Clips of Piper/Orndorff vs. Hogan/Mr. T starts the show. Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse Ventura are hilarious, I really miss those two.
Generic theme #814928 brings us to… Byte This! Marc Loyd welcomes us in at 8:08 and immediately promises some Droz conversation tonight. Thank god, I was worried he wouldn’t have the time. The Big Show will be here, and Marc promises that “all the laaaadies here tonight” will get Randy Orton too. Great. Marc pimps Raw and tells us that he’ll ask the Big Show how much gas he has in the tank. He also shows off the magazines and suddenly Josh Matthews is back! Thank f*cking God! Marc tries to talk about the fantasy game as soon as Josh shows up, but Josh obviously couldn’t give two shits. Josh instigates the break and we slowly transition out of Josh talking as the first commercial begins.
Tazz and Michael Cole have an intellectual discussion about the Smackdown side of the Rumble. Man, just think, Smackdown could be totally gone a year from now. That’s crazy. Whoah, they transition into J.R. and the King talking about the Raw side of the Rumble. It’s so obvious what the better show is that it makes me sick. And hungry. I’m going to go make waffles.
While I’m making waffles, the King’s promo is cut off and a Raw commercial breaks in.
Okay, I’m back, and so is the Marc & Josh Connection. Josh doesn’t know what else you can say about the Rumble except for it’ll be live in Fresno. Now that’s some insight. Droz is on the phone and he gives Josh major shit about no-showing for the last few weeks. Droz dares to say that Batista will win the Rumble, although he thinks that Flair will somehow cause problems. Josh Matthews picks Daniel Puder, just to prove what a dumbshit he can be sometimes. Marc picks Edge, and Droz thinks it’s a good call as well. Josh thinks anyone can win, except for Jonathan Coachman. Marc wonders what Droz thought about Batista beating the shit out of La Resistance and shoving a flag up Rob Conway’s ass. Droz liked it and wants Batista to headline Wrestlemania. I concur, Sir Droz.
Josh reads a Batista quote: “Come the Royal Rumble, I think I’ll be dominating. If Triple H beats Randy Orton, which I think will happen, Evolution will have the belt at Wrestlemania.” What the f*ck is that supposed to mean? Anyway, Droz is looking forward to the Rumble Raw title match, because Triple H is the cerebral assassin and the queen of the ball and the bee’s knees. Droz is bothered at how JBL always finds a way to win, but that being said, he thinks that JBL is the obvious choice. Droz takes a moment to reflect on the 1999 Royal Rumble before they discuss Droz’s favorite Rumble. Droz gives a huge speech about how awesome Benoit is, and what an achievement last year’s Rumble was, and since I’m a cliche wrestling nerd, I couldn’t agree more.
Footage of Brock Lesnar/Big Show and the infamous ring breaking superplex. Tazz: “Holy shit!” Amen brutha. I miss Lesnar.
Marc and Josh are back with the Big Show. Josh wants to know how the Show is feeling. Show jokes about wanting to dance at Riverdance before admitting he’s pretty beat up. Josh wants to know if Show can even make it to the PPV. Show: “Did you take a hit of crack before the show?” Oh shit, they did hire New Jack! Anyway, Show won’t let anyone stop him from going to the Rumble. He knows that Bradshaw is one tough dude, and you can’t trust Angle whatsoever, so the Show just has to pull up his boots and fight. Jerry Cheeseman e-mails Show about his time in the nWo. I wonder if he’s related to Chester McCheesington? Big Show thinks that the time was great, and rewrites history by saying that he was a part of the original four. Oh really, Show? The sad part of the nWo was when he realized that everyone in the company was joining, and it took part of the magic away. Come now Show, do you really think that Dusty Rhodes and Virgil watered down the nWo? That’s preposterous.
Another e-mail asks the Showster about his role in the Rumble last year. In hindsight, losing to Chris Benoit was not a bad thing, and he was glad to step aside for a superstar of that quality. Wow, (sniff) Chris Benoit is a swell guy. Josh wants to know if it’s Show’s time to be the champ again. He hopes so, but he’s had some bad luck recently. Still, he’d love to beat JBL and he always likes to beat up Kurt Angle, so he wants to do it pretty badly. Jay from Atlanta calls and thanks the Show for all the great memories he’s given us (like the Big Bossman/dead daddy angle!) before asking the Show what his goals are in the business. He thinks that he squandered a lot of his opportunities in the past, and it’s given him a lot more to strive for. His WCW opponents were often old men, but now he’s up against young studs and he needs to leave his legacy with this current generation. Josh wonders if the Show thinks he’s reached his status as a great “big man” yet, but Show interrupts him to say no. The Big Show thinks he aggravates the road agents to death trying to improve his performances, and he’s got to do a lot more hustling in order to get to where he wants to be.
Marc wants to know what the Show thinks about the Stone Cold announcement and if he’d like to become an actor. Big Show likes Stone Cold and thinks he could be a great actor, and compares him to the Rock in terms of being a real-deal son of a gun. The Big Show thinks that the WWE is a huge talent pool and the opening of a film division will gives fans what they want when Hollywood chooses not to. He then says the stockholders must be the happiest ones about this announcement. Oh yeah, because they loved the XFL experience. In summary, the Big Show would love to be an actor. Apparently the Big Show will be on the cover of a book about WWE road stories, which would genuinely be interesting if they were allowed to tell the real road stories. Josh tries to get rid of him but Big Show brings up Josh’s upcoming marriage. The Big Show tells a story about a beautiful girl who was used as a part-time announcer, and how a certain guy on the Byte This staff hung out with her night after night until she finally agreed to marry him. Josh again tries to get rid of him but Show throws in one more comment about winning the Rumble. Short break and we’ll be back with Randolph Orton.
Footage of Orton/Foley. What an awesome bloodbath. I miss Foley.
We’re back with Randy Orton. Josh wants Randy’s thoughts on that classic Foley match. Orton thinks that the fans felt that he might have been tougher than they assumed, which helped him immensely. Marc wants to know what the thumbtacks were like. Orton knew he’d probably land on them, but hoped he wouldn’t. Marc notes that Orton stopped at Byte This before he won the belt last year, so this show must be good luck. Orton explains that he lives and breathes wrestling, and he needs to wear the world title. Orton thinks he learned more from Triple H and Ric Flair than his own father, although that’s only because he spent so much time with them in the ring. Fighting Hunter often reminds him that he needs to prove that he’s on equal ground with HHH.
Marc wants to know how Orton feels about Batista. Orton feels that Batista realizes how Evolution treats you when you rise above Hunter now, and soon it’ll be all over. Lauren from Macon, Georgia calls and can barely talk. Randy prompts her to talk and she asks what his best match was. He briefly mentions the Foley match before they drop her. Josh wonders who Orton feels the Rumble winner will be. Orton totally avoids the question before saying he needs to concentrate on his upcoming match. When pushed for his favorite Rumble, he says the Michaels win (prolly 1995), the Flair win (1992), and the Triple H win. Does he mean the one from 2002? That Rumble blows! What the f*ck, man, what about Benoit? Everyone else showed some Benoit love tonight, what about you? He did drop the WWE title to you, maybe you should show him a little more respect. Anyway, they bring up the usual “how do you feel about Stone Cold” question, and Orton gives the usual “it’s great” answer. Orton doesn’t feel like doing other things besides wrestling, so he can’t quite relate to Austin and the Rock. They quickly pimp his T-shirt before dropping him.
Josh drops a quick Rumble reminder, Marc drops a quick webcast reminder, and they are out. No show next week, so they’ll be back in two weeks. The show ends with footage of Flair/Orton.
Hmm, short show today, but not boring, which is a huge step up from most of the shows during the fall. Check it out if you like what you read. Fun fact about this article: my computer’s spell check did not question the word McCheesington.
