We are Live from wherever this is being filmed from!
Show starts of with Ludacris, Method Man, Redman and company open up the show rapping. Method and Red get a couple words censored right away and are escorted out along the walkway by some guys I guess are supposed to look thuggish but instead look retarded. Some are mock fighting and I think this is supposed to be a homage to Def Jam: Fight For New York, but that is some seriously weak mock fighting. Looked more like a scene from an all male bath house than anything else. I start drinking here because it looks like this show is going to suck, and I’ve got nothing better to do. Some guys start breakdancing or having a stroke. Moving on.
Funk Master Flex and Snoop Dogg are doing MC duties throughout the night. Award is called the Vector Monkey, which has no relation to the Rumor Monkey. I think, I gotta ask Bebito. First award is announced…
Best Human Female in a Video Game. As opposed to the best female alien. A couple of women are announced, the first one was Brook Burke for her voicework in Need For Speed Underground 2 who did the pre-awards show so I stopped paying attention to who the others where.
She won. Whattasuprise. Commercials.
We come back with Bam Margera and Matt Hoffman. Mat makes some bad joke about how his worse injury has to deal with lava and his eyes popping out of his skull, Bam says his is landing on a rail with his nuts and sliding down on his skull. I’m guessing Bam was telling the truth, which hopefully means he is sterile. Looks like Avril Lavigne dressed him. They announce the nominees for the Most Addictive Game to be voted on by the fans. The nominees are:
City of Heroes
The Sims 2
Not bad. They must’ve fired the moron who made their choices from last year. Burnout will probably win, but Katamari should. It’s like crack. Two baseball players come out to introduce the Best First Person Action Game. One of the players is playing the PSP and says he is playing Need For Speed Underground, but we have to take his word for it. Nominees are Far Cry, Half-Life 2, Unreal Championship 2004, Halo 2, and Doom 3. No Metroid Prime 2? Halo 2 will likely win. Yep, winner: Halo 2. Can’t play PC games myself since my POS sucks, but I’ve heard a lot of great things about Half Life 2 and Far Cry. Ron Perlman and Bungie accept with a quick thank you.
Tony Hawk presents one of the GOTY nominees which will be announced throughout the night. First one? Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. Hell yeah, awesome game. Each GOTY contender has a little montage, during GTA’s one guy explained why it is better:
‘The hookers look better now.’
Commercials. UFC reality show? Looks like it might be fun to watch.
Back to the VGA’s and Snoop shows a teaser clip for the Godfather video game. Shows us absolutely nothing about what the actual gameplay will be like so I’ll predict it will suck and spit on the name of the movies.
How’s that for an offer I can’t refuse?
Ray Jones comes out to introduce the Pontiac GTO Best Driving Game Award. Product placement baby! Should note that so far every person except Snoop are doing porn level acting jobs out there minus the nudity. They sound like they’re reading right off of a card and probably are. Three nominees, Nascar 2005, Need For Speed Underground 2, and Burnout 3. All EA games, what the hell? Burnout isn’t even much of a racing game since it’s mostly about crashing. And it won the award.
Giovanni something brings out Sum 41 while I take a piss.
Danny Masterson (Hyde from That 70’s Show) talks about another GOTY nominee…Half Life 2! Montage.
Alone in the Dark star Tara Reid comes out for the next award. They made an Alone in the Dark movie? I remember Reid as being hotter. Award is for Best Song in a Video Game. Nominees are ‘Pain’ Jimmy Eats World, ‘Lean Back’ Terror Squad, ‘American Idiot’ Green Day, ‘I do’ Chingy, and someone else. I figured Green Day would win so I stopped paying attention. They did. Come on now, half the games out there have licensed songs and this is the best they could do? Even the Katamari Damancy theme was better than most of this junk. Like I said, it’s like crack. Green Day says thank you.
Little John is out. YEEAAAHHHH! WWWHHHAAAAAT! I’m not doing an impression, that’s what he said. They talk about some world premiere of a Snoop song that he’s going to do live with some other guy called ‘Let’s get Blowed’. Snoop and the guy come out and do it. Don’t care about the song, but Spike must be worried about the FCC since they bleeped the words ‘pimp’ and ‘hoe’. Which is even weirder as they said hookers about 20 minutes ago.
Papa Roach make more money than I do a year for their five second appearance to run down a bunch of quick award announcements:
Best Fighting Game- Mortal Kombat: Deception
Best Action Game- GTA: San Andreas
Best Graphics- Half Life 2
Best Technology- Nintendo DS (which won an award, but the PSP had more importance placed on it just a couple minutes ago)
Best Handheld Game- Metroid
Best MMORPG- City of Heroes
Best Video Game Vixen- Bloodrayne.
Hot damn, 5 minutes on deciding which EA racing game was better and 5 seconds on all those games combined. Pretty good choices all around. All those games are out of the way so what are they doing with the last hour?
Commercials. To hell with Truth ads. I don’t even smoke and they make me want to light up. Blade: Trinity sucked compared to the others. Video game vampire recommends we all donate blood, alright that rocked.
Some other guy talks about another GOTY contender: Burnout 3. Cars smash!
Two hot asian ladies come out and bust out some engrish. Hey baby all my base are berong to you! Best Performance by a Human Male. Did a skit of failed voice auditions, only good one was Christopher Walken for Everquest. Because he’s the man. Real nominations are for Vin Diesel for Chronicles of Riddick, Hugh Jackson for Van Helsing, Samuel L Jackson for San Andreas, Christopher Lee for Goldeneye, and Tobey Maguire for Spiderman 2. Out of those I’d go for Vin or Toby. Samuel L. Jackson is the winner. WTF? Seriously, if anyone should get the nod for that game it’s the guy who did CJ, he MADE that game. I love Jackson but what the hell. Shouldn’t be surprised since they advertised him being there.
Michelle Rodriguez talks about another GOTY contender. What is she in? I’d have fries with that. She is doing some weird aggressive faces and then laughing out of nowhere. Bet she’s a freak in the sack. Just saying. Oh yeah, the game is Halo 2. Good line during montage ‘Killing friends is now a new sport’.
Snoop battle raps a digital version of himself. Booze isn’t making this funnier at all. He brings up the next award Best Game Made Based off of a Movie. Our nominees are Spiderman 2, Star Wars: Battlefront, Goldeneye, and Chronicles of Riddick. Spiderman or Chronicles easy. Chronicles of Riddick wins the award, good game, better than the movie. Vin Diesel thanks VU and Starbreeze and talks about his game company Tigon.
More quickie awards:
Best Newcomer- Carmen Electra. BS. This was because she didn’t win the female award.
Best RPG- Fable. Huh?
Best Designer- Bungie
Best Wireless- Might and Magic
Best Military- Call of Duty
Best Site- Gamespot.com
Best Magazine- Game Informer
Best Soundtrack- GTA: San Andreas
Thoughts? Bullshit all over except soundtrack and developer. Just a bunch of excuses for more awards that they didn’t even give time too. Where the hell are the Nintendo games?
Commercials. MXC Rocks.
Gabrielle Union shows the last GOTY game. She’s fine too. Last couple of chicks haven’t sounded like they are reading off of cards either. Game is Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater. Damn games have long ass names nowdays.
Samuel L. Jackson comes out, trashes some gaming geeks like a coach and announces the Best Sports Game. Nominees are NBA Ballers, Madden 2005, Tiger Woods 2005, ESPN THUG 2, and NFL 2K5. Probably Madden or THUG since they’ve pimped Tony a lot. Madden wins. Just want to say f*ck you to both the NFL and EA for the exclusivity deal. Madden says some junk.
Hot chicks read a video game cheat code. Forgot the game. They were still wearing clothes so I don’t care. Good idea however for G4TechTV to swipe.
John Singleton comes out to talk about his new game with Snoop as the main character called Fear and Respect. Supposed to be like a day in South Central, but looks like the same generic gangsta style game that has become popular.
The Donnas and the kid from Malcom in the Middle announce the winner of the Most Addictive Award and it is Burnout 3. Bah.
Method Man, Redman and Ludacris introduce the Spike TV Game of the Year and it is Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas! Whoo-hoo!
Montley Crue have their reunion and sing Girls, Girls, Girls. I miss it because I don’t care, care, care.