Assistant In Arms: Eric G, for doing all the statistical work tonight. He rocks.
Kraft Services: Simon – he feeds us on PPV nights.
So, here are – the Royal Rumble – the Pay Per View that rocks all other Pay Per Views to their foundation in terms of sheer fun. 30 men. One ring. Two minutes. Pizza. Friends. Soda. Snarky comments about dead wrestlers. This is the Monday Night Rabble: PPV EDITION.
Thanks for joining me here on this festive occasion, and as I write these damn reviews as the show is going on and then edit later, I do hope that I can keep up with my favorite show of the year. Joining us tonight is Eric H (henceforth referred to as Hernandez), Jenna, Eric G, Omar, my darling Danielle, Simon, Dan, and a special guest star to appear later. Neat, eh?
So the show starts off with a great little montage of Battle Royal moments. Even a great shot of Big John Studd at the end which did kind of make me misty. The Royal Rumble was the first PPV I ever bought to enjoy. Back then.. I enjoyed it alone. A solitary practice for a 9 or 10 year old. Now, I watch it with friends, so that we can sit and giggle at it like little pert schoolgirls. Oh, you want to SEE my friends? Here we go:
Edge vs. Shawn Michaels
Due to some technical difficulties, the report starts belatedly into the match. When I gete into and have my computer set up and all is ok with the world, Michaels tosses Shawn over the top rope and misses a baseball slide to Edge. Shawn throws some punches, but Edge grabs the back of his head with a.. umm.. inverted X-Factor? Either way, it works. Edge crawls back into the ring and succeeds at baseball sliding Micheals.
Edge brings Shawn back in and big irish whip hurls Michaels into the corner. Edge climbs the top rope and drops knee first onto HBK. Some fists from Edge, and Michaels gets a weak return hit, getting stronger.. getting stronger.. he goes for a dropkick but beautifully is caught and powerbombed by Edge! Edge crawls over and pulls HBK into his new Edge submission move..
First good sign of the night: MACHO – WE NEED YOU!
“No.. no we don’t” – Hernandez on Slim Jim support.
Shawn starts to get the crowd behind him after a 3 minute hold spot, but Edge immediately drops him bacak down to the ground continuing to grab his hair and throw him down hard. 3 times he does this and then Edge starts throwing into corners again, Michaels hurls Edge over the top, but Edge catches his throat against the top rope, runs up to the top rope and misses with a flying cross body. Edge gets up first though and Shawn is selling like a mofo! A quick 2 count from Edge and he lifts up Shawn who spins around and Shawn shifts the momentum to land on top of Edge for 2.
Shawn fights up AGAIN, Edge grabs Shawn’s hair and Michaels chops and starts to fight back, elbows tosses into the ropes, chops and climbs the turnbuckle and starts the 10 punches – but Edge steps forward and slams him down, but Shawn grabs the tights and gets the roll-up for two. Shawn monkey flips him into the corner for another roll-up for two. Edge decides it’s time to leave and heads out of the ring and the beatings continue outside.
“You seem to be writing alot more than normal” – Eric G on me.
“I want it to be really good for the PPV” – Me.
“Why don’t you hire a writer” – Hernandez on a continuing vendetta against me.
Outside, Edge hits the Spear and drags in HBK. Edge runs into the corner and starts tuning up the band… and BIGGER SPEAR! IT ONLY GETS TWO!!! He picks up Shawn and brings him up to the top turnbuckle and Shawn starts to fight back and after a headbutt throws Edge to the ground. Shawn stumbles.. slowly up to the top rope and BIG elbow. The double count begins, and HBK has started twitch.
He humps the ground.. HE STARTS TO REV.. HERE COMES THE SWEET JESUS KICK! Denied! Edge grabs the leg, lifts up Shawn Michaels and electric chair drop for two. Edge is freaking out and grabs Shawn and hurls him into his new modified STANDING submission move.. Shawn is fighting hard for the ropes and gets them after awhile.. An exchange of roll-ups leads us to grabbing the ropes and taking the win. That dastardly cheater.
Now in the back we get to meet Eric and Teddy Long arguing about who is going to win this biggun. Christie and Tori are manning the… roller. Eddie and Ric are the first to draw their numbers. Flair struts his way and grabs his number and seems thrilled. Eddie, on the other hand is not happy. Ric starts singing old dirges in happiness – Eddie sighs, hugs Flair in congrats and leaves. Flair show his number off, but… it seems.. a bit.. different… viva la raza!
We go to Heidenreich mumbling how he hates caskets and we get more Snitsky/Heidenreich.
“I hear you don’t like caskets – I don’t either but I like you John” – Gene on John
“I like you too, but I still hate caskets” – John on caskets.
Snitsky’s got an idea and they come back to the ring and give us a flashback to what’s gone on to get to Undertaker/Heidenreich. On a note, the audio boffed during the Flair/Guerrero bit.
“How come the sound gets better when Cole’s on the screen – DAMMIT!” Eric on his favorite announcer.
UNDERTAKER vs. HEIDENREICH
Coming down to the ring first – Kitaro and Enya and .. oh, that’s just the Undertaker’s monks with the casket.
“They look like big fat jawas” – Me on monks.
“It would be cooler if they were Spaceball’s Dink Dinks” – Hernandez on Mel Brooks.
For the record, the casket is really small – questionable how this is going to work. Coming down first is Heidenreich, staring at the casket all worried and upset and acting like every person ever in a casket match. This is the first time I’ve ever heard Heidenreich’s music.. it’s like Rammstein meets Mortal Kombat.. pretty neat. The Undertaker takes a long time to come down to the ring, he raises the lights, does some eyeball tomfoolery and it seems the match will start sooner or later.
Headlock and ropes toss and hip tosses from Mean Mark (that’s the undertaker..shhh) and UT gets him into an armbar and edges him towards the casket. Heidenreich bails to the other side of the ring. UT tosses Heidenreich into the ropes and John shoulders him down.
As Heidenreich beats UT outside the ring, our special guest arrives – now contractually I’m not allowed to say his name, so for the time being we shall call him CONQUISTADOR #1!
Back in the ring, there is some submission manuevers going on Heidenreich and IN COMES SNITSKY! He just goes and beats the hell out of Undertaker and as Heidenreich & Snitsky is going to push him into the casket.. the casket is opened and.. IT’S KANE! Kane and Snitsky battle to outside. UT and Heid fight outside as well, Heidy tosses UT into his favorite set of stairs and gets the casket run over his face.
“Not only is Heidenreich a bad wrestler – he is a bad person.. not morally bad.. just bad at BEING a person” – Conquistador on John’s abilities.
Heiden gets UT into the casket, but his arm blocks it. UT hurls half of Heidy into the casket and leg drops from the apron. They go back in and Heiden somehow pulls off a Bossman Slam and goes to repeat the spot, except this time Taker lifts and catches Heiden in the throat.
He brings him up, into the ring – and Heidy out of NOWHERE grabs him and drops him in a Big Bossman Slam. A confused Heindenreich goes for the pin until the ref tells him that he’s being an idiot and to stop that. Albeit, I’m a fan of the ‘confused heel’ spot. He picks up UT and tries heaving him into the casket and Undertaker’s all like “No way!” and starts hitting all of his finishers. The Tombstone Piledriver ends it, and Taker has won his first Casket match in, like, forever.
“Why does Taker always want this match? Hasn’t he only won like two of them?” – Hernandez on Mean Mark’s favorite gimmick.
Back behind the stage Teddy wants Eddie to give Ric back his number. Eddie begrudgingly hands Flair his number and Teddy makes Eddie THEN give Ric back his wallet. Genius. We move onto Dave and Hunter arguing about whether they are going to work on the Orton match or let Dave go get his number. “Number!” says Dave. “No!” says HHH.
“Tastes great!” says Me
“Less filling!” says Omar
Christian and Tomko are in the back picking their numbers. Christian seems very happy with this as John Cena shows up. Cena starts kissing the ladies and Christian thinks that John’s got nothing with freestyle. So Cena tells him to hit it. Christian, in the most genius move ever.. asks Tomko for a beat. “No.” – mindless rapping commenses.
Out of nowhere, the next match starts…. coming down to the ring —–
KURT ANGLE vs. BIG SHOW vs. JBL
Commentary on JBL’s theme music:
“It reminds of A-Train” – Hernandez
“It reminds me of Fivel Goes West” – Jenna
“It reminds me of City Slickers” – Eric G
The match starts with Show and JBL in the ring, with Angle bailing on the outside. Show begins with tossing Layeld around like a ragdoll, hurling him into the corner and big headbutts. Angle comes in and before he even gets a move in, Show takes both of them down. He goes back and forth and finally double clotheslines them both over the top where he continues to beat the hell out of them OUTSIDE the ring. He grabs the stairs, and in an unprecidented moment —
“He uses them for what they’re meant for.. stairs!” – The Conquistador on functionality of weapons.
He sets them up next to the announcer table and climbs up with JBL – but before he can finish the chokeslam, he gets lowblowed by Angle and then hit with a TV monitor so he drops down and falls through the table himself. Without missing a beat, Angle goes after JBL and drops him into an armbar. A few release germans, and somehow big boots Angle for a two count. It is at this point that the Big Show is back.. he wastes no time to begin to continue his complete and total elimination of both opponents, but while trying to double chokeslam .. he gets, go figure.. TOTAL ELIMINATION from Angle and JBL. Angle immediately tries to take advantage and goes after JBL with an Angle Slam – but JBL catches ropes.
“JBL – he’s cagey” – Conquistor #1
“A trained veteran” – Me
“Good ring sense” – Eric G
“Why the hell is HE the champ?” – Simon, who doesn’t watch much wrestling.
Jindrak comes down and the cronies begin beating on Big Shohw as Orlando Jordan tosses JBL in a money-coated haze, CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL on a stunned Angle. He gets it! Amazing!
Winner and still champion: John Bradshaw Layfeld!
For the record we all scream Dave at the same time whenever we see him. Carlito wants Dave to sign the petition, Dave isn’t interested. Carlito grabs an apple and starts eating and Dave just looks at him.. a few choice words and Carlito … swallows the apple. Without a moments notice he grabs his number. Arguing is Teddy and Bischoff about all the runins during the Smackdown match – so while Batista listens on… tonight Evolution is banned from ringside – and Dave gets to go tell Trips.. with a smile on his face.
The new Wrestlemania commercial is frigging genius. Eugene as Forrest Gump. Especially when he punches a black woman. I’m sold. Add in Regal telling him to RUN… there is going to be a letter about this.
Bless long set-up packages for the only cigarette of the show for yours truly.
RANDY ORTON vs. TRIPLE H
After both men saunter down to the ring, the match starts with some quicks exchanges and a backslide from Orton for two.
“That always works twenty-seconds into the ring” – Conquistador #1 on pinning combos
“STOP SHATTERING MY ILLUSIONS” – Eric G on Santa Claus.
Orton just continues to charge Trips and a failed RKO has Orton with some airtime and they meet in the corner and start exchanging blows. Trips gets ahead of the game and gets the 10 punches, but Orton steps forward and Trips goes headfirst onto the turnbuckle. Trips gets up and walks across the ropes, Randy runs forward for ANOTHER RKO, but gets tossed high into the air.. AGAIN but this time outside onto the broken table (See Smackdown Title match).
As Orton gets in the ring, Trips jumps on him and chokes the hell out of him. Trips lifts him up and takes hard advantage of this. Grabbing his leg and twisting it around the turnbuckle, setting his leg up on the 2nd rope and hopping like an SOB. As Trips goes to wrap up for a figure four, Orton gets the roll up for two – but this time Trips gets it for real, kicking Randy in the face on the way down.
“Keep hitting X and get the ball in the range… aww screw it, reset the game.” Hernandez on his grasp on reality.
Orton fights for the ropes, but Trips keeps bringing it right back to the center. Finally, Orton rolls over and Trips just grabs the rope before any damage is done. Hunter drags Orton to the edge of the apron, steps outside and slams Orton’s leg down.. he tries it again and gets kicked over to the Spanish announce table with a Spanish announcer that looks remarkably like JR.
“He’s wearing JR’s hat!” – Me on theft.
“It’s a sombrero.” – Conquistador #1 on racial boundries.
As Trips gets in, out of nowhere, Orton gets his modified backbreaker, a reverse neckbreaker and he tosses Trips into the ropes to get kicked in the chest. Orton’s leg miraculously better, he whips Trips into the ropes, and as he is going to charge him, he gets caught – inverted atomic drop and Trips starts climbing. Randy, runs and bodyslams him down. This time Orton climbs the rope and flying cross body hits and a pin for two!
Trips goes and catches Orton with a surprise kneelift, goes for the Pedigree, but it’s reversed. The RKO is reversed, and Orton once again hits with a high knee… a slow set-up for the Pedigree, and Orton gets out and hits with a huge clothesline, pin for two. Orton gets Trips outside, beats on him some more, brings him into the corner and punches him – Trips bounces out – punch, bounce out – punch, bounce out.. Randy goes for a DDT and gets dropped to the mat and he is seeing stars.
“He’s got Krispy Kream eyes” – Lawler on Corporate Sponsorship
“I quit!” – Eric G on what this means to him
“..and they look delicious!” – Conquistador #1 on pastries
As Orton comes back in, it is only moments later that we see …….. REF BUMP! A few hits from Trips, and Hunter’s got time to go get his sledgehammer. As Hunter goes to attack, Randy throws him into the turnbuckle… BLAAAAAADE!
“..Trinity” – Conquistador on cheap joke.
Trips stumbles around the ring until he’s hurt inside. Orton sees the sledgehammer, goes for it, and just as he’s about to hit him with it – BIG CLOTHESLINE. He is about to use the sledgehammer, but the ref is starting to wake up. He ditches the sledgehammer, hits the Pedigree and wins it. Clean?!?!?
Winner: Triple H
Nunzio is walking down the ring, having taken the last spot in the Rumble, but Kurt threatens him and takes it.
Back in the room with the GM’s, JBL charges in taking a champagne bath.
“MY EYES! THEY BURN!” Eric G on how champagne feels in the eyes.
In an idea taken from Bischoff, JBL will be facing Big show in a Barbed Wire Steel Cage match.. umm.. ok? Tazz does his best to sell the match, but we all know it’s going to suck. Anyway, as should be – our announcing team is Jim Ross and Tazz. Lawler and Cole go home for the night, hopefully to have Lawler kill Cole in a bloody rage. Sorry, I’m channeling Eric G.
HERE COMES THE ROYALRUMBLE!!! WAHOOOO
“Hey! They pulled Finkle out of cold storage!” – Me on Walt Disney.
#1: EDDIE GUERERRO
“Now the wrestlers are going to have to move around his lowrider all match.. nice.” Hernandez on consideration for fellow wrestlers.
#2: CHRIS BENOIT Fun fact: Benoit came in at #1 last year.
The bell rings and they are staring each other up. They lock up and Eddie has Benoit into the corner. They force each other back and the crowd cheers happily. Hip toss from Benoit and then a headlock from Eddie with Benoit takes him down – the Eddie chant is tangible. Benoit tosses Eddie across the ring and Benoit getshoulder blocked down as the count goes.
#3: DANIEL PUDER Fun fact: This is our Tough Enough winner.
Before he gets in the ring, he runs in, grabs he microphone, and this has stopped Benoit and Eddie cold.
“Ok.. get the newbie” Hernandez on the Outsiders.
Without further adieu, Eddie and Chris take turns at chopping Puder in the corner. Chop after chop, and Daniel learns hard as he takes a double suplex in the middle of the ring. Benit picks him up, and a big belly to back suplex. Eddie takes his turn and goes for the 3 Amigo suplexes as we count down.
#4: HARDCORE HOLLY Fun Fact: Hardcore Holly hates newbies too.
Benoit and Eddie step back to let Hardcore have his way with Daniel Puder – huge chops and I’m starting to feel bad for Puder, but the fact is he’s in the Rumble g’damnit.. and he’s a shootfighter. He can take it.
“I’m surprised he’s lasted this long.” – Conquistador #1 on shock.
“It’s not hard since it’s beat on Puder Day!” – Me on Holidays.
All three men continue to beat the hell out of Puder… and as the countdown begins Holly tosses him out without a second thought – leading us right into..
#5: HURRICANE! Fun Fact: Hurricane does indeed love comics.
Before Hurricane even makes it to the ring Benoit and Guerrero toss out Holly with absolutely no problem. The minute that the Green Superhero is in though, they begin teaming up on him. They drop him to the mat and Eddie once again goes after Benoit. Benoit brings Guerrero to the mat, walks into the middle of the ring, and a top rope drop from Hurricane brings down the Wolverine.
#6: KENZO Fun Fact: He had one match with Perry Saturn in TNA.
“He wore rainbow colored tights.. it was.. excellent”
Kenzo comes in and continues to have to take on the team of Benoit and Guerrero. The three of them battle fairly frenetically until…
#7: EDGE Fun Fact: You think you KNOW me!
Edge comes in and just spears Eddie, he goes and attacks Benoit. He runs back around and goes to boot on Eddie. He has Eddie on the ropes and Guerrero locks on to that rope hard. Eddie crawls and fights and holds onto the ropes tightly. Edge gives up and goes after Kenzo, but Benoit will have nothing to do with it. He drops Edge, but Kenzo goes after Benoit. Boots to Benoit – but Chris catches his leg and kicks him in the nuts. As the countdown starts
#8: REY REY! Fun Fact: He’s.. umm.. Mexican. Was Once a No Limit Soldier.
Rey comes in and starts to destroy the ring. He hits every single person in turn and then goes after Kenzo, tossing him out with a huge Rana out of the ring. Eddie stops Rey, throwing him in with a tiltawhirl backbreaker. Eddie then does it right back to Benoit as we go to a count again.
#9: SHELTON BENJAMIN – Beat Trips clean.. twice!
Shelton comes in with a full cross body on Edge, a back body drop on Eddie and goes back to fists to Edge. In the other corner, Rey Rey and Benoit fight each other. As Chris has Rey going out, Reye wraps his legs around Chris and here comes Eddie to atatack both of them. On the other side, Shelton almost has
#10: BOOKER T! And we have a NICE RING! Fun Fact – Not actually from Harlem, and actually hates Heat. (Eric G)
Booker comes in and things finally slow down as he goes after Edge. Rey and Benjamin are almost fighting to the outside and here comes Eric Bischoff. In the middle of the ring, Benoit has Eddie in a sharp shooter that Guerrero stops. It seems Bischoff is there to cheer on Raw guys.
#11 CHRIS, MY FAVORITE WRESTLER, JERICHO – Fun Fact: Man of 1004 Holds.
As Y2J comes in he chops Edge, he goes after Eddie in the corner and goes for the 10 punches in the corner. SHelton is fighting Benoit.. Booker stops the turnbuckle fight and here comes Teddy to root for his guys. Shelton and Booker going at it in one corner right now, Edge and Benoit going on.. annn.d
#12 LUTHER REIGNS Fun fact – He was a porn star in Girl Next Door.
The ring right now is packed with wrestlers, and the boys have seperated to various sides of the ring for some West Side Story action, the line is drawn in the middle of the ring and all of the Raw guys go after the Smackdown side and it seperates into fights. As everyone sits in various corners…
#13 MUHAMMED HASSAN Fun fact – I FRIGGING HATE THIS GUY.
The entire ring has stopped to watch him come down.. which is excellent as it gives me a moment to stop and catch my breath. Hassan comes in and the entire ring circles around him. It doesn’t matter as they all just kick the crap out of him.
“Welcome to America.. this is how we beat the hell out of you.” – Conquistador
#14 ORLANDO JORDAN Fun fact – Autistic until he was 10.. at least his parents thought he was.
Shelton and Jericho are now on the turnbuckle fighting the hell out of each other, and Jericho looks like he might be done, but he slides in at the near end. Another quiet moment for…
#15 SCOTTY 2 HOTTY Fun Fact – Only reason he’s in the fed.. no drugs in Canada.
Before Scotty comes down to the ring, Hassan comes in and attacks him, beating the hell of Hotty, he’s got him in the camel clutch. Back in the ring, nobody has left, Jericho is hiding out on the corner, Edge almost gets eliminated by Shelton.
#16 CHARLIE HAAS Fun Fact – Charlie & his late brother are JERSEY ALLPRO Veterens.
Just as we see Scottylead out, Booker runs up and throws out Luther and follows up by tossing out Orlando and in response to his Royal RumbleRoonie – Rey Rey dropkicks Bookah and Eddie throws him out. In the middle of the ring, Shelton goes for a huge powerslam onto Rey Rey.
#17 RENE DUPREE Fun Fact – Fifi is always different colors.
Back in the ring, Dupree comes after Rey Rey, but Haas and Benjamin go after Dupree together. Benjamin goes for a big Splash onto Edge, but Edge moves and Benjamin jumps onto the turnbuckles, and Edge pushes him out.. Benjamin is out.
#18 SIMON DEAN Fun Fact – Much cooler as Nova.
Going on the ring, Eddie and Rey Rey are having a spotfest and Edge comes out of nowhere to throw out Guererro – Edge struts a bit and Y2J attacks Edge, not tossing him out. Simon has yet to enter the ring at the very end of the countdown having done pushups and stretching out… here comes…
#19 – SHAWN MICHEALS – Fun Fact – Shawn did not pray to Jesus before the match.
Shawn mocks Simon Dean and tosses him out quickly. Haas goes after HBK and, let me just say that would be an awesome match between those guys. Rey and Edge are circling e ach other… while Benoit and Y2J face off against Dupree. In the back HBK heaves Haas over the top rope to eliminate him.
#20 – KURT ANGLE – Fun Fact – His Debut match was vs. Planet Stasiak
Kurt comes in and Angle Slams EVERYONE! He grabs Michaels ankle into the Ankle Lock and as he lets go, HBK comes up and JESUSKICKS Angle right out of the ring. Right now the only living guys are Rey Rey and Shawn.. and Rey is choking the life out of Shawn
#21 COACH – Fun Fact – Unavailable in WWE Fantasy Picks.
Coach comes in, hits Benoit and runs and hides in the corner. Benoit gets pissed off and tries to pull Coach out of his hideyoll.. in the other corner, Rey Rey has got Jericho in a Head Scissors, and they both skin the cat together and crawl underneath in a beautiful spot!
#22 Mark Jindrak – Fun Fact – Member of Natural Born Thrillerse.
Before Jindrak gets in there, Angle has come down and tosses out Shawn Michaels, grabs some stairs and beats the hell out of Michaels. Michaels hanging off of the stairs gets an Ankle Lock. Fit Finley even comes down to come seperate them.
“I want Fit Finley to enter the Rumble right now.. he. will. win.” – Conquistador on missing wrestlers.
#23 VISCERA – Fun Fact – Former King Of The Ring and we think he ate MOM: Mo & Oscar.
Viscera immediately goes for a vicious opponent – Mark Jindrak…nothing happens.
#24 Paul London – Fun Fact – Apparently unaware he had a Titantron
Rene is in the middle of the ring, he drops London and starts to go for the French Tickler but before he’s finished prancing, he gets tossed out by Y2J. Jindrak’s going after London. Rey’s going after Jindrak. Everyone goes after Rey… but he remains.
#25 John Cena – Fun Fact – We can’t see him… we think.
John goes and starts dropping the ring with big lefts… John goes and THROWS OUT VISCERA FOR THE BIG POP! Rey Rey is broncoing SOMEONE! AAANNNNDDDDD….
#26 – Gene Snitsky – Fun Fact – Pro Choice (Conquistador #1)
Gene comes in and goes right after Paul London for some reason… he goes for the sleeper with Gene and everyone in the room agrees this is a stupid idea. He gets tossed to the turnbuckle and starts weaving back and forth until out of nowhere a clothesline spins London 360 in midair to have him land on his face outside of the ring. London is out.
#27 – KANE! – Fun Fact – Former Vocation: Dentist
Kane comes in and starts chokeslamming everyone, and Jindrak is the only one to feel the complete wrath of it as he is tossed to the mat. Jindrak is out. Coach thinks it is smart idea to to Kane, but Snitsky saves Coach and they continue to fight it out until the next buzzer….
#28 – DAVE BATISTA – Fun Fact – We all love this sunnuvabitch.
Batista comes in and first things first, he drops Snitsky out of the ring without a second thought. In the middle he meets Kane. They stare eye to eye and big fists. The crowd is screaming his name as he goes for the Batista Bomb on Kane and HITS IT HARD! Jericho launches into Batista’s arms.. and.. out goes Jericho. Batista throws Edge over, but he hangs on and slides beneath.
#29 – CHRISTIAN – Fun Fact – Christian’s theme music sounds like “Guilty Feet”
John is in the corner beating Christian. John Cena just lifted up Kane and TOSSES HIM OUT!?!?! The crowd is completely going nuts at this point, as the two biggest guys have been thrown out by the two biggest favotites. At this point, Cena and Rey are talking and decide to team up together as they charge after Christian.
#30 – RIC FLAIR – Fun Fact – Ric Flair has had 87 heart attacks.. one in the WCW ring.
We come in to see Dave Spinebusting Coach and Flair tossing him out. Flair tosses Christian to Dave. Dave Spinebusts him. Dave grabs Christian and throws him onto Tomko. The end. A toss into the rope and Dave Spinebusts Benoit. Flair grabs Benoit and tosses him out. Flair OUT OF NOWHERE grabs Dave to throw him out and Flair drops down to his knees as Edge and Rey dropkick Dave. Edge spears Flair and hurls him out.. FINAL FOUR!
Cena, Rey Rey, Edge, Dave!
Edge and Dave match up in the corner and Edge spears Batista! Edge spears Cena! Edge goes for Rey Rey, but Rey moves! Edge is stuck on the middle rope. 619 to Edge, and a great leap over the ropes, but Edge is there to Spear him out… Batista tosses out Edge without merit..
DAVE AND CENA!
Cena with the first punch and they just go nuts on each other. John ducks and goes for the FU, but can’t get Batista out of the ring. Elbows from Dave to Cena’s head drop them… Batista grabs Cena for the Batista Bomb – they roll outside the ring together and LAND TOGETHER!
Raw Ref says – DAVE WINS!
Smackdown Ref says – BATISTA WINS!
The crowd likes – BOTH OF THEM!
Coming down to the ring is Vince McMahon – Fun Fact – “Former Rumble Winner!” Vince slips on the way into the ring, seemingly hurting his knee so he justs sits there. No, I’m not kidding. McMahon literally seems confused, and unable to move –
Dave and Cena take the moment to preen to the fans. Vince is still sitting there as Batista glances over towards Vince and grabs Cena to toss him out. Cena wastes no time to run in and grab Batista to throw him over the top. Finally, the announcement is made. This match must restart – trust me, everyone made the same joke you just did.. poor Scotty 2 Hotty has to come back into the ring to face Hassan again.
Batista grabs Cena and gets out of the Batista Bomb.. Cena misses the FU, but it leads to the Spinebuster and a HUGE TOSS AND BATISTA HAS WON THE RUMBLE! He is going to Wrestlemania to face against Hunter, and that was it!
MVP AWARDS – Who eliminated the most people.
5. Chris Benoit with 3* (HURRICANE, HOLLY, HASSAN)
5. Rey with 3* (BOOKER T, KENZO, HASSAN)
5. Booker T with 3* (JORDAN, REIGNS, HASSAN)
4. Shawn Michaels with 3 (DEAN, ANGLE, HAAS)
4. John Cena with 3 (EDGE, KANE, VISCERA)
3. Eddie Guerrero with 4* (BOOKER T, HURRICANE, HARDCORE HOLLY, HASSAN)
2. Edge with 5* (MYSTERIO, FLAIR, GUERRERO, BENJAMIN, HASSAN)
1. Batista with 6 (CENA, EDGE, BENOIT, CHRISTIAN, JERICHO, SNITSKY)
(The * represents that they all were a part of eliminating Hassan)
Most People In The Ring
After #26 (Snitsky) with 10 people in the ring.
Let me thank everyone who joined me here at the Monday Night Rabble: PPV Edition, and a special thanks to Eric G aka Diabolik on the forums for helping me compile all that fun data at the end. Also, a thanks to every member of the Monday Night Rabble who continually amuse me and all of you. One last thanks to Conquistador #1 who is always great to have around, even though he used to BE ‘MEAN!’ and when it comes to ‘COMICS!’ he is a bit of a ‘WIZARD!’ ….
Do I need to send you some weird archaic kind of code for you to figure it out? Here is what I will do. I’m going to start a contest in the forums for people to figure this out.
Until tomorrow night, have a great night everyone.