InsidePulse’s WWE Afterburn Report

It’s January 29, 2005 and we’re on the air with WWE Afterburn!

Last Week: Angle and JBL beat up Show

Our host today is the future Mr. Rue, Josh Matthews. The wait is over, the Royal Rumble is upon us.

Backstage, Angle and JBL talk about their great plan. Big Show might not even make it to Royal Rumble. A 6 man tag is made and everyone is happy.

JIP, Luther, Mark & OJ vs Rey, Eddy & Booker T. Mark has Rey in a chinlock, but Rey puts his foot on the ropes. Tag to Luther. Kicks and punches galore. Tag to Jordan. OJ punches Luther by accident. Tag to Mark. Rey kicks him a few times, then Mark whips him to the buckle and Mark goes over. Now, we got a lot confusing things happening with Rey sliding under everybody, and a tag to Eddy is made. Punches to everybody. Whip to Luther, reverse, dropkick. Booker T in now and clotheslines OJ out of there. Eddy positions Mark for a 619 -> Bang! A scissors kick and a frogsplash later, Eddy pins Jindrak for the 1, 2, 3.

We got a replay of the finish. Luther and Jordan are arguing, and Luther pushes OJ down. Bashams show up. Now, Angle comes and slaps Danny. Finally, the champ is here. Angle says he’s going to walk out of Royal Rumble as WWE champ. JBL makes a few Clinton jokes and says he’ll win (JBL, not Clinton). Theodore Long shows up to ruin the party as usual. Long says that they are forgetting about Big Show. Later tonight, it will be Angle vs JBL in a Last Man Standing Match.

Coming up: Long isn’t cancelling the match
Up Next: US title match
Commercials

We’re back with Josh talking about Kenzo attacking Cena last week.

JIP, Kenzo Suzuki vs John Cena. Cena is choking Kenzo. Kenzo with a rake, punch, chops and a whip to the buckle. Cena comes back with chops, off the ropes, reverse, shoulder block by Cena. Suplex and 5 knuckle shuffle with assistance from the referee. One FU later, Cena gets the cover, the count and the victory.

Michael Cole goes in the ring and asks Cena about the Royal Rumble. He listens to the fans’ cheers and says that is momentum. Bottom line is he’s going to win.

Coming UP: JBL wants the match cancelled
Up Next: Heidenrich wants action
Commercials

Afterburn returns with Josh talking about Heidenrich-UT feud.

In the ring, Heidenrich recites another poem. He starts the poem, then goes outside to look for something. It’s a fan with a box looking like a casket. Heidenrich takes the box and breaks it. What a monster. Theodore will probably make him apologise for that. He continues with the poem and spits a lot on microphone. At the end, there is a lot of spit.

Coming Up: Who gets to be in the Royal Rumble
Up Next: Austin makes an announcement
Commercials

We’re back with Afterburn.

We get to see the same Austin footage that was shown on Raw and Bottom Line.

Did you know that Austin was a 3-time Royal Rumble winner? Josh Matthews knew this, but for some reason, JR didn’t.

JIP, Royal Rumble qualifying match: Funaki vs Spike vs Shannon Moore vs Paul London. Funaki with a whip on Spike, reverse, double clothesline. Moore and London are beating each other. Backbody drop on Moore, but he lands on the apron. Moore to the top, but gets crotched. London goes with him, but Funaki pus him down. Whip by Funaki, London holds on to the ropes and elbows Funaki. London grabs Funaki’s head with his feet, hits him a few times, but Funaki throws London to the outside. Shouldn’t he be eliminated? Funaki punches Spike, bodyslam attempt, no, kick, Dudley Dog coming, no, off the ropes, Spike’s head hits Funaki’s stomach. Moore with a blockbuster to Spike, but Funaki stops the count. Funaki tries the count, but Shannon is right there. Is Moore trying to be the New Red Rooster? Moore with a whip, reverse, Funaki is put on the top rope. Spike punches Shannon to the outside. Funaki with reverse tornado DDT on Spike and Shannon drags Funaki to the outside. London is back in and Shannon goes to the top. Shannon and London are fighting up there. London wins the fight by throwing Moore onto Funaki. London with the 450 splash on Spike for the 3 count.

Up Next: JBL vs Angle
Commercials

We’re back with our final segment of Afterburn.

JIP, JBL vs Angle, LMS match. German suplex on JBL. I am being told that is his fifth German suplex. Another German. And another. One more. Angle is up and referee starts to count: 6, 7, 8, 9. JBL is up. Angle with a chokehold. The arm drops three time and now, the count is on again. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, up. Angle has JBL in a headlock, but JBL puts him down with a spinebuster. Both men down. Both up at 7. Powerbomb by JBL. The count is on and stops at 9 when Angle gets up. Whip to the corner by JBL. Another whip. Angle ducks a big boot and hits the Angle Slam. JBL is up at 9. German suplex coming up, but JBL hold the ropes. Elbow and clothesline from hell puts him down. Both up at 9. JBL gets a chair. Angle ducks it and hits a German suplex. Angle’s got the chair. JBL kicks the chair into Angle, then Angle hits JBL with the chair. Both men down and nobody gets up after the ten count. We see Long watching and admits that it was Big Show’s idea to have the match. Big Show says he will be champ, as JBL and Angle listen to him while not being able to stand.

WWE Royal Rumble:

JBL vs Kurt Angle vs Big Show
Casket match: Undertaker vs Heidenrich

For the Raw side, Matthews sends it over to the Bottom Line’s Mark Loyd. Normally, I’d do the same thing, but it doesn’t look like there will be Bottom Line report this week, so here it is:

Edge vs Shawn Michaels
Randy Orton vs HHH
And finally, the one and only, Royal Rumble match.

Josh Matthews says his goodbyes and that does it for Afterburn.

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