The Crucifix

So my computer crashes and I’m left trying to throw out a column before Raw because, well, I do that Crown Of Thorns thing and make predictions. On top of that I can’t even say anything about Raw or Smackdown last week because I didn’t watch them. That’s right, didn’t watch them. Matt Michael had me handcuffed to a desk and was whipping me until I finished the Top 50. Oh yea…the Top 50. Let’s start off there…

I am glad that the majority of you liked it. Like I said, we all have our disagreements with it and I can see where people were coming from in their complaints that the Puro/Lucha scene was not fairly represented. I’m sure most of you know that all the staffers here try to keep up on all things wrestling, but manage to sway to the US side of things because most of us are from the US or Canada…except for that weird kid from Bangladesh that we keep in the boiler room. Another one of Matt Michaels weird things. Sorry, off topic. I enjoyed the feedback from you guys and YES TRIPLE H BEAT CHRIS BENOIT AT NO MERCY 2000. Sheesh, I was just trying to play up the WWE thing. I had fun reading all the mail and then I got one from Jim Sullivan:

its obvious that you bumped your head. i dont have the time to tear your
column apart. its a surety that they put a metal plate in your head and chris hyatt throws magnets at you. have a good new year anyway and thanks for trying

Well Jim, I didn’t bump my head. The Top 50 was put together by the entire wrestling staff. I didn’t wake up one morning, call Widro and go “Dude! I’m going to pick my top 50 wrestlers for the year and post them as though they are the entire sites choices!” He would’ve told me that I was nuts and the metal plate in my head must’ve come dislogged. Oh and I don’t have a metal plate in my head. And nobody throws magnets at me other than Matt Michael and Widro…they gave me the picture of Marissa McMahon at the top of this page so I allow them to. Bitch. As for you not having the “time to tear my column apart”, you’d be tearing Blatt, Gordi, IP Forumer Crippla and my column apart. If it means so much to you that you email me about it, how do you not have the time to tear it apart? I didn’t know that you were the expert on wrestling that could tell anyone why they are right or wrong in their writing. Bitch. Anyway, Happy New Year Jim and thanks for trying.

Like I said, I completely missed every show last week, except for a part of Velocity. I didn’t even know they still made that show. So I’ll just hit you with some predictions and that will be all. I’ll make up for it next week, I promise.

The Crown Of Thorns: RAW 01.03.05

-First Raw of the year from Nassau, which means they have a tough crowd on their hands.
-New Year’s Revolution is this Sunday, expect a 6 man tag with Benoit,Jericho and Orton against HHH, Batista and Edge. Batista somehow “accidentally” lays out Triple H.
-Snitsky chases Lita, gets stopeed by some amount of fire. Lita runs into Trish and a beatdown.
-Setup for Eugene and Regal vs. Christian and Tyson Tomko for the PPV: Christian calls Eugene a retard. Regal gets BLOODY ANGRY SUNSHINE and puts the belts on the line.
-Setup for Benjamin vs. Maven for the IC Title: Maven pulls a gun on Shelton, saying “I learned it by watching you alright, I learned it by watching you!” Shelton says he’s gonna bust a cap in Maven’s ass this Sunday.
-HBK will ref the 6 man tag.

The Crown Of Thorns: Smackdown 01.06.05
-Setup for Royal Rumble: Bashams vs. Flying High: Danny Basham steals RVD weed while Doug stuffs Rey in a garbage can. RVD reacts “Dude…..dude…”
-The Big Show takes on Orlando Jordan, JBL makes the run in. Kurt saves and then beats on Show.
-Setup for Cena vs. Carlito at the Rumble: Carlito comes up and says “You know what was cool? Me with the US Title around my waist.” Cena replies “That mighta been cool but it didn’t last a lick, I’m holdin’ this title up with my D***!” Carlito spits apple, Cena summons Peekachoo out of the new US Title and Peekachoo stabs Carlito in the kidney. Cena says “Now we’re even”
-Setup for Cruiserweight open at Royal Rumble: “Smackdown! NUMBAH ONE CHAMPION!” Spike says “Damn you for Pearl Harbor!” they brawl and all the other cruisers come in to break it up but wind up fighting. Teddy comes out and says “HOLLA HOLLA playas! If King Kong Bundy was here right now, y’all would be up in the mezzanine!”

…to Hurricane’s heel turn?
…to Maven’s longer tights?
…to Victoria’s sexy psycho gimmick?
…Tammy Sytch?
…Jackie Gayda’s boyfriend from Tough Enough?
…Brock Lesnar’s ability to do whatever he wants?
…Kevin Nash’s hair coloring solution?
…Drew Carey? Is he gooing to be in the Royal Rumble this year?
…The Bushwackers? We need them in the Rumble

-Congratulations to Victoria/Lisa Veron, for being named Woman Of The Year in PWI’s year end awards. She had a strong run this year before Trish wiped everyone out. I would’ve voted for her in our Top 50 if I thought of it. Good thing I didn’t, because if she got in you readers would’ve killed me.

One Plug

Ebaum …fun site, the videos are hilaious, especially the G.I. Joe ones.

Sorry for the shortness, but you know the deal. By the way, I’m whooping Blatt like a two dollar whore in WWE Fantasy. Adios!

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