InsidePulse’s WWE Afterburn report

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It’s January 1, 2005 and we’re on the air with WWE Afterburn!

Our host today is Josh Matthews. SD had the night of champions.

In the ring, John Cena is there. Rene Dupree shows up and says he will be his opponent. Cena raps in agreement. What happened to Cena? He should do controversial raps, instead of the usual “come get some” crap.

Rene Dupree vs John Cena. Cena throws Dupree in the ring and the beating begins. Whip into the corner, Dupree puts up the leg after a charge. Cena continues to pound on Rene. Two suplexes by Cena. Cena puts on the Dupree’s jacket and does the 5 knckle shuffle with the French tickler as well. Dupree goes outside for a breather. Cena goes out, punches Dupree and throws him back in. Dupree kicks Cena as he comes in. More kicks. Cena comes back with punches, whip, reverse, Cena hits the corner hard. Dupree sets Cena on the top rope. Cena throws him off, but misses a bodypress. French Tickler! Cena beats on Dupree again. Cena drops Rene on the top rope throat first, then kicks him in the face and finally an FU for the 1, 2, 3.

Spike Dudley vs Funaki. Wow, two matches with no JIP! Funaki is in control with an armdrag, a dropkick and smashing Spike’s head on the buckle twice. Funaki goes for the 10-punch, but gets stopped at 4. Spike throws him down and gets a couple of two counts. Spike with a right hand, smashes Funaki’s head on the buckle and a bodyslam. To the top rope, Spike misses a double stomp. Spike squashes Funaki on the ring post. To the outside, Funaki goes back first to the apron. Back in the ring, Funaki comes back with 3 right hands. Spike with an eye rake, punches and kicks. Funaki punches Spike, off the ropes, Funaki catches Spike’s foot, spin, Spike catches Funaki’s foot -> enziguri. Funaki with more punches, whip to the corner, bulldog for a 2 count. Funaki going for a bodyslam, no, Spike goes off the ropes into a sunset flip by Funaki for the 3 count. 2005 will start with Funaki as the cruiserweight champ.

Coming Up: Heidenrich talks
Up Next: Kurt Angle invitational
Commercials

We’re back with Josh talking about Kurt Angle invitational. Angle has yet to be defeated.

In the ring, Kurt Angle is in with some jabronie. His name is Matt Striker (I think). Cheap pop for his hometown. Angle hits Matt with the microphone and the match begins.

Kurt Angle vs Matt Striker. Angle beats on Striker until he gets to the ropes. They go in mat wrestling mode. Angle goes for the ankle lock and that’s the end of that.

Coming Up: Tag team title match
Up Next: JBL picks his opponent
Commercials

Afterburn returns with Josh talking about Night of Champions.

We see JBL, OJ and Amy Weber with Theodore Long. JBL says he is going to pick the opponent randomly. He doesn’t like whom he picks, but Long says that if he is fighting champion, he will wrestle that opponent. JBL agrees.

JBL vs Shannon Moore. JBL goes out of the ring and attacks Moore on the outside. Whip into the rail and stairs. JBL with a powerbomb and 2 clotheslines for the cover, the count and the victory.

Theodore comes out to ruin the party. He wants to see the bowl with the names in it. JBL says that Long put him through more hell than anybody on the roster. How dare he challenge JBL’s integrity? Long still wants to see the bowl. Joy shows up and now we have a catfight! They both get kicked out and Long reads the names and they all say Shannon Moore. Wouldn’t it be easier for it to be Funaki, considering he already wrestled? Long wants an explanation. JBL says it was Olando’s fault and OJ admits it. At the Royal Rumble, it will be Long’s choice as to who JBL faces. The opponent is Kurt Angle. Not Big Show? Angle comes out. Wait a minute, I smell a triple threat. Angle says we need a champion that is a role model. That man is Kurt Angle. Angle says JBL lied to the fans. The blame is put on OJ again. Angle calls JBL a bucko again! Long interrupts their argument and puts Big Show in the match. Show now comes out. Everyone leaves the ring, except for Long.

Up Next: Heidenrich talks
Commercials

We’re back with Afterburn.

In the ring, Heidenrich talks. He fears nothing and spared the UT last week. The Royal Rumble is coming! The lights go out. UT says that Heidenrich will Rest In Peace. Men in black show up with a casket. There’s your match at the Royal Rumble. Heidenrich touches the casket and UT pops out of the casket. They look at each other.

Up Next: Tag team title match
Commercials

We’re back with our final segment of Afterburn.

JIP, Eddy & Booker T vs Rey Mysterio & RVD. I predicted this match would happen two weeks ago. Rey and Booker are legal. Rey with a whip to Booker to the corner and Rey misses the charge by hitting his shoulder on the ring post. Spinkick to Rey. Tag to Eddy. Booker with a suplex and Eddy with a senton for a two count. Eddy with an armbar. Now Eddy has a weird submission on Rey. RVD breaks it up. Tag to Booker. Another spinkick for three 2 counts. Chop by Booker. Rey tries to go for a tag, but Booker knocks RVD out. Tag to Eddy. Eddy with forearms on Rey. Suplex gets a 2 count. Back to working on the arm. Rey gets out of it and gives Eddy a spinning DDT. Both men down. Tag to RVD. RVD with a clothesline, a spinkick and Northern Lights for 2 count. Whip by RVD to the corner, monkey flip by RVD and a dropkick by Mysterio. RVD with the frogsplash to Eddy, but Booker T stops the count. Mysterio dropkicks Booker out of there. RVD misses a charge and just like Mysterio, RVD hits the ring post with his shoulder. Tag to Booker. Booker pounds on RVD. RVD comes back, but Booker stops that with a right hand. Off the ropes, kick for a two count. Tag to Eddy. Three Amigos by Eddy for 1, 2, Rey breaks it up. Tag to Booker. Booker with kicks and a chinlock. RVD with elbows, but Booker knocks him down. Bookend by RVD, but Rey breaks it up again. Booker T with a chop. Booker tries to smash RVD’s head on the buckle, but RVD gives him a kick. Tag to Eddy, tag to Rey. Rey with a Thesz Press to Eddy. Whip, reverse, duck, armdrag by Rey Rey. Spinkick to Booker. Hurrincarana by Rey to Eddy, but Booker breaks it up. RVD and Booker are brawling and Eddy is thrown to the outside. RVD now thrown to the outside. Booker T hits Nick Patrick by accident. Booker T is in position for the 619, bang! Rey going for something, Eddy knocks him down. Booker T with scissors kick on Mysterio. Spineroonie. RVD with a spinkick to Booker. Booker and RVD go out of the ring and Eddy is covering Rey. Eddy is thinking of using the belt, but hesitates. He keeps taking the belt and returning it. He puts the belt on Mysterio, lies down and Patrick yells at Mysterio. Unfortunately, Eddy gets caught. Rey and Eddy continue to wrestle and Rey cradles Eddy for the 3 count. Longest match I ever had to recap.

Josh Matthews says his goodbyes and that does it for Afterburn.