Welcome to the first edition of the Official Monday Night Rabble. For those who didn’t check out my review of Armageddon 04′ here is the premise. Every week we gather in the hallowed halls of my home and enjoy the fine art of prowrestling. Now, when you sit and watch wrestling as a solitary practition, you notice the skill, the power of these warriors, and the artestry that goes into each and every action.
When you watch wrestling with six or so of your friends, all of that crap goes out the window. We are of course watching for big action and great matches, but also we like to laugh at our favorite pasttime. So I give you Eric, Erik, Jenna, Laura, Bill, and my life-partner in crime, Danielle. While reviewing the shows, I will do my best to give you the best one liners and funny bits. It’s like Pop-Up Video for wrestling… and since Keith and PK aren’t reviewing this week, I guarantee my readership!
So this is the Best Of show, and as you will see, not all is as you would expect. Unless of course you assume that the Best Of show is going to be a two hour long infomercial for not only WWE products, but their sponsers… then it’s EXACTLY what you think it’s going to be.
Next year, this bit won’t be relevent…
Starting bit is the McMahon/Shelton/Trish parody of Monday Night Football. Now I didn’t see this to begin with, but it involves naked Trish boobies. Now that may sound crass, but seriously, this is the WWE and crass is one of the other fine arts they’ve mastered.
Our host segments are brought to us by Coach and Lawler, who I will give credit, have a decent amount of chemistry. They introduce us to Wrestlemania XX, Chris Jericho and Christian. Remember back when those two were going at it.. you know it seems so long ago. Wait for the flashback.
When a man loves a woman… for a Canadian Dollar
We join the WMXX match in progress with Jericho starting strong. Enzigiri and toss into a corner, big suplex, backbridge out and a lionsault. FLASH FORWARD! Here comes Trish in a flash gold number. Fists between the two men, a high end DDT from Christian to Jericho gets two. Christian starts getting pissed and seems he’s on his way out to the top when Trish comes in to distract. Christian tosses Trish aside, and Jericho tries to help her out and gets a backhand to the face. Christian takes the rollup and the win. FLASHFORWARD! Trish and Jericho are talking it out in the ring and the big spin… WHAM! Christian walks off with Trish and the era of hot Trish begins.
The Passion Of The Tard
We start off with the introduction of Eugene with Stephen Regal. We immediately move into a montage of the little rascal. His meet up with the Rock. His kiss with Christie (Damn him!) His training sessions, his chameleonic (is that a word) like moveset and he and Regal winning the Tag Titles. All in all, it was a nicely done montage of everything we’ve laughed at Eugene for. I know that many folks think that the bit is over, and they should repackage him before he’s stuck in the ‘Special’ gimmick forever. Me? I like Eugene, and his mix and match wrestling style is so different that it’s fun to watch.
Bill on Robosapian (The commercial about the robot dog) – “I don’t trust it.. it’s one step closer to Gundam’s ruling the worlds.”
Benjamin on Benjamin
One of the breakout stars of the last year has been Shelton Benjamin. Now, I know that the forum boards have been screaming about Batista, and I agree – but WWE is talkin’ bout the Benjamin, baybee. We get our next match snippit back when Benjamin debuted – taking on none other than Triple H.
Lock up between Benjamin and HHH and Hunter tosses Shelton to the corner. Trips taunts him with the ‘you were THAT close’ bit. Shelton comes back and collar-elbow tie-up with Benjamin tossing Trips to the corner with the response ‘you were THAT close’ bit. It’s like a photo negative of the original bit really. FLASHFORWARD! They fight on the outside! FLASHFORWARD! Back in the ring and Benjamin and Trips are down to the mat. Powerslam from Benjamin, but Trips tries for a quick Pedigree and it’s denied. Flair catches Benjamin in the face – but here comes Benoit to stop Flair. Trips gets squashed in a corner, quick rollup and the win!
Bill: I think Eugene is more the Cerebral Assassin than Triple HHH.
Eric: Maybe the Cerebral Tinkerer
Christmas In Sarjevo
Here is one of the biggest flaws of the show. I would accept this once, as it is WWE material, but you are given this very same Creed sung visit to Iraq no less than 4 times throughout the entire show. The wrestlers visiting troops and THIS SATURDAY YOU WILL SEE THEM BACK AGAIN ON SMACKDOWN! Repeat this four times while smashing your face in with a Phillips Head screwdriver’s pointy end.
When Punk Rock Grrls & Badly Burned Dentists Collide!
They could show this whole bit unadulterated and I would be ok with it. Done over the top – the wedding between Lita and Kane was my Sportz Entertainment highlight of my year. The appearance of Matt Hardy – the wall of flame.
Eric: Because Kane has power over fire!
WAIT A SECOND! They didn’t show Trish in her Matron of Honor outfit… this show is just starting to come across as disappointing. We follow the storyline of Baby Killer Gene Snitsky and Kane at Taboo Tuesday where Kane got completely Pillmanized. The win by Snitsky, and the follow up weeks where we saw Snitsky come in and bother the Divas.
Lita: When Kane comes back, he’s going to beat the Holy Hell out of you!
Eric: Not the UNHOLY Hell, but the HOLY hell – so he’ll be coming back with Shawn Michaels.
Three Men Enter – One Man Leave
There was a little event that happened this year called Wrestlmania XX where there were three guys you might have heard of fighting once again for a belt that you might know about. Those guys were Shawn Michaels, Chris Benoit, and some new guy that apparently some people have problems with.
To the match – all three men are duking it out, sharing chops, punches, and tosses. This first section predominantly is watching as Shawn and Benoit go back and forth with exchange of suplex after suplex and finally Triple HHH gets in there and tosses Benoit out. Hunter goes after shawn, getting a few two counts and then gives up to go outside and beat on Benoit’s Canadian ass. He slams Benoit into the ring apron a couple of times and who is inside the ring, but Shawn Michaels slides right into Benoit and sets both guys up for the big moonsault off the top of the ring.
At this point in time we got completely distracted by talking about Christmas. They are showing all of the best spots, Michaels getting busted open – Benoit going through the table and the moment where you think that Michaels and Trips are going to finish the show against each other. What I find amazing is how tepid the crowd is for Michaels standing in the ring with his mask of crimson gore calling out Trips. This was at Wrestlemania XX and it just sounds like the crowd is bored. It could just be some bad sound editing.
Michaels gets hit with a shock pedigree and the only thing that stops Triple HHH from walking away with it is a headbutt to the back of the head from Benoit.
A note on how they are editing this show up. I was really just getting back into the match. The entire ‘Team Monday’ was starting to watch and then they jump right back out to the commercials again and we’ve completely lost interest again.
We come back and Benoit is trying to sling Triple HHH in the Sharpshooter. Hunter gets saved by Shawn kicking Benoit in the face, Shawn misses the superkick, Trips misses the Pedigree and just like that Benoit made history. By now the crowd is going nuts, to where you can hear them explode when Benoit looks like he might be getting shafted. Another honestly great moment of the year.
Which lends right into one of the most mullety soundtrack ever. The Benoit music video. Thanks WWE for taking away the great Benoit/Guerrero moment and instead giving us pictures of the Rabid Wolverine in the 3rd Grade.
RAW MOMENT – Jericho pleading his heart out to Mae Young.
Laura: Who’s that?
Me: Mae Young, a wrestler from the 1800s.
Crap that took up our TV for 2 months
We review the Diva Search. I have very little to say about this other than it was pointless since most of these girls are now working for the WWE. Thank God it was Christie, the only one with any kind of personality.
It’s now where they introduce Christie to the announce booth that Coach and Lawler have been talking from. Lawler takes the time to spray on some BOD bodyspray and the obvious joke of Christie launching herself on Lawler ensues. The product endorsement in this show is just horrendous. I watched parts of the Spike Video Game Awards, and where that show was one 2 hour long commercial for rap artists, video game companies, and Mountain Dew – I expect that kind of crap. I would not have been shocked to see Coach pop a Mentos and rub his stomach in a ‘Yummy’ motion, or Lawler to smoke a Virginia Slim and lick his lips seductively.
Alotta Lita
Coach: Lita was persued and impregnated by Kane.
Bill: The funniest thing ever! Like Lita was running through the woods with Kane in hot pursuit, flying bodytackle, and BAM! Lita’s impregnated.
They bring us right into the title match between Lita and Trish, and it was a fine enough match so I wouldn’t mind giving it a review. They come in with Lita missing a clothesline on Trish (because of Trish’s bullettime duck) and flipping her outside of the ring with the, now infamous, suicide bomb. For the record, everytime they showed the spot where Lita leaps out of the ring, the entire room audibly winced. They showed it roughly 300 times.
Now that we’ve recuperated a bit, we come back to Trish bashing Lita in the face with her noseguard, and choking the hell out of her on the top turnbuckle. A snapmare followed by a sitting fullnelson. Lita reverses it, catches Trish on the top rope. Big superplex! FLASHFORWARD! Lita is on the top rope, Trish catches her – and two big reversals finally gets Trish into the Twist of Fate. She climbs up to the top turnbuckle and hits with the moonsault to win the title.
RAW MOMENT: Thumbs up…. and Thumbs Down turns Randy Orton into a good guy, followed by Evolutions beatings of the then champ, Randy Orton.
RAW MOMENT: Not so much a moment, as a cheap reason to show Batista clothesline everybody, which is pretty cool.
A Week Before Thanksgiving Day Tradition
Benoit takes down all three men, Batista, Snitsky, Edge, and Triple HHH. Runs up to the top turnbuckle and drops the headbutt onto both Edge and Triple HHH. Jericho gets Edge out of the ring and Benoit’s got Trips in the center of the ring with the sharpshooter locked. Snitsky comes in and breaks it, so Benoit throws Edge into the crossface. Batista stops it, Triple HHH hits the pedigree and Edge gets the count. Benoit is eliminated. FLASH FORWARD! We come in to Batista destroying everyone, Orton hits Batista with the belt and Batistia’s been elimiated. Immediately HHH tries to capitalize, but Jericho catches him, but then is hit from the outside by Batista AGAIN! HHH gets the tag to Snitsky and starts throwing Jericho around, choking him.. you know all of the things you expect out of a guy who likes to kill babies.
Tag to Edge and he continues where Snitsky left off with rights and lefts to Y2J. Edge tosses Jericho into the ropes, reversed and Jericho slams Edge face first into the ring. Edge gets a tag and Orton comes in to try and help his partner, but Snitsky sends him out to get beaten by the bad guys. Inside though, Jericho gets a quick snap DDT and tries for the tag – but Orton is hanging out over by the announce table with HHH and Edge. Nobody is there, until MAVEN shows up. He gets the hot tag and Maven starts clearing house. He tosses out Snitsky. He tosses out Edge. He gets a top-rope bulldog to HHH. He gets slapped in the face with a chair by Snitsky and Snitsky has been eliminated via DQ. Well, since he has no reason NOT to, he continues to beat people with the chair, namely Randy Orton.
Inside the ring, HHH gets the pin on Maven.
We come back to watch as Y2J getting eliminated by Edge. This leaves us with Edge, HHH, and Randy Orton. Edge has Orton square in the ring, side suplex and in comes HHH with some closed fists right to Orton. An exchange of tags brings Edge back in and Orton gets his first bit of offense in with a powerslam. Orton is hitting Edge hard and in comes HHH to bulldog Orton. Edge misses a spear on Orton, hits HHH and Orton pins him. Edge is eliminated. Triple HHH low blows
Dude, Where’s My Title?
The double pin – the argument – the return of Bischoff – the title is up for grabs – the Elimination Chamber. BE THERE….
Dani: This is dumb, I should be the heavyweight champion. Then I’ll be the Champion of the Monday Night Rabble.. because I sleep with the writer.
The Monday Night Rabble Review
Everybody left tonight a bit bored, but we got what we expected – a recap show that was easily missed.
That pretty much seals it. My first Monday Night Rabble, and I’m not really sure how I did. I mean, I’m the only one to read today, so thanks for checking me out, but I really am not 100% happy with this week’s attempt. Ah well, there is always next week, right? You’ll be here… right? Please.
I feel better now, I’ve pandered to my audience. That was what this column was missing.
