Before I delve into the dumbest of them all, I still need to complete my list of the top Einsteins that have graced the Survivor screen. Last week, I sang the praises of eggheads Gervase Peterson, Rodger Bingham, and Tom Buchanan. Continuing the list, I shall nominate one player from each season, although this does not mean that I felt there was only one intelligent person on display each season. Rather, I’m trying to draw out some of the survivors that I felt had savvy but may not have gotten proper recognition for it. Or they got recognized, but for the wrong reasons. Or I totally agreed with popular opinion that these folks were smart. Whatever. I’m starting to confuse myself.
Kathy Vavrick-O’Brien, Marquesas and All-Stars
During her first run at the game, I was a little worried about our girl Kath at first. Had she not been on the Rotu “Love Tribe” with its amazing winning streak, I think she would have been one of the season’s first casualties. She was demanding and perceived as abrasive as she desperately scrounged for slimy sea creatures and tried to get a fire going. After the merge, she was the first to get individual immunity, which spared her from the walk of shame. However, as the game progressed, Kathy really wised up. She started to see the effect that her behavior was having on everyone and she changed her ways. That willingness to bend to the situation put her in the final three. In All-Stars, she played the game equally well but became a victim of her alliance, as did many others.
Brian Heidik, Thailand
The first time I watched this season, I was not particularly impressed with Brian. I actually thought he was sort of a boring guy and spent most of my energy concentrating on more entertaining folks, like Shii Ann, Robb, Jan, and Helen. However, I later found out that Brian was a former porn actor, so I had to watch the season again, this time with a different focus altogether. I observed Brian’s behavior obsessively, looking for any sign of someone who had doled out a money shot. Much to my disappointment, I didn’t find any obscene hidden messages in his interviews (except for maybe that stray middle finger when he was counting the people in his alliance). What I did find was a masterful strategist who successfully played the game without allowing emotional attachments come into play. Either Brian really is a cold-hearted snake, or he saves all of his
passion for those low-budget films he’s made.
Heidi Strobel, Amazon
I was just thinking that Brian Heidik and Heidi would make fantastic costars in a skin flick. After all, Heidi was willing to take everything off for chocolate and peanut butter and then again for Playboy with Jenna. Heidi totally has what it takes for porn: fake tits, long blonde hair, and that friendly yet vacant smile some guys seem to love. However, behind that smile lurks a calculating mind, as we saw when Heidi teamed up with the popular kids and voted out the nerds in the Amazon. And at the reunion show, Jeff Probst announced that Heidi and crotch gnome extraordinaire Roger Sexton had the highest IQs of anyone on the show that season. One question: if Heidi is such a super genius, what is she doing teaching gym class?
Jon Dalton, Pearl Islands
This man, as well as some very bitter, horny graduate students I know, prove that intelligence and likeability do not go hand in hand. Fortunately for Johnny Fairplay, I’m not composing a list of the most agreeable people to ever play Survivor. And the very fact that as irritating tool like Mr. Dalton made it to the final three is a testament to his brain power. And the famous dead grandmother scheme? Sheer brilliance!
Eliza Orlins, Vanuatu
Like her predecessor Kathy, Eliza began her game on shaky ground. Her chatterbox nature and confrontational style rubbed many the wrong way. However, Eliza eventually saw the light and began a more subtle line of game play, which took her all the way to fourth place. Pretty impressive for someone who was so consistently disliked throughout her time on the island. And given some of the scathing comments she made at tribal council, I have every confidence that young Ms. Orlins is going to make one hell of an attorney.
