This past Monday’s installment of Raw and last Thursday’s rendition of Smackdown! made me think long and hard about the concept of the guilty pleasure in pro wrestling.
Of course, guilty pleasures are always fun to ponder and discuss with friends while getting plastered at weekly Ruby Tuesday’s happy hours, and there have been many times where I wished I had a tape recorder during those instances where my best friend Erick would admit to guilty pleasures such as having a crush on ESPN anchorwoman Linda Cohn. Needless to say, guilty pleasures can pop into our minds as quickly as a Shelton Benjamin pinfall over Maven, and I have decided to spill my bag of pro wrestling guilty pleasures and gargantuan nightmares as I fill this week’s column.
Guilty Pro Wrestling Pleasures …
1. Christy Hemme in Lingerie Pillow Fights: I know that this redheaded Raw Diva is taking TV time way from actual wrestlers who probably do not deserve the Lance Storm treatment, but Christy Hemme looks mighty fine throwing feathery pillows at her fellow female brethren. And besides, she’s undefeated!
2. Eugene merchandise: Whether it’s the larger-than-life hands that demand camera time or the shiny jackets that scream 1987 retro fashion craze, I can’t get enough of the marketing machine that is Eugene Dinsmore.
3. Royal Rumble promos that reenact Westside Story: Simply the best slice of pro wrestling pop culture cheese since the Rock ‘N Wrestling era.
4. Cheap pops: No matter how contrived or clichéd, nothing beats the cheap pop, especially when Mick Foley is behind the microphone.
5. WrestleMania Recalls: Sure it’s the same shit over and over again, but I still get those undeniable chills watching Andre the Giant strangle Bob Uecker, seeing Shawn Michaels climb the ladder over Razor Ramon (both literally and figuratively speaking), and reliving the Golden Age of Hulkamania. And nothing beats what’s new to the repertoire of the WrestleMania recalls this year: Triple H tapping out to Chris Benoit!
Gargantuan Pro Wrestling Nightmares …
1. Maven in the Main Event at WrestleMania: Could you imagine what would happen to WWE if Maven won the Royal Rumble and wound up in the main event at WrestleMania? We can only hope that Daniel Puder is the only Tough Enough winner that does anything memorable in the Rumble.
2. Casket Matches: Still creepy and no longer chic, the casket match just seems anachronistic to this wrestling fan who does not feel like turning back the clock to 1995.
3. Living in a house with Chyna before implants: How surreal would that be?
4. Watching a Best of Val Venis tape: How is the Big Valbowski still on the roster as a pro wrestler, let alone still on camera? Well, I guess I could take a few guesses on the latter, but I wasn’t talking about those types of movies.
5. Triple H title reigns: Thumbs down across the board.
That’s all for now … PEACE.
-Chris Biscuiti
Chris Biscuiti writes exclusively for Inside Pulse.
