Recapped: Desperate Housewives – Episode 9


John Duran here again, sometimes tardy but always arriving to party with the latest recap of Desperate Housewives. The advantage of being somewhat late with these recaps–and the disadvantage of being bogged down with work–is that I get to see the ratings for Desperate Housewives before posting the actual recap. Unfortunately, for whatever reason, the ratings for this episode are not available as I’m writing this. So much for that.

On with the recap!

Previously, on Desperate Housewives: Andrew Van De Kamp definitely ran over Mama Solis and put her into a coma, and Andrew definitely does not care, leaving the guilt trip to his mother, Bree. Gabrielle and John are on the road to Splitsville, USA. Lynette comes dangerously close to losing her mind while on A.D.D. medication, and Mrs. Huber is killed by Mr. Mary Alice Young after Mrs. Huber confesses to writing The Note to Mary Alice, leading to her suicide. Oh, and Susan and the Creepy Plumber got it on. Just wanted to toss that one in there, since they left it out.

Dead Woman Narrating talks about the great ideas in Gabrielle’s life. Light music plays as DWN talks about Gabrielle’s first great idea at the age of 15, when her stepfather paid her a late-night visit, so she ran away from home and bought a ticket to New York the very next day. And then at the age of 20, she decided to seduce a famous fashion photographer, and thus began her career as a runway model. Then her next great idea was to marry Carlos Solis, and before long she was off the runway and in the suburbs. Finally, her most recent great idea was to cure her boredom by having an affair with her teenage gardener. You know, instead of the usual “buy crossword puzzle books” or “crochet hats”. But that was cut short when John felt guilty about taking advantage of Mama Solis’ accident and destroying the evidence that Mama Solis was bound to give Carlos to prove that John and Gabrielle were having an affair. The time had come for Gabrielle to think of another great idea. “Mrs. Solis, I know you’re worried, but it’s going to take time.” No, the nurse isn’t talking about Gabrielle’s Great Search for a Great Idea, she’s referring to Mama Solis’ recovery from her coma, if she’ll even make it out at all. Ah, but the nurse is wrong in thinking that Gabrielle is worried about Mama Solis, she’s just sad about her life, and how it hasn’t turned out the way she thought it would. The nurse is about ready to admonish Gabrielle for saying such a thing across the room from a woman lying in a coma after being run over by a drunk teenager, but Gabrielle cuts her off, admitting that she couldn’t complain, but that there’s just something missing in her life and she doesn’t know what it is. The nurse has never felt like that, because at the end of the day she understands that she’s helped people. Gabrielle admires that feeling, and then the nurse has to respond to a call for a Code Blue. Turns out that an elderly man is having trouble breathing, and the nurse goes right to work trying to save him. Suddenly, the light bulb turns on in the vast attic of space that is Gabrielle’s mind, and she gets her next great idea. That idea is to throw the first annual Sacred Heart charity fashion show to raise money in support of the nursing staff. Some random woman comes up to Gabrielle, almost in tears over the fact that she can’t wear any of the dresses since they’ll all make her look too fat. She begs Gabrielle to find a replacement for the show, but Gabrielle keeps her calm, telling the woman to be brave (like the nurse told the man who had trouble breathing), and Gabrielle promised that they would find something for her that would be black and slimming. And of course, when Gabrielle went to bed that night, Gabrielle slept like a baby. Just like the nurse.

You’re watching Desperate Housewives, and damn that was a long paragraph for what I felt was a rather vanilla segment. But anyway.

Dead Woman Narrating explains that on Wisteria Lane, news of the fashion show spread like wildfire, and just to enforce this point, two delighted women walk up to the Solis house, looking perky enough to stick in a mug and drink. But Gabrielle soon discovers that when it comes to fashion, “women are seldom charitable.” And the queen of being non-charitable is Edie Britt, as she rips a tag off a dress and gets ready to whisk it away, but Susan is right there to ask for the dress, since it turns out to be hers and not Edie’s. Well, I guess that’s kind of obvious. Edie doesn’t try to deny her crime and hands over the dress, but of course, there is no doubt that this is far from over and that Edie will try something else equally stupid later in the program, perhaps not more than fifteen minutes from now.

Gabrielle talks to some Helen lady about her dress as Helen looks at herself in the mirror, suggesting that it looks great but that it could be taken out in the shoulder a little. Gabrielle is more than willing to help because some random nurse showed her the way. Gabrielle goes to work on Helen’s dress as Helen takes this time to properly thank Gabrielle, conveniently enough right now, for hiring John as the Solis’ gardener. Oh, wonderful. Gabrielle assures her that it’s been her pleasure, and hey, that’s not suspicious at all. Gabrielle asks how John is doing, and upon a generic response of “Good, good,” Gabrielle brings up John’s current girlfriend, Danielle Van De Kamp. Ah, it’s a small world, isn’t it? Andrew VaN De Kamp runs over Mama Solis, Gabrielle steals the camera used to take the evidence of John and Gabrielle having an affair from the downed body of the Mama, and John gets guilty over it and starts seeing Danielle Van De Kamp–sister of Andrew–exclusively. What a wicked web this show weaves. Unfortunately, this wicked web is being pushed aside for this very boring fashion show angle. Helen thinks that John and Danielle are also on the road to Splitsville, USA, however, since Danielle wants much more of a relationship than John does. After all, Helen knows that Gabrielle remembers what it was like dating teenage boys. “Vaguely.” Right. Helen thanks Gabrielle for taking a little bit out of the shoulder, and I couldn’t care less until Carlos storms down the stairs, screaming into his phone about warning to kick Tanaka’s ass if he doesn’t show. He marches right into the middle of the lady convention as he hangs up his phone, and then gives a nod to the ladies as he walks off. Once that awkward moment is over, Susan approaches Gabrielle and asks if the “Trouble at work” bug is up Carlos’ butt. In so many words. Anyway, Gabrielle says that he’s making money left and right, so perhaps he should just relax.

Over to Lynette, Edie, and Bree, as Edie is angered that all of the good dresses are taken. Lynette suggests that Edie steal Mrs. Huber’s dress since she didn’t bother to show up, but Edie dismisses it as an “old lady dress,” complaining that no one will be able to see any of her body. “That is so like you, Edie. You’re always thinking of others.” Lynette brings the quotable-ness and continues to convince me that she should’ve been nominated for a Golden Globe over Teri Hatcher. Bree wonders exactly what is going on with Mrs. Huber, and Edie says that last she heard, Mrs. Huber was off to visit her sister. Edie can’t believe that Mrs. Huber would agree to wear that dress, since she had swore she would never be caught dead in black. But would she be dead? Yes she would be, as the dead body of Mrs. Huber is wrapped head-to-toe in a nice black trash bag. Dead Woman Narrating gets in a quip about Mrs. Huber’s comment not holding true anymore, and we all share a nice big laugh. Har de har har. Anyway, Paul Young is diggin’ up a grave for Mrs. Huber, and decides to throw the murder weapon (Mary Alice’s blender) in there as well before piling the dirt on.

Cut to Julie getting some ice cream as Susan walks through the door, showing Julie a letter to her addressed from Zach. Julie agrees that it is weird that Zach would write her, and Susan is just anxious for Julie to open it since it could have information about Dana inside. Julie wants to open it later, but Susan thinks that there’s something wrong with that and asks Julie what the deal is. Turns out that Julie hasn’t received one letter from Zach, they’ve been writing each other for the past couple of weeks. Susan isn’t mad at Julie, but when she was Julie’s age, her pen pal lived on a farm in Ohio, not in a mental instiution. Zach’s letter is one notch above prison mail, but hey, last time I checked, Zach hasn’t done anything wrong…yet. Julie enforces this by saying that Zach isn’t crazy, he’s just upset about his mom and probably also upset about his dad not seeming to care. All he needs is a friend.

Tom is ready to take the kids out to the park for a boys’ day out, giving Lynette a couple of hours to herself. Tom tells Lynette to enjoy the vacation, but the laundry machine buzzes as if to signal that that was the incorrect thing for Tom to say. Sure enough, Lynette points out that while Tom is gone, she’ll be paying bills, sorting laundry, and what not. Tom understands, correcting himself and saying that he’ll pick up dinner, and tells Lynette to take a hot bath so she can relax and recharge. Lynette still isn’t satisfied, so Tom mentions not to worry since he’ll be there all week. Lynette asks what will happen at the end of the week, and Tom asks if things will go back to normal, but Lynette reminds Tom that the normal version of Lynette is popping pills, so normal is a bad thing. Tom then finally gives up and says that they’ll put their heads together to figure out some kind of plan. Lynette suggests that they hire a nanny, full-time, but Tom sees that as a big commitment. Lynette understands that, understanding that they can’t afford it and that everything that has happened to the family is Lynette’s fault, but if Lynette doesn’t get some help, there’s a good chance that she’ll lose her mind. Tom finally gets the hint and says that they’ll have to make the full-time nanny thing work, and Lynette breathes a sigh of relief.

At a swimming pool, a swim meet is taking place as the 200-meter freestyle is forthcoming, thanks to a well-timed announcement over the P.A. system. Bree and Rex watch Andrew having fun with his swimming buddies as Bree turns to Rex and continues her trip through guilt. She can’t believe that Andrew is as happy as a clam despite having put a woman in a coma, but Rex says that they’ve grounded him, taken away his TV, and there’s just not many more ways to punish him. Bree thinks that Andrew should be forced to quit the swim team, but Rex is shocked and mentions that swimming is the one thing that Andrew is passionate about. I don’t know about that, he seemed pretty passionate about drinking before meeting up with his parents. Bree thinks that taking the swimming away from Andrew is the first step in helping him understand what he did, but Rex thinks that he feels bad and is just putting up a facade. Besides, if they take him off the swim team, he’ll lose his chance at an athletic scholarship and then Andrew will never forgive Rex and Bree for making them see that HE RAN OVER A GOD DAMN WOMAN. Bree thinks that it’s a small price to pay for seeing to it that Andrew grows up with a sliver of humanity left inside of him. Rex isn’t willing to take that chance, but Bree thinks that’s because he doesn’t love Andrew as much as she does. Others around the Van De Kamps are taking notice as they continue to argue, over who loves him more, and as the whistle blows, Rex and Bree are stunned before they catch up and one of the spectators of their argument mentions that their mutually loved child just won the 200-meter freestyle. Rex and Bree decide that now would be a good time to start clapping, so they do.

John arrives at the fashion show, as he comes up to Gabrielle and announces his intention to volunteer thanks to a suggestion from Helen. Gabrielle isn’t surprised to see John since John was always a giver. John suggests that Gabrielle knock it off since Helen is in close proximity. John’s first job is to alphabetize the donation cards, and Gabrielle sits at the table with him as he begins. Gabrielle doesn’t waste time and mentions the rumor of John and Danielle possibly breaking up, but John dismisses it in typical teenage fashion by saying that he doesn’t know. Gabrielle wonders if the impending breakup is over her, but John is quick to point out that not everything is about Gabrielle. But this episode is, and it’s pissing me off. Gabrielle is getting ants in the pants, however, and removes her foot from her high heel, quickly placing it in a compromising spot. John wants Gabrielle to stop, and Gabrielle continues her seduction of John in public as Susan arrives. Susan wants to help Helen alphabetize the donation cards, and Helen is a klutz as she drops the cards on the floor. Susan is all too willing to pick them up and it’s pretty obvious what’s coming next. Sure enough, Susan bends down to grab the cards and sees foot touching leg. Susan hits her head on the table above her and then pulls out to notice Gabrielle and John. Womp womp.

And now, a word from our sponsors…finally. I’m being super verbose with this recap when I shouldn’t be. Because I’m not so impressed with this episode so far. Why can’t Carlos whoop John’s ass already? Not to mention Gabrielle acting all goody-goody is just dumb. Gabrielle is a very big whore. Why try and shy away from that, Desperate Housewives writers?

We’re back, and it seems like this is a Gabrielle-Centric episode (ala Lost), as Gabrielle is back, answering the door and greeting Susan. Susan doesn’t waste any time, asking Gabrielle why her foot was in John’s crotch the previous day. Gabrielle dismisses it as John helping adjust the seam in her stocking, but Susan sees right through that and asks Gabrielle to admit to sleeping with John. Gabrielle finally admits to it, and asks Susan not to tell anybody. However, John is in high school, it’s illegal, and after all, Gabrielle’s married. If Carlos found out, this would kill him. Well, not quite. I have a feeling that Carlos would kill John and perhaps Gabrielle. Something like this wouldn’t harm him, it would harm others. Gabrielle thinks that since it’s just sex, that it’s harmless, but Susan disagrees, wondering if Gabrielle can still think that knowing what Susan went through with Carl. “This isn’t about you.” Hey, it’s a good quote that defines the whole point of this episode. It isn’t about Susan, it’s about Gabrielle! Susan disagrees, thinking that this is about every person who has been screwed over by someone they loved. Susan goes into detail about what life was like when Carl ran off with Brandi and then explaining that Gabrielle was right there, so how could she go off and do the same thing? Gabrielle doesn’t think that comparing her to Carl is fair, since Susan has no idea what Gabrielle’s life is like. Susan wants to know what more than can be to know: Gabrielle’s beautiful, rich, and a wife to a loving husband. Ah, but Carlos doesn’t adore Gabrielle, he adores having her. Susan dismisses that as a rationalization, and then walks off. Gabrielle tries to get something more in, but it’s too late.

Bree and Lynette discuss nannies, as it turns out that Lynette has interviewed ten nannies, each one more incompetent than the last. Well, I think we know where this is leading. Let’s just cut to the chase. Lynette will never find the perfect nanny and then realize that she was all the kids needed in a nanny, but it turns out that Lynette doubles as a mother. A mother-nanny! Hooray for happy endings and making Lynette feel like she’s worth something. Bree knows that good nannies are so hard to find, and Lynette knows this which is why she was hoping to use Bree’s expertise in finding a good nanny. Bree wants to find an “A-list nanny” for Lynette, so that she can poach it. That’s her words. She wants to steal a nanny from another family. Lynette figures that if she makes a better offer to the nanny, it isn’t stealing, it’s simply taking it away from another person. Completely different. Lynette wants to know where she can score some high-grade nanny, and Bree is perplexed…

…as John announces to Gabrielle outside the Solis’ house that he broke it off with Danielle, so they can be together. John’s timing is terrible, however, as Gabrielle tells John about Susan.

Back with Bree, as Dead Women Narrating reminds us about Bree worrying about Andrew’s sense of morality since running over Mama Solis. Just in case we forgot. But she was right to be concerned about her son’s morality going up in smoke, since Andrew is smoking the dope. Hey, let’s just throw every stereotype about teenage boys into Andrew’s character? He likes fast cars, drinking, and smoking pot. Where’s the young girl to impregnate? Bree wants to come into Andrew’s room, and as Andrew answers the door, Bree immediately asks Andrew about his smiling, and Andrew says that it was just a joke that he heard. Bree would like to hear this joke, but Andrew mentions that it is kinda dirty. Bree thinks that’s just great, and gets to the point about worrying about Andrew’s lack of caring for the Solis’. Andrew says that he understands how his actions have affected everyone, but he says it with a smile on his face, and then mentions that Rex and Bree covering it up for him makes it all balance out. But Bree doesn’t understand and then notices a smell. Hey, Andrew’s strung out on the reefer, despite Andrew’s best efforts to cover it up. So hey, Bree gets a container and then shows it to Andrew, saying that it’ll be the container that he’ll be urinating into. Jesus.

Paul is busy washing the blood out of his clothes, as he gets a knock knock on the door. It’s Zach’s doctor, who tells Paul immediately that Zach has escaped from the hospital yesterday evening. Paul says that it’s just been one of those days.

Meanwhile, John and Random Stereotypical Boy (Not Andrew) are playing hoops as RSB wonders why John broke it off with Danielle since she looked so slutty at Ray’s party, and John says that she just wasn’t his type. Ahahaha. RSB knows about the married lady, apparently, and asks about her. John counts the ways that he loves Gabrielle, and explains about Susan finding out, so RSB mentions that John’s social status will explode when he finds out that he’s doing it with a hot housewife…right as Helen arrives. Dun dun dun.

Paul asks the doctor from the hospital how Zach could just walk out, since he pays them a considerable amount of money, he could at least expect a padlock. The doctor explains that the hospital was not a high-security facility, and besides, Paul insisted on medicating Zach without psychotherapy, a recipe for disaster. The doctor tells Paul that Zach’s a troubled young man who’s only getting worse. And there is Zach…at the Mayer house.

And now, a word from our sponsors…well, this is kinda interesting, I guess. Still isn’t impressing me very much yet.

Dead Woman Narrating brings us to the Park, where upscale nannies go with their clients. Lynette was experiencing her first time at that park, and she was determined not to go home empty-handed. Lynette had high standards, however, so making a connection with a nanny wasn’t going to be easy. Nevertheless, she was desperate to find the perfect nanny, and that’s exactly who she found. What? This can’t be. Lynette comes upon “the perfect nanny” and knows that she has to have her. Lynette strikes up a conversation with the nanny, Claire and then begins the process of stealing her away.

To the golf course, as Rex lines up a shot…but here comes Bree in another golf cart, showing Rex The Container. Rex has been requested to take the container and get it tasted for traces of drugs since Bree, of course, is suspicious that Andrew is smoking the marijuana. Why? So that Bree can take Andrew off the swim team with proof. But Rex is determined to keep Andrew on the swim team, even if it means scoffing in the face of cold hard facts, going so far as offering to go to the coach and telling him to ignore Bree if Bree tries anything fishy. Why screw up Andrew’s future “just because he sparked a doobie”? Rex is only fighting Bree because they’re still getting divorced, and Rex doesn’t have to be pushed around by Bree anymore. Bree insists that they made decisions together, always, but Rex saw it as her making decisions and telling him that he agrees automatically. Rex thanks God that Bree’s out of his life since he had to put up with that for eighteen years. So Bree tosses her son’s urine on Rex.

Let me type that again.

Bree tossed the urine that belonged to Andrew…their son…onto Rex…Andrew’s father. Now, why would Bree do such a crazy thing? Because that’s what Rex just did to every memory that Bree had of the marriage. Pretty sure it wasn’t Andrew’s urine pissing all over the memories, you crazy bitch.

At the park, Claire and Lynette are still talking, apparently now about some kind of story revolving returning the boss’ underwear after she had already worn them once. Claire says that you don’t say “no” to Alexis–why do they keep giving these people names when we’re not going to see them more than an episode? But anyway, you don’t say no to her…if you want to keep your job. Claire loves the kids, though, so she’ll put up with it. Lynette goes for the kill, but here comes Alexis and Claire wants Lynette to get going. Lynette wants to chat again, but Claire can’t do that because Alexis is a ballbusting bitch, apparently. Lynette insists, and then hands her her card, as Lynette takes off. Claire and Alexis meet up, safe and sound.

Susan is drawing something in the front yard as John arrives, trying to explain his relationship with Gabrielle. He tries to explain to Susan that they have a future and that it’s not just about sex, but Susan stops him and tells him flat out that there is no future for John and Gabrielle. She’s not going to divorce Carlos and run away with the teenage gardener, since Carlos has a lot of money. John makes it clear that he has big plans for his life too, but Susan stops John and asks how old he is. Almost 18. So John shouldn’t have a realistic perspective on this relationship, since he’s not mature enough. John would be much happier with a girl his age…perhaps Danielle? You know, she was looking really slutty at Ray’s party. That would’ve been awesome if Susan said that, but she didn’t. John insists taht Gabrielle is the one that he wants since he really loves her, and Susan just sighs and cups John’s face in pity…but there’s Helen…and she’s got the wrong idea. Womp womp womp womp.

Tom is the host for the charity fashion show as he introduces one housewife after another. Apparently Carlos had to back out because of a work emergency, since he was supposed to be the host, not Tom. Lynette is glad that Tom is having fun, however, since he does have a dorky charm. Gabrielle gets everything organized: Bree first, then Lynette, and then Edie…and here comes Edie, having butchered Mrs. Huber’s dress to something a little bit more sluttier. Edie asks Gabrielle if it’s clear that she isn’t wearing any underwear, and Gabrielle says that yes, it is clear. Edie is pleased at that, since the dress is supposed to be more audience friendly. And there’s Susan, who is looking impressive and what not blah blah blah this is not how you keep the 18-49 male demographic interested. Edie’s jealous, and says that Susan’s dress is a bit much. Bree wants the order changed so Susan can go last. But Helen was scheduled to go last, right? Wrong, as Helen is nowhere to be found. Womp womp womp womp. Did Paul get to her, too? Will Edie have another dress to butcher? So Gabrielle agrees to the rearranging, and then compliments Susan again on her dress, but Susan walks off. So Tom introduces Bree, Lynette and Edie (to gasps and cheers and whatnot) and here comes Helen who’s not in a very festive mood, Helen walks off and here comes Susan, talking about the change in the lineup as Helen says that there’s a special place in hell for people like Susan. Susan doesn’t get it, so Helen slaps her and advises her to take some responsibility. Susan still doesn’t get it, so Helen pushes her. Edie is slutting it up, meanwhile, as Helen THROWS A HAYMAKER~! Susan ducks and they grapple, and Helen finally rips Susan’s dress, advising her to keep her hands off John, and now Susan gets it…kinda. Edie is done with being a Super Slut. Susan is forced on stage in the ripped dress, and the crowd is shocked, as Edie wins this battle. I hate Edie even more because this episode keeps dragging on and blah blah blah blah. Susan is embarrassed, but the point is that she’s also confused.

And now, a word from our sponsors…dear, dear, dear. Not feeling this episode at all. The whole “confusing one person for doing one thing when it’s the other person” was much better when Carlos mistook the affair person to be the gay cable guy instead of John.

Susan is changing clothes, as Gabrielle arrives. Susan wants Gabrielle to go to Helen and tell her the truth before everyone in the neighborhood assumes John to be the one sleeping with an underage boy, but Gabrielle can’t do that since Carlos will get a divorce once he finds out the truth. Susan doesn’t see that as a problem since Gabrielle obviously doesn’t love Carlos, but Gabrielle does love him, but it’s just complicated. She wants another way out, and Susan dismisses her as weak and goes to walk off.

There’s Lynette, arriving at the address of Claire. Claire cuts Lynette off as it seems that Alexis is on her period so the meeting has to be quick. Long story short, Lynette gives her offer, Claire accepts it as Alexis keeps screaming for Claire…and Lynette’s got a nanny. And a smokin’ hot one to boot.

Julie dumps out her money for Zach, as Zach explains that he can’t go home, but he’s got to go somewhere. It’s not about his dad, it’s him, his life is really messed up. Julie wants to know what the deal is, but Zach doesn’t want to share and I can tell that this is going to get ugly. But Julie already knows a little about Dana, and the sight of the blanket with Dana’s name on it leads Zach to start stroking it lovingly.

Danielle arrives home from school and Bree is right there, asking her quickly where Andrew keeps his marijuana. Danielle freezes…

…and cut to Bree at the swimming pool, into the locker room and into Andrew’s locker, eventually finding Andrew’s pot. Dead Woman Narrating explains that Bree realized that as she grabbed his son’s pot that a little betrayal was good for the soul…so she puts the pot back.

Zach is talking with Julie as he explains that when he was four, he heard his mom and dad yelling Zach and Dana’s name, so he went down and saw them cleaning up what he believes to be Dana’s blood. Zach couldn’t remember this until Mary Alice killed herself, and then he started having dreams about the blood and Mary Alice taking Zach back to bed and explaining that it wasn’t his fault. But every time Dana’s name was brought up afterwards his parents would get upset. So Zach wasn’t even allowed to say it anymore…what’s Zach saying? He killed Dana, and they protected him by covering it up. Zach and Julie hug as they both look devastated…and then they kiss. Well, naturally. Might as well have both female Mayers going after creepy guys.

And now, a word from our sponsors…I like the Zach/Julie thing, but the Bree and Lynette stuff is silly. Gabrielle/Susan/John is only good when Carlos finds out about it.

Home stretch time, as Gabrielle arrives at Helen’s house. Helen apologizes for causing a scene at the fundraiser, but Gabrielle forgives her. Helen says that she had her reasons to cause one, however, knowing that Gabrielle is friends with Susan. Gabrielle spits it out, explaining that it wasn’t Susan, it was Gabrielle sleeping with John. Well, that was easy. Gabrielle apologizes, and Helen asks for how long…almost a year. Of course, it’s over now. So it started when he was 16, of course. Gabrielle insists that it’s over and Helen says that it’s not even close to being over and DAMNIT. Helen walks away and this storyline keeps going, and going, and going. Can’t Carlos kill somebody already?

The coach wants to see Andrew, and Andrew assumes it’s about his scholarship. No such luck, as it’s about the pot. Bree gets a phone call and feigns shock at the thought of marijuana in Andrew’s locker. Of course, Bree was planning for this all along.

Meanwhile, a couple of detectives arrive to greet Mr. Linder, a carpenter…something is under investigation according to Dead Women Narrating, but damned if we know what’s going on.

Paul is with Julie at the Mayer house as Susan walks up, and Paul explains about Zach. Paul wants to see the Zach/Julie letters, and Julie wants Susan on her side. However, Paul’s son is missing. Susan asks Julie if anything in the letters mentioned Zach running away and Julie says no. Susan accepts that as the truth and Paul wants the REAL truth. The true truth, if you will, but Susan says that she’ll let him know if anything comes up regarding Zach. Paul doesn’t think that Susan worries about it at all, but Susan insists that Julie doesn’t lie. Liar.

Mr. Linder talks about the chest…and hey, it’s the chest that was used to dump Mary Alice’s body. Mr. Linder was the creator of that chest, and has Paul Young’s name on the list of customers, no doubt. So they talk about the chest and how it was found with the body chopped up inside…and they pan out on a bunch of pictures of the bones inside the chest…

And now, a word from our sponsors…whoops, this is the home stretch, sorry.

Rex can’t believe that Andrew had pot in his locker, even though Andrew claims that he was set up by an anonymous phone call. Rex finally seems to be on Bree’s side, and Andrew walks off, looking over at Bree.

Dead Woman Narrating explains that Gabrielle knows that it’s time to come clean to Carlos. However, coming clean…is not an easy thing to do to Carlos. So Gabrielle announces that she is going to bed instead of telling an irate Carlos about John. Gabrielle walks off..but here comes the popo. Gabrielle freaks out and runs over to Carlos, apologizing for her mistakes as she thinks that she’s been turned in. It’s the FBI at the door, and when Carlos answers…they have a warrant for his arrest.


Carlos wants Gabrielle to call their lawyer, as an FBI man hands Gabrielle some paperwork and they take Carlos away. Carlos is ready to be loaded in…and tells Gabrielle that he was set up by Tanaka before leaving.

Dead Woman Narrating explains that humans are complicated…able to perform great acts of charity and at the same time peform great acts of betrayal. “Sometimes, the only way to ward off the darkness is to shine the light of compassion.” As Susan arrives on the front porch of the Solis’, and Gabrielle breaks down crying thinking about Carlos.

End show!

So what did Carlos get arrested for? Beats me, I thought it was time to beat up John!