It’s Flea and….whoa – this is going to be tough. Ever tried to make moonshine?
You need patience….too quick you and you will go stoned blind. But if you
wait too long and take a sip you long for the days when you moan to yourself
"hey! that wouldn’t have been so bad!" Like travel, it’s better to
get on while the plane / train/ automobile is running slow – that way if it
crashes and or burns, you are still left with a a handful of lives that would
make grown men weep and cats envious. Next stop is the Rumble…but before all
that, a nice little trip to Japan to pad the coffins they carry you offin. Or
something like that. Someone once said that overseas business is the wave of
the future. But the same person that said that swears by the bottle and dies
by the sword….wait – there IS a "w" in that word! Doublecrossing
the Old Man, I see. Two can play at that game…
ah hell. another one of "those columns". Don’t know yet. I told everyone
who has asked that it’s just "plug in and start typin!!!…and yes, it
will be. What I do know is that common ground for a borderline fascist drunk
and a dyed in the wool liberal pill junkie is Golf Courses in the 80 degree
March weather of Florida. That’s a hint to someone, who may need pointing in
the right direction when the "Federal Money / staring at Dead Animals for
a living" gig runs it’s course. Yeah, I’m right. Always am. More right
than Buchanan, more often than not. You get the chance, I’m easily found. You
pay the first greens fee…yep. And we go by cart – I ain’t doing a damn thing
physical until the 19th. If we have to get heavy handed with the "Redneck
Republicans", let me do the talking…just bring the meat cleaver instead
of a 7 wood. Much more effective when you need to get your point across
WWE’S NEW YEAR’S REVOLUTION (one last look)
As always, my preview from last week will be in italics…just for
reference. Or maybe I’ll make them a nice shade of pink in tribute to someone
parading around in his I GOT MINE "fruit" of the looms, like a crazed
dog ducking out from work to steal a phone card or two – nah…that formatting
nightmare would drive us all crazy, and we’ve had enough of that, lately.
This show got thumbs down from just about everyone. I think the problem is,
as it always has been, you need to go into these shows with an attitude more
apt for upbeat (and well intended) reasons to get f*cked up. Look at it this
way – if you sat down and realized that your chances of making it alive / uninjured
to your destination driving your vehicle are only slightly less than that of
some drug addict’s click-clacking’ s feet on the stairs…with every intention
of making the last thing you feel is the steel blade of a knife slicing your
throat…you’d probably never drive (or sleep) again. To spell it out – if you
think negative, it will be negative. There is no room for scared drivers, bedroom
paranoia or "knowing" that something is "going to suck"
before it happens…Charlie Manson once said that "Hitler was an in tune
cat…he leveled the karma of the Jews". John Lennon once brilliantly sang
"Instant Karma’s Gonna Get You"…The Ultimate Bitch of the IWC is
a doom and gloom prediction, because chances are you will be disappointed.
With that being said – of course I enjoyed the show…good friends around…good
times…good reasons to "take breaks" and "get a face on"…there
were glaring mistakes in the show (which you will find below)…some had reasons,
some were freak accidents and yet others were just plain…let’s take a look.
I should probably quit typing or I’ll be here until the Rumble.
One last thing – how in God’s Green Earth can people give high marks to the
WWEst Side Story (hey! GRUT! did I just "coin a phrase"…get it?
West Side Story = WWEest Side Story! Anyone else used that yet? If not – HAWR!
HYUCK! OY VEY! )…
As I was saying – how in God’s Green Earth can people give high marks to the
WWEst Side Story commercial and then turn around and have the nerve to shit
on a RAWr Pillow fight that included Horse Faced "Dream Girl" Lillian
Garcia? Oh yeah. Musicals are better than Half Naked Women. AHOMOSEZWHAT? –
notice how all the "reviews" of said tits and ass pillow fights /
bra and panties / mud wrestling, etc. come with the disclaimer "Hey, I
like women as much as the next guy, but this has no place on a wrestling show."
For those of you needing me to spell it out – nah. Next thing you know I’ll
be going off on tangents of how there was a conspiracy to kill JFK. The was
none! It was a Lone Gunman! Unless you want to believe Oliver Stone…but remember
– he was the one that tried to convince you that Juliette Lewis is hot and that
Richard Nixon was a paranoid drunk.
On with the show! ITALICS WHEN NEEDED, BOSS!!!
ELIMINATION CHAMBER FOR THE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP
HHH v. Batista v. Edge v. Orton v. Y2J v. Benoit…special ref – Good
I would like someone to explain to me how the writing is not all over the
wall with this one. Benoit will make everyone look like a million dollars, HHH
will bleed like a stuck pig…the end will be a classic face off between HHH
and Orton, blows traded, crowd popping waiting for the release of the monster
Batista…who will promptly murder Orton. This will force HBK to show his true
colors and Sweet Chin Music that Tattooed Freak into a j.o.b. on the p.p.v.
and into a face turn as HBK realigns himself with HHH. And all is swell. That’s
how I would do things, but then again, I view the forest through the trees more
often than not. The money matches at WM21 are Orton vs. a heel HBK and HHH vs.
Batista. Let Benoit make a star out of Edge and let Y2J…hmmm. Kinda left out
in the cold agayn, ain’t he? Blame Rock for that. Matter of fact – have Rock
fight Y2J over the burial that begat Jericho becoming nothing more than Some
Other Guy straight out of his debut. Yeah, that’s how I see it. they have to
start building WM21 somehow, and why not as described above? It ain;t like anyone
is buying Orton’s 2nd rate Rock impression anyway, so get the idea of him magically
winning the title out of your heads rat naw. I would like business to be good
next year. And by good, I mean everyone shutting the f*ck up about how WWE is
going down the tubes. Above is the way to do it. At least from my point of view.
In a sidenote, I loathe fantasy booking just because…yeah, just because.
Well, HBK didn’t turn, but he sure make a catfish out of Edge. Which led to
a great angle the following night. I agree (and it looks like we are the only
two, man) with Eric S. on this one – HBK’s "shoot" on the crowd made
it all the much better. The brawl felt like it meant something and the crowd
ate it up with the spoon. I think I like this better than the above mentioned
"fantasy booking". Hopefully "this" is the match for WM.
Haha hahaha…if HBK doesn’t "do whut’s right" this time around –
I’ll get to that when the time comes.
Benoit and Y2J looked great. For some unknown reason, they beat the shit out
of each other on PPV, then were copasetic Tag Team Partners the next night,
only to see them duke it out for what may be an early Match of The Year Contender
on this coming Monday’s RAWr. Hey, I’m all for schizophrenia, but make up my
f*cking mind already. Either way (and all ways so far) it’s good. Y2J has finally
discovered the art of "hitting someone so it don’t look fake" and
Benoit is thankful that Nancy has plenty of Kevin Sullivan’s money when his
career is ENDED IN AN INSTANT. Why he kills himself with that stupid flying
headbutt (that 9/10 times get’s a two count)…especially from high places,
I don’t know – or maybe Woman DOES get the lion’s share of whatever Sullivan
makes / has. I’d ask Gordon, but I doubt he knows. Hell, I’ll just get access
to the court records…I’m sure I’ll get around to it.
Orton, Batista and HHH did what was required. As did Flair. As mentioned, the
ending was hardly in doubt – and even the mean haters of the Reign of HHH agree
it was the right decision. Great match.
While it’s on my mind – who originally came up with the theory that HHH has
a weird, twisted and perverted quest to break Flair’s "16 World Title"
wins? That seems to be the "common word on the street" at this point,
which means it is most likely something that Meltzer said. I read it in the
Observer, but recall reading it someone else before that. Not that I care…seeing
as Flair himself booked a few "wins"…including admitted switches
that puts an asterisk on the alleged goal of "16"…but he never married
– oh, f*ck off. When a belt that is defened once a month in front of 400 people
is worth more than "political motivation", send my liver to Billy
Graham. The wrestler, not the preacher. Nevermind anyway, he has enough problems
of his own without my organ donations.
WOMEN’S CHAMPIONSHIP: Lita vs. Trish Stratus
These two certainly have the Flair v. Steamboat vibe. Minus Lita coming
to the ring with her newborn baby and spouse (she miscarried and her old man
is booked in another match) and Trish being flown in by private helicopter (she
won’t return Hef’s calls)…other than that – a million matches against each
other, the only viable competitors for a belt that * really needs * some validation
at this point and a weird chemistry that hides faults and accentuates the positive.
A crazed Christy Hemme should step up from ringside post match and ask for a
title shot from the winner…only to be told that "While you were winning
$250k in some Diva Search, rubbing shoulders with the FATSOS from Trim Spa,
*I* was defending the Chamionship Belt!! We have a Top 3….I respect you, but
you just stand in line"….Christy: "awwww, helll…I was only joking…then
WHAMMMMM!!!!!! SUCKER PUNCH!!!…kick ass female brutality, culminating with
a vicious piledriver through a table and ear spltting screeching by Christy
– "there’s you champion! How do you like that false titted bitch now JIM
ROSS!!!….ha! that would rule. Cornette says "seven years" is the
litmus for gimmick theft, and by my count it’s been about 16 years since that
Hey Yo….may dat coulda hapnd…baaaaat, Lita gt injrd.
Anyone wanna a guess why I’m not previewing (much less going to) the TNA show?
One of the Main Events is Scott Hall v. Jeff Hardy. If they had the rights to
it, I’m sure TNA would build the match up with the 1994ish? MURDERING that Razor
put on some skinny jobber from North Carolina on a pre- attitude Raw. 10 Years
Everywhere is freaks and hairies
Dykes and fairies, tell me where is sanity
10 Years After, all right. Give or Take. Which both of them have done, and
how. I think they just ought to bring a table out with drinks and drugs…cue
the sound system to a jukebox next to the table and let them have a contest
on who can get more f*cked up AND STILL play horrible songs – 3 for a buck and
if they fight? Shit, you can get that action all night at any place on OBT in
Orlando. I can see it now…
HALL: (twisted on booze and cocaine) – GIMME SHELTER, MOTHERFUCKER! AND TONY
ORLANDO TO BALANCE THE VIBE! HEY! MY THIRD SONG WILL BE IN A GADDA DA VIDDA!
HARDY: (twisted on whatever drugs that makes someone dye their hair multiple
colors and be skinny as a rail)…NO! NO! NO! I WANT…hmmm….YES, AND THEM
AND….OH YES…THIS ONE!
Right there is a five star classic…also, substitute "HALL" with
"FLEA" and "HARDY" with "WIDRO" – and that’s how
I would most likely spend an evening with THE BOSS…
Next Match, please
Kane vs. Gene Snitsky
Say goodbye to the ugliest freak in wrestling today. And I don’t mean Kane.
Drew Deuce needs to contact me re: OVW…I like Sntisky and that’s where he
will be…sooner rather than later. "It wasn’t my fault"…no, it
wasn’t. But they needed the weirdest cat they could find to pull this angle
from the drudgery of false pregnancies and the main player needing time off
to do a movie. Good job. Later, Rich
I’ve seen worse. Looks like they are continuing the angle – which, if that
is the case, would someone please instruct Herr Snitsky how to throw a goddamn
punch? I mean, the guy has the badass look down, growls fairly well, is ugly,
but…well, shit. He punches like a girl. And kicks like a 2 year old baby.
GREEN GREEN GREEN – and for some reason "the bookers" feel the need
to subjugate the paying audience to a snoozefest of alleged brawling over a
dozen minutes when 5 would have been good enough. Kick his ass, move on. Nope,
not in the cards, Solitaire. It amazes me to no end that Kane, of all people,
has achieved the Holy Grail of Eric S.’s Mount of Perpetual Overness. He can
do no wrong…even when he stinks up the joint. Look at it this way – this wasn’t
his first rodeo, and to have ANOTHER match like this with Snitsky and still
be over is a testament to his ability to connect with the fans. Which is why
they keep people like him on the payroll, I guess. Not to mention, he has a
"may as well be released to straight to video" movie coming, so best
to keep him in the limelight. Which means Snitsky is not going anywhere, at
least for the time being. May as well sit back and enjoy…have some faith
INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP : Shelton Benjamin vs. Maven
Once in a blue moon a soon to be rising Superstar must prove his worth
by carrying a chump to a decent PPV match. Now is Mistah Benjy’s chance to shine.
Maven has one move….a dropkick. Wait, he has another move – preening to the
crowd like a low rent version of Lanny Poffo, without the poems. Shelton is
very good, and could be a playa…but trust me…if he allows this match to
stink up the joint, he’s gonna have some splainin to do…and it will be on
Heat. Or Velocity. I’m betting he does it. I’m hoping he does it. And yes, the
brotha will win, Hi-Rate. Good Call.
Speaking of faith – none was given to either of these two fine brothas, at
least not on the scale of giving us a match worth paying for…not even close.
This would have been great on RAWr, but on PPV? Most of the smart crowd felt
that this was turned into filler to compensate for the injuries earlier in the
show – no problem there…and to tell you the truth, I would much prefer mindless
stalling and crowd incitement than to see a resthold. Maven worked the cruel
Ricans into a frenzy. For those of you that don’t know (obviously just about
everyone I read – I guess no one associates with "those people" on
a regular basis)…but Christ – it always pays to have at least one Mexican
on staff – maybe you should get on that, BOSS…and you know who I mean. "Vato"
is what they were chanting at Maven, which is slang for "faggot",
or "queer"…or "homo". Take your pick. Vato literally translates
to "duck"…and the slang came from the way a duck walks to the way
a "gay" walks…swish, swish, swish. And that’s the truth. Ask anyone
"from that crowd", if you ain’t scared. "Maricon" is the
other slang…but that doesn’t easily translate into chants.
Maven was well rehearsed, possibly by Tony Garea…nah – he’s Italian, I think.
Patterson? I’m sure he has heard the chant once or twice…nope. He’s gone.
Which of the "road agents" is bilingual? Wait…ain’t Maven f*cking
Nidia? Yeah, she would know – anyway…the cat told them to "shut their
mouths"…something or other "BOCA". I can’t remember at the
moment, but it was great…needless to say, any recapper attempting to show
what he knows compared Maven to Larry Z. re: stalling technique, which is not
at all accurate. Z knew from heat and most likely would have said, as he turned
back to Sheldon – "Hey you Black Alabama Porch Monkey – just lay down right
now, I’m your Master!!!". Lucky for us, we were spared from any racial
overtones and Benjy just layed waste to Maven TWICE, before you could blink
an eye. Also lucky for us, they had the "real" match the next night
on RAWr…proving that if this was the match that made you buy the PPV, when
the bill comes due, get la chica on the telephono and say "NO GRACIAS,
WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP : Regal and Eugene vs. Christian and Typecast
Peeeeyeeewwww. Comedy Central here, Ladies and GRUT’s. I hate to break
it to you, but 1) Regal’s "Unorthodox style is better know as "boring",
2) Eugene continues to regale the crowd with "old school" moves when
half the crowd can’t even spell JYD, much less Jimmy Valiant…3) Christian
rules, but only gets to prove it about twice a year and 4) Tim Tipsy…have
I ever seen him wrestle? Shit, the guy knows "yelling the the ref"
and "boot to the face". Although he does have a better look than Test,
who carted around the same moveset until they sent him Packing. And a way cooler
name. Test? Good Lord. Typo Typist lives the gimmick
All the above was correct until Eugene blew his knee out on a DROPKICK! Talk
about a f*cking retard. They should work that into an angle – when he rips off
other people’s moves, he is okay…but when he tries to "think outside
the box", he hurts himself. The less said about this the better – I highly
doubt that Dinsmore will be re-packaged into anything other than a mid-carder
for life…which is a shame, but shit happens. I’m thinking that maybe for his
comeback they shoot a series of vignettes with Eugene and Jumping Jim Brunzell
detailing the esoteric ramifications of the "dropkick". Make that
his finishing move and then TURN HIM HEEL – have a suspiciously "loaded
boot" to get the move over. Hey, THEY are the ones trying to shove this
80’s crap down my throat, with no sign of letting up anytime soon. Go for the
Jerry "The King" Lawler vs. Muhammad Hassan
And here will be your ***** classic, but not in any way that is fathomable
to anyone that can spell workrate. Name of the game = draw money and make the
crowd care. Foley is the best in the world at this point at both, but for whatever
reason (they wouldn’t pay him), he ain;t here. So who do you turn to? The King,
by gawd. Yes, it will be "bowling shoe ugly", but that’s not the point.
JR and King did a BRILLIANT job of getting this Arab kid legit heat and look
for more of the same. King HAS to bleed…he has to get his ass kicked. But
in an "old man fighting for his country way" that will make the Puerto
Rican crowd absolutely want to feed what’s left of Hassan to the sharks, after
they brutally feed his extremities, one by one to tick infested dogs prowling
the San Juan streets. Not a cop in sight (at least not one that hasn’t been
paid off)…and no one to care, as they KNOW Memphis, like brutality and love
what the IWC calls "cheap heat". Hey, it’s heat, and people are going
to pay large money to see Hassan get his comeuppance. Some Day. If it happens
at this PPV, all bets are off and King should die a brutal death in the arms
of another man’s wife in a seedy hotel outside of Knoxville. Lawler will do
he right thing and this will be the Match of The Night.
I’m starting to see HonkyTonk Man’s point of view in this whole thing – Lawler
is nothing more than a self angrandz…damn, I can’t even spell that word in
a a way that spell check will know. Okay – Lawler is nothing more than a pervert,
masquerading as an annoucer to get some new guy over…which he almost did,
until this match. Why book a guy like Lawler to go 50/50 with someone who may
well be the future of the company? It’s almost like Vince still feels guilty
when he suspended Lawler for sodomizing that child. Oh sorry…"allegedly".
Just like Snuka "allegedly" killed a woman in a drug crazed frenzy.
And just like Patterson "allegedly" had nothing to do with the homosexual…whoa.
I think I may be treading into libelous waters here….
But I’m sure you know what I mean. Hassan was made to look the fool – and his
beatdown of the Hurricane the next night did nothing to further the cause. No
blood in this match, just King being King, at his worse. I liked the aspect
of "no commentary"…and anyone that says that carting out the "B
Team" commenators to make up for the silence has damaged more brain cells
than I could ever do, regardless of the style in which it’s done. Without commentary,
this should have been INTENSE…and could have been, if King would have just
taken a beating like a man, in lieu of gettig his rocks off on a babyface comeback.
Making a hot crowd not care was the capital offense…replacing blood with restholds
is a close second. The fact that is was a screwjob ending is only a misdemeanor
at this point – but any criminal worth his salt will tell you that the contuation
of misdeamor crimes only leads to the system to (read: the fans) not caring
anymore. Even when you DO get around to doing something worth noticing.
Hey! That’s the whole card? Looks like someone needs a Plan B, or we are
in for a bunch of backstage skits. But I’m getting it – you should too. This
is the first stop on the Road To Wrestlemania and I think we all need to take
the ride. The worm is about to turn in the popularity of the wrestling business
and if you don’t get in now, the columns you write in June about the decay and
destruction about the wrestling business will sound awful, short-sided and mean
spirited. and Wrong. Just saying.
Well, we got our backstage skits. And we had enough mean spirited columns about
this PPV to last for a good long time. All will be forgotten if WWE puts on
a killer Royal Rumble and a top notch WM21…rumor has it they are bringing
in Hogan and Austin to level the playing field. This show will do just fine
in the buyrates, but for what could have happened, it may have been a disappointment.
I blame Lita’s injury and Lawler’s unwillingness to do what is right. Actually,
I blame no one – I enjoyed the show, but, as always, had good reason to – high
hopes. Real high hopes.
Did you happen to catch "Chyna" on the Stern show the other day?
Chick has flipped…and then some. I’ve met my fair share of nuts in my day,
but she has gone from the Penthouse to the Outhouse faster than anyone I can
remember in recent memory…
here is a recap – courtesy of marksfriggin.com…great
site for show recaps, etc. I’ve been reading since nearly the beginning and
if you want to get an IWC type recap of the Stern show – look no further…
* * * * * * *
Former Wrestler Chyna Doll Gets Naked For Howard. 01/14/05. 8:45am
Howard came back from break and said that Chyna Doll is late because no one
sent a car over to pick her up. He has no time to be messing around today so
he doesn’t know what to do. He had a couple of tapes to play so he did that
instead. Howard had tape of Kathie Lee Gifford on ”The View” talking about
her kid but Gary came in and told Howard that Chyna Doll had just shown up.
He was shaking his head as if something weird was going on.
Howard had Chyna Doll (Joanie Laurer) come in and said that it looked like she’d
lost a lot of weight or something. She also had her dog with her in the studio
so she had to hand it off to Robin who offered to hold it. Chyna Doll’s boob
was also popping out according to Howard. She asked Howard if she was going
to let her stay on the show for a while today because she flew all the way out
there to visit him. Howard told Chyna Doll that he had to leave on time today
so he couldn’t do a very long interview. He had something to do with his daughter
Chyna Doll was wearing glitter on her face for some reason and she had a weird
explanation for that which didn’t make all that much sense. Howard went on to
ask Chyna Doll about her weight loss. He said that she looks much more feminine
today than she did last time he saw her. He then brought up ”The Surreal Life”
and how good she is on that show. Chyna Doll was slurring her words and trying
to tell a story about ”Melissa Cunningham” but no one had a clue about who
she was talking about. Chyna was asking Howard if he ever rubbed that woman’s
feet for some reason. Howard didn’t think that he had but he wasn’t sure. Howard
said that it would appear that Chyna Doll is drinking a lot on ”The Surreal
Life” and wondered if she’s doing that all the time now. Chyna Doll said that
she likes to party and she doesn’t want to be the designated driver. Chyna Doll
told Howard that if he had a line of coke right there in front of her, she’d
do it. She doesn’t do that normally though.
Howard asked Chyna Doll if she’s depressed these days and if that’s why she’s
drinking so much. Chyna Doll said that she just recently spent 6 days in prison
and that wasn’t cool. She allegedly beat up her boyfriend so that’s why she
ended up there. Howard brought up the home sex movie that Chyna Doll is in.
He told her that she had six pimples on her ass in the movie but she thinks
that she’s got a great ass. She went on to explain how her relationship with
her boyfriend went bad. She claims that he beat the crap out of her a couple
of years ago but she still has the same problems. Her boob fell out of her dress
as she was telling the story. Howard told her to just take the dress off and
sit there without it. Chyna Doll asked Howard to send the dress to a certain
person in the military and she’d take the dress off. Howard promised he’d do
that so Chyna Doll took off her dress. She said she was really embarrassed so
Howard told her to put it back on.
Howard took a call from Chyna Doll’s ex-boyfriend Sean Waltman. Chyna Doll
wouldn’t let the guy talk, she just kept interrupting him. Sean told Chyna to
just come back to the real world. Chyna Doll claims that he made a deal to put
that porn tape out behind her back. She said that she was disgusted with herself
after seeing it. Chyna Doll also went off on Vince McMahon calling him ”Vince
McDick” and saying that he owes her some royalties and stuff. Chyna Doll also
said that she will never go back to Sean. The two of them went back and forth
for a couple of minutes. Sean was saying that he never physically abused her.
He said that just weeks before doing ”The Surreal Life” she broke his nose
after he told her about a woman he’d slept with that some point in his life.
The delay button was hit a bunch of times as each of them were telling their
sides of the story. Howard let them argue with each other for a couple of minutes.
Howard let Sean go after a few minutes so he could stop the arguing. Chyna Doll
told Sean to stay away from her from now on.
Howard let a few phone callers ask Chyna Doll some questions. Chyna said that
the porn tape didn’t generate any money for her. She was also denying the claims
that Sean made about her blowing pot smoke in his kid’s face. Howard wanted
Chyna Doll to sing for them today so he had her brother Tobey come in with his
guitar. Chyna wanted to sit next to him but Howard figured that Tobey might
be uncomfortable sitting next to her while she’s naked. Chyna was rambling on
and on but Howard just wanted her to sit down and sing for them. She calmed
down a little bit and her brother prepared to play guitar while she sang. Howard
took a couple of phone calls while they prepared. One caller asked Chyna if
she had been ”hitting the pipe” this morning. Chyna Doll said she didn’t know
what that was.
Tobey and Chyna performed a version of ”Hey Joe” with different lyrics about
Howard and the guys. Howard had enough after a minute or so. He told Chyna Doll
that she should tour with Courtney Love. Chyna said that Courtney is unstable
right now… Howard said ”Let’s just leave it at that…” and started to wrap
up the interview. Chyna Doll told Howard that she was really into Marcus Shankenberg
when she did ”The Surreal Life” but she didn’t think she was ready for a relationship.
Howard wrapped up with Chyna Doll and Tobey a short time later. Chyna was still
naked so she was wondering where he clothes were as they were going to break.
* * * * * * * * *
I have no further comment – except, if you haven’t entered into the WRESLING
DEAD POOL, now would be a good time.
ROLL THE DICE
Not sure what this has to do with anything, but I saw this on Melzter’s site…
"Stephanie McMahon’s nose takes a beating today as the lead
item at www.awfulplasticsurgery.com."
Here is the link:
The only thing I see when I look at her is dollar signs. And power. With that
alone, she is batting .500 on Flea’s Scale of Hotness.
Hmmm….newslines look dead – some kid named Jack Evans, who I have seen wrestle
on numerous occasion, landed on his head trying to wow a crowd of "smmmmaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrttttttttttt
maaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrkkkksssss (tm Pillman). Looks like Garza has a good lawyer
and will be allowed to ply his trade (conflicting rumors abound on that one
– my souces say he is going to walk, but they will remain unnamed.)
Netcop’s site is down…message reads as follows
LiveJournal is currently down due to a massive power failure at
our data center. We’ll provide updates at /powerloss/ as they’re available.
Let’s see if Hyatte is around…
well…that leaves me to type…wait – thought of something.
Remember when Hi-8 posed some questions for his readers to send to Ask Tod
Gordon? Get this…*someone* sent the questions…who it was remains unknown.
Wans’t me, wasn’t Hyatte…he said he would find out, but…no idear if he did…
so – to fill column space…here was Gordon’s response(s). The following was
something I read on Christmas Day – Gordon’s "gift" to the readers…questions
in bold (I hope) – answers ain’t in bold (I hope)
* * * * * * *
ASK TOD GORDON: SPECIAL HOLIDAY EDITION
by Tod Gordon @ 1:25:00 PM on 12/23/2004
Thank you very much. I’m sure the guys at the site appreciate your loyalty
as well. Of course, not everyone seems to appreciate things the way you do.
My Christmas present to all of you is the other side of the coin. Examples of
e-mails that are, shall we say, a little different?
Who are you?
Just a regular guy that you wish you were.
No, really, why am I being bored to death by reading some unknown answer
questions as if he’s Vince McMahon himself?
Better question would be why are you continuing to read a guy that bores you?
When did you lose your hair?
First time you sent me that picture of yourself…frightened me to death.
Ever walk around all day with a glob of snot on that cheesy mustache
No, I actually prefer walking around with a glob of cheese on my snotty moustache.
Aren’t you the loser who lost ECW after you started the franchise?
No, I’m the loser you wait to read every day.
Who are the easiest rats to well, you know?
The long furry ones who are stuck on that glue paper stuff and can’t get away.
How’s Missy Hyatt in the sack?
Same as she is out of it. Why?
Does it suck when you go outside on a hot day and end up with your
bald-ass scalp burned?
You just keep getting more and more clever.
Don’t you laugh at Dave Scherer’s arrogant, constant posturing?
Actually, I hear he has been taking posture and diction classes.
Does Heyman crank call you late at night and laugh at you?
Actually, he calls me late at night and we laugh at you.
What questions about the business could you possibly answer?
You certainly seem to have enough of them for someone who isn’t sure.
Didn’t you wait on my table at Chili’s last night?
No, but I did cook your food. I noticed you loved my special sauce.
Weren’t you the mole who tried to sell ECW out to WCW in exchange for
a job with Bischoff?
Rats..moles…dude, what’s the obsession you have with rodents?
How come you never ended up working for Bischoff?
He can’t afford me.
How’s it feel to be the biggest chump in the business?
Wow…you truly ARE the king of zingers.
How many times did you ask Meltzer for a gig before going to PWInsider?
You misunderstood…I asked if I could borrow his wig.
What do you think of Scott Keith?
Never heard of him.
Aren’t you, like, 50?
Actually, maannn, I’m like….49.
Isn’t it high time you moved on?
No, but after this highly intellectual e-mail of yours, it is time to get
Is it embarrassing to have so many O’s in your name?
I assume you’re shocked that your letter got printed, but it’s the holidays..a
time of sharing, and I just felt a need to share your maturity level with my
To all of the rest of you out there, have a very happy, healthy, and safe holiday
season. It’s been a blast. Please have patience with me as I try and eventually
answer all of your e-mails…….but this will be the last time I answer one
like that. Peace.
* * * * * * * *
OH THE WIT…"King of the Zingers"…hawr! Where is Jotsky when you
need him? He would have sold
eh…what else –
speaking of Xmas, why not? Here is a story…not sure where it came from, but
I guess it makes sense…it did Christmas morning…see you on Page Six
(edited)…nah – that would only make sense to me…and her…and she ain’t
* * * * * * * *
As mentioned lat week, Glenn Harrison has been working on the Top 100 Infulential
Figures in Pro Wreslting. Well, we have reached Number One, and the answer should
not shock anyone – but it’s how he got there that it fabulous.
I received an email from Glenn last week thanking me for the plug. Seems a
few of you checked it out and liked what you read. My opinion – best continuous
feature going, over the last year – at the very least (and as mentioned last
week) – a good time killer for those of you who are 1) unlucky enpight have
to work…but 2) sneaky enoiugh to surf the web on the clock…
I was also sent the following link –
go here to read without
I wish the bastard would have let ME archive at 1ryderfakin. That way would
could have made some money. And yes – the Mop’s Up’s are still coming, for those
who ask – I just need time to make sure it’s done RIGHT. Half assed = 1/3 great.
Not that I was ever any good with math, but I know what I know.
Harrison – great job. If you ever want to get out from under the Scherer Umbrella,
drop me a line – you have carte blanche at Inside Pulse. And just as many readers,
don’t worry. I can guarantee Top Billing.
It’s not often, Ladies and GRUT’s that I bend over backwards for someone –
but it’s not often anymore that someone puts the time and effort into a project
that is well worthwhile.
I think that’s it for now – as mentioned above, everything is a matter of perspective
– and karma. Trust Me: you never want to be on the wrong side of either of those
Thanks for Reading
FLEA – firstname.lastname@example.org