As of Friday the 14th, I will be twenty-two years old. Birthdays always scare me, since I usually spend them reevaluating my entire life. I did some of that for New Years, but my birthday is always much worse.
What did I accomplish last year? Are the events of my life so far reflecting of my age? In some ways, just by knowing that I lived this long, I have to feel my life has been a success by default. Being a full-time pedestrian in South Florida is an easy way to die, so by surviving I have to say I’ve done well for myself. Or have I?
I’m not done with college yet, and no I’m not even in grad. school. The people around me are awaiting their diplomas in May, and yet I know I have about a year left. I could say I’ve been a failure as a college student. I should be done by now, and I’m not.
I still work at Mcdonalds. I’ve been working there since I was sixteen. I can’t help but feel the largest amounts of shame and embarrassment every time I go in there to punch in or anytime I tell someone what I do. Do I plan on being there forever? Absolutely not. But will I be there for at least the next year? Probably.
The best-selling poetry book I had planned on coming out with by now faded away when I realized best-selling poetry book is an oxymoron. I do have a novels worth of ideas, but they’re just not ready to come out yet. I guess that’s something to eventually look forward to.
I still don’t drive. I have this great big fear of dying behind the wheel or even worse, killing someone else. It’s funny, but my immense fear of driving is what got me out of being suicidal a few years ago. The realization that I fear that something may happen to me convinced me that I obviously didn’t want to die.
And I suppose I don’t, which is a good thing. So twenty-one had it’s bumps and small glories. Not drinking or, the year held no special credence to me. I could do everything then that I could do at twenty. And the same is true for twenty-two. There are no special priviliges given to twenty-two year olds.
I already feel much older than I have any right to be. I catch myself often saying things like “Back in the day” and “Not so long ago”, usually in reference to something like the Ninja Turtles or punk music, but still, shouldn’t I feel completely young and new? I’m definitely too cynical and untrustworthy for my age.
I think renouncing the belief of go and all theologies for that matter at the age of ten implanted within me a skepticism that makes it hard to be convinced of anything extroardionary in the least. I find it extremely hard to be surprised, and I’m beginning to realize that love is probably more of an illusion to went so hard to believe in, than the actual emotion we claim that it is.
But still, I find hope and beauty every once in a while, and to me, sometimes that’s enough. As long as I can smile through akward moments, I think I’ll be okay. It’ll do for this year. It’ll have to.
THE PART OF THE COLUMN WITH RELEVANCE TO TELEVISION-
While I’m thankful for being alive, I figure I’ll rummage through the dead. That is the network shows that won’t be with us in this new year. So raise a glaass (of soda) and tip it off, to the dearly departed. This is in order of when the shows were announced as cancelled by the network
Lyon’s Den NBC – Between this and Dr. Vegas, Rob Lowe has plenty reason to kick himself in the ass for leaving “The West Wing”. Having two shows cancelled in one year is quite the accomplishment. I think we’ve found someone to give Ted McGinley a run for his money. Lowe’s shows die before they even make it big!
A Minute with Stan Hooper FOX- How ironic that this Norm Macdonald sitcom dud didn’t even last the minute mentioned in the title. Zing!
Friends, NBC- Good riddance to this unfunny garbage that has spawned to many rip-offs and one too many spin-offs (yes one is more than enough).
Jake 2.0 UPN- In attempt to ride the waves of it’s Star Trek franchises and carve a niche for itself UPN has had it’s share of Sci-Fi fodder that usually doesn’t last long. Black sitcoms, wrestling and sci-fi? Now that’s sounds like a successful template for a network to me!
Frasier NBC – A simple cheers will do.
Kingdom Hospital ABC- Stephen King is the kind of name you build a mini-series around, not an entire show. Doomed from the start.
Wonderfalls FOX- A quirky little show with a strong fan base that simply wasn’t enough to keep the show afloat. I heard nothing but good things, so it was sad to see it go before I had a chance to see it. I don’t think Fox’s habit of canceling good shows infuriates me quite as much as their habit of keeping crap on the air.
Century City CBS- A law show set in the future is a bit too high-concept for viewers to take in on any network, even ratings juggernaut. I’ll give credit where credit is due and respect this show for doing something most CBS rarely does: Take a risk.
Cracking Up Fox- Considered the talent behind the scenes and in front of the cameras, it’s hard to believe how awesomely bad this show was. Mike White is one of the best screenwriters in the business today, and could do much better than this garbage.
Angel WB- All the online petitions and fan pestering were futile. The show must have been getting really bad ratings to have been cancelled from the WB.
The Parkers UPN- This show should just be amazed it lasted long enough to be in syndication and that affiliates are willing to take it.
The Jamie Kennedy Experiment WB- You’ve just been Xed from the WB’s network schedule. Goodbye and good riddance to yet another unfunny celebrities attempts to channel Art Linklater.
Life With Bonnie ABC- The David Alan Grier curse strikes yet again. I’ve always loved this guys work, but damn, his sitcom career post In Living Color has been doomed. Anyone remember D.A.G?
I’m with Her ABC 5/17/04- How could show based on the true story of Brooke Shield’s and her husband be cancelled so quickly? Just read that sentence again.
Married to the Kelly’s ABC 5/17/04- I’ve never seen this show, but really, can it be any worse than According to Jim? I’ve said the same about tsunamis and cancer, so what do I know?
All About the Andersons WB- What an outrage!! All the fat black men are fading from my T.V. screen. First Roker gets his stomach stapled, then they cancel Boston Public and the power of Chi, and now a show with both Anthony Anderson and John Amos goes off the air? So not fair. I’ll take solace in the fact that Amos’ character survived through the shows duration.
A lot of shows to still go through, and I’m not even going through each show. Yeesh. I’ll wrap it up next week. See you then.