A Whole Buncha Smackdown Matches from 2004
– Yeah, so one of my frequent readers and e-mailers, obviously with WAY too much time on his hands, decided to literally encode and burn TWELVE HOURS of Smackdown matches from 2004 onto a couple of DVDs for me, starting from the point I left the show — May 2004 — and proceeding until last month. This, I say, is craziness, but at least people can rest easy knowing what I gave, say, Cena v. Carlito.
Because this is a hugely long compilation of stuff, I’ll just split it into chunks and stop whenever I find myself getting too burned out to continue. stop whenever I find myself getting too burned out to continue.
And away we go…
– RVD & Rey Mysterio v. The Dudley Boyz. From the May 27 show. Bubba starts with Rey and overpowers him to start, but Rey wants a test of strength, which quickly proves to be a ruse. Bubba must feel like he was bargaining with Paul Heyman again. Rey gets a snapmare out of the corner, but Bubba hiptosses him with equal zeal. He goes to work on the arm, but gets pinballed in the face corner and Rey gets a leg lariat for two. So it’s D-Von’s turn, and RVD comes in against him. D-Von grabs a headlock and they work off that, as D-Von runs into an elbow and gets taken down for two. Standing moonsault gets two. Rey comes in for a quick double-team, and then springboards in with a rana and the Rube Goldberg bulldog. Bubba quickly ends that rally, but gets rana’d off a powerbomb attempt. Rey goes for the 619 on D-Von to end things, but Bubba clips him and Rey gets the beats. Paul Heyman joins us via the crowd and we take a break. Back with Rey firmly in the bad way and Bubba dropping elbows on him. Rey dodges a buttdrop to come back, but can’t tag RVD. Perhaps if he was a dealer Rob would have more motivation to tag him, I can’t say. The Dudleyz pound the knee, but an enzuigiri allows Rey to fight back against D-Von, and sets up a moonsault press that has both guys out. However, he’s still big and mean, so he holds onto Rey’s leg and Bubba comes in to continue the abuse. Rey finally dodges him and makes the hot tag, and Rob gets a really vicious high kick on D-Von in the corner to set up a missile dropkick for two. Northern lights suplex gets two. Back to Rey, who assists with Rolling Thunder for two. I think that one got some wacky pot-related name in later months. They double-team Bubba out of the ring and leave D-Von in 619 area code, but Heyman trips up Rey, Bubba spikes him into the table, and D-Von gets the pin at 12:16. Michael Cole blames Paul Heyman. Well, that’s just anti-Semitism. **3/4
– Lumberjack match: John Cena v. Rene Dupree. Also from the May 27 show. This is of course was the blowoff for the epic feud where Dupree steadfastly refused to stop being French, even when rhymed at. Dupree gets a quick rollup for two to start. Cena gets his own for two. They exchange hammerlocks on the mat and Cena overpowers him, but the lumberjacks prevent Dupree from leaving. Dupree appears as shocked as someone who has never watched wrestling before. Dupree starts throwing chops, which Cena no-sells, and a kneelift puts Dupree on the floor, where unwanted affections from Rico await. Back in, Cena gets two. I would have liked him to get the pin there, just so his finisher could be a kiss from another guy. Dupree gets dumped and tossed back in again, and Cena starts punching in the corner until Dupree comes back with a neckbreaker for two. Cena gets tossed and abused by Luther Reigns on the floor, and a huge brawl is cruelly teased before we cut to a break. Back with Dupree in control via chinlock, but Cena gets a sunset flip for two. Back to the chinlock, and a clothesline sets up the dancing for two. Cena fights back with a jawbreaker, but Booker T cheats to assist Dupree, and he gets two. Michael Cole, having no Jews around to blame, of course blames it on the black dude. You just don’t notice the racism rampant on this show until you’ve been away from it for a while. Dupree keeps dropping elbows for two. Cena fights back, but gets sent onto the babyface side, and they of course gently help him up. I wish they’d be more about the tough love one of these times. Back in, Dupree gets two. Cena fights back again but walks into a spinebuster, which sets up another round of dancing for two. Dupree goes for a piledriver, but Cena escapes and fights back. A cliché backdrop out of the corner allows him to make the comeback, and the F-U finishes at 11:33. Good enough TV match, although it dragged most of the way. **1/4
– Rey Mysterio v. Chavo Guerrero. From June 10. Rey armdrags Chavo into the corner to start as Michael Cole accuses Chavo Classic of hiring hookers to accompany him. Oh, great, now it’s Hispanics on his hitlist. This guy’s worse than Hitler. Chavo chokes Rey out on the ropes, but gets leveraged out of the ring. Rey follows with a high cross to the floor, and we take a break. Back with Rey dropkicking the prone Chavo for two. Chavo comes back with a dropkick to block a springboard bodypress, and he appears to be in charge now. Quick note: A sign in the crowd, apparently to encourage Rey, reads “169”. Now, I’m not one for legalized murder, but when the gene pool is so polluted that they can’t even get 6-1-9 in the proper order, it’s time to flush some chlorine into that tank, if you know what I mean. Anyway, Rey comes back with a moonsault press out of the corner on Chavo, and that gets two. Chavo drops him on the top rope to come back and goes to an abdominal stretch until Rey gets a seated dropkick to escape. Rey springboards in and they exchange near-falls, and Rey armdrags Chavo into the ropes, but gets faceplanted. Chavo gets two off that. Chavo goes for the Gory Bomb, but Rey escapes and sets him up for the 619, but now Chavo Classic gets involved, unsuccessfully. West Coast Pop finishes for Rey at 7:30. Usual good match from these two. **1/2
– John Cena v. Booker T. From June 10 still. Booker, RVD and Dupree all have 5:00 each to beat Cena in order to earn a title shot. This was all part of an Angle v. Cena feud that ended up going absolutely nowhere. Booker hammers away to start and gets a slam, which gets two. Cena comes back with a clothesline for two. Suplex gets two. Booker necksnaps him, however, and gets a superkick for two. He drops a knee and gets a back kick for two. We hit the chinlock and that goes on for a while. Cena fights out, but gets flapjacked and sidekicked for two. We’re down to the last minute, and I can barely control my excitement. It’s like when you get a Publisher’s Clearinghouse Sweepstakes envelope, and you just MIGHT be a winner, but you have to stay in suspense until you actually open it and find out for sure. Booker comes back with the axe kick, but it misses and time’s up. Dull stuff. *
– John Cena v. RVD. Next up, it’s 5:00 for RVD, as we join things out of the break with a pair of near-falls. They do some more reversals and Rob gets a rana for two and a spinkick for two. Rob misses a monkey-flip and Cena clotheslines him out of the corner, and that gets two. Cena gets a lame shoulderblock for two. Rob takes him down for two, but Cena suplexes him for two. They counter each other and both are out, as they’re selling like it’s a 45 minute marathon 3 minutes in. Rob slugs away and gets a high kick, then gets the moonsault for two. He goes up again, but Booker trips him up, thus earning him banishment from ringside. Meanwhile, Cena and RVD fight over a superplex, and Cena goes down first. Rob follows with a missile dropkick and goes up to finish with the frog splash, but can’t cover in time, as it’s another 5:00 draw. I know I’m shocked. *1/4
– John Cena v. Rene Dupree. Can YOU guess the finish? Cena attacks and gets a pair of two counts, then drops an elbow for two. Dupree goes to the abdominal stretch, but Cena hiptosses out. Dupree takes him down and pounds away for two. Cena fights back with a sunset flip for two, but Dupree gets a backbreaker for two. They do an ugly collision as they screw up a powerslam spot, and everyone’s selling again. Cena comes back with the five-knuckle shuffle for two. He pumps up the shoes with a minute left, but Dupree comes back with a spinebuster. That gets two. Dupree works that count until time expires at 5:00. Zowie. * Dupree asks for five more minutes, which Angle grants. Dupree gets a powerslam, but promptly jobs to the F-U. Note to heels: Don’t ask for five more minutes.
– Booker T & Rene Dupree v. John Cena & Rob Van Dam. From June 17 now. Cena slugs Dupree down to start and grabs a headlock, and RVD comes in with a sunset flip for two. A spinkick sets up a standing moonsault for two. Missile dropkick gets two. Rollup gets two as Dupree argues with Booker, and Rob dumps him for good measure. The heels keep arguing, so Rob hits him with a baseball slide and we take a break. Back with Rob getting kicked in the head while trying Rolling Thunder, and he’s the stoner in peril. Booker stomps the heck out of him in the corner and gets an elbow for two. A melodramatic kneedrop follows, and now the heels on the same page via the solidarity that comes with EVIL. Dupree gets the dancing elbow for two. Booker kicks Rob down for two. Cena, while making the save, waves his hand in a manner indicating that he has some combination of cataracts and dandruff. Rob fights off Booker out of the corner and makes the hot tag to Cena, and a backdrop for Dupree isn’t far behind. Booker breaks up the F-U attempt, but the heels get dumped in stereo. This allows the faces to slug it out, and thus get attacked by the heels. All this sets up Undertaker making a surprise appearance to lay everyone out, because he’s a company man. This is a Sportz Entertainment Finish in the 7:30 vicinity. *1/4
– Cruiserweight battle royale: This is from June 24. So we’ve got Chavo, Scotty 2 Hotty, Funaki, Kidman, London, Spike Dudley, Nunzio and some other guys. It’s a truly awe-inspriring array of jobbers, at any rate. London dropkicks Spike into Nunzio, who backdrops him out of the ring. London tosses Nunzio, but he cheats and stays in anyway. London continues battling Nunzio, dodging him in the corner and then dropkicking him out of the ring, clearly this time. Jamie Noble assists Chavo in tossing London, but he hangs on, so Nunzio pulls him out. Nothing against being a sore loser in the rulebook. Chavo dumps Funaki, but can’t get him out. Shannon Moore and Akio eliminate each other while Scotty gets Chavo in Worm position, but gets dropkicked out by Kidman before finishing. Funaki stands on the apron and gets knocked off and out. Kidman takes on Noble and Chavo by himself, but gets double-teamed into oblivion via a backdrop into a german suplex. They try to get him out on the ropes, but he fights back. Another double-teaming session puts Kidman on the apron, but not out. He fights back with a double clothesline and can’t get Noble out, then Chavo can’t get him out. They put Kidman on top and then hang him in the Tree of Woe, but Noble turns on Chavo…and then fails to put him out. Geez, if you’re gonna be a traitor, at least get the job done. Kidman comes back on Noble and slingshots him into the corner, and Chavo gets revenge by dumping him. Kidman still can’t get Chavo out, however, and they block each other until Kidman ends up on the floor to give Chavo the title shot at 9:42. As always, I don’t rate battle royales.
That’s the first 90 minutes out of the way. More later, probably.
