Counterfeit Pennies: Best & Worst Of 2004 …

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For the past two years, I have put together a column highlighting the ten best and worst WWE moments of the year. These lists were merely reflections of my own personal opinions, and the responses I received on both occasions were extremely fun to read.

To me, it’s important to look back on the year in wrestling and reminisce about the good (Benoit), the bad (Maven), the weird (Viscera), and the ugly (Snitsky). Since this is something I do every year in order to analyze and reprioritize my life, I figured it would be somewhat cathartic and beneficial to continue this tradition here at Inside Pulse.

So without further rambling, here are 2004’s Best & Worst WWE moments.

2004’s BEST …

1. Best Raw performance: Chris Benoit. Last year, Chris Benoit won this very same award in the Smackdown! category. Needless to say, the Canadian Crippler continued to put forth a tremendous effort day in and day out, and who will ever forget his crowning achievement at WrestleMania? Triple H tapping out to Benoit’s Crossface is the pinnacle wrestling moment of the decade thus far, let alone the moment of the year.

2. Best Smackdown! performance: Eddie Guerrero. Latino Heat may not have the WWE Championship around his waist presently, but who will forget that other WrestleMania moment, where Eddie and Benoit celebrated their dual reign as WWE World Champions? Despite being mired in a title picture that has become muddled in an elongated JBL reign, Eddie has remained consistent in the ring and as popular as ever with fans that might not even watch Smackdown! if it weren’t for his froggy ways.

3. Best Smackdown! episode: WWE in Iraq. While last year’s edition of Smackdown! in Iraq was groundbreaking, this year’s edition was equally as inspiring and possibly even more important. In 2003, reporting from Iraq became a necessity for cable news networks that battled in the trenches for credibility and ratings, but this year, it seemed as if Iraq was no longer the paradoxically “hip” place for reporters to be embedded. For Vince, the wrestlers, and the Divas to volunteer to go back into Iraq and put on a show in Tikrit of all places, well, that really does take some big sets of grapefruits, and everyone involved deserves kudos for their continued efforts to boost the morale of troops overseas during this holiday season.

4. Best use of foreshadowing: Batista consistently one-ups Triple H. While Randy Orton certainly benefited from an abrupt departure from Evolution and an unexpected World Title stint, the Batista-Triple H storyline has slowly unfolded to the point that the big man is about to blow up at any minute. If the crowd’s insane reaction to Batista telling Trips that he is starting to piss him off is any indication, WWE just might have another huge star on their hands, thanks to storyline development that doesn’t seem patched together for once. Hey, for Batista, it’s a long way up the ladder from last year’s nod for Worst Steroid Job, or, as I like to call it, The Scott Steiner Award.

5. Best gratuitous exploitation of American politics: Muhammed Hassan. Last year, La Resistance nabbed this increasingly prestigious honor that follows in the traditions of the Iron Sheik, Nikolai Volkov, and Tatanka. This year, Muhammed Hassan has beaten the message into my head that all Arab-Americans deserve the same rights that all Americans are granted under our Constitution. Only WWE can have a heel wrestler who gets booed for expressing views that might actually make sense on some levels. If you don’t believe me, just go to http://www.cornell.edu/news. Besides, nothing beats that 7-11 vignette, unless, of course, you’re looking for something absolutely, positively perfect.

6. Best WWE rookie: Eugene. The most interesting thing that Eugene brings to the table is his versatility. By creating a wrestler who unabashedly mimics his heroes, the WWE plays to my nostalgia as a wrestling fan that misses moves like the Stone Cold Stunner and taunts like the Junk Yard Dog fake urination bit. Here’s to hoping that Eugene wards off becoming a stale gimmick for just a little while longer.

7. Best firing: Gail Kim. I still can’t believe this blip on the WWE radar screen won the Women’s title in her very first match.

8. Best Raw-Smackdown! backstage exchange: Heidenreich meets Snitsky. “I like your poetry.” “I like the way you treat babies.” So bad it was good in a William Hung kind of way.

9. Best unsuspecting storyline catalysts: Trish Stratus and Lita. Well-planned and well-played out. Trish really was convincing as the heel slut who broke Jericho’s heart, slept with Christian, and f*cked with Lita in the process. Lita went through a lot of shit with the Kane-Matt Hardy and Kane-Snitsky angles that at least she was given a well-earned payoff in her feud with Trish. They both held their own in the main event, and they both get extra nods for perpetuating other storylines where they were just as important as their male counterparts.

10. Best underrated Smackdown! storyline: Paul London vs. Billy Kidman. Man, does this feud deserve revisiting or what? Crowds actually care about the Shooting Star Press again, and it would be nice to see some kind of extended continuation of this angle whose principal characters aren’t relegated to Velocity.

2004’s WORST …

1. Worst Raw performance: Maven. Face or heel, it really doesn’t matter at this point. I’ll never forget the apathy that was in the air when a busted up Maven reinserted himself into the Survivor Series match, only to be met with a telling (indifferent) response from the crowd that begged the question, “Does anyone still give a flying f*ck about Maven?” It almost makes me appreciate Viscera.

2. Worst Smackdown! performance: JBL. I know that there are some people who actually appreciate JBL’s rise to WWE Champion. What I say to those people is this: JBL will never be as charismatic as The Million Dollar Man. They can give him a wannabe Virgil in Orlando Jordan; they can give him a smug persona that pays people off; they can even give him mid-carders as Cabinet members. But if JBL keeps the WWE Championship, Smackdown! will continue to live up — or should I say down? — to the moniker of being Raw’s bitch.

3. Worst copout: RVD skips tour in Iraq. Like Carlito, I spit in the face of those who aren’t cool. And RVD, as cool as he has been in the past, was certainly not cool to voluntarily opt out of entertaining the troops in Tikrit.

4. Worst catch phrase: Gene Snitsky. “It wasn’t my fault” just doesn’t have the same chic ring to it as lines like “I’m Rick James, bitch!” and “You’re fired.”

5. Worst fake cement-encased burial: The Undertaker pulls the lever on Paul Bearer. I guess this would be the equivalent of the Undertaker locking the Ultimate Warrior in an airtight casket in the 1990s, except back then I was young and foolish enough to believe this shit was real.

6. Worst waste of PPV time: Tie: Diva Dodgeball and Dixie Dogfight. Both moments epitomize the crap that we went through with these Raw and Smackdown! competitions.

7. Worst segments involving an Olympic Gold Medalist: Kurt Angle wrestles local jobbers. The only time I ever liked this type of angle was in Rocky.

8. Worst prepackaged vignette: Lita interviewed after her miscarriage. I love Lita in the ring; I loathe her on the microphone.

9. Worst champion: Spike Dudley. With all of the cruiserweight talent available on Smackdown!, why did the WWE resort to making Spike Dudley the champion? Equally worse is the fact that Funaki has gotten a turn. Where is Billy Kidman, Paul London, or Chavo Guerrero, anyway?

10. Worst abuse of power by a guest GM: Chris Jericho books Fozzy to play Raw. This is the only time Jericho will ever make this list in a negative light, but I just could not ignore how painful that sounded.

Before I sign off, I just wanted to wish everyone a happy and healthy 2005.

That’s all for now … PEACE.

-Chris Biscuiti

Chris Biscuiti writes exclusively for Inside Pulse.

CB is an Editor for Pulse Wrestling and an original member of the Inside Pulse writing team covering the spectrum of pop culture including pro wrestling, sports, movies, music, radio and television.