InsidePulse’s WWE Byte This Report: 1.12.05

Generic theme #11205 brings us to… Byte This! The show starts and it’s another Marc Loyd single-host spectacular today. We’ve got JBL talking about Iraq, JR talking about whatever, and Kane bowed out due to “Snitsky” problems. Marc pimps the mags and the fantasy game and says nothing worthwhile in the process. New Year’s Revolution talk immediately revolves around the Elimination Chamber, and Marc thinks it was the best one ever. He talks about Lita and Eugene’s knee injuries (both are out for surgery) and briefly discusses the Randy Orton/Batista/Triple H situation from the PPV. Droz is coming up next and we’re going to break!

Heidenreich casket match clips from last week’s Smackdown are shown. I love me some Druids, but Smackdown’s been a disaster as of late. They gotta do something new, and fast, because that show’s sinking fast.

Marc comes back and starts to make fun of Paul Heyman (sour grapes from the ECW episode?) before Droz comes on. Droz did okay on his NYR predictions, but he still didn’t get very many right. Droz wishes Lita and Eugene good luck on their injuries and hopes that Lita will be back soon. Marc wants to know if Droz thought the Elimination Chamber match lived up to the hype, but then explains the match in detail until the initial question is a distant memory. Droz thinks that Batista was screwed by Triple H, and when the two of them finally explode, it’ll be “a car crash.” Marc asks Droz what advice he’d give Maven right now. Droz believes you can’t get hung up on your losses, and thinks that someday Maven will win that Intercontinental belt. Since longtime listeners know that Droz is always wrong, expect Maven’s release papers to be delivered before the year is over. A quick Orton/Triple H conversation reveals that Droz thinks Orton’s clearly the guy who’ll take the belt off of Hunter. Marc explains the Edge/Shawn Michaels confrontation from Raw, then Droz explains it in further detail in case we don’t get it. When a guest bows out – like Kane for example – I like it when the show’s just short and filler free, not dull and lengthy like this one. They discuss Hassan and make it clear that he doesn’t represent Arab Americans and that he’s full of double-talk. Marc brings up the Smackdown tag match that’s happening on Thursday, and Droz is pretending the show isn’t pretaped again (towards the end of last year they finally started admitting it was shot on Tuesday) and hopes that Mysterio wins it. They talk about the fantasy game before Marc drops him and pimps the 24/7 channel. Jim Ross is up next!

Loooonnnngggg 24/7 commercial airs, which is nowhere near as cool as the usual old school clips they show.

Marc thinks we’ve had a great show today. And you wonder why I hate him? Jim Ross is here, and he’s doing good. He thinks the Elimination Chamber was the highlight of the PPV (no duh) and blabs on a bit about the plotlines. He wants to emphasize that there is no way to hit a steel cage without it hurting. They discuss the Hassan/King match, and what JR could have done differently. He jokes about them getting beat to death before they become veterans (best knock on some wood, JR!) before admitting he was the weak link in the Lawler/Ross team. He thinks that the Royal Rumble match is the hardest match to call, because there are so many plotlines to consider and the brand seperation has only made it more complex. JR thinks back to the Shawn Michaels/British Bulldog Rumble before talking about how certain wrestlers have great runs during the Rumble match (Kane and Diesel are his examples) that can affect their career without them having to win the Rumble. They discuss the WWE Hall of Fame, and while Ross agrees that Ricky Steamboat should be in the Hall, the obvious guy should be “Hollywood” Hogan. Ugh, this lawsuit with Marvel Comics sucks so bad! Ross thinks that Gordon Solie should be in the Hall of Fame long before himself, but knows that someday he’ll be inducted. Jim Ross talks about Jim Cornette and Bobby Heenan in a weird tangent about good managers, but somehow Marc transforms this into a way to discuss the fantasy game.

Ross thinks that the Bret Hart/Steve Austin match from ‘Mania 13 is the greatest Wrestlemania moment, but certain buildings (like the Astrodome and the Skydome) stand out due to the enthusiastic crowds. He really pimps the Toronto crowd, and brings up the Jericho/Benoit match that’s coming up on Monday’s Raw. He thinks that it’ll be a hard one to call because both wrestlers are named Chris, so he assures us he’ll make a mistake at some point. They discuss the brutal work schedule of wrestlers as they wonder if the Chris’s will be healthy by Monday. They start the old speach about how the NFL and the NBA don’t work as hard as wrestlers do when suddenly JR takes a moment to diss Detroit basketball fans! Hey jerkwad, considering that old school wrestlers lovingly recall beating up fans and “living their gimmick” and all that other garbage, I don’t think one lousy brawl even begins to compare. Plus the overall argument about the WWE’s superiority is totally stupid, because you’re training for a totally different sport to begin with. How do you think Maven would do if he had to run up and down the court for two hours and shoot baskets every thirty seconds? Look at what happened to big bad Brock Lesnar when he assumed he would burst onto the Minnesota Vikings. Anywho, back to the recap.

Doug e-mails Jim Ross and asks what Daniel Puder’s chances would be to win the Royal Rumble. Jim Ross thinks that it would be a miracle, but sometimes miracles happen, so mayhaps it could be. Marc brings up when Maven eliminated the Undertaker from the Royal Rumble, which reiterates JR’s point about wrestlers who have a “moment.” He wraps up the Rumble talk with a loving discussion on wrestlers who last for a long time during the match, even bringing up Bob Backlund. Marc quickly asks him about any more cookbooks, but Ross is done with those and would rather edit a collection of interviews with the WWE Hall of Fame winners. Interesting… Anywho, he talks about 24/7 for a second, they discuss college football for a few more seconds, and Ross is gone.

Another lllooonnnggg clip breaks up the interviews, this time it’s JBL’s screwjob title win from the Great American Bash. A small tear trickles down my face and lands on my lap.

So in 56K mode, have you ever tried to skip a Byte This segment? It’s nearly impossible. Every time I made any little movement and let go of the mouse, the damn Media Player cuts to a clip way farther than where you place the bar. I tried to skip the title win and I got Bradshaw talking smack about Bruno Sammartino. They used to use Real Player way back in the day, and that format was far superior for so many reasons.

Back to Marc and he can’t think of anything nice to say about Justin Bradshaw Layfield, your WWE Champion. Bradshaw pretends he’s at a party in New York City with a bunch of blondes, but he’s probably getting drunk at Farooq’s house right now. He brags up his title reign and considers himself the Harry Houdini of wrestling, surviving on a day-to-day basis and facing many obstacles. Marc blows the comment off and talks about the Kurt Angle/Big Show match from Smackdown. Bradshaw makes fun of Angle by saying if you’re an amateur wrestler than you’re not good enough to be a pro, and after that he throws out a bunch of nonsense about Big Show that doesn’t even sound like an insult. He then gets to the Bruno comment I heard earlier by saying he’s better than the Rock, Steve Austin, Hulk Hogan and Bruno all at once. Whoah boy, I hope he’s in character right now. They discuss Bradshaw’s cabinet for a moment, and he goes into super hyperbole about the crew. He thinks that Orlando Jordan will be a star one day, he thinks the Bashams will be the greatest tag team of all time, and he thinks Amy Weber will be a star too. He thinks Ric Flair is the greatest wrestler of all time and he’d love to have a match with him someday. He thinks the Undertaker is still the best wrestler he’s ever faced.

Daniel’s on the phone, and wonders what Raw guy he’d love to fight. Again, he thinks Flair, although he loves Triple H so much it hurts. Way to kiss ass, Bradshaw. He also throws out a brief comment about wrestling Randy Orton’s dad in Japan 14 years ago. Talk floats to the Iraq visit, and he shares a touching story about meeting a wrestling fan who was in a military hospital with horrific burns. He was moved by how heroic the soldiers were, and it changed his life significantly. He then throws it into mega-hyperbole mode by saying Vince McMahon has done so much for America that he cannot be made fun of by people sitting at home. He even says that McMahon is a great American, which Marc wholeheartedly agrees with. Oh man, way to turn a touching story into an ass-kissathon. He shares a story about how he came up with the idea of the WWE Iraq visit, because it apparently came out of a USO tour he did. Fun fact: he did that tour with Al Franken and Franken had nothing but nice things to say about him when interviewed on NPR. JBL stays in contact with Ron Simmons (Farooq), who he is proud to be friends with. Ron will be the best man at his wedding, and he hopes that Ron and he will someday be old men fishing together when he retires. Marc reminds Bradshaw that he’s at a party, so Bradshaw does a quick Snoop Dogg impersonation before saying goodbye.

Marc spits out an ending and we’re out with footage of Batista/Orton from Raw.

Very boring Byte This this week, so just be thankful you’ve got ol’ Brad to recap this stuff so you don’t have to watch it. Later!

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