The Amodio Impact Replay for 1/14/2004
Let’s just get on with it.
TNA IMPACT – NO NEW STEROID POLICY HERE
Of course we’re commentated by Tenay and West. They ramble about the main event, Don West is not the best man to do a hard sell. Apparently this was taped before Garza got ganked. And replaced by Jeffrey Hardy.
MATCH 1: Eric “I don’t wear a top anymore” Young, (w/Bobby “I’m Big” Roode & D’Amoron) vs. “Cowboy” James Storm (w/ “Wildcat” Chris Harris)
Roode and Harris get ejected before we even start. Young takes the HBK turnbuckle flip to start, and we’re already on the outside. Decent tope and bulldog on the outside by Storm, and he gets 2 off of a swinging reverse DDT. Young utilizes his manager’s heel distraction to get the advantage back, but a slugging minigame allows Storm to unleash his generic face offense, finishing off with a strange spinning move called the EYE OF THE STORM. The cowboy tries a top rope rana, but D’Amore holds onto Young to save him, and then bumps the ref on more interference. This is getting a little overbooked, and they already ejected two guys! D’Amore tries to use his international object, but gets a kick in the face for his trouble. Well, it was supposed to be his face, but I guess his gut is just a little too large of a target. Young picks up the hockey stick and TOTALLY whiffs to get the three count at 3:08. Man, honestly, you can’t keep exposing the shit. Totally weak finish ruins a match that didn’t have anything going for it in the first place. 1/4*
MATCH 2: BF Candido vs. Dustin “Which failed gimmick is your favorite?” Rhodes
Mine is “Seven.” This is the epic “match of the foolish signings.” It’s been a week, and Candido is still fat. Grappling and stalling to start, before the Goldust diving punch sends Skip to the outside, where he gets back-body-dropped. Back in, Candido straddles the middle turnbuckle on I guess an attempt to hump the Natural. However, Goldust gets clever, as it’s an inverted Shattered Dreams, I’ll dub it the NUT PUNT for the added sack vulnerability. Goldust puts him away with a bulldog (what the f*ck?) at 1:44. Not too short for a jobber match, but Dustin needed more offense and an actual finishing move. *
Vignette for Spawn, I think. Tenay teases the NASCAR Boy segment. Yeah, that’s what I was looking forward to. Rednecks talking about wrestling. If I wanted that, I’d go to BW3 for a WWE PPV.
MATCH 3: Cassidy Riley (J) vs. A.J. F’ing Styles
Now I don’t mind rednecks wrestling. Let’s see how well this monkey boy can keep up with Styles. Riley jumps him from behind to start, and an irish whip later, gets a spinning heel kick in his face. A nice loud chop and Soaring Elbow in the corner keep the crowd hot until the jobber heel somehow manages to walk out of an irish whip and take down Styles. Pretty weak reversal. Riley gets sent to the outside by the kip-up rana, and A.J. looks for the moonsault, but he gets ASAI-CHED OUT. Riley is tanked as he tries to unload some heel offense on the outside. Back in, more generic offense includes the dreaded POLISH HAMMER, before the jobber taunts the crowd. Yeah, very convincing. Cassidy locks A.J. up in the pendulum, but it gets him nowhere. Decent backbreaker on Styles gets 2. Cassidy tries a lionsault but eats knee, and the man is COMING BACK. Chop, slam, and spastic knee drop, but Riley hits R2 as he gets picked up and grabs an eye rake. Poor back-and-forth sequence follows, as Riley is WAY tanked, and enough is enough with the Springboard Inverted DDT at 4:12. Styles is great as always, but this kid tried to wrestle a serious match, and he’s not even main event indy material. *1/4
Backstage, Raven lays out “Lame-Ass” Erik Watts with a garbage can.
Back from commercial break, we have Six Points of Impact with DDP, Lamont E. Brown, and Comic Book Villain Nash. DDP talks about title lineage, but he’s already the two time, two time, two time WCW champion, which has the TNA lineage. Brown’s style is still very frank, and Nash is about the money. The contenders start interacting with each other, but Jarrett interrupts, and like any wrestling segment involving more than two people, they charge each other and have to get broken up. Lame, unscripted, and our boys have no idea how to ad lib. Nash is still funny though.
More crap with Fairplay and skanks. Trinity’s skills are limited to reading. Color me impressed.
MATCH 4: David Young (J*) vs. Primetime
Young gets the advantage to start, and gets 2 off of a Booker T corner rollup, then motioning to Primetime either how close he got, or how small his penis is, or both! Young appears to be the jobber who doesn’t know he’s a jobber. Enos style, baby! Primetime works the arm, and then keeps moving with the mule kick, snap mare, and soccer kick. About 15% of the crowd knows what time it is. We get a slow motion kick since Young has to slug under it, and a little back and forth ends in a pretty sick backdrop over the top to the outside. Young gets 2 off of a fat-ass off-center lionsault. Overdrive comes out of nowhere for the three count at 3:00. This show seems to have the theme “crappy jobbers get all the offense.” *1/4
Team Canada talks crap. Bret Hart would be so proud. Or not.
MATCH 5: ULTIMATE X BERTH MATCH: “Just Like Downtown” Christopher Daniels vs. Chris Sabin
Now THAT’S what I’m talking about. Grappling minigame to start, and the ferocity is palpable from the start. We get a Super J style cruiser sequence, headlocks, hammerlocks, flipping around, all around good stuff. They continue to trade holds, until Sabin clotheslines Daniels to the outside, and follows with a no-touch flip tope that got mostly mat to get the TNA chant going as we take a commercial break. Back to the action with Daniels turning Sabin’s springboard clothesline into a Complete Shot, and the crowd feeling it. Daniels goes to the slow heel offense and plays the reactions of the crowd, which is doing the half-and-half thing they did with Petey at Turning Point. He gets 2 off of the EYE OF HURRICANE CHARLEY, and we hit the neck lock. Daniels keeps pounding away at Sabin’s neck, using a quality backdrop, knee drop, and neck wringer. Yeah, remember that psychology thing? Sabin has his comeback quashed by a smooth powerbomb for 2, but Daniels is pissed that it was only that. Back to the neck lock, but Daniels can’t hold on, and Sabin is selling the beating as he COMES OFF THE ROPES, allowing Daniels to get another close 2 off of a sick DVD. Daniels’ reactions as Sabin kicks out brings a lot of drama to the atmosphere. Daniels works the back of Sabin’s neck against the top rope, and gets another close 2 off of a steep vertical suplex. This time Sabin powers out and we’re BRAWLIN’ AWAY until Sabin gets the dragon whip enziguiri. Now Sabin is on fire, and a few clotheslines later, gets a sit-out powerbomb for two. Crisp, and fierce, that’s how I like to see it. Daniels uses a tilt-o-whirl backbreaker, which Sabin STANDS UP out of, to make it a perfect setup for a vicious tripwire STO for 2 again. Daniels tries the Best Moonsault Ever, but Sabin rolls away and comes back with a beautiful diving swinging DDT for another close 2. Sabin sets up the cradle shock, but Daniels swings back to set up for Last Rites, gets snapmared out of that, looks for Angels’ Wings, but Sabin counters and rolls him up to earn his way into the PPV at 11:49. Damn, DAMN fine TV match. Sabin never forgot to sell, even when he hit his big moves, Daniels played a proficient, talented heel, and they had a clear flow and build all the way up to a breakneck (pun intended) finale. ***3/4 The commentary was overmatched, however. Tenay may be knowledgable, and West may be excitable, but when compared to any of the big-time commentators, in an excellent match like this, their flaws show through.
Duthty announces that Garza is out, and Scott Hall will be clubbering Jeff Hardly.
The Replay Replay:
Of course catch the last 20 minutes of this show so you can see the kick-ass main event, but the rest of it was trash again. There’s a difference between the entertaining X Division filler and purposeful jobber matches that we used to see and this directionless fodder and unprofessional WWE flotsam that populates Impact now. You got your wish and your timeslot, now sell the product. Have questions? Comments? Solicitations? E-mail me!
