based on his patented formula. I’m apathetic towards him, to say the least, and definitely closer to anti-Bruck as time passes. But poor Kern….
Kern: GOD HATES ME. That’s the only explanation for this. I used to love Battle of the Planets – it was an integral part of my childhood. The ONLY way for this to get any worse for me would be if Bruckheimer dug up my dead grandmother and used her body to play 7-Zark-7.
Norty: Not something I would put past the man, actually. He could get Nic Cage involved….or not.
Kidman Will See a Lot of Weddings
Nicole Kidman will star in Wedding Season for Paramount Pictures. Valerie Breiman will adapt the novel of the same name by Darcy Cosper. It tells the story of a cynical woman and a longtime boyfriend who are dedicated to remaining unmarried, but question that strategy as they attend 17 weddings over a six-month span.
Robert Evans is producing with Tatijana Shoan and Elizabeth Costa.
Norty: What would 17 weddings show you? That you should get married for the awesome reception? Stupid.
Kern: So, this is When Harry Met Sally for people with short attention spans? Can’t imagine how she’ll play a woman cynical about relationships. After all, the only experience she’s had with marriage is a failed 11-year marriage to a closeted homosexual who dragged her into a bizarre cult who now controls her wealth.
Ford Says Indy 4 Will Happen – So Take Him on His Word, I guess
Harrison Ford remains optimistic that Indiana Jones 4 will still be happening.
“I have no doubt about it,” Ford told the site. Ford also went on to mention that George Lucas is pleased with the new screenplay. It was reported months ago that Jeff Nathanson (Catch Me If You Can) was brought on board to rewrite the first draft by Frank Darabont, after Lucas pulled the plug on the project when he felt displeased with Darabont’s script.
Kern: Harrison is now officially richer than Jesus. He’s allowed to say things like that. Cripes, he’s powerful enough to decree himself King of the Moon … and based on his box office returns, we’d just have to shut up and start taking long walks on the beach by Fordlight…
Norty: Until I actually see some damned DEVELOPMENT on this freakin movie, I’ve nothing left to say.
Oliver Stone Wants a Margaret Thatcher Bio-Pic
Fresh off the disappointment that is Alexander,Oliver Stone has announced his intentions to portray the life of former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher. A spokesperson for Stone revealed his desire to focus on some of his female idols, saying “Oliver is one of Baroness Thatcher’s greatest fans. Alexander was slammed by critics, so maybe he thinks it’s time to concentrate on a great woman for a film. Thatcher was one of the most powerful political figures in the world and her life has been as colourful as any superstar.” Word right now is that Stone wants his Thatcher to be played by 55-year-old Meryl Streep.
Norty: Personally, I fear both Stone and Steep – Stone after Alexander, Streep because……well, she’s Streep. You ever get the feeling a woman would suck out another womans soul? **Shudder**
Kern: Streep is mighty. She plays one of the elephants in Alexander… that’s how she got the nod for Thatcher. She’s really good. The only thing that gives her away is that Farrell gets a boner when he’s on top of her near the end of the movie. (Note: Only one penis joke, all-mighty editor Coogan!!! Just one, I swear! End note)
A Movie About Werewolves on the Moon is Coming. You Can’t Make This Stuff Up
Renny Harlin is set to direct a feature based on an upcoming horror graphic novel by Joe Casey titled Full Moon Fever. Adrian Askarieh and Daniel Alter will produce the feature.
The film will tell the story of a group of blue-collar workers is sent to repair the deserted first lunar base on the dark side of the moon. Little do they know however that a pack of ravenous werewolves lurk in the darkness, as they find themselves running for their lives.
Norty: Lunar werewolves.
Kern: Um … When you say “lunar werewolves”…?
Norty: Werewolves. On the dark side of the moon. In a major motion picture called “Full moon Fever”.
Kern: …
Norty: 100% legit
Kern: I always sort of thought the lunar landing would’ve been a lot more telegenic if Neil Armstrong got attacked by werewolves….”That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for maAAAAAAIIIIEEEE!”
Norty: What’s next? All werewolves came FROM the moon? The explanation of the moon-induced change? NASA: “Uh, those files, on whether or not man brought back ‘werewolves’ are sealed.Totally sealed: no truth to them what-so-ever.” Of course, then you can bring time travel into the mix, to explain those movies where werewolves existed centuries ago.
Kern: I am sorta pissed now tho… I’ve been working for months on this self-help book i was gonna call “Werewolves are from Mars, Vampires are from Venus”.
Norty: It may need to be delayed indefinitely
Kern: I assume this is a Bruckheimer production? Because only Nick Cage could play the role of the reluctant astrophysicist/adventurer who can stop these interplanetary lycanthropes.
Norty: No sir. Renny Harlin.
Kern: Renny … Harlin?
Norty: So it is written
Kern: As in … Exorcist: the Beginning Renny Harlin? As in Cutthroat Island Renny Harlin?!
Norty: So it seems
Kern: So … they wanted to remake Alien, but couldn’t get H.R. Giger to cough up the rights to the creature? The only way I would buy this is if it signaled the beginning of a franchise. They could follow it with “Blue Collar Crew Meet Frankenstein on the Moon” and “Blue Collar Crew Meet the Mummy on the Moon”, finishing naturally with “Blue Collar Crew Meet the Abbot and Costello Zombies on the Moon”.
Norty: No Lunar blood-suckers? Surely Dracula could make a killing on the moon.
Kern: Only if it’s an adaptation of the Anne Rice classic, “Interview with a Vampire on the Moon”.
Norty: Anything is possible, it seems. How the hell do werewolves breathe on the moon?
Kern: Like this? ::grabs throat, gasps for air, eyes bug out:: Oh, oh! I got one! How do werewolves on the moon say “I’m sorry”? Apollo-getically! HA! Get it? HA!
The Scrapped Version of Exorcist: The Beginning to be Shown in Theaters
Production house Morgan Greek has decided to give the other version of Exorcist: The Beginning, by writer/director Paul Schrader, a second chance. The scrapped version was originally announced to be released alongside Harlin’s version on DVD, but it seems the producers felt a need to chance it as a stand alone release in 2005. Schrader’s film was dismissed for its lack of genuine scares, after being reviewed by Warner Bros. Talking to Daily Variety a while back, the director mentioned that he was only following the studio’s own guidelines.
“They made it clear — no spinning heads and no pea soup,” he said. “So that’s what I delivered, but then they changed their mind.”
Norty: Theres another Exorcist coming to theaters in 2005
Kern: ::head spins around::
Norty: Exorcist: The Beginning
Kern: ::projectile vomits coffee and Fritos:: Wait. Is it the original Schrader version?
Norty: Coffee and Fritos, theres a combo. Yes, as a matter of fact, it is.
Kern: That was breakfast this morning. Well … now that actually interests me. One of my big beefs with the one that just came out is they scrapped the version by Schrader, who’s one of my favorite writer/directors out there.
Norty: Yes, it’ll see limited roll-out.
Kern: So, are they gonna call it Exorcist: The Beginning 2: Exorcise Harder?
Norty: Perhaps Exorcist: The Beginning That Begins the Beginning. Or Exorcist: The Beginning That Doesn’t Make You Want to Kill Yourself.
Kern: Exorcist 6: The Final Chapter That’s Actually the Beginning
Norty: Exorcist: The Beginning That’s Good Enough to Be the Ending. Oh! Exorcist: The Beginning That Makes You Forget That Other Shit.
Kern: Exorcist vs. Freddy vs. Jason vs. Ash vs. Your Mother.
Spade, Schneider to Team Up
Revolution Studios has lined up Rob Schneider and David Spade to topline baseball comedy Bench Warmers. The story is about three unathletic men who challenge youth baseball teams. The original idea came from Adam Sandler, who is not expected to star in the film. Production begins in mid April, contingent on a director and third actor being found.
Norty: So, they take a great comedians idea……and will run it into the ground. How sad. Schneider isn’t fat, so David Spade has no one to play off of and look half decent, and what will Schneider turn into this time? A baseball?
Kern: Mmm … man-children acting boorish, then learning a lesson from children. You sure this isn’t about the Bush administration? Sorry. Still a little bitter.
Norty: It might be – they’re looking for a third actor. Maybe they could get that guy who starred in the short-lived “That’s My Bush”. Oh, and look. In related news (Because I say it is), they’ve delayed Shrek 3 to 2007, to compete with Pixar. As if Dreamworks has a shot in hell of beating Pixar.
Kern: That’s it! That’s our third for Bench Warmers! Although, I imagine Donkey’ll do in a pinch.
Norty: Are we talking real life actors or animated characters here?
Kern: No. A real donkey. Unless you think its charisma might overshadow Spade and Schneider…
Norty: It’s a tough decision – won’t Schneider be upset he’s not the donkey?
Kern: A trio of donkeys challenging youth baseball teams! It’s perfect!
Weintraub Wants Ellen to Play God
Although he had announced back in September that he wanted to revive the Police Academy franchise with a bang, it seems that producer Jerry Weintraub has lost interest. He will now focus his energy towards God. One of his first credits as producer was for the classic George Burns comedy Oh God, and he intends to revisit the subject.
“I made the first one in 1976, and I’ve been trying to figure out how to do another one since then,” Weintraub said. “And then Ellen (DeGeneres) just came to me and said, ‘I’d play God if you would take a chance and do that.’ I said, ‘Take a chance? That’s the best idea I’ve heard! Let’s go for it.’ … I’m crazy about her. … And I don’t think you can be a woman and play God unless you’re likeable.”
Norty: I can’t stand Ellen. Very rare is the day she makes me laugh.
Kern: I like Ellen …and I know that sort of puts me in with soccer moms and other thoroughly domesticatd beasts, but I think she’s funny. That being said, I would rather see them dig up George Burns (or empty a few ashtrays into an urn, depending on how he went) before they cast her as God. A cantankerous, cigar smoking zombie/jar full of cigarette butts is a God I can talk to, a God I can reason with. If i have to face God and explain to her what I’m doing with those 12 gigs of lesbian porn on my hard drive? I’m not gonna be in any great hurry to get sized for my harp and angel wings is all I’m saying.
Norty: You’re a disturbing individual….
Spielberg Wants to Showcase the Olympics
According to Variety, Steven Spielberg will follow-up War Of The Worlds with his cherished 1972 Olympics project, rumoured to be titled “Vengeance” as soon as next June. Chroinicling the tragic events that put an abrupt end to the games, the movie should be based on the 1984 non-fiction book Vengeance. Some big names have circulated around the project in recent months, including Eric Bana, Daniel Craig and veteran actor Ben Kinglsey. Kinglsey had reportedly dropped out of the projects a few months ago, due to a potentially conflicting schedule for his involvement in Roman Polanski’s Oliver Twist adaptation. If Vengeance does indeed happen in the middle of 2005, Kinglsey may find time to re-unite with his Schindler’s List helmer.
Kern: Kingsley and Spielberg together again! I hope they do another weepie where everything’s in black and white with one girl symbolizing the innocence of the Olympic games in a pink dress. Maybe they could get Polanski to collaborate! Oh, wait. Polanski…little girl in a pink dress…nevermind.
Norty: I’m not touching this one…..
Paul Anderson Not Involved with Alien Franchise
It is official: Writer-director Paul Anderson is not involved with Alien 5. The director of Resident Evil and Alien vs. Predator told Now Playing Magazine that, despite the widespread rumors, he will be neither writing nor directing any additions to the Alien franchise. Anderson feels that Alien vs. Predator was a standalone project and not a part of the Alien and Predator series. He hopes to see both Alien 5 and Predator 3 come to pass, but without his involvement. In fact, Anderson is hoping James Cameron, who directed Aliens in 1986, will be the one to make the next sequel.
“That’s not a reality. I’ve heard that. I’ve been doing press lately for AvP and a lot of people said that. I don’t know where that came from. It’s not something I’ve been approached about.”
Kern: This is EXACTLY like the P.T. Anderson/Wes Anderson/Paul W.S. Anderson thing I talked about in my first column! That freakishly deluded man (who’s sleeping with MY Milla, by the way) wanders around thinking he’s regarded as the next Orson Welles…when, truth be told, I’d be hard pressed to think of him as the next Orson from Mork and Mindy. Also, I hear he’s a lousy lay. Milla told me. In my head.
Norty: I bet she did. But I can’t stand this guy. At all. In fact, it almost makes me angry. He is like a cancer to every film he comes into contact with. If only we could get a re-done Alien vs. Predator like we are with the Exorcist….
News in Brief: The Amityville Horror trailer turned up, and its good for what it is; Ben Stiller will direct/star in an actor boot camp comedy; Hugh Jackman and Kate Winslet will lend their voices to Flushed Away, a claymation movie about a rat in London’s sewers; Dimension Films will adapt the comic book The Darkness; Nic Cage and Julliane Moore will star in Next, a psychic thriller.
Phew. News seems so much…longer this week. I can’t quite put my finger on why. Ah well, let’s move on now to the review section (And give you guys a break, of sorts).
New Feature: Trailer of the Week
Usually, every week sees it’s fair share of teaser trailers for upcoming films released, either in front of theatrical releases or on the internet (Or Both). Starting this week, I pick one of the more popular teasers from the previous week and get the thoughts of the Movies Staff on them. If you’d like to be included in the future on here, Staffers, drop me a line via e-mail or IM (Located in my staff bio). This week, I debut the feature with the much anticipated trailer of Tim Burton’s Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Here’s what the staff thinks.
Steve Coogan – Editor: Well, it comes down to the fact that I’ve seen Johnny Depp’s body of work and I’ve seen Tim Burton’s body of work and I’d be VERY surprised if that trailer accurately reflected the tone and content of the movie. It comes off looking like a more technologically advanced kids movie and I don’t want to see that. I want danger…excitement…SOMETHING DIFFERENT!
Brendan Campbell – Slacker/Columnist: It’s got the look of a Burton film…which makes sense, because it IS a Burton film. Depp looks good as Wonka, and it’ll probably be a good remake. It does look to be one on a much larger scale, kind of like how The Grinch and The Cat in the Hat looked. Not that I’m comparing the three, it’s just how the elaborate sets look is all.
J. Kern – Crazy-Go-Nuts: Honestly, I wasn’t even going to Pirates when I had heard that Depp was playing a hopped up Pirate Keith Richards, but he made it work, so I’m gonna give him the benefit of the doubt. The real deal-maker here for me is Burton. Because I don’t know that I could manage seeing Shumacher’s Oompa Loompas with nipples. Nor Clooney, Kilmer or Bale as Wonka. Although, may I say that I am and always shall be, Kilmer’s huckleberry. (Editors Note: What the hell are you talking about?) Burton did Batman. Shumacher did Batman and Robin with nipples. Clooney, Kilmer and Bale all have done or will do Batman. And “I’ll be your huckleberry” is one of Kilmer’s lines from Tombstone. I hated the trailer honestly. But neither Burton nor Depp has ever done anything I’ve hated.
Norty – Guru: I was quite surprised at this trailer. Like Coogan, I was under the impression this film would be much DARKER than the original work, and this trailer is anything but dark. It’s…odd. I had to watch it multiple times, partly to make sense of what I was seeing, partly because I was so shocked, and partly because it was fun. That being said, I liked it. It has effectively teased the hell out of me and am I now anxiously awaiting more on this film.
Reviews We Sit Through – For You!
Not too much on the review front this past week. Actually, now that I think about it, theres nothing on the review front, and very little in terms of DVD coverage. Since I don’t want to be the messenger shot for this, I’m going to let Jon Beida, famous for Movie vs. Film every week, to give you his reasoning.
Jon: Well, you gotta figure its the Holiday season. People are runnin around, dont have a lot of time on their hands. College students are in the middle of finals. Oh, and don’t post this. I don’t want to be your shot messenger either.
Noted, Jon. Anyway, yeah. Holiday finals. That’s the official Pulse response….but seriously, expect a review of Alexander and Blade 3 some time this weekend, and a review of the Spiderman 2 DVD.
DVD
The Terminal: Three-Disc Limited Edition – When Tom Hanks and Steven Spielberg team up, something specially usually results from their work (See: Saving Private Ryan, Catch Me If You Can). But critics seemed to be torn over their latest project together. What’s the Pulse on this three disc collection? Well, check out Travis Leamons excellent review of the DVD to find out.
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban – It’s hard to bring books like the Harry Potter series to the big screen, and fans and critics alike have been less than impressed with the first two outings in the series. Azkaban is considered by many to be the best book and film in the series (so far, though technically that’s not saying a lot, movie-wise), so what does Michalangelo McCullar think of it? Read his review here and find out.
We Even Do Columns!
While it may have been a slow week for reviews, we’ve generally kept up the pace column wise, though I must admit my “Disappointment” in one particular workhorse, but more on that in a little bit.
First up this week, we have Sutton. Robert Sutton. Mr. Sutton returns for part two of his multi-part series entitled R0BTRAIN’s Badass Cinema: Total Bond-age, Part 2: Fruition. This week, he looks at Goldfinger and Thunderball. Goldfinger, in my opinion, is one of the finest films in the entire franchise, if not the finest, but I will admit I am not overly familiar with Thunderball. Thanks to Rob though, I will be, as he explains why both of these films are considered the best of the Bond bunch.
Next, Brad Torreano returns with Mondo Culto VI: Wild at Heart and Weird On Top. At this point, odds are if you’re a fan of Mondo Culto, you’ve read it twice by now. If not, I cannot tell you enough of why you need to click over and read this column. Brad takes a look at some great films this week that you’ve probably never heard of, including The Deadly Spawn, I Drink Your Blood and more. Yours truly was especially interested in the George Romero vampire film he shines his spotlight on. Oh yes, George Romero made a vampire film, as only he could do. Go read about it now!
J. Kern returns with Dollar Movie Reviews: Resident Evil: Apocalypse. You know, as a movie fan/lover/critic/whatever, I found the films to be insulting of my intelligence, but overall just slightly below average. As a video game fan/lover/wannabe critic/whatever, they disgust me. I loathe Anderson and wish he’d never step foot in Hollywood again. But, that being said, Kern takes this movie, dissects it as only he can, and winds up with a decent profit in the end, all things considered. Check him out.
Brendan Campbell returns from his vacation this week, and aww, the poor guy had a rough time on his cruise. Seems he got some sunburn in the Caribbean, the sharks didn’t play nice in the water, and he couldn’t find bootleg Mexican DVDs. Poor guy…..jerk. *Ahem* Anyway, he returns with all the flair of his Ridiculously Good Looking Movie Column and this week he goes into the Love/Hate relationship people have with the Popcorn Flick. **Note to Campbell: I don’t mind the mindless flick now and again, but National Treasure is a crime against cinema. Not because it is a mindless, typical Bruckheimer flick, but because it is a mindless, typical, STOLEN Bruckheimer flick. If they hadn’t stolen the Da Vinci code, and made it so…stupid, I’d have no problem with this film at all, really. And I will comment on this movie every week until it is out of the top five spots. End note**. Brendan also last weeks box office (Old new now, all things considered) and previews this weekends upcoming movies. Hmm, it’d would seem that the investment in slave labor, err, I mean Campbell doesn’t pay off when the guy returns from vacation. Everyone gets an off week here and there, I guess. ^_^
We round out the week with Mr. Michaelangelo McCullar and his look at another Perfect Flick: Blade 2. **Note: You were off the list until you called me a Sucka. Unless you are secretly Booker T, and give it to me in writing, NEVER call me a Sucka. Foo. End note** He goes into some of the reasons why you should watch Blade 2 and what exactly warrants it being a perfect film in his eyes. Definitely worth a read. Oh, and be sure to check out his live Survivor coverage this weekend over at the TV Pulse.
Note: As of this posting, Jon Beida’s Movie vs. Film column was in the process of going up on the site, sometime today. Be on the lookout for that, and I’ll cover it special next week. End note.
Have you checked out our Features Section and gotten the Pulse on some of the big upcoming Holiday Films? You still can, you know. And you should. Do it. Right now.
Norty’s Brief Rant: Extra Special Limited Edition
Imagine for a second that we charged you to read our work (Just relax and imagine it). Imagine if someone at the pulse (Pick a writer) wrote some special feature that you really loved one week. It’s an excellent piece of work and one that even had some re-read-ability to it. Now, imagine that oh, six months later, that same person said that they would be re-releasing that awesome feature article, and that it would include some new material that wasn’t in the first edition. You’d be kind of angry, right, considering you paid the bastard for the first one. But wait, it gets better. Now imagine that a year after THAT an announcement comes that the feature will be released AGAIN, this time with even MORE exclusive material, including an interview with Some Random Famous Guy and various other fluff material. And guess what – you’re going to have to pay to read it again.
By now I’m sure you know where I’m headed with the rant this week. While a world where the above scenario exists is hard to believe (And can you imagine? Guys like Scott Keith would make a KILLING. I shudder to think…) a world like this in movies is not. Tell me, how many of you out there bought The Matrix on DVD? To my memory, it was a must have as DVD was just coming around as firmly replacing DVD. So then, how many of you bought The Matrix Revisited? Or perhaps The Matrix Platinum Boxed Collector’s Set, which also included “8 Original Lobby Cards and Limited Edition “Senitype” Image with 35mm Film Frame”? I’m sure fans of the trilogy also went out and bought The Matrix: Reloaded, The Matrix: Revolutions and The Animatrix to complete their collection. Well, guess what, now there’s something new for the holiday shoppers this year, something called The Ultimate Matrix Collection. Guess what else? It includes EVERYTHING: all the movies, Revisting, the Animatrix, the works. Plus it has a ‘slew’ of special bonus features and extra content ‘never before seen’. Sweet Mother of Zion, what a royal screw job to Matrix fans! Of course, I sympathize with the fans of years ago, who probably had no idea that a super deluxe seventy dollar version of the trilogy would come around, but I don’t so much with people within the recent year.
That’s the point here. The industry is ripping people off, really bad, and people are just handing over their money to them. It’s not just the Matrix, it’s every movie that really does well, if you think about it. Off the top of my head: Spiderman, X-Men, The Lion King, Daredevil, Fight Club, Memento, Pirates of the Caribbean, The Emperor’s New Groove, and I’m sure there are tons more. Don’t even get me started on Terminator 2. And we allow this to happen! We see a movie we want, and we buy it because we love it. It doesn’t matter what we love it for, we just love it. Then, anytime briefly down the line, another edition of the SAME EXACT MOVIE comes out. It retails for the same amount, if not MORE money, and for what? Some extra commentary? A minute and a half of deleted scenes? Some of these DVDs add one or two things, and recycle the rest from the ORIGINAL DVD. Good lord, enough!
There is no reason, other than shameless profit making, that this should be happening. But again, it’s up to us, not them, to stop this practice. So long as the consumer goes out and puts their hard earned cash down for the “Special Features” this will continue. And, given the recent trend of behavior by the common movie-goer, there’s no likely end in sight for this kind of shame-less cash-in. And that is a truly sad thing.
Of course, that’s just my opinion, and I could be wrong.
The Ending
Well, that wraps it up for this (Late) edition of the Weekly Pulse/Gatekeeper’s Guide. It ran long this week as some new ideas and such were introduced, and the rant was a bit more than brief. If you like the new stuff/length of this column, hate it, know how to change it for the better, drop me a line. If you want to shoot the breeze or have your opinions heard, drop a line too. For everything else,
Until next time.
