I hate Christmas. As a staunch athiest, I really don’t need a holiday that rubs Jesus in my face to remind me of who has the power in this country. My side is weak and without enough power to get anything done. Do I want to celebrate the bitter smell of continuous defeat? When Christmas isn’t about pushing religion down our throats, it’s about the other great American pastime, bloodthirsty consumerism. I hate the commercialism of it all, the fear people get about buying presents, the viciousness that comes out of the holiday weeks before it, and the depression that can come hours after it. Is it any surprise one of the days of the year with the highest amount of suicides is December 26th? There is so much pressure put into this one day, that it really is enough to destroy lives. Not to mention all those shitty Christmas albums artist put out to make an extra quick buck before the years over. Clay Aiken I expected, (He is flaky) but the Barenaked Ladies? Don’t those Vh-1 specials pay enough to keep them afloat? Is there some Canadian economic crisis I’m unaware of? I digress.
Two years ago I tried to swear off the holiday. It seemed like a relatively easy thing to do. I told my parents that I didn’t want to give or receive gifts. My father was adamant about gift giving still (because he had already bought the presents that year). My mother was okay with it, and that’s got to count for something. So yes, much like those cinematic Kranks, I was all ready and revved up to miss the celebration of that long haired guy. But then I was looking through the T.V. Guide and I realized I couldn’t forget about Christmas. Not now. Not ever.
There were and are two things that keep me attached to Christmas, the anchors that keep me from plummeting to Scroogedom: The Grinch Who Stole Christmas and Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer.
Originally premiering in the sixties, these specials already seemed like ancient classics when I first viewed them. I remember seeing the Grinch for the first time during the one year my family celebrated Chanukah, as for Rudolph, I don’t recall, but I do know that I have never missed them since. It’s not Christmas without them. My life is not complete without a visit to Whoville or a night out with King Moonrazor.
It isn’t any wonder that with my own T.V. column I would dedicate a week to them. But then I started thinking to myself: I like both, but which one is better? With all the lists and labels that go around, which one deserves that deepest place in my heart?
The Tale of the Tape-
The Grinch Who Stole Christmas, a collaboration between esteemed Looney Tunes animator Chuck Jones and beloved children’s book author Dr. Seuss, two long time friends who had first worked together during World War II is an adaptation of Seuss’ book of the same name. The story in a nutshell focuses on the evil Grinch, a fiend whose heart is three sizes too small. Angered by the joyous Whos and their Christmas revelry, he, along with his doting dog Max (the cutest reindeer you’ll ever see) steal Christmas by sneaking into houses and pilfering the presents. All goes well (or bad depending on your perspective) when Cindy Lou Who wakes to see the man in red and white she’s been waiting for isn’t there to give out presents, but to steal them. The Grinch goes through a change (and growth) in heart and gives all the presents back. Famed movie monster actor Boris Karloff narrates the tale and brings the Grinch to frightening life with his booming voice.
Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer, the first of many Yuletide collaboration between producers Arthur Rankin Jr. and Jules Bass, elaborates upon a Ronnie May song of the same name. The burly Burl Ives provides the voice for the snowman narrator and sings three songs, each of which have become hits. The story revolves around Rudolph, a reindeer boy who doesn’t fit in because of his red blinking nose. He befriends the effeminate elf Hermie who also doesn’t fit in, because Hermie would rather work in a dentist office than in Santa’s shop. They go on adventures together and run into the prospector Yukon Cornelius, the Abominable Snowman, and spend the night at the Island of Misfit Toys. All ends well, as the elves accept Hermie, and Rudolph finds his place as one of the Reindeer thanks to that blinking nose of his that serves as a valuable asset for Santa who needs to navigate through a blinding blizzard.
The Battle-
The Grinch special got me into Dr. Seuss books, and I doubt I’d even be a shell of the man I am without them. My reasons for wanting to be a poet and a teacher originate in the books of Theodore Geisel. His ability to discuss pertinent social issues while making them appropriate and digestible for children of all ages is a gift bestowed only to a select few that I can only hope to dream about joining someday.
This is a timeless special. It doesn’t define what Christmas is in a religious context, but instead shows it to be a joyous occasion, which I’ll agree it can be every once in a while. While the story is just a different spin on the Christmas Carol, it transcends comparison because of the quality. The animation is superb. The voices and songs fit. At less than a half an hour it gives you plenty, but doesn’t leave you wanting more. Every second of every frame fits.
Rudolph showed me that it was okay to be an outcast. I was born with motor skill deficiency, and so my handwriting looks like shit and I can’t play sports very well. But as Rudolph teaches us, there’s always hope. Even if you were born as an elf you can still be a dentist. Even if your nose is red, you still have a purpose. Every misfit has their place. Just because most boys and girls don’t want a spotted elephant or a Charlie in the box (as if anyone would even know), it doesn’t mean that someone won’t accept it. Look at those god awful statuesque Mcfarlane toys don’t have articulation. Someone ends up buying those plastic turds.
This is also a timeless special. Rudolph and the misfits were the X-men before the X-men were cool or read by anything big enough to be described as an audience. The issue of diversity is one that will last as long as people act like assholes and treat other people poorly based on the way they are and not on the things that they do. The animation technique still looks cool, even after all the advancements that have been made in stop-motion technology. At almost an hour, the show does hit a few speedbumps in plot, but never gets close to being boring or unentertaining. The musical numbers are either really cheesy or classic, and there’s enough quirky stuff to make it feel alright to watch this whether you’re five or fifty.
And the Winner Is”¦”¦”¦
In the spirit of Christmas(or what’s left of it), perhaps it’s best to say there is no right answer. Holy anticlimactic endings Batman!! Yes, I’m giving you a shitty finish, but if you’re a wrestling fan, you should be used to those by now. Both shows, in there own right are awesome, and deserve to be watched by everyone. They preserve the innocence and fun that Christmas should be about. If we’re going to devote as much time and money to a holiday as we do Christmas, we might as well enjoy it. These two specials ensure that we do. As long as these specials are aired, you can count me having at least a little Christmas Joy. Just don’t expect me to start singing carols. You wouldn’t want that anyway. I make Clay Aiken sound good.
And now a very special Other Schtuff- Since I’m going on a ten day vacation to New York City and Pennsylvania to visit family, I will not be here next week, or the rest of the year for that matter so before I go I’d like to take a moment or two and talk about the year in passing.
2004 was a fascinating year for me. I think the best way to determine how a year was is to think about all the changes that have gone on. I can safely say that I’m not the man I was this time last year. I’ve grown and learned and suffered and tasted and seen my own world and the one around me change.
I got a job as a weekly columnist for a school paper (it pays)
My mother, along with my sister and stepfather, moved to Pennsylvania
I voted for the first time and realized the futility of the voting process.
I went out with and subsequently dumped my first boyfriend.
I survived two hurricane warnings with relative ease.
I graduated from Community College, got my Associates, and have taken classes at a respectable university.
My father dated and made love for the first time in over ten years
My computer broke, I lost a bunch of writings, and was forced to buy a new (but used) one.
I got my first credit card and became addicted to E-bay.
A former friend from high-school came by to hang out, and we’ve been doing so every week since then.
I redefined the terms of my relationship with my girlfriend Christine, so now we just call each other best friends, and we’ve been better off for it.
Lastly, I applied for a position on the Inside Pulse staff, and got accepted. This means a lot to me, especially after being rejected from 411. I religiously read that site, and now do the same here, only I get to see my own name every now and then. It has been a blast talking and competing in the forums, joking around with other writers on the staff page, and receiving e-mails. Here’s some thanks to the people who have made this a great journey so far. I will probably end up misspelling names, so consider it practice for when I start teaching-
First and foremost, I have to thank Widro, who makes all things possible.
Murtz Jaffer, the man who hired me and allowed me to basically do whatever I wanted (including the name and day change of my column). I’ve taken some risks, made mistakes, and thankfully he’s given me the chance to experience the results without editorial interference.
Brian Macloone for being the first “fan” to IM me. I’m glad you’ve found your own place as a member here.
Matthew Biscuitti, for letting me give tribute to one of my heroes.
Jeffrey Fernandez, for opening up his Jukebox to me.
Mathan Erhardt and Steve Coogan, for entertaining me with your columns, taking the time to read mine, and graciously plugging me. I’d kindly return the favor if I could remember how to
PK for letting me on to the wrestling roundtable and for offering me a position as one of the figures staff. I wish I was good enough to do it.
Diane Falconi, who writes one of the most personal and honest columns every week. She’s T.V.s Gloomchen.
Anyone who has ever taken that great risk of clicking on to one any of my submissions here. I can’t thank you enough.
Gordi Whitelaw, John Haley, and all the others who have provided me with constructive feedback. This has all been a work in progress, and with the words and support of others like you, I can only hope to get better.
That’s going to do it for me. I’ll see you all next year. I’m already looking forward to it. Have a pleasant holiday and a happy new year.
