Welcome to The Saturday Swindle Sheet. This week’s column is brought to you by Apotex Corp., the makers of the very fantastic medication paroxetine. I loves me my boyish charm pills.
My birthday is next Saturday. Yeah, that’s right… Shut up.
I will have the final part of the Eminem: Beyond the Encore saga posted by next weekend. I promise. It’s been on the backburner for several weeks now, but I will finally have the time to finalize it this upcoming week, so the project will finally be completed. Anything to stop That_Bootleg_Guy from sending me daily one-line e-mails like this…
You suck.
You have betrayed me.
You are worthless.
I will kick your ass.
If I were Widro, you’d be fired.
If I were Fingers, you’d be fired.
If I were Seth Monroe, you’d be deported.
Will you have that column written by the time Eric S. turns 50?
Hello? Column?
And after I made you breakfast…
The following may or may not have been completely fabricated.
THE OFFICIAL SATURDAY SWINDLE SHEET NEW WAVE MIXTAPE
(Part 15 of 16)
The Cure, “10:15 Saturday Night”
DRAMATIS PERSONAE
This week’s plugs section features occasional CD and movie reviewer Gina Pantone…
EmergncyAirlines (2:36:59 AM): Hey do you want to help me out with a column really quick?
EmergncyAirlines (2:37:12 AM): it will require little to no work, I promise
FakePlasticMe (2:37:37 AM): ok
EmergncyAirlines (2:38:09 AM): I need to do a section for plugs and am going to do word, er name association… I will give you a name and you give me the first thing that comes to mind, even if you don’t know the person. It will be awesome
FakePlasticMe (2:37:42 AM): wait
FakePlasticMe (2:38:01 AM): can I bash “A Series of Unfortunate Events” in it? Just got back from that crapfest
EmergncyAirlines (2:38:21 AM): yes, you may bash the movie after we are done with plugs
FakePlasticMe (2:38:32 AM): this is so funny, I just did this for my photography project
FakePlasticMe (2:38:41 AM): I made people hold their words and photographed them
EmergncyAirlines (2:38:53 AM): ok, ready?
FakePlasticMe (2:39:11 AM): sure
EmergncyAirlines (2:39:13 AM): Aaron Cameron
FakePlasticMe (2:39:22 AM): blank
EmergncyAirlines (2:39:28 AM): Mathan Erhardt
FakePlasticMe (2:39:31 AM): hick1
EmergncyAirlines (2:39:37 AM): Tom D’Errico
FakePlasticMe (2:39:40 AM): food
EmergncyAirlines (2:39:46 AM): Gloomchen
FakePlasticMe (2:39:50 AM): slime
EmergncyAirlines (2:39:58 AM): Gordi Whitelaw
FakePlasticMe (2:40:02 AM): paint
EmergncyAirlines (2:40:07 AM): Will Cooling
FakePlasticMe (2:40:13 AM): ice
EmergncyAirlines (2:40:22 AM): ok, now reviews…
EmergncyAirlines (2:40:26 AM): Bright Eyes
FakePlasticMe (2:40:30 AM): overrated
EmergncyAirlines (2:40:35 AM): 2Pac
FakePlasticMe (2:40:38 AM): dead
EmergncyAirlines (2:40:42 AM): MF Doom
FakePlasticMe (2:40:44 AM): loud
EmergncyAirlines (2:41:06 AM): ok, I’m done. Now say what you will about your crappy movie.
FakePlasticMe (2:41:16 AM): it is terrible
FakePlasticMe (2:41:26 AM): oh, there is a story about the MF Doom association
FakePlasticMe (2:41:48 AM): he was at the next stage at Coachella when Radiohead was on….needless to say, during “Exit Music” all you could hear was his blaring bass
FakePlasticMe (2:42:17 AM): I was pissed
EmergncyAirlines (2:42:34 AM): That must have sucked. I saw him live about three years ago. It was pretty good stuff. Then again, I DID go to see him.
FakePlasticMe (2:42:53 AM): well I imagine he is decent, I just didn’t want to hear the Radiohead remix
EmergncyAirlines (2:43:50 AM): MF Doom (Radiohead remix) may be the missing link betwixt indie kids and backpackers
NEWS TO USE
Lisa Marie Presley announced on Thursday that she would selling nearly 85 percent of her father’s estate (of which she is the sole heir) to SFX Entertainment, an international music and sports promoter, for around $100 million. SFX would then possess the rights to Elvis Presley’s name and image, included in the estate that earned around $45 million last year. While Elvis Presley Enterprises will become a publicly traded company (known as CKX Inc”¦ yes, YOU can own a part of Elvis!), Lisa Marie will keep Graceland, as well as a majority of her father’s “personal effects.” She reportedly will make $53 million out of the deal, and will also be absolved of $25 million in debts amounted by the estate. Plus, as a partner in the new company, she will get around $20 million in corporate shares. Shortly after announcing the deal, Lisa Marie Presley told a reporter for The Saturday Swindle Sheet, in an EXCLUSIVE interview, “For the past few years, I’ve been looking for someone to join forces with to expand the many facets of [Elvis Presley Enterprises], to take it to new levels internationally and to make it an even greater force in the entertainment industry. Plus, part of the deal was for SFX to promise to buy 10 million copies of my last album. It is now 10 times platinum!”
Just a week after pleading guilty to driving while under the influence of drugs, impersonating a federal agent, and driving through an airport gate in June, DMX has once again been arrested; this time for going almost 40 mph over the posted speed limit on a New York expressway. DMX (né Earl Simmons) was stopped by a state trooper on Wednesday while driving on Interstate 684, after being clocked at 104 mph in a posted 65 mph zone. Since his license had been suspended as a result of the aforementioned incident in June, the rapper was arrested on charges of third degree aggravated unlicensed operation, along with speeding and driving an unregistered vehicle. He was later released on $350 bail and given a January 18th court date.
Phil Anselmo recently told Billboard magazine that the murder of his former band mate “Dimebag” Darrell Abbott “has changed the entire world,” and said that Anselmo himself would possibly be going into seclusion, and not be seen “for a long time” as a result. He also told the magazine that he wishes he could have gone to the funeral but could not as Abbott’s relative requested nobody outside the family attend, ending by saying, “I hope you’re happy, heavy metal music magazines, media, I hope you’re happy. I’m done.”
Rapper Chingy recently stated his disdain for some lyrics in Nelly’s song, “Another One,” which go, “I like the way you do that right thurr/ Just remember when you do that right thurr/ I made it tight to be country/ They thought country was bummy/ Till country start making money.” Nelly sent out a response to Chingy, saying, “I could have said, ‘Fuck the way you do that right thurr!’ It ain’t even like that. To hear some of the things he’s saying, like that he’s been doing this just as long as me and I just got my break first and all this and all that … don’t do all that and then turn around and say you wanna go on tour with me. Don’t do all that. Don’t go that route.” I think there’s only one true resolution for this war of words, and that’s for both Nelly and Chingy to retire from music forever.
Vince Neil, lead singer of the recently reunited Mötley Crüe, has a warrant out for his arrest on charges of assault, after allegedly punching a sound technician at a Dallas nightclub. The incident occurred during a performance at Gilley’s nightclub, when Neil had asked Michael Talbert to adjust the sound level on his guitar. When Talbert didn’t do it quickly enough, Neil reportedly went over to the sound booth and cold-cocked him, knocking him unconscious for almost a minute and giving him a mild concussion. Dallas police have said that if Neil doesn’t get in touch with them about the warrant, that they will arrest him at a scheduled Mötley Crüe show in the area on March 17th.
Andy Bell of ’80s pop band Erasure recently revealed that he has been HIV-positive since June of 1998, when he had found out during treatment for pneumonia in Mallorca, Spain. He told reporters, “I have been taking combination therapy and I am feeling fine. In fact, I have never felt better.” Earlier in the year, Bell underwent two surgeries to replace his deteriorating hips, and plans to tour with Vince Clarke, his Erasure band mate, in support of their upcoming album, scheduled for release in the U.S. on January 25th. After the tour, he will start giving motivational presentations in an attempt to educate young people about AIDS.
Michael Jackson hosted a party at his Neverland ranch on Friday. Nearly 200 children attended the event, as Jackson spoke to them for about 10 minutes before getting into a vehicle and leaving the premises. As he was leaving, several children shouted, “Thank you, thank you!” and “Merry Christmas!” All molestation jokes aside, where the hell do these kids come from that think Michael Jackson is so awesome? I mean, even when I was 10 years old I didn’t know a single kid in school that adored Michael Jackson as much as these children that are always at these events do, and that was 15 years ago. Now I’m not an expert on the childhood demographic, but don’t kids like things like Harry Potter and Game Boy, as opposed an aging R&B singer who hasn’t had a hit since before they were born? Is it their parents that are exposing them to this guy, hoping that they’ll like him as much as they did in the early 80s? Maybe I’m out of line here, but I just don’t understand it. We had our ace reporter, Elliot Smilowitz, interview a group of Washington, D.C., area 4th graders to see what they had to say about Michael Jackson…
Elliot: What do you kids think about Michael Jackson?
Kid #1: I like Pokemon.
Kid #2: I’m hungry.
Elliot: Has anyone in this room ever heard of Michael Jackson?
Kid #3: Who?
Elliot: You heard me.
Kid #2: Are you Jack Osbourne?
George Michael recently fired back at Elton John after he had made some inflammatory comments about Michael during an interview with the U.K.’s Heat magazine last month. John, who had said that Michael’s newest album, Patience, was a disappointment, also mentioned that Michael was wasting his talent by not touring and staying out of the limelight. Elton John knows very little about George Michael, and that’s a fact,” Michael retorted in the letter. “Sadly, I was always aware that Elton’s circle of friends was the busiest rumor mill in town and that respect for my privacy was not exactly guaranteed.
He knows that I don’t like to tour, that I smoke too much pot and that my albums still have a habit of going to Number One.” I think that the only way to resolve this issue would be in a STEEL CAGE suspended above Soho. It would also feature a soundtrack produced by Thunderpussy, Hex Hector, Pete Heller, The Scissor Sisters, and Club 69.
Quick Bits
Gang of Four have reunited, and will be touring throughout the U.K. and U.S., starting on January 23rd in Manchester.
Lil Kim plans to launch a clothing line, called Hollyhood, while Mase plans to launch a line of eyebrow wax products.
Barry Manilow has signed a deal with the Las Vegas Hilton to perform his show, Manilow: Music and Passion, for 5 days a week, 24 weeks in 2005 and 2006.
Good Charlotte singer Joel Madden refused to give Lindsay Lohan’s 8-year-old brother an autograph because of her supposed feud with his estranged girlfriend Hilary Duff, and because he’s a cunt who acts like he’s 14 years old.
Bono has recorded a rendition of “Ave Maria” with Luciano Pavarotti; it will be featured on the CD single for U2’s “Sometimes You Can’t Make It on Your Own.”
Trent Reznor has remixed U2’s “Vertigo,” and that will be featured on an upcoming DVD single.
After getting fed up with being second fiddle to The Sycophantic Shithead, rapper Loon has officially left the Bad Boy Family. He has started his own label, called Boss Up Entertainment.
THE LATE NIGHT JUKEBOX (SPECIAL TRIBUTE)
It all started with my 11/22/03 column, when I decided to launch a new feature in my 4-month-old weekly news article. This is how I pitched my idea on the 411mania staff forums…
Back in 1999, Ultra Records/DMC introduced Back to Mine, a series in which electronic DJs and producers would compile an album of songs that they felt were good for late night or “chill-out” listening. Most of the time, the artists would pick tracks that had special meaning to them, or were just good to put on after a long night of drinking or working. While these albums were originally featuring DJs/producers like Danny Tenaglia and Groove Armada, the series soon expanded to bands (New Order, Morcheeba). Many other labels began to introduce similar series of chill-out/influential compilations (Another Late Night, Badmeaningood, Late Night Tales), which were also pretty successful.
I personally am a huge fan of these compilations, as it’s pretty kick-ass to see what certain [musicians] like to listen to in their down time.
In that respect, I would be very interested to see if I can do something similar, as a feature in my Saturday columns. Each week, [I would like to feature a different writer, who can] list a few (between 10-20) of his/her favorite chill-out tunes, whether it be what you like to listen to after a long day at work, or what you like to put on at the end of a really good date. Each entry would be accompanied by a brief description of why this is such a good chill-out song for you.
Little did I know that more than a year later, I would still be running it on a weekly basis, with the help of numerous guest writers. The Jukebox spanned across nearly 60 columns, and 2 different Web sites, and has been an awesome experience. However, all good things must come to an end, so I have decided that it’s time to discontinue the feature. I enjoyed working with everybody that got involved, and in many cases ended up learning more about the respective personalities of everybody through their lists. Many thanks go out the following…
Jack Daniels
Michael Melchor
Jonny X
Aaron Cameron
John Collins
Mathan Erhardt
Adam Wallis
Tom Cocozza
Claire Flynn Boyle
Ari Berenstein
Alex Lucard
Ryan T. Murphy
Stephen Randle
Brian J. Blottie
Josh Nason
PK
Matthew Michaels
Jim Vanderhorst
Misha Sumra
Evocator Manes
Joe Posten
Elliot Smilowitz
Jonathan Widro
Phil McCann
Matt Nute
Dave Gagnon
Will Helm
Tom D’Errico
Jacob Ziegler
Steve Coogan
Mitch Michaels
Leonard Hayhurst
Alex Williams
Cory Laflin
Eric Szulczewski
Joe Reid
Scott Rutherford
Jed Shaffer
J. “Yayowonder” Hernandez
Iain Burnside
David Goforth
Trevor Presiloski
Gloomchen
Mike Lawrence
James Hatton
David “NY Slayer” Goldberg
Beth Gottfried
Sarah Quigley
Gordi Whitelaw
Andy Campbell
(Apologies if I forgot anyone. This was a really long list.)
So, with that, here is my own tribute to the Late Night Jukebox… The Ultimate Jukebox, OR The Late Night JukeBOX Set. I’ve pulled tracks from nearly every Jukebox and compiled a set that spans the entirety of the feature. Here goes…
(Jeffrey R. Fernandez, 11/22/04)
DJ Krush & Toshinori Kondo “Sun Is Shining”
Trip-hop/acid jazz producer DJ Krush teamed up with the revered Japanese trumpet player Kondo and they created an amazing album. The two produced an instrumental version of Bob Marley’s hit, which is actually even better to smoke to than the original. I’m f*cking serious; I wouldn’t joke about that stuff.
(Leonard Hayhurst, 7/3/04)
Squeeze, “Tempted”
This song didn’t even chart in the US for this British band, but it’s their best known work today. I think you’ll find two uniform themes in all my picks; peppy musicianship and solid, off beat lyricism. Nothing exemplifies that more than this song. A man going over what he’s packing in his suitcase before leaving his girlfriend for another woman is so simple, yet no one has ever approached the topic like that before. The “perfume far too old for you” line is exceedingly brilliant and very telling. A perfectly performed and played off single.
(Mitch Michaels, 6/26/04)
Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds, “Red Right Hand”
And not only do you have to look out for ghosts when you’re out at night, there’s the devil himself. This song has been used, well, EVERYWHERE, but I still love it. That loping guitar and Cave’s lyrics and vocals lifted straight from hell make this song easily my favorite warning about the dangers of dealing with the devil. Do you think this is the same guy Mr. Johnson met down at the crossroads? I sure do.
(Will Helm, 5/29/04)
The Four Seasons, “Can’t Take My Eyes off You”
This is for those times when you can’t tell whether it’s love at first sight, infatuation, or obsession. You’ve just seen her (or him) and she’s (or he’s) captivating. Could this be the “one,” the paradigm of loveliness and beauty and your paramour for the rest of your life? Or will she (or he) end up a torrid affair, leaving the both of you spent? I’m not even sure Frankie Valli knows; even to him, she’s just “too good to be true.”
(Jacob Ziegler, 6/12/04)
Pink Floyd, “Comfortably Numb”
Pink Floyd covers the gamut of mood music. They have some hard rockers like “Another Brick in the Wall,” some bizarre tracks like everything on Dark Side of the Moon, and some beautiful pieces like “Wish You Were Here.” But to talk about a soothing, comforting song, “Comfortably Numb” would have to top the list for Floyd songs. What else would one want to be when the want to relax at night besides comfortably numb?
(Steve Coogan, 6/19/04)
Guns N’ Roses, “November Rain”
This song is almost too dramatic for its own good as it carries on to about eight minutes when it could have accomplished the same purpose in probably half the time. Amazingly though, I still enjoy every second of the song, especially the part towards the end when the symphony starts chiming in.
(Joe Posten, 4/17/04)
Common, “I Used to Love h.e.r.”
Common’s best song and one of the best song’s period. It’s the story about a girl named hip-hop whom Common falls in love with. It’s not a happy story at all. The plot revolves around Ms. Hop running around with just about everyone and not being true to herself, while Common sits back and patiently waits, praying that the girl will come to her senses. The flow is fantastic and it’s the song that really put Common on the map. It’s tough to find a better hip-hop song than this.
(Dave Gagnon, 5/22/04)
Rolling Stones, “Sympathy for the Devil”
If I live old enough to be 60, I hope that I’ll be like Jagger. I am convinced that Jagger and Richards are immortal people who will live until the end of time. Probably my favorite Stones song after “Gimme Shelter.” Everybody should have at least Exile on Main Street in their collection.
(Alex Williams, 7/10/04)
Adiemus, “Adiemus”
And now we take a SEVERE left turn from Rock & Roll to WORLD MUSIC! The GOOD kind, even! I remember the first CD I truly owned was the first Pure Moods CD. Laugh all you want, but it contained some of the finest music I ever heard at the time. And this song is no exception. The song is another “powerful” song, this time following in the Choral direction. The European vocals help bring out a wide range of emotions that can’t really be duplicated by other songs I listen to on a daily basis. One of my favorite.
(Beth Gottfried, 11/20/04)
Led Zeppelin, “Fool in the Rain”
I just really love this song. Can’t explain it. I’m not a stoner, nor have I ever addicted to hallucinogens. In fact, I remember being wholeheartedly shocked when I learned that this song was indeed Led Zeppelin. I even decided that although this association would probably amp my “cool” status, I would take the high road and disassociate for a while. Inevitably, I came back. I always do. Except for when I don’t.
(Andy Campbell, 12/11/04)
Nightwish, “Sleeping Sun”
I was turned on to Nightwish by my sister (thanks Maggie!), and I couldn’t be more thankful. Nightwish are a Finnish metal band with a female, operatic singer named Tarja. “Sleeping Sun” is a bonus track on their Oceanborn album, and it’s a tremendous ballad, that also grows some balls in the latter portion. Tarja’s voice is absolutely gorgeous, especially on this track, and I find myself drifting away every time I listen to it. Do yourself a favour and give it a listen.
(Elliot Smilowitz, 4/24/04)
Bush, “Glycerine”
I remember specifically one night, driving home from a party with my brother one time. He popped in a random old mix tape that was lying around in his car, and this song came on. We both sat in awe of how perfectly the mood of the song encapsulated the feeling of coming home after a party. The tone of the guitar and slow tempo are conducive to reclining and just thinking about the night you just had.
(Josh Nason, 3/6/04)
Snoop Doggy Dogg, “Gin and Juice”
Having come through my formative years in the mid-90s, I couldn’t leave off one of the most influential hip-hop minds in my generation. Between Snoop, Dre, BIG, 2Pac and others, we had a lot to choose from and white kids in Maine loved the whole ‘East Coast vs. West Coast’ argument as well. Who wouldn’t? Anyhoo, it’s damn near impossible to not hear this song and bob your head. It’s just one of the best hip-hop songs ever made. Remember when Snoop was just Snoop and not whatever the hell he is now? After The Doggfather, and the break from Dre, everything went Tijuana for the Snoop-d-o-double g. We always will have Doggystyle and I look forward to listening to it with my grandkids and explaining the difference between bitches and hoes.
(Cory Laflin, 7/17/04)
Queen, “Crazy Little Thing Called Love”
When people remember Freddie Mercury, I don’t want them to remember the tragic, emaciated shell that he was as he powered through the Innuendo album. True, that was some of the best work of his career, and it was appropriately melancholy and undeniably brave, but it wasn’t the Freddie that everybody had grown to love. That’s the Freddie of “Fat Bottomed Girls,” “Bicycle Race,” “We Will Rock You,” and this song. This was the Freddie who, in spite of having the biggest set of teeth since Australopithecus, literally oozed charisma, style, and class. This song was their biggest hit in America until the re-release of “Bohemian Rhapsody,” and it was the first song that I ever sang karaoke to, and that act got me a couple of dates, so fond memories surround this song for me.
(Ari Berenstein, 1/31/04)
English Beat, “Mirror in the Bathroom”
You might better recognize this song as the background soundtrack to the fight between Martin Blank and the asshole foreign assassin in the movie Grosse Point Blank. Cusack sure can pick the right song for the right moment in his movie. A great way to pick up the tempo for the mix but once again keeping an overall late night “chill out” feeling. The bass groove and the sax just making this song f*cking unbelievable and can’t miss. The theme for this song: self-reflection and recompense.
(Michael Melchor, 12/6/04)
Primitive Radio Gods, “Standing Outside a Broken Telephone Booth (With Money in My Hand)”
The one hit that Chris O’Connor and company had is excellent for laying back to. The emotional but not-impassioned vocals and the leisurely beat serve to kick back and remember good times.
(Claire Flynn Boyle, 1/24/04)
Nancy Sinatra, “Bang Bang”
This was a really edgy, interesting obscurity, then along came bloody Kill Bill to spoil it, now people in CD shops are trying to get on the Nancy bandwagon! It’s ALWAYS been tops! Don’t wait for other people to tell you what’s cool!
(James Hatton, 10/24/04)
Eric Clapton, “Wonderful Tonight”
This one is for Danielle, and is our song. Cheesy, yes, but shortly after we started seeing each other, a musician at our local Open Mic played this incredibly week after week… it just kind of fit. So yeah, there is my song that just makes me feel all warm and stupid. I can sit and listen to it and immediately I smile and I chill out from whatever grumpy sarcastic destroy humanity emotions I had going up until then.
(Jed Shaffer, 8/28/04)
fugazi, “Argument”
fugazi (usually done in lower-case) is so hard to quantify that my attempt to do so will make them sound like pure noise, but here goes … they’re punk plus jazz plus prog plus metal plus emo plus straight edge. Really, like Faith No More, fugazi is not any one genre … they’re their own genre, and no matter what form their song takes, it always kicks ass.
(Gordi Whitelaw, 12/5/04)
Pearl Jam, “Betterman”
Live in Prague. I was there. I still get chills when Vedder stops singing and lets the crowd carry the chorus.
(Brian J. Blottie, 2/28/04)
Depeche Mode, “Enjoy the Silence”
Mmmm… Depeche Mode. Their best song. Man, I can’t write the column anymore, because I just chilled out way too much just thinking about the song. I’m going to go take a nap… be back in fifteen.
(Matt Nute, 5/15/04)
VNV Nation, “Legion”
Quickly becoming my favorite electronic music duo of all time, I restricted myself to just picking one song. Realistically, my relaxation mix is about 40% VNV Nation, but this is the song that stands out the most when I need to unwind. Perfect use of beat and tempo sets it apart from some of their more industrial-themed work, and the synthesized string accompaniment is an interesting touch.
(Jim Vanderhorst, 3/27/04)
Massive Attack, “Black Milk”
As tranquil and relaxing as “Angel” was, this goes to the next level. This one just fits beautifully.
(Sarah Quigley, 11/27/04)
Morphine, “In Spite of Me”
This song is a departure from Morphine’s inimitable combination of saxophone and upright bass, with its bouncing mandolins and acoustic guitars. The song mourns a past love, a man whipping himself for hurting the woman he lost. From the first nostalgic line, “Last night I told a stranger all about you,” I begin to hear the voice of my own ex-love, finally apologizing for the ways he did me wrong. I offer up a huge posthumous thanks to Mark Sandman and company for putting into gorgeous words and music the plea for forgiveness that I always longed to hear from another.
(Yayowonder, 9/5/04)
The Pharcyde, “Passing Me By”
And finally my favorite group of the early 90’s. Pharcyde’s “Passing Me By” and “Otha Fish” were my favorite jams off of their seminal “Bizarre Ride to the Pharcyde”. “Passing Me By” starts off with a verse about childhood love and jealousy of the older man that got his object of affection (his teacher), moves onto puppy love not becoming adult love, and ends with a secret affection that went unfulfilled. A great song for anyone that’s been jilted by a woman, that really never knew you cared.
(Aaron Cameron, 12/20/04)
Nat King Cole, “Unforgettable”
Nat King Cole served as the backdrop to the Father/Daughter dance. Another all-time classic, this one puts the cookie-cutter style of today’s R&B to shame. This is the version that features Cole’s daughter, as well. Lots of folks don’t like her inclusion, but it works for me.
(Tom D’Errico, 6/5/04)
From Autumn to Ashes, “No Trivia”
FATA’s “No Trivia” is the perfect mix of emocore and metal sung by the band’s second vocalist, the drummer. The song’s bridge (“You know I care…”) always sends a chill down the back of my neck as the emotion seethes from the speakers.
(Adam Wallis, 1/10/04)
Joy Division, “Love Will Tear Us Apart”
If you know the song, then you know why it’s here. If you don’t, it was a huge club hit in the early 80’s, actually charting three separate times. It’s also the swan song of one of the great post-punk bands, as Joy Division lead singer Ian Curtis would hang himself before the band could achieve any greater success.
(Iain Burnside, 9/12/04)
Echo and the Bunnymen, “The Killing Moon”
When in doubt, continue to pick songs from the Donnie Darko soundtrack. This was also released in the early ’80s, back in the days when you could get away with only releasing 9 tracks on an album as these guys did with Ocean Rain, which contained this little gem. Of course, when I say ‘little’, I really mean ‘9 minute long epic’ but it’s worth every second of it. Try and imagine Jim Morrison and The Doors growing up listening to punk rock and you’ll be on the right lines for this one. Lyrically intense tales of fated love on a cruel winter’s evening mixed in with some goth-lite brooding and a pounding rhythm all adds up to one hell of a listening experience.
(Gloomchen, 10/10/04)
The Smiths, “How Soon Is Now?”
I wanted to add some Cure, some Bunnymen, and some Joy Division, but many before me have lent their tunes to the Jukebox. I’m tossing in this completely non obscure beauty from Meat Is Murder because I once went on a jag where I listened to it no less than 30 times in a row. Why? It’s just that damn good. I’m not a Morrissey fanatic by any stretch, either; it’s just one great tune that I could lie back and hear again and again and again.
(PK, 3/13/04)
Radiohead, “Just”
For a while, I lived by this song. I didn’t give anyone sympathy, because it was their fault they were in some sort of predicament. “You do it to yourself, just you.” This whole album rocks, too bad my copy of it was stolen in college…but I left the door unlocked, so I did to myself…just me.
(Mike Lawrence, 10/17/04)
John Vanderslice, “Promising Actress”
A song about Mulholland Drive that’s actually better than the entire movie. Love the chimes at the beginning. Vanderslice should just do an album of songs inspired by David Lynch movies.
(Alex Lucard, 2/7/04)
The Sisters of Mercy, “Temple of Love”
A song that makes you want to give your entire body over to it, “Temple of Love” is fast, heart pounding, and has a beat you have to hear to believe. This is not some song that inspires the usual arms in the air side stepping prosaic weird ass New Age crap you see in the kind of Goths that deserve to be shoved in lockers or forced to listen to Frente. This is adrenaline pumping rhythm inducing crack. Go buy the Album, Some Girls Wander by Mistake and see for yourself.
(David Goforth, 9/26/04)
Roy Orbison, “Crying”
I’m a sucker for high-pitch male vocals (Beach Boys, Neil Young, etc.) and this is about as good as the human voice has ever sounded. It’s really a simple song, but then again you don’t mix fine whiskey (or vodka, or whatever you prefer) with ingredients that hide its taste. When it’s late at night and I want to reaffirm my belief in human achievement, I listen to this song.
(Phil McCann, 5/8/04)
Deftones, “Be Quiet and Drive (Far Away)”
This is just an out and out tune, if I could drive…this would always be in my car. Seeing as I can’t I do try to put it on in my girlfriend’s car a lot…unfortunately the name of the song gives off the wrong message…better than having ‘Passenger’ on though.
(Trevor Presiloski, 10/3/04)
Orbital, “Halcyon On & On”
This is a tune culled from the Hackers OST, and is a techno/electronica/whatever tune on top of that…not something I normally listen to. However, I love this track and the repetition you can find on it, and it’s another perfectly soothing little ditty. Another long monster, as well, I think clocking in around 10 or 11 minutes.
(Misha, 4/3/04)
The Cranberries, “Zombie”
Dolores Burton is *the* voice of an anguished Irish generation, growing up in a state of perpetual conflict. The magnitude of this song always hits home to be because my father’s family all live in Londonderry (as opposed to Free Derry: they’re on the Loyalist side of The Barn), and I was taken round the city by a family friend when we were over there. When you see the places where history has taken place, it really brings some things home to you. And “Zombie” is a song that perfectly captures the “What The Hell Is Going On??” cry of those born into the whole mess. Powerful, haunting, with a message that cannot be ignored.
(Jonny X, 12/15/03)
Incubus, “Summer Romance (Anti-Gravity Love Song)”
This is one of my favorite songs for any occasion. It’s got a nice funky beat that you can’t help but sway gently to, and the lyrics are fantastic for hanging out with your lady. Where most love songs seem either sappy, emasculating, or incredibly forced, this one is true to the heart. If you haven’t heard it, check it out. It’s incredible.
(Jack Daniels, 11/29/03)
Butthole Surfers “Pepper”
Now, this is the eclectic portion of the record, with a mixture of down tempo rock tunes and songs that’ll send me to bed with a smile on my face. This song hit the airwaves shortly before the Butthole Surfers left the land of relevancy.
(Joe Reid, 8/15/04)
Fiona Apple, “Shadowboxer”
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It’s a Fiona Apple song. It’s also f*cking amazing. Her voice smolders on through one of the better modern day torch songs. For a rather tiny little person, it’s amazing to hear her voice come from some deep places.
(Tom Cocozza, 1/17/04)
Oasis, “Champagne Supernova”
Remember them? This was the big drug induced rock hit of 1996, and it got listened to a lot during my high school years. That makes me sound like a huge druggie, while I really am mostly virgin pure when it comes to that stuff. This song just blows you away with sound and power, even though the lyrics don’t make much sense. Just put it on, and let your mind wander.
(Ryan T. Murphy, 2/14/04)
Stiff Little Fingers, “Suspect Device”
This track might actually ring more true in America today that it did in Ireland in the late 70s. One could read the lyric sheet to this number and think it was an anti-PATRIOT Act rant. Stiff Little Fingers are like all the sound and fury of The Clash with added scene points. “Suspect Device” is possibly their most well-known song and also probably their best, so those looking for a political-punk soundtrack to their next party that are weary of Anti-Flag or Pennywise should put “Suspect Device” on and see the relevance grow before their eyes.
(David Goldberg, 10/31/04)
Kenny Rogers, “The Gambler”
You would think I’m a country/western fan but far from it. All the people I like in that category are so much more and Old Kenny included. This guy is just in his own stratosphere. As for the Gambler, the song is essentially the meaning of life. Confused about the mysteries of the universe? Just listen to this song and it will all be answered. You may not like the answer but at the end it’s the absolute truth.
(Stephen Randle, 2/21/04)
Blind Melon, “No Rain”
When this song came out, I still remember not liking it. Also, I was in Grade 8. It grew on me in university, because it got released on one of those Frosh CD’s that they give away with credit card applications, and someone on my floor was always playing it.
(Mathan Erhardt, 1/3/04)
Crooklyn Dodgers, “Crooklyn”
This song may be my favorite song, ever. Q-tip provides the beat, Special Ed, Masta Ace, and Buckshot spit their rhymes. This song is one of those rare perfect examples of Hip Hop. It is a nostalgic song that now inspires nostalgia. It’s the perfect lead off. It is well worth the price of the Crooklyn soundtrack it’s found on.
(Scott Rutherford, 8/21/04)
Pixies, “Wave of Mutilation” (U.K Subs mix)
Most people know this song from the Doolittle album and the rock/punk version that appeared on it. I never cared for the song until I heard this stripped back version and the emotion it had. Boiled down to the suicide note lyrics, bass and drums, it showed what the Pixies could do when they didn’t have their tongues so far up their cheeks.
(Widro, 5/1/04)
Stone Temple Pilots, “Atlanta”
STP is awesome at rockin’, but they sometimes show their softer side as well. Although “Sour Girl” was the breezy smash hit from Number 4, it was the final track Atlanta that stood out to me the most, with its Doors-esque vibe and lyrics.
(John Collins, 12/27/03)
Gary Jules, “Mad World”
If I could pick one song out of any of these that best represents just the beauty that is music, it would be this one. It’s simple, piano and vocals. And it’s that simplicity that makes something this beautiful. Haunting lyrics that absolutely puncture the final scenes of Donnie Darko, this is a fabulous song that fits any mood, and is something utterly beautiful. I can’t say much about it other than you owe it to yourself to listen to it.
(Eric Szulczewski, 8/9/04)
Styx, “Come Sail Away”
And there’s only one song that can close the Jukebox. If you’re my age and you grew up in Chicago, you were a Styx fan, no ifs, ands, or buts, so the capper to The Grand Illusion has always been a favorite, ever since it came out. Ignore the alien abduction stuff. Is there any better song about leaving home to strike out on your own than this one? It’s the song I listened to just before I left home to go to college, the song I listened to as the plane took off to take me to Basic, the song I listened to as I left the Chicago area for Ohio, and it still makes me homesick every time I hear it. The best jukebox songs are the ones that trigger the strongest memories, and for me, that’s “Come Sail Away”.
That does it for the Jukebox. Thanks to everyone for tuning in every week to check it out. We here at The Saturday Swindle Sheet are currently testing new feature ideas, so stay tuned.
FROM THE LABELS
ASTRALWERKS NEEDS INTERNS
http://www.astralwerks.com/intern.html
Do you live in or near New York City or LA, have a passion for music, and can get course credit for internships? Astralwerks is looking for you! Click the above link for more info.
iNFLUENCES
Ever wonder what makes me tick? No? Too bad. Here are some of the random songs that came up in the iPod as I wrote this week’s column…
Bahamadia, “Commonwealth (Cheap Chicks)”
Sponge, “Plowed”
Jay-Z, “Can I Get a”¦” [f/Amil and The Retarded DMX]
Nirvana, “Verse Chorus Verse”
Live, “Lakini’s Juice”
Prince, “When Doves Cry”
Prince Alla, “Bucket Bottom”
Underworld, “Cups”
Type O Negative, “Christian Woman”
Golden Earring, “Radar Love”
The Only Band That Matters, “Train in Vain”
KMFDM, “Naïve”
Motörhead, “Motörhead”
Pink Floyd, “Learning to Fly”
Pet Shop Boys, “Opportunities”
Kinky, “Mas”
De/Vision, “Your Hands on My Skin” (Sonnet Shuttle Mx)
The Reverend Horton Heat, “Galaxy 500”
Roni Size/Reprazent, “Lucky Pressure”
Esthero, “Breath from Another”
A Flock of Seagulls, “I Ran”
1 EmergncyAirlines (2:53:07 AM): and Mathan Erhardt isn’t a hick… he’s a black man who lives in Las Vegas
FakePlasticMe (2:53:15 AM): heh, well tell them it was only the word I thought of when reading their names….nothing personal
FakePlasticMe (2:53:31 AM): I thought of ‘earnhardt’
THE MOST RIDICULOUS ITEM OF THE WEEK
Mark Volman and Howard Kaylan, of the 1960s pop group The Turtles, have filed a lawsuit against the Applebee’s restaurant chain and its advertising agency, FCB Worldwide, after the lyrics for their 1967 hit “Happy Together” were altered to coincide with the promotion of a recent dinner special. Apparently, Applebee’s and FCB had contacted the song’s publisher and gotten permission to use it, but the group was not contacted. In the commercial in question, the lyrics “Imagine me and you, I do/I think about you day and night, it’s only right” were changed to “Imagine steak and shrimp, or shrimp and steak/Imagine both of these on just one plate.” The two plaintiffs are seeking reparations from sales of the advertised special, saying that their “reputation was compromised” when their lyrics were altered “from those of a sweet love song, to a crass paean to shrimp and steak combination plates.”
The Most Ridiculous Items of the Year. Coming in January.
Enjoy your week. Stay tuned for Gordi Whitelaw on Monday. I’m Jeff Fernandez, and I watched with glee while your kings and queens fought for ten decades for the gods they made.
Cheers
-JF2k4!
